Wait. . . WAIT! You mean to tell me hE CAN SING!?!? like he actually sings well. . . really well. I mean I could just be biased but, still woah. Damn.
Who is this? WhO iS hE?!? WhO dOeS hE tHiNk hE iS!?!? YoU cAnT jUsT dO tHaT! How is he so perfect. . ?

OK I just needed to get that out of my system. I'm actually concerned about my mental health. I think I'm actually going crazy. Like 2 days ago I had to come to terms with the fact that Ill probably never meet him and I felt like someone DIED. I didn't even finish my smoothie. That's how devastated I was! Well I actually didn't much that day tbh. My depression is once again deciding to show its face. Its weird.
Lately I've been hungry but my body is too tired to go through the motion of eating. Like it actually takes a shit ton of effort and energy to just eat  food. It even feels gross to eat. Like I can't swallow my food cus my body is like "eww no!"
I'm scared.
My brain has been jumping to ludicrous and likely erroneous conclusions as to why I feel weird. Like maybe I'm pregnant? I even had a dream that some girl put her hand on my stomach and looked straight into my eyes with a concerned look. But its not even possible. Like it would have to be baby Jesus. And Im not sure I even believe it that story anymore.
I don't know what to do.
I'm getting bouts of emotion that don't make sense. Like Ill just start crying for like one minute and be totally OK the next minute. Half the time i don't even know why I'm crying. But I'm not on my period. Haven't gotten it since. . . I don't remember when. At this point it could have been last month or two months ago but not any more than that. I just can't remember. But I feel like its definitely late.
Am I going nuts???
Yea probably...
~ spicy pickle chip