I guess you never really know what you want until it's gone.

Well... I guess that's the case for a lot of things.

And you know... it's kind of stupid.

Because sometimes... you know you shouldn't want it... but part of you loves it so so much. And even after everything... you still do.

You're hurt honestly. Your heart forgave everything... the moment it happened... you're heart is still just waiting for the cameras to pop out and everyone to yell, "Just kidding, you've been Punked!" But your head didn't. Your head knows better. Your head knows there's no such thing as Hope. You tried twice. You thought you proved yourself. Apparently you hadn't.

And if you weren't as stubborn as your head was, you know you would run back the moment you were asked, to everything you love.

The smells, the touches, the tastes, the sounds... everything.

You cut yourself off. You don't deserve to know what is going on with the thing that you were forced to let go of. You don't know why you're treating yourself that way. Maybe to avoid the pain of knowing that it could be in danger and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Maybe it's because you already spend so much time wondering what went wrong that anymore interaction would just... hurt...

Whatever the case... you can't let go... not really.

If you love something with your whole heart... there absolutely no way you can just... get rid of it or stop thinking about it.

So much of your time was spent trying to please. Trying to keep everything together. Now you have all the free time in the world. And what are you supposed to do with it? How about think about everything you used to do... everything you were supposed to do... yeah thats right, torture yourself even more. Make yourself feel terrible for even attempting to come up with a future with the one thing that wasn't guaranteed to stay, despite every promise.

Everything you plan involved it. Everything. It was your world, your safe haven, your home. Now you don't belong anywhere.

What exactly are you supposed to do now? Move on? Ha. Yeah right.

You loved it for so long. You hadn't even considered seeking out anything else. The idea hadn't even crossed your mind. You thought you belonged. Your missing piece. You were complete.

Yeah complete. Completely fooled.

Moral of the story: Don't go wasting your emotions. It doesn't care. It probably never did. Even if you did. And if it did, I'm still waiting for it to prove me wrong.