There's a story that I heard about a while ago. It's similar to the sickness of which you begin to throw up flowers due to unrequited love and the only way to get rid of it is to forget about the person you loved. I forget what that sickness is called, and I'm sure someone out there knows what it is, but I've been so busy lately that I am just too exhausted to look it up. 😅 Ha. Some writer I am.

Anyway this... aliment? I think I'll call it that. Has to do with the same idea. Except you start to cry little glowing stars that trickle down ones cheeks and glow and make sparkling sounds as they fall to the ground. After a while if you don't forget the person your in love with, you go blind and continue to cry stars.

I thought it was Creative but also very dark. Like man, it's literally a love is blind story... or maybe a love or be blind story? I dunno 😂

I'm going on 21 folks. Only 2 months or so away from it. That's a big number from what I hear... except... I'm not asking for anything this year. I've cause a lot of trouble lately, and I don't feel like I should ask for anything due to all the problems I've caused.

I think for the most part I want to support my people right now. Because we're going through something right now and while it is a little traumatic for me, it isn't my story, so I do just want to help. 21 might be what a lot of people are waiting for in their young adult lives. But honestly... all that would be different is that I could drink legally. And that my license would be sideways instead of up and down.

I have a lot of big plans for myself. I want to start fresh somewhere and raise a family of my own and be a great mom and be happy in the field that I go into professionally. I know those are some big goals for someone who's only just about to turn 21 but... I'm very very driven towards these goals. And I'm excited and I want to get really far with all of it. There was a time when I didn't know what I wanted to do. And while that's not the end of the world it is very confusing. I was so focused on making everything work with what I had that I forgot that I had a choice in things that I didn't have. I forgot that if I'm unhappy, I can remove myself from the equation and become happy again. And while I'm still working on the being happy on my own part, I can at least say I've made a little progress.

I know if hurt a few people. I know that. I know what I did was pretty much unforgivable, and at this point in my almost 21 years of age, I'm completely fine with the fact that I probably won't get forgiven.

Because while I did hurt them, and while I am apologizing, I know that there's not a lot this apology will do.

I don't want anything out of it though. I just wanted to make it clear to the universe that I am very remorseful and responsible for what I caused, and I am also very grateful for the experience I got and the lessons I was taught. And that I hope I don't make the same mistakes again, and that I hope that they also don't make the same mistakes again.

I'm not an angry or vengeful person. And I know for a fact that I'm also not a bad person, I make mistakes, like every other human being on the planet does. I like to help people. I like to be respected. I like to be recognized for when I do get something done... and a lot of times that didn't happen unless it was something bad.

When someone really needs me and I really care about them... I'm a "Drop everything, and I'm on my way now" kind of person. Which I've discovered is not the best way to trot throughout life, but I'm getting a grasp of how I want things to be. I work really hard for where I'm at right now. I work so incredibly hard. And I've gotten taken advantage of plenty of times.

What I've learned is that I have to stop being a door mat. People will always try to take advantage of you, and you have to be able to say no. Which I was never very good at, and I still struggle with it to this day.

I was a pleaser for the longest time. I lived similarly to how a dog lives for its master. And my master was everyone. It took me a very long time to learn that it's impossible to please everyone. And if you're struggling with that as well, then if you want my advice, then it's here, and if not you have every right to read right pass it or to even not continue reading if you so wish. In fact you don't have to read this at all if you don't want to.

Anyway, here my two-sense. And for a lot of people, this isn't really, world changing or ground breaking information; You come first. Before anything else. Zero people are going to take care of you better than you are. And you can't be responsible for taking care of someone else or pleasing everyone in your general vicinity. That's too much to put on yourself. You have so much more to worry about.

That's it. And a lot of that two-sense I didn't even acquire from a book or anything. I watched a video on YouTube of all things. Freaking Jaiden Animations taught me it better than my own freaking family did 😂. 

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Skip to 4:30 in the video for the specific things I'm talking about. Or if you wanted to, watch the video in full. Or not at all! It's your choice and I'm not here to tell you what to do 😁.

In hind sight, I do think I've made a lot of mistakes and messed up plenty of times. I know I'm clumsy. I'm working on that part of me. And I have a lot of help and support from someone I really love and care about, who suggested to me that I slow down when it comes to all my silly little slip ups. And actually I think it's helped. Just this morning I was able to keep myself from tripping over myself just cause I took a second to slow down and plan out my next move so that I didn't fumble over my own two feet. So I guess I should thank him for that 😂.

Anyway, it's been good to get all of these things out of my head and out into the universe. Thanks for reading!

- Averycoolyoutuber