Not looking for trouble.

Not looking for anyone.

Not looking to be anyone's.

So why am I crushed?

I've never felt so strongly about being a part of someone's life in my entire life.

But I'm stuck. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. Then slapped in the face. Then kicked in the shins.

Why do I keep doing this to myself.

In being honest I've been vulnerable. I've said how I feel. I've repeatedly said how I feel.

And here I am... feeling useless.

Unrequited.

Doesn't want me.

Doesn't want anyone.

What am I supposed to do.

I can't rush things. Which is stupid. I'm impatient so this is the worst thing I could possibly do to myself.

I've never hurt more in my life.

That's not true. I have. But... this is a lot worse.

I feel like I'm being toyed with.

But I'm also... numb. I have to act like I'm not feeling anything so that I don't worry my family.

My head doesn't know what it wants anymore. My heart does. But I can't have it.

God, I hate myself for being so stupid.

I hate myself for being so freaking attached.

I hate myself for the simple fact that I'm a freaking loser that doesn't know how to deal with anything anymore.

Moral of the story:

F-R-I-E-N-D-S.... we're just friends...