So... Who else feels like a disappointment this week?  This month? 

I know I do.

So... I have been really an awful person as of late.

I can't seem to stay committed to anything.

I keep saying 1 thing and then forgetting about it.

And of course to top it all off,  I just don't know how to get rid of guilt. Like it all just keeps piling up and making me feel worse and worse.

I cried before a show today.

I am an advanced drama student and I cried before a show because I couldn't handle all the guilt.

I broke down. I had a good cry. I got back up. Re-did my make up. And left it all at the stage door,  because as soon as those curtains open, it's show time.

I know I hurt people with my actions. I don't do it on purpose. But it sure doesn't seem that way to anyone else.

I am trying to get better,  but I'm in this hole and I cant get out and NO ONE IS HELPING ME.

And to make matters worse... I lost my uncle... My closest uncle... On the 25th last month. And I just cant Keep all the feelings inside me anymore and all I wanna do is cry. But I don't because I know that would make so many people so unhappy.

Simply put,  things are not the easiest right now. But I sure hope they get better.

I hope you all are fantastic. And hanging in there.

Here's to my attempt at being an optimist.

Bye all

-Averycoolyoutuber