I thought I'd live out my life before it would feel like it was ending. I thought I'd reach my 70's and think, "wow, I think I could be satisfied with all I've achieved."

I was wrong.

In 3 months time, I could possibly lose all I ever wanted out of life.

And sure... it's not the end of the world or nearly as severe as a lot of things that are happening in the world right now.

But... I was doing okay damn it.

I was happy. I was content. Things were finally starting to get better.

And now I can't do a god damn thing. I have no say in what might happen in 3 months.

I know I should be happy. There's a new adventure waiting and... that's going to be an experience to remember.

But... I'm no longer a part of the narrative.

I can't find a single good thing about this. Or at least.... from a selfish point of view I can't see a single up side that would benefit me.

I love him.

No matter what I do, I love him. And I keep coming back to him.

And now in a matter of a few months, I could lose him. Again.

Just when things were starting to be okay. I could lose all I ever cared about.

Whom Evers up there, making things happen... watching everything that's going on... Why?

I know I'm pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things... but... why?

I don't know what I did. I know I haven't had the best grades in school. I know I wasn't a great person. But.... is this really what you think I need? Who ever you are.

Because, the way I see it, I'm losing everything. And I don't know if I'll be able to regain it back.

You saw me right? Before all of this stuff happened. You saw me. How broken I was. How sickly I looked. How little I wanted to eat or do.

So why then would you put me through that all over again?

God? Gods? Buddha? Universe? Anyone?

Why?

I.... Love him.

I love him unlike I've loved anything in this entire world.

Why would you take him from me?

I know we've had our differences. And that's what we were working on.

And now on top of everything you want to take him away too? As if I haven't lost enough?!

What kind of sick lesson are you trying to teach me?

Because this only hurts. That's all it's doing for me.

Should I stop feeling?

I don't understand.

I just... I don't want to lose him.

Anything but him. Please. Take my Dog. Take my ability to eat spicy food. Take my money. Take my arm. I don't care. Just don't take him. Please.