I stood in the living room, peering to the mirror and fixing my black tie. I took a deep breath as I surveyed our- I mean my apartment.

It felt strange to call it my apartment; it seemed too big with out Dan wandering around, it even smelt like him. Every little thing reminded me of him, I'd see his laptop and the ache in my heart would become so painful I couldn't help but cry.

All I did was cry, it was pathetic.

As I realized I had completely zoned out, I noticed I was even crying now. I wiped the tear away with the back of my hand, sniffing as I walked into Dan's room.

Slowly, I entered the room for the first time since we left for Weymouth. It was still the same as we had left it. For some reason I had the feeling that I'd walk in to see Dan editing a video or watching an anime and the cold, harsh silence of the room brought me back to reality. I smoothed out a crease on his bed and sat down on it. The smell of him, that I had loved so much, clung to the sheets.

I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel anything. I was empty. I was a robot walking around Dan's room. The only thing I was aware of was the pain in my heart and the water running down my cheeks.

I heard a knock on my front door, making me jump. I dried my eyes, trying to slow my heart rate from the last scare.

I trudged down the endless stairs and flung open the door. Stood in the hallway infront of me was Jack Howard, he had dark bags under his bloodshot eyes and he had several cuts on his face from shaving.

He ran into my arms squeezing me as we both let a few tears fall.

"Are you ready to rock n roll?" He asked me, smiling sadly. I nodded, following him to the black car that was parked outside my apartment.

As we slowly drove through the busy streets, I stared through the windscreen at the hearse, Dan's coffin covered in flowers.

We neared the church and I saw fans lining the streets, all wearing black and crying. They had come to the funeral of a man they didn't even know.

The long line of cars stopped and people climbed out into the streets, many of them I didn't know. I felt a hand around my waist and looked down to see my mum.

"Mu-mum I. .I can't I just-" I stuttered. She shushed me, rubbing slowly along my back.

"You'll be okay, just remember him in death as happy as he was in life"

I nodded slowly and she walked away, through the big wooden doors of the church.

The funeral director called me over and told us how we were to carry Dan's coffin inside.

I took the front left, with Jack on the right. Dan's younger brother walked behind me and Dan's dad next to him. The weight hurt my body but I kept walking through the aisle until we got to the front of the huge, grand church. We placed the coffin down and the priest opened it for everyone to pay their final respects and say goodbye.

I went last, Dan's parents sobbed as they looked down at their son and His brother clung to my side, shaking. He slowly stepped forwards and whispered a few words to Dan before they all stood aside for me. I felt the room hold its breath as I stepped hesitantly up to the coffin.

Dan's skin was a light tan color and his face seemed like he was only sleeping. But I knew his actual skin was grey and cold.

I held his cold hand in mine and looked over his face. Deep in my heart I prayed for him to squeeze it, or anything, anything to show me that this was all a horrible nightmare. But it didn't happen. I put my other hand over my mouth and took a shaky breath, trying to come to terms with the truth.

"I - I love you Dan, goodbye for now" I whispered, placing his hand back and stepping away so the priest could shut the dark wooden coffin. That was the last time I'd ever see Daniel Howell.

I hurried down the stairs and into Mrs.Howell's arms, she was much shorter than I but we cried together nethertheless.

The priest began the funeral, he spoke in a slow, sad voice that echoed around the church and I knew I'd never forget his voice.

The wiped my tears away, remembering all the times we'd had together, trying to ignore the people around me as they too cried.

The priest called me up to say my eulogy. I took a deep breath and looked over the church, there were fans standing in the door and many people whom i'd never seen before sat in the rows of wooden benches. I looked at my mum and she nodded, urging me on.

"Dan Howell... was my best friend. And..I don't even know how to begin to say how much he meant to me. He was the funniest person I've ever met, yet in a sarcastic way. He'd cheer you up in no time and.. and he just had this warm look in his eyes. Like wherever he was, was your home.
H

e was loved by millions.." I began, looking at the fans crowded in the door "but he was not loved by anyone more than me. Together, we created a life for ourselves, we had fun and his laughter filled our apartment constantly. And I just wish he realized how much we loved him...

..Dan," I choked out, turning towards the dark coffin, shrouded by white roses "Dan, I hope wherever you are, it's better than here, I'll see you soon, Bear" a lone tear ran down my face as I looked at the ceiling, sniffing slightly

"Dan was a lover of all things ironic, and he had sarcastically told me many times before that he wanted this song played at his funeral so here you go, Dan."

The G note on a piano filled the room and all the fans looked up simultaneously as the intro to Welcome To The Black Parade played.

I smiled a little as the song echoed around the church. I became trapped in my head for most of the ceremony, trying to come to terms with the fact that he was actually gone. Before I knew it, we were walking outside, Dan's coffin back on my shoulder. We lowered him into the ground in the spot I'd chosen for his grave, below a huge oak tree, the sun streaming through the leaves and daisies grew all around the ugly hole. I shovelled up some dirt and threw it onto Dan's coffin. Then everyone else did the same.

The crowd dispersed after that, going to the after party. I sat down cross legged on the floor, looking at the now full grave.

Here lies
Daniel James Howell
1991-2017

Loved by millions
And brought a smile to the faces
of all who knew him

R.I.P
Danisnotonfire

I sat there, staring at the words in disbelief, this couldn't possibly be Dan's grave, Dan was at home, watching an anime and eating toast. I'd go home and he'd be there, browsing tumblr or something.

"..hey Phil? " someone said behind me, I twisted my body to see Lousie stood a few meters behind me, holding a bundle of blankets. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, making her perfect makeup smudge under her eyes slightly. "Are..you okay?"

I tried to put a small smile on my face and I stood and approached her, nodding slightly. She was looking at the grave, it was made of completely black marble and had lots of flowers growing around it, the oak tree behind it towering high above us.

"It's beautiful" she whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek. She wiped it on her shoulder because she had her new baby in her arms

"What did you name her?" I asked, pulling aside a warm blanket to reveal a tiny child, yawning as she waved her hands around.

Louise hesitated before answering "Danielle, her name is Danielle"

"You named her after-" I said in disbelief but she nodded.

"Her birthday is also the day he died so we thought it would be-" she babbled anxiously, worried i'd hate it. Instead I pulled her into a hug, careful to not hurt Danielle.

"Thank you" I whispered into her shoulder.

I broke away as I saw her boyfriend walk outside

"Hey Babe?" He called from the church door "are you coming to the party?"

Louise turned to me in question "I'm not, I'm too tired sorry Louise"

"Okay, just be safe." She said, kissing me on the cheek before walking away.

As she left, Danielle turned to look at me, giggling.

I got home and flopped down onto the couch, undoing my tie and throwing it to the table. I pulled my laptop onto my legs and turned it on, opening twitter to distract myself

"To all the Fans that attended Dan's funeral today, thank you for being respectful, you guys are the best ♡"

I tweeted and closed the tab, not wanting to see the replies. Instead I went on tumblr, to see what people had been upto.

My entire dash was full of fanart, videos, text posts, everything in memory of Dan. Same with youtube, Facebook, vine. I couldn't escape it, the internet was literally mourning.

I slammed my laptop shut in frustration, turning on the TV. The great British Bake off was on and I screamed as Dan's favorite show started playing without Dan.

I ran upstairs, jumping onto my bed and burying my face in the pillow

Crying again? Really?

That voice in my head whispered

My best friend just died, I have a right to cry.

Crying is childish. That's all you are, a child. I mean look at your videos, only 7 year old would find them entertaining.

No my fans love them.

They lied.

No they didn't!

They HATE you Phil, everyone liked Dan better and you went and got him killed!

It wasn't my fault!

Yes it was, you pathetic murderer!

NO!

YES!

I cried myself to sleep that night, the tears soaking my bed.