Verse One: Alyssa is to never be taller than the Joe, meaning she can never wear heels that make her taller. Or she shall be stoned and separated from Derk.

Verse Two: Buying Joe food is mandatory. Like seriously, she's always hungry.

Verse Three: Derek and Alyssa shalt hold hands at LEAST once a day when around each other.

Verse Four: Joe is the lonley get her something to cuddle with or she shall kill you

Verse Five: Hurting animals is forbidden unless it's a snake.....or an ant. Or an Alyssa Buttler

Verse Six: Mushrooms are just gross. They are forbidden.

Verse Seven: Socks and sandels, weird boots, belts and outfits that are just tacky, gawdy or don't match are illegal. Just stop.

Verse Eight: For pizzas sake wear appropriate clothing in appropriate weather. Don't wear shorts in the snow.

Verse Nine: Giving girls flowers on a date is mandatory. Unless they're ugly

( I'm looking at you Alyssa)

Verse Ten: Please don't and I repeat, DON'T, wear pink everything. It just hurts my eyes.

Verse Eleven: Toddlers are not to be thrown, body slammed or used as a ball.... Unless it's funny or for a video.

Verse Twelve: Jewelry is fine unless you're wearing like six necklaces and have earrings all over your ears.

(I'm looking at you, Caitlyn)