I Joe, Verse One: Thou shalt not have more than four kids or thou shalt surely become broke.

And then die.

Verse Two: Like the waves in an ocean and the sand in a timeglass. These are the days of our lives.

Now die.

Verse Three: Thou shalt always throw salt at Alyssa Buttler. For the forehead of sin will bare down on you if you do not do this.

Verse Four: Murder is totally okay if people steal your food.

Verse Five: Thou shalt not throw babies unless absolutely necessary. Like for football or volleyball or even soccer. But just know that even though The Joe is laughing... She disapproves.

Verse Six: Duke do you want the ball?

Also Alyssa is to be beaten with a sandel on sight.

Verse Seven: Thou shalt not argue with Joe's logic or thou shall surely die.

Verse Eight: Sex is only okay if there's a man in a squirrel suit watching in the closet.

Verse Nine: Alyssa must be bullied daily.

Verse Ten: Man buns are a sin and you are to be stoned for them.

Verse Eleven: Dancing is a sin if you are bad at it.

I'm looking at you Alyssa.

Verse Twelve: Vines are not a choice, they are a way of life. You must watch at least one per day to save your soul.

Verse Thirteen: selling your soul is only okay when it's for something good.

Like two tacos and an elephant

Or salt.

Verse Fourteen: Helen is mine. Do not touch her. She is MY GRANDMA.

Looking at you Alyssa

And Caitlyn

And Esther.