How do you know when you're at your lowest

That life will get BETTER?

How do you know you're not stuck in motion, caught in perpetual explosions,

Friendless, worthless, just straight up different––this won't be your forever?

I got chills that scream for PAIN, I got knees that shake, shoulders that cave

And lungs that contract when they breathe, a mind that BITES with teeth,

A pre-assumed expectation to please when you've got no more meat

To roast off of your brittle bones––will I fall like a stone if I jump ALONE?

I'm so tired, I'm exhausted of dry replies, rude whispers, uncertain promises,

Asking for assistance when there's no instance where you've got an alibi;

I learned today that people are mean, immature and NASTY, and I learned

How my voice turns raspy when the chords are fried and burned,

I learned what it means to be disregarded as if I myself am not a human

LIFE, as if I myself am not equally deserving of the chance to find

JOY. I am not worthless. I am not a bad person, and I'm not like THEM.

I won't, the sensation of feeling their skin on my veins, their thoughts rotting

Inside my brain, their selfish desire for pain and personal gains, altitudes––

Planes that CRASH and burn, I'm not like them and they tell me that's my

Education, that's my lesson to take from the MONSTROSITY of bullying,

I'll be a better friend than they could ever dream to be––

So someday when I've found MYSELF and I find someone like ME,

I'll be kind, caring and responsible. I'll text you, and I'll lift you up instead

Of burying you in a GRAVE, and I'll call you not when I need you but because

I enjoy the presence of your essence, the cradle of your SOUL, I'll hold your hand

Through darkness and not ghost your phone because I cannot handle

A struggle that is not my own. I promise these promises because I won't

Waste my life spending it all on my own, I'll give myself away, piece

By piece, until I can finally

Fall

(softly)

asleep.