Sorry about that last one. I just kinda had to vent.

Anyway here are some quotes I found

"I'm not clumsy, it's just the floor hates me, he tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in the way."

"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode."

"If I won the award for laziest person, I'd send someone to get it for me."

"I'm not weird, I'm limited addition."