"Guys, guys," Jason tries to act overexcited, "I talked to Valerie."

Jason called Valerie sitting on my couch yesterday after he told me about the carnival. I went there once last year, after Jason threatened me to. It's not that fun. There are a few good rides and a few bad ones. The games are alright. So he suggested maybe I should take Gwen there.

Then I imagined Gwen among the chaos of the carnival. Something about that fits right in. So I agreed. We are going if Gwen concurs.

Gwen asks about Valerie, and Jason tells her she is the girl from Halloween. It's my cue to react, or rather act, so I say, "We are going to the carnival?"

After Halloween, nothing much changed between Gwen and me. I wanted to turn back time and hold her closer like I did that night. I wanted to kiss her, and she didn't let me. She reminded me I am the one with the feelings; she is the one whose hobby is spending time with me.

I tried to maintain my distance a little bit.

"Yes, we are!" Jason again, over-acts. "Valerie told me she isn't looking for a relationship right now, but I am going to change her mind."

Me and you, both buddy. What a bunch of losers we are. I shake my head.

"I am going to be picking up Valerie. You guys can come together," Jason says, his eyes hinting. "Saturday around 4, does that sound good?"

"You planned all of it yourself, why not this bit too?" I lie a little.

We planned that part too, more like he planned and told me about it yesterday.

Jason loves his role of cupid. I have to resist the urge to roll my eyes.

"What's your problem? We're going to a carnival, it's going to be fun," Gwen complains.

You have no idea, Gwen Bradbury.

"I knew Gwen was gonna support me on this," Jason says, throwing an arm over Gwen's shoulder as he winks at me.

That son of a –

"Yeah, why not?" I say as I look away.

I wish I could just throw my arm over her shoulder and pull her to my side.

"I see, you can't stand fun," Gwen nudges me, "It's like you are the opposite of fun. Loosen up, Oliver. It's not going to hurt you."

But you might hurt me.

"Reminds me of the fun we had at the haunted house." I hate how history repeats itself.

Gwen inches closer to me, "We did have fun until we lost each other. Remember the dark hallway and the mirror room?"

I will never forget. My eyes automatically travel to her mouth. I reminisce the feelings of her warm hand on my lips.

I figured out I am superhuman that night, with the power of holding back.

But it wasn't all so pleasant.

"Yes, and I also remember what happened after that," I say, trying to get a reply from her. I eye her cautiously.

"Just hold my hand tighter this time," Gwen smiles.

She said that.

She told me to hold her hand tighter.

I close my eyes as I relax. Maybe, just maybe, falling for her wasn't a mistake.

"Sometimes it seems like you guys think I don't exist," Jason complains.

*****

I try another pair of sunglasses.

"For God's sake, she won't fall for you just because you wore the right pair," Jason complains.

I take it off and put on another.

"They are all the same!" Jason says.

They aren't.

I turn around and take off the one he is wearing, "No! This one's mine."

I put it on. It's definitely the best one.

"You can't take my sunglasses!" Jason glares at me.

What can I do? It fits too well. I gesture to the three other pairs that are lying on the table by my mirror.

"Valerie doesn't like you anyway, so what's the point?" I say as I run my hands through my hair, trying to tame it a little.

"Wow," Jason huffs, "And Gwen likes you so much."

I shrug.

I leave Jason on his own and go downstairs. I texted Owen and told him I need his car. He didn't text back.

But I see the keys on the kitchen island. He left it there.

I take it and go to the garage. Turning on the engine, I take a deep breath.

Here goes nothing.

I reach her house in a short time. Taking a look in the side mirror, I get out. I ring the doorbell and a beaming Bradbury opens the door.

She looks like the girl I might have fallen in love with.

"Who's that?" Asks a middle-aged woman. Taking one look at her, I know it's Gwen's mother.

Oh, crap.

Gwen introduces me, "Mom, this is Oliver Carlson. Oliver, mom."

I swallow, trying to drown the nervousness.

"Carlson?" I see the recognition in Mrs. Bradbury's eyes, "You're Dave's son?"

I nod, "Yes, I guess I am."

You have no alternative; you can't really choose your parents.

"Oh, nice to meet you, honey," She walks forward and hugs me.

Mrs. Bradbury is hugging me.

I stare at Gwen, wondering what is happening. She is smiling at me.

Mrs. Bradbury pats me on the back and turns to Gwen, "I didn't know you were friends with Dave's son."

Does that earn me some extra points? It's time my beloved father became useful in some way.

I see Gwen swallow nervously as she stares at me. Her cheeks get a little red. I wonder what she is thinking about.

"We are going to the carnival with our friends today," Gwen replies.

"That's great. Get going," says her mom, gesturing to us to go out.

We walk to Owen's car and Gwen comments she has never seen it before. I open the door for her, and she stops short on her way, "You're letting me drive your car?"

I glance at her, and I keep the door of the passenger's side open. She has to, has to do this. Or else, I might forget it's Gwen I am with.

"Get. In." I say.

Gwen's eyes twinkle, "Oh, so you're holding the door open for me?"

She gasps dramatically. Standing on her tiptoes, she grabs my cheek. My heart rises up to my throat. My palms sweat. My cheeks tingle where her hand touches.

So I lean back, "Just get in the car. Don't push it."

"What will you do if I push you, oh-so-sweet Oliver?" she asks, smirking.

I will push you against the car and kiss the daylight out of you.

Of course, I don't say that out loud.

"I'll pick you up not-so-gentlemanly and toss you in the car," I say, and that works too.

"Oh, really?" she says, nudging me, her tone suggesting she might actually like for that to happen. So glad we are on the same page. But I see an obstacle on our way.

"But the fact that your mom is staring at us from the window is stopping me," I say gravely. I saw it in the reflection on the glass.

Gwen complains but gets in, so do I. As I buckle up my seatbelt, I glance at her. She is grinning from one ear to another; her eyes a little bit glassy. I know that look so well.

"Keep that grin off your face," I warn her. I lock in her seatbelt as casually as possible, as if I do that everyday.

"What grin?" she asks. The devil she is.

"This grin," I point to her mouth, "You always grin like this when you are planning something terrible."

Gwen's mouth splits with even a bigger grin. I sigh internally.

"You are still grinning," I say, not being able to lean back, even though I have done my job. Can we not go to the carnival and stay here all day where she is grinning, and I am staring at her like a fool?

"Yeah, I guess," she says and has the audacity to bite her lips.

"Sometimes," I say as my eyes go to her lips without my permission. I see my fingers curling a strand of her hair. My body moves on its own whenever I am around this girl, "Sometimes I want to..."

Kiss you so bad that it takes superhuman strength to stop.

Her mom is still watching us. That reminds me of the reality we are in.

"Just start the damn car," Gwen says after I let her know.

As we get out of the lane, Gwen asks me about my music taste. I frown. "Nothing in particular."

"I did see a guitar and a Pink Floyd poster in your bedroom."

Oh right, she has been to my bedroom. "That guitar was a gift from Owen, and the poster was from Jason."

Jason said my bedroom could use a bit of character.

"Do you know how to play guitar?" she asks.

I wish I did now.

"No," I say, "I don't know how to play."

Neither the guitar, nor with your feelings, like the way you do with mine.

She tells me she plays the guitar too.

As I ask her about it, I see her getting lost in her thoughts as if she is reliving the days of the past, "Yeah, remember what I told you about my brother? He's a music geek. I used to sneak into his band practice and stay with them, playing guitar and drums."

I wish I could see that Bradbury, passionate and carefree.

Gwen gets silent after that. I sense the hint of sadness on her face, "You miss him."

"Yeah, I do. He was like my best friend. But, it's life."

I wonder what that's like, having your brother as your best friend. Guess I would never know.

"It's so weird, isn't it?" I hear myself say, "I have an older brother too."

Gwen stays silent after that as if she is thinking about something. I wish I could see what goes on in her brain.

I drive silently. Then I hear music.

Well, you done done me in, you bet I felt it

I tried to be chill, but you're so hot that I melted

I fell right through the cracks

Now I'm trying to get back

Before the cool done run out

I'll giving my best-est

And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention

I reckon it's again my turn

To win some or learn some

Is the singer trying to expose me? I look at Gwen with probably horror written all over my face. Gwen doesn't notice because she says, "Give it a chance."

If she only knew.

Well, open up your mind and see like me

Open up your plans and, damn you're free

Look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love

Too much of it, that it is kind of destroying me.

Gwen mouths the lyrics without any idea. She says, "That's about you."

No shit, Sherlock.

"Like he knew I'd be playing this for you."

I should be the one playing this for you instead.

So I won't hesitate no more, no more

It cannot wait, I'm sure

There's no need to complicate

Our time is short

This is our fate, I'm yours.

I shake my head. Wish life wasn't so complicated and I could take a look at our fate.

But then I look at Gwen, who is singing, looking right at me, "This is our fate, I'm yours."

Is she now?

"That's what you are trying to say? You're mine?"

I turn forward and look at the road. I think Gwen is trying to change the song. "Don't change it."

Then the next part of the song comes to me, something about checking your tongue in the mirror, fogging up the glass, and drawing a new face while laughing.

"I believe the next part really was written for you to sing," I say, trying to contain my smile. Gwen leans over and smacks me. I smile. She glares at me and then looks out the window.

The song ends, and Riptide by Vance Joy starts playing.

I glance through the corner of my eyes Gwen facing me, "Are you scared of pretty girls and start of conversations too?"

No, I am scared of you playing with my heart like it's a game to you, like you have no idea how you make me feel.

"That's why you run away from me and don't talk to me."

I roll my eyes and avert my attention to the road. Gwen hums under her breath.

I drive with my heart on my sleeves; the prettiest girl on earth in my passenger's seat mouthing her favorite lyrics. My heart beats along the beats of the music as the road unveils in front of us as if to Utopia. This is what it must be like being in love, like summer, like Gwen Bradbury singing in my car seat, like my heart getting all warm and fuzzy with a feeling that can be described with a single word: happiness.

I wonder how long it will last.

Finally, we reach the carnival. We get out of the car and I notice Jason right away standing by a girl, who might be Valerie.

"Hey, guys. You are finally here!" Jason greets us, "This is Valerie Thompson. Valerie, these are my best friends, Oliver and Gwen."

"Hey there," Valerie waves.

Gwen enthusiastically waves back as she says, "Valerie, Jason can't stop talking about you."

Gwen has heard nothing compared to what I had to listen to. I roll my eyes and glance at Jason who purses his lips.

Valerie says she is so excited to meet us. Gwen agrees.

We get our tickets from the booth. I take a deep breath for what I am about to do. As casually as possible, I slip my hands through Gwen's.

I can feel her eyes on me. I hope she doesn't see my ears getting red; I am pretty sure they are, because they feel hot.

Gathering all my courage, I turn to her sideways, "You told me to hold your hand tight."

An opportunity I would never miss.

"Yeah, like you listen to everything I say," Gwen replies, raising one of her perfect eyebrows.

I do. I try to.

"How would you know I don't?" I blurt out. Gwen looks a little bit surprised. My hand is starting to sweat. Maybe this was a bad idea.

"Do you want me to let go?" I say, being unsure of myself, hoping she doesn't hear my heart drumming.

"No," she replies a little too quickly.

Oh. Alright then.

"Okay," I shrug, keeping my tone nonchalant, "As you wish."

I squeeze her hand because I can't help it and thank my lucky stars. It's time they come to some use. Gwen stands still, so I tug her. She crashes into my side. My insides feel warm.

The first ride that comes into view is a teapot ride, a ride from hell, the gift of the devils. I remember riding on it because Jason made me. As soon as I got off of the said ride, everything that was in my stomach got out, too. I am never going near that thing again.

I look at Gwen who is gazing at me expectantly. Oh no.

"What?" I ask.

"The ride," Gwen says. I look ahead of us. Nope, not happening. Not going to show her the contents of my stomach, ever.

"Come on, what are you here for?" Gwen tugs me.

For our first official date?

She tries to move me. I stay put.

"I don't think I'm here for a teapot ride," I reply.

"Then what do you want to do?" Gwen asks.

I take a look around. I see all kinds of torture devices. Why people even do this to themselves, I'd honestly never know. Take, for example; the mechanical bull. The most dangerous thing ever. Chances of getting injured and having bruises- one thousand percent. I think I will pass.

Then I see the big Ferris wheel in the middle of the carnival among all other rides. That one, the deadliest of them all, yet fooling everyone with an innocent-looking façade.

Here's the thing, I am not afraid of heights per se. It's the lack of control that terrifies me. I go to the roof of our house every once in a while. I can go up using the ladder, safe and trustworthy. Then there are the tiles, enough friction. I try to stay away from the edge. But even if I am there, I have calculated the angles and if I fall, I would fall into the swimming pool. The water would pillow my decline. Chances of annihilation: twenty percent at best.

But with the Ferris wheel; I have no control over anything. I don't trust the stranger controlling the ride. What if he's a sociopath and has no regard for human life? I can very much imagine myself falling from those skimpy little carts with basically no security and my skull cracking open when it hits the earth, my blood oozing out. Chances of annihilation? Funny you ask.

No, thanks, I would like to live some more. Dying on my first date with my crush is not the first task on my to-do list.

So I keep looking for safer and more human things. "Carnival games?" I ask.

"What about them?" Gwen glances around, as if she is trying to find Jason and Valerie.

The plan was, Jason would go his way once we got in, and I would go my way and ditch him with his girl.

I just made this plan. Jason would understand.

"You really think he wants us around?" I ask.

Gwen contemplates it. I give her time.

"Okay, but why does it seem like you only want to be with me, and we are ditching them?"

Because that is exactly what I am doing, Gwen Bradbury.

"I'm just trying to help him, but think whatever you want to," I shrug.

I head towards the game booth, hoping Gwen would follow and forget about the other company for a while. Soon, I see her walking by my side.

Gwen is smiling from one ear to another. "Jason will probably be grateful for this."

I don't know about him. I know about me.

I nod and pull her towards the first booth.

*****