even though this is my least popular story, it is my absolute favorite to write 

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Chapter Eighteen

"I don't want to hear it." He turns away from me, heading towards the door, "I don't care."

I frown. Was this a sign to not tell him I'm a girl? Should I just say it? 

My mind whirls, and I debate the pros and cons whether I should tell him my gender, or keep it a secret for good.

Does it matter whether he knows or not?

Everything feels different now. "I really think I should tell you." That's a lie because I don't know if I should tell him. I can't decipher how he'd take it. 

He ignores me and walks out of the room. I remember that I need to follow him and quickly move, as I stuff Cindy's necklace in my pocket.

I definitely need to tell him. I've decided. Today, perhaps tonight, when we both have calmed down.

We say nothing to each other for several hours. I've grown used to the silence, in fact, I typically expect it now. Still, I find myself impatient, as each minute passes, I'm more and more eager to tell Virtus my secret.

When the sun finally sets, and the house grows dark. We return to Virtus's bedroom where I'm immediately aware how there is no couch to sleep on. 

I stare blankly around the room trying to work the cogs in my brain that are used to having a designated spot to sit and watch Virtus read for hours. Now, I'm stuck standing and dreading the moment he tells me I have to sleep on the floor.

If I tell him I'm a girl right now, will force me to leave? If he explains that my spot is the hardwood floor, I might just rip my poor shirt open revealing my biggest secrets.

As if reading my mind, Virtus says, "We won't be staying in this room tonight."

I look at him, "We won't?"

He shakes his head and beckons me into the hallway. I follow him down the corridor, to another bedroom that was neatly decorated, but obviously not 'lived' in. There were two beds, and I lit up at the idea of actually sleeping on a bed, and not a couch for the first time in a month.

I smiled stupidly to myself, as Virtus switched on the lamp, and I jumped onto the bed nearest to the wall. 

I see Virtus shake his head, muttering something, most likely something about me being childish, but I don't care.

I immediately climb into the blankets, and lay down, stretching my body out in a way I couldn't on a limiting couch. 

Virtus begins to read in his bed, and I don't even care that he's a boring loser who spends all his free time reading.

I roll over onto my side, and stare at him. He seems to feel me staring, because his head slowly turns to me, "What?"

I had told myself I'd tell Virtus about my real gender tonight, but I was finding it harder and harder to gather the guts to do so.

I definitely should do it, and it definitely should be right now. Now would be the perfect time to do it. Now is when it should happen.

I struggle to speak. 

Virtus eyes me suspiciously, and I slowly force myself to sit up. Putting my feet on the floor, and sit on the edge of the bed, facing him. "There really is something I need to tell you."

He frowns, "Then tell me."

I open my mouth, but no sound comes out. I never expected him to know I'm a girl. My plan was to find out about Cindy, and leave before he'd ever get a chance to know.

Everything has changed now. I can't just leave, not after finding out it wasn't him. If he didn't kill her, that means someone else did, and if they did, that means there is a possibility that they could face justice. The Bone Cutter can't be imprisoned, but anyone else can.

I also need to find out just who it was that committed the act. If I tell Virtus who I really am, there is a big possibility he'd kick me out of his life for good, then I'd never know.

 Without thinking, I say, "I want to continue being your intern, even after the wedding."

His eyes widen a bit, only for the look of surprise to be immediately masked by a face of indifference. He returns his gaze to the book in his hands, "Maybe I don't want you anymore."

He wants me to beg. What an ass. "Please, let me stay."

"No."

"You said it yourself I'm an idiot, but a determined one." I lean forward, "There aren't many people out there like me, and I doubt you'll find one willing to do whatever you ask without knowing any details. I've spent the last month in the dark, without any idea what we were doing. That should count for something."

"You also got arrested, assaulted my fiancé, directly disobeyed me by running out of the apartment in the middle of the night, made out with some prostitutes while intoxicated, and do I even have to mention the kiss?"

I winced, my eyes falling to the floor, "I didn't assault her."

He rolled his eyes, "That's not the point."

"Well you let me stay, so it couldn't have been that bad."

His eyes narrowed, and I regret speaking. "That bad? Do you have any idea how much of a distraction you are?"

I gawk at him, "How am I distracting?"

He drops the book in his lap, "Are you really so blind? You are the most unprofessional intern I've ever had the displeasure of being tied with. You can't even take a fucking drink without shoving your body onto someone. You are so fucking helpless, every minute when I should be focused on my work, I'm looking around for you to make sure you haven't caught yourself up in some other goddamn mess that I have to bail you out of!"

"That's not my fault!" I shout, immediately standing to gain the high ground, "Do you have any idea how hard it is to follow you around? You expect me to trail you like a shadow, but how am I supposed to do that when you won't tell me anything? I did the best I could with what little knowledge I had."

"Well your best was shit."

I want to strangle him. I choke down my dignity by forcing out the words, "I'll try harder."

This seems to anger him further, his jaw clenches and he only stares at me, as if he wanted me to make a better argument for myself. Now I wish I did. "You're useless."

I become so blind with rage, I forget how to think, I forget about who I'm talking to, and I forget all about status. My hand, as if possessed, reaches out and grabs his arm. I don't know why I do it. I don't have a reason, or an explanation as to what could possibly be achieved by touching him. 

Perhaps, I just want an excuse to touch him.

He immediately combats my grip by grabbing my other arm. So fast, he's standing, and forcing me down onto my bed, he stands over me like a giant, and I can't help being intimidated.

Everything happens so fast, I have almost forgotten he is a trained killer, his movements are quick like a hunter, and I am a very, very easy prey.

His face is inches away from mine when he says to me, "Do not argue with me, Uri."

I should adhere to his command, but arguing is all I know how to do. "Let me stay."

Our faces are so close together as we stare at each other. My heart is pounding rapidly, and once again I'm admiring his physical appearance. Everything about him is terrifying, and exciting, and irritatingly attractive. 

The stupid part of my brain wants to kiss him again.  

The stupid part of my brain also happens to like him holding me down. Out of respect for my dignity I ignore that part though.

To my surprise he moves closer. At first I think it's me, but it's him. Our lips are suddenly inches apart, and I feel the warmth of his breath, and he acts as though he is going to kiss me and I think I might just pass out.

I don't dare to move. I'm still as a statue, because if we kiss again, he's definitely not allowed to blame me.

And then, as if snapping out of his daze he quickly pulls himself away, and my body goes cold, and I desperately want to reach out and force him back, but I refrain myself.

He sits back down on his bed, as if defeated, refusing to look at me. "You can stay." Is all he says, and I'm too surprised to feel relief.

He was going to kiss me and stopped himself. 

Oh my god he was willingly going to kiss a man.

I stare at him, wide-eyed. The Bone Cutter had to stop himself from kissing me. I can't not seem to understand it. Every part of me claims it's impossible, and yet, I know I wasn't the one moving against him.

I don't speak again. I'm satisfied with his decision to let me stay with him, even if I want to see my parents again. 

I'm definitely going to have to sneak another phone call, but I'll think about that later.

I climb back into the blankets, and am relieved when Virtus does not continue reading tonight, which is very unlike him. He turns the light off, and I'm left wide-awake for half the night thinking about how close he is, and how somehow after an entire month of not leaving his side, it's only bothering me as a woman now.