Dr. Nicca James Alfarone

He left and he took my heart with him.

He left in the early morning when I was asleep. I woke up, feeling around his body and seeking for his cozy warmth, only to find that he was gone and there was just a note that he left on the pillow. It smelled strongly of him and the thought made me want to cry. All of his bags and everything he had brought with him were gone, a sign that they had never been here in the first place. Strings tugged at my heart as I was now alone like I was before everything had happened. There was no Mikhail, no Jose, no Kaiden, no one and it hurt. I unfolded the note that sat on the pillow and read it out loud.

My Nicca,

I'm sorry to say this but I had to leave. In order to land in Moscow at the promised time, I had to leave early. Me becoming an Alpha was something I always wanted and I couldn't let this chance pass by. I'll miss you more than ever but I told you, I'll be back for you. An Alpha needs his Luna by his side so this isn't goodbye. 

Until then my love,

Михаил Баранов

 I stared at the letter, wanting to cry at the sight of it. It was something that Mikhail would write but at the same time, it wasn't. He would put more love in it than just what he put in this letter but at the same time, he left me without a proper goodbye. It's that feeling like this was the most painful goodbye I had ever had, yet I didn't know it was coming and why. It was never explained. 

"Why Mikhail? Why? Why did you leave?" I hated the fact that I had grown so deeply attached to him and when he left, a part of me went with him. I hated the fact that it cut me so deep to the core to know that he actually left me. It physically hurt me inside, as if it gave me intense cramps and muscle aches. It hurt to breathe and it felt like fire was coursing through my veins, burning it's way inside and I was melting.

But alas, I had a job to tend to and many patients to care for, whether I liked it or not. Things had to continue, even if I didn't want to. Things had to be normal, it had to go back to normal even if the things that made it normal weren't here.

It had to.

* * * 

I had been running around all day like a mindless robot, just taking patients and writing prescriptions and sending them to the operating room if they needed it. I felt like a drone, like someone else was controlling me because I had no control over my mind. I walked into someone's room and I walked back out. Everything hurt on me. My head hurt and I was in need of a nap. I couldn't calm down because I was so anxious, enough to the point where I had to seclude myself in room just to contain my emotions that were boiling over and the lid to cover them, was long gone.

"It's okay, Nicca." I breathed in and out, clenching my fists in my lab coat. "You can do that." It was as if I needed something to calm me, like the scent of Mikhail. I needed him here and I hated the fact that I had needed him for my own personal benefit. Is this the effects of what they call love? I wouldn't know.

My phone began to ring and chime a usual ringtone and I took it out, accepting the call. "Hello?" I answered breathlessly, like I had been running for miles. I had gotten this feeling this morning after I sat and inhaled Mikhail's scent for closure. but it didn't work for me."Hey son." My eyes widened at the sound of my father's voice, something that I hadn't heard in awhile. "H-Hi dad!" I tried to muster up a cheerful tone but I couldn't. I had too much going on in my life. "Uh son, what's the matter?" He whispered through the phone and a tear slipped my eye, a throbbing pain in my chest and it felt like it was hard to breathe. But nonetheless, I mustered up a smile and pretended like I was okay. "Nothing father." I chuckled. "Why did you call?"

I heard him laugh on the other side before he sighed. "I was just calling to ask how the search was going." He said and I raised an eyebrow, staring at the wall. "Search for what?" I asked and he snorted. "You know, search for the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with to complete your initiation so you can take over the throne, Nicca?" My father groaned exasperatedly. "I thought you said you had found it in that guy. What was his name again? Something like Steve?" My heart thundered at the sound of that name and I started to wheeze. "I know I only had gotten to see him once after that whole car incident but he seems like a nice guy."

And then it hit me. It truly hit me like a ray of sun. This room was the same exact room where I met the man who ruined my life. "D-Dad, I have to call you back later." I stuttered in heavy breaths as I ended the call. The same man who entered my life and made me think that he was the one, made me feel loved and appreciated, only to find out that he had drugged me and gang raped me. The same man who had one of his men land me in the hospital and attempted to finish the job. Had it not been for Mikhail, I wouldn't be standing here. 

"I-I can't believe it." I dropped my phone to the ground, my body shaking heavily as more tears came out of my eyes. Steve Bardlow was the man that raped me along with two of his men. I felt like trash and I couldn't look at myself in the mirror because all I saw was damaged goods. I only felt good because I had Mikhail next to me at all times and now that he was gone, I had no one. My chest began to tighten and I clenched my fists as I reached for a wall to stable myself but I only landed on the floor. I sobbed my heart out, wishing Mikhail never left. I screamed in pain, wishing that I had never met Steve.

Yet the truth remains and as always, I am disgusted with myself.

Steve had came into my life and I blame myself for being so naive not to see it. I had known that he might've had something to do with this but I didn't want to ruin what could've been my only chance at love. "I hate myself..." I whispered, trying to blink past the water that covered my eyes but it was no use because they just kept coming. I felt so violated and so inhuman. I couldn't look at anyone else the same anymore. "Why, why, why?!?!?" I yelled, hoping that no one heard me. I sat on the floor, holding myself, trying to keep it all intact and together but it was clear as day that I was failing. 

Just like many other things.

My past relationships, my friendships, it was to the point where I had nothing left anymore. It made me wonder if Mikhail got tired of me and saw this as a way out. I couldn't tell anymore and I hoped I was wrong because I truly saw myself falling for Mikhail. I clutched my legs to my chest, my whole body numb. I weeped and I sobbed, wanting to find peace in this situation but there was none. I shivered, not because I was cold but because I wanted someone to hold me. 

Then the door to the room opened and I was engulfed in a familiar scent. "Nicca, what in the bloody hell are you crying for?!" Arms wrapped around me and my head was tucked under his chin and I couldn't stop myself from balling. "J-Jose, I don't know!" I poured out my emotions to him that had been bubbling up from the start. "All this time, I just wanted someone to love me and it looks like I found in the wrong person!" I screeched like an idiot. "He raped me and he didn't have the nerve to tell me!" I cried, finding comfort in his arms. "Oh, Nicca." Jose gripped me tightly. No matter how much I tried, there just wasn't enough comfort to make me forget any of this.

"JOSE, WHY?!?" I cried, clutching his arms and wailing like a mad man. "WHY DID HE DO THIS TO ME?!" My vision was clouding over with tears. I felt disgusting, like something had been taken from me and it only got worse when the one person who made me feel whole left. I felt like I had nothing left and since Mikhail left, I had no one to look at me like I was the best thing they ever looked at, a gem to be precise. "I'm broken because he lied to me." I stared off into the darkness, my heart dulling with his rocking back and forth. "Then Mikhail left to go back home to Russia." I whispered sorrowfully. "He said he would be back but there's this pain in my chest and I know that he's not coming back." I finished, feeling drained.

A silence filled the room and my body was covered in Jose's warmth as he opened his mouth to speak, leaning his body against the wall. "I can't say you're not stupid and naive mate, because you're all of those things. I admit, I was pretty miffed when you kept talking out of your arse but it's just the way you are, Nicca." He sighed and I nodded in agreement, narrowing my eyes at the insults. 

"Go after him, Nicca." Jose demanded. "You can't let this barrier be formed between you's, mate. Go to Moscow. If you feel like his words weren't true then you get off of your fucking arse and get on a fucking plane! Stop sitting here wasting ya time. Yeah, things went downhill with Steve but are you going to let the same happen with Mikhail when you know that you can fix it?" I wiped my face, my heart feeling heavy. He was right. I had known from the jump that Mikhail was hiding something through the bond that we shared but since it was just new to me, I couldn't tell if it was just me or not. "Will you come with me? I'm not too sure I could go alone." I whispered and he nodded, pulling me into his hold. "Of course, figglio di puttana." He chuckled and I managed a smile. "There's no way I'm letting my best friend leave me here." I closed my eyes, taking in his scent. I was glad that he forgave me for all of the horrible things I said to him about Mikhail. He was the greatest friend anyone could ask for and I was so thankful that I had him.

But there was also that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach, burning a hole.

It was that feeling like something was happening. There was something in the way that Nichelle looked at me last night, like she was begging me to do something without saying it. It was that look in her eyes when she said she had been forced to come and that's when I felt it and that's when I knew it.

Deep down inside of me and in my heart, I knew Mikhail was in serious danger and I had to save him.