Elaire's POV

Sinundan ko ng tingin ang hari na hinahabol ng iba't ibang klase ng mga halimaw.

"Elaire!" sigaw niya. "This is not how you strengthen your mind shield!"

"Ito lang ang alam ko!" I screamed back. "The monsters are protecting me from mental invaders like you!"

Kanina lang, tinanong niya ako kung anong pwede kong gawin para patatagin 'yong mind shield ko at naisip kong maglagay ng mga bantay dito— mga halimaw na kung anu-ano ang hitsura. And when they sensed that there was a stranger in my mind, they started to attack him, and are now chasing him in the woods.

"Elaire!" His voice echoed before he disappeared. But he did not leave my shield. Tumakbo lang talaga siya nang malayo hanggang sa hindi ko na siya makita. I could feel him running in my mind. Literally. And if I try to focus on him, I could hear his footsteps and heavy breathing, even if I could not see him.

"I know you can hear me," humahangos niyang sabi sa aking isipan. "And I know you are enjoying this, but I swear, Elaire—"

Binura ko 'yong boses niya. Nasa isipan ko kami kaya ako ang may kapangyarihan dito.

And besides, he's helping me strengthen my mind shield. He was able to break through it the first time and he can always try breaking it again. Key word— try. Dahil mukhang nahihirapan na siyang sirain ulit ito. He's probably realizing as of this moment how fast of a learner I am.

"Little flower."

Nahagip ng aking tenga ang pamilyar na tinig ng babae. Lumingon ako sa pinagmulan nito, at walang nakita.

"Where are you?"

Umikot-ikot ako sa kinatatayuan ko.

"Did I save you?"

Umalingawngaw ang mga tanong niya sa aking isipan.

"Or did I lose you?"

She seemed to be closer. Mas malinaw 'yong boses niya, pero hindi ko pa rin siya nahahagilap. She was still a voice in my head— Queen Emnestra.

"There was one time I was late to a family gathering..."

"Nakwento ko na ba sa'yo no'ng nahulog ako mula kay Ginger?"

"I prefer sunrises over sunsets because... hope..."

I wasn't hearing her whispers anymore. I was hearing stories. Hundreds of them, and each one came from a different direction. Dumami rin ang mga ito, dahilan para mapaatras ako sa taka, at di kalauna'y gulo, sa tinig niyang lumilibo-libo.

The only thing that silenced her voice was the sound of fire. Napasinghap ako nang isa-isang nagliyab ang mga kahoy sa paligid ko. Mabilis na kumalat ang apoy, tila galit, at 'yong mga dulo nitong pilit umaabot sa'kin, parang mga daliring sinisisi ako.

Humapdi ang aking mga mata sa patinding init. The heat. It was suffocating and disorienting. Binalot nito ang buong isipan ko, pinapakirot ang aking ulo. I accidentally inhaled smoke, and my lungs burned with each breath that followed. Everything around me was engulfed in flames.

"Your Majesty!" Amidst the fire, I started to look for him. Sumasara ang apoy sa paligid ko at sa bawat segundong lumipas na hindi ko pa siya nakikita, bumigat ang takot sa aking dibdib, pinapalala ang naghihirap ko nang paghinga.

I told him. Tears swelled in my eyes. I told him that I was burning! Hurting!

Because pain— "Your Majesty!" Pain is what I truly know. Mas kilala ko pa ito kesa sa sarili ko, at sinabi ko na sa kanya ito— kung gaano kadelikado ang pumasok sa isipan ko, dahil mga hinanakit lang ang totoong laman nito. Ang masaktan lang ang totoong alam ko.

Even I was not safe from my own mind. I couldn't control the flames of my own suffering.

"Elaire!"

Narinig ko ang boses niya, sa sandaling umabot ang tuktok ng apoy sa mga bituin.

"Do not let it hurt you!"

The truth was, you do not have to cut skin to hurt yourself. You do not have to leave a mark on your body at all.

Sometimes, hurting yourself is choosing to be left alone when you want to hang out with family and friends.

Sometimes, it is rejecting an opportunity because you fear of failure.

You hurt yourself when you decide to keep silent, when all you want to do is speak up. And you hurt yourself whenever you stop a tear, a smile, a scream, or a laugh.

Ilang beses ko na bang nasaktan ang sarili ko nang hindi ko alam? Ilang beses ko nang pinili ang masaktan? Hindi ko na mabilang, pero sapat na ito para mawala ako sa sarili kong katinuan.

Dahan-dahan kong tinignan ang aking mga kamay, dinadama ang sakit ng apoy hindi sa balat, kundi sa loob nito. It was the searing pain that I have kept inside me for so long.

And it was a mystery. How I have suffered enough that I could so easily lose myself, and yet, I haven't. Sapat na ang lahat ng pinagdaanan ko para mabaliw ako, kaya't nakapagtataka, kung bakit hindi pa rin ito nangyayari.

I wanted to scream from the pain but her whispers, they grew louder. Louder than the blazing fire.

'Yong mga bulong niya ang tumahan sa nag-aalab na gulo, at ang humatak sa'kin palabas mula sa sarili kong isipan. Nagising akong nakatuon sa kisame, dama ang isang luhang nakatakas mula sa mata ko. The tear that leaked from my eye left a trail of pain, as if it was liquid fire.

"Elaire."

"Did I hurt you?" natutulala kong tanong, naaalimpungatan pa. "I'm sorry."

Mula sa sulok ng aking paningin, nasilayan ko ang hari na umangat paupo sa higaan. He was mumbling something when he lowered his head to his hands. Probably a curse. His black hair was a mess and his breathing, unstable. Nakatalikod siya sa'kin kaya hindi ko makita 'yong hitsura niya, pero alam kong nahawa siya sa aking gulo at sa kasalukuya'y pinapatahan ito.

"What was that?" tanong niya gamit ang magaspang na boses.

The rustling of my clothes was heightened in silence as I pushed myself up to sit on the bed. Taking a deep breath, I replied, "Which one? A lot of things happened." The dark forest. The monsters. The fire. The whispers.

"God, Elaire—" Hinilamos niya ang kanyang mga palad. "Everything."

Napamasid ako sa sinag ng buwan na nakapasok sa kanyang kwarto. Its light was calming, and after a while, it became clear that the king needed some time to process what was happening inside my mind.

Akmang aalis na ako ng higaan nang bigla niyang hinawakan ang aking braso. Sumulyap ako sa higpit nito bago salubungin ang matalim niyang tingin. Pagkatapos, kumunot ang aking noo sa panibagong dilim na nahagilap ko sa kanyang mga mata.

"No." Umiling ako. "You do not want me—"

"You do not speak for me," he seriously insisted. "I..." Lumalim ang kanyang paghinga, kasinglalim ng pinaghugutan ng kanyang determinasyon nang sabihing, "I want you, Elaire, and I will have you."

Marahas kong tinanggal ang aking braso mula sa kanya. Nabitawan niya ito sa bigla. "I do not want you." Tumayo ako, nanghihigpit ang mga baga sa inis dahil kahit anong pilit ko, hindi ito totoo— 'yong sinabi ko.

I wanted him. Now, more than ever.

"Say that again," nangangalit niyang tugon.

But I couldn't. Nilunok ko lang ang sarili kong mga salita, at minasdan ko kung paano siya umalis mula sa kanyang higaan, mabibigat ang mga hakbang paikot dito, palapit sa'kin.

His voice resonated, touching me like velvet. "You do not want me?" And he eyed me like I was a prey caught in a trap, making my heart skip a series of beats. "Say it one more time." Huminto siya sa tapat ko, nanunuri ang mga mata sa aking pagkabalisa. "Say that you do not want me and I will let you go."

Hindi magkapantay ang aking paghinga habang nakatuon sa kanyang dibdib na mataas na umangat at malalim na bumaba.

"What's the matter, Elaire?" aniya. "Cat got your tongue?"

"I do not—" Mabilis akong tumingala sa nandidilim niyang mukha. "Want you—" Binalikan ko siya ng mas matigas na tingin. "To want me."

Tumiim ang kanyang bagang habang nakasayad ang kanyang titig sa'kin, at tahimik niya akong dinumog ng bigat nito.

"Subukan mo lang na hawakan ako."

He focused on my mouth that threatened him, before smirking.

"Or what?"

Bahagyang bumukas ang aking bibig at kung ano man ang isasagot ko ay mabilis niyang ninakaw nang bigla niyang sakupin ang aking mga labi.

It wasn't even a kiss. It was a possession. Inangkin niya ang aking ginhawa habang pinipigilan akong umurong gamit ang kamay niyang may hawak ng aking panga. I took a step back. He grabbed my waist. And the heat of his tongue thrusted inside me. Isang nangangalit na ungol ang itinugon ko rito. He took it as a sign to pull me closer, sensations rising to the places where we touched.

I moaned as I roughly pushed myself away from him. "You can't—" He pulled me back. Sinalubong ako ng mas mariin na halik at sumiklab ang init sa aking katawan na ikinabulag ng aking bawat pandama.

Throwing my arms around his neck, our kiss turned into a battle of dominion— who owned who, and we fought, persistently, until my back hit a wall. I fisted his hair while he grabbed one of my legs. And then the other. And he pushed me up against the wall, kung saan siya na ang nakatingala sa'kin at ako na ang may hawak sa kanya— sa kanyang mukha. Our fight ended just like that.

Bumagal ang aming halikan paayon sa gusto kong ritmo. And after our mouths had been thoroughly searched, dahan-dahan kong inangat ang aking ulo upang tignan ang namumungay niyang mga mata.

"Are you going to force me?" humihingal kong bulong.

"No," he whispered back. "Never."

"But you are king," paalala ko. "Pwede mong gawin kung anong gusto mo."

"I will have you," he said. "Only if you want me to."

Maingat niya akong ibinaba nang mapansin akong nagsimulang manghina.

"You do not have to be afraid of me," he continued, his eyes still dazed. "So, don't ever plan on leaving."

•••

"Your Majesty," sambit ko habang naglalakad kami sa pasilyo. "Kailan ko ba sinabi na aalis ako?"

"You must've thought of it at some point," aniya. "Tinignan mo ako na parang nagkamali kang mapadpad dito sa palasyo."

We were on our way to Ruby Hall, an abandoned building in the palace. Through the Red Tower, konektado ito sa Brown Hall, ang gusali para sa mga lingkod at katulong. I have been to Brown Hall once, no'ng inutusan ako ni Mama na mag-deliver ng mga tinapay.

If my memory serves me right, dalawang gusali nalang ng palasyo ang hindi ko pa napupuntahan— Emerald Hall, kung saan nakatira si Princess Nefertir, at ang ipinagbabawal na Ruby Hall. Ipinagbabawal ang pumunta rito dahil mahalaga ito, at sabi rin ng iba, may sumpa ito.

"Your Majesty, is the building really cursed?" usisa ko.

"We'll see," mahinahon niyang sagot. "I haven't been there as well."

Mula sa King's Hall, dumaan kami sa Queen's Tower, papasok sa Diamond Hall. I don't know what kind of magic the king used to keep us hidden but it was pretty effective. Nilagpasan lang kami ng mga sundalo at katulong na nakasalubong namin.

Nasa second floor kami ng Diamond Hall nang tumungo kami sa nakakonektang Emerald Hall. Wala naman itong ipinagkaiba sa hitsura ng Diamond. Both Princess Feyren's and Princess Nefertir's residences looked the same. The only difference— Emerald smelled like funerals, katulad ng may-ari nito. Bumaba kami sa isa sa mga hagdan nito at lumabas ng Emerald mula sa ground floor.

Bumungad kaagad ito sa'min, ang isa sa pinakamadilim na bahagi ng palasyo— Ruby Hall. Tanging liwanag lang ng buwan ang umiilaw sa labas at loob nito. It did look cursed, or rather, haunted. Some windows lacked glass. Sumisipol ang hangin na dumadaan dito at nakakapangilabot 'yong lamig.

The king stopped in front of the dark entryway. "You go first."

Blangko ko siyang kinisapan. "Hindi ko alam kung saan pupunta."

"Aren't you hearing the whispers?"

Umiling ako.

"Fine," he sighed, defeated, at saka pumasok. "But stay close to me."

Ruby Hall was the residence of Queen Emnestra and after her death, King Oceanus ordered that the building remain untouched by anyone except himself. Sa kabutihang palad, mukhang wala pa namang lumabag nito, kami lang, ayon sa mga kagamitan at dekorasyon na nabalot sa alikabok at mga sapot pero maayos-ayos pa rin ang pagkakalagay sa mga pasilyo at nakabukas na mga kwarto.

Ang pagpunta namin dito ay ideya ng hari. Dahil narinig niya rin ang boses ng reyna habang nasa isipan ko kami.

Kasama ang yabag ng aming mga paa, umalingawngaw ang kanyang tinig sa madilim na hagdanan patungo sa ikalawang palapag. "Still no whispers?"

"It doesn't work that way," sabi ko sa kanya. "Nagpaparinig lang siya kapag may kailangan akong puntahan." Saka ako napatanong, "Your Majesty, what are we looking for, exactly?"

"Anything, Elaire," sagot niya. "Anything that can ease your internal suffering."

The air was colder on the second floor. Lumutang-lutang ang alikabok sa kahabaan ng pasilyong tinahak namin. It was eerily silent, as if something waited for us. Tila may mga mata ring nakasunod sa'min, at sumasamang mga anino. I thought it came from the paintings and faded tapestry that we walked by.

Tumikhim ako at binilisan ang aking mga hakbang, patabi sa hari na hindi ako binalingan pero mayamaya'y hinawakan ang aking kamay.

"I remember..." I broke the silence. "I went to Asure, to King Oceanus' ruins."

"Did you?"

"I brought home one of his spellbooks," kuwento ko. "I also found out that he journaled and sketched a lot."

Pumasok kami sa isang silid— sa isang kwarto. It was almost as big as the king's bedroom. Kusa akong napabitaw sa hari at tumungo sa malaking canopy bed sa gitna ng kwarto. It had delicate lace curtains and intricate carvings. Underneath the dust, the mattress was wrapped in silk and decorated with velvet.

Kasunod akong napalapit sa vanity table. The queen's silver-backed brushes and crystal perfume bottles remained undisturbed, ayon sa makakapal na sapot na nakakumot dito. And I couldn't see my reflection on the mirror anymore. Sobrang labo na kasi nito. But for some reason, I still wanted to, see myself in the mirror. Pinunasan ko ito gamit ang palad ko at balewala ang kalumaan ng upuan, umupo ako sa tapat nito.

"Elaire," the king called with urgency, and so my head snapped at him.

Nakatayo siya malapit sa isang mahabang mesa na katabi ng bintana. Tinignan niya ako, kalahating namamangha at kalahating hindi makapaniwala. "You are not going to believe this." He held a piece of paper in his hand. "Come see."

Tumayo ako at pumunta sa kanyang kinaroroonan.

"What is it?" usisa ko nang tanggapin ang inabot niyang papel.

As soon as my eyes drifted down on the paper, the whole world came into a standstill. No'ng sinabi kong parang mayroong nag-aabang sa'min dito, hindi ito ang ibig kong sabihin. Multo 'yong inasahan ko, hindi 'yong imposible.

In my hand, was a sketch of me, labeled as 'Emma's Little Flower.'

"First day of Emma's pregnancy. She woke me up in the middle of the night, crying..."

Umangat ang aking tingin sa haring may binabasang libro.

"She told me that she couldn't find her— her little red flower."