------------------

Ethan 

------------------

One year.

One year and sixty-five days had gone by since she left. It was thirty days before Evan convinced me to get my act together because our pack was asking questions–questions he was tired of answering, sixty days when we emerged to talk to her–to the devil herself and broker a deal that allowed us to leave the shelters. It was sixty-five days since that day until the packs emerged to see our land left completely untouched. She said that she spared our packs as a sign of good faith to us that we could coexist.

Five days after that I finally went home after sleeping in my office, home that I didn't want to walk into because the scent of her brought me to my knees in agony.

It was all agony.

She had her own pack house built in the middle of the packs, right where the corners of the four packs touched; Levi's, mine, Jaxon's, and Ajax's. A large monstrosity that made me an instant pyromaniac upon sight of it.

It was hell.

Some alphas more or less surrendered instantly out of fear or because they really were bastards. Our packs ended up having to surrender to her as well–she still out numbered us with her rogues and new allies. We had to submit to her, let her built that damn pack house, pay her monthly to 'protect us,' and 'declare war' against the vampires–which is exactly what Alex wanted until he realized the cost. Until Derek said that he more or less became extremely depressed with the situation–I didn't give a shit, as far as I cared that vampire could still die a slow death.

We were home but as I passed the new flag pole every day that had a flag with a rebel brand on it flying in the wind, I knew we were far from being home.

The vampires had banded together, but we had a secret agreement with them–we being the original five packs that fought against Aurelia. We also had a secret alliance with Bernard's coven and Callista's; we had to smuggle Bernard and the other witches out in the middle of the night to Shirley's diner, where her husband picked them up and drove them to Riley's, where Nate and Darren then took them to the airport.

Riley grew closer with all of us. Humans were being snatched more and more, especially after she built a new club and apparently filled a third cave full of rogues; poor wolves that we had to watch march to the mountains.

The people of Anchorage and surrounding cities thought that the city was just doing a better job in their civil services–the homeless population had dwindled, but they could not have been more wrong as to why.

We all were so wrong. So blinded. We underestimated her so much.

After seven months, Aurelia started to more or less try to befriend me. Then after ten months, she tried to convince me to take her as a lover so I could, 'ease' my pain. She said she forgave me for everything and she 'hated' seeing me so depressed.

I almost killed her.

I almost killed her until her guards, large pythons, pulled me away from her while she just wiped off the blood on her mouth and laughed at me. She thought it was, 'adorable.'

We had to meet with her and discuss our plan to, 'strengthen the region.' It was, 'of the greatest important.' Her father was there sometimes but other times he was in the continental United States doing God knows what. It was better when he wasn't there, usually when he was either Levi or I tried to kill him which ended up in us getting a few lashes from a silver whip.

But it didn't hurt.

Nothing really hurt anymore. It all felt numb. Levi said it would be this way–he said it would get better, get easier. He looked at me all the time like I was a time bomb, they all did. I think they were all waiting for me to finally lose it or just do it–walk to the moon to find her. Their looks made me both angry and disappointed in myself. I was their alpha. I had promised her to end it, and while things were looking bleak, I couldn't give up. I had to do this for her, yet there were plenty of days went I longed to run off that cliff my sister had. There were days when I started to walk there only to stop myself when duty pulled me back to reality.

But it was during meetings like this when she kept tossing me seductive glances that it was hard; my fingers would reach up to where my faded mark was and mindlessly rub at it.

"We need to start moving into the coven houses."

"The ones in Anchorage have been raided and burned down," Joe said as Levi tried hard not to clench his jaw. "I suggest you start making moves inland."

"Agreed," Aurelia said as she looked through some pages on a yellow notepad in front of her. "Joe, you head up that effort. It would be nice to get national support."

"It would," Joe replied with a soft smile, flickering her eyes over her. God Joe was so obvious. I think he thought he was being subtle, but the man had a walking boner for her. "And I would honored to," he said as I groaned inwardly.

Jaxon looked at me like he was going to vomit as Ajax raised his brows, his eyes hiding his inner desire to slit her throat. "And ideas to get more support inland?" she asked.

"Ethan could speak?" Cole said, eying me wickedly before he flickered his eyes to Aurelia who curiously looked at him.

"What did you have in mind Cole?"

"Alex chase his mate and her family–your family for years. But besides you, Ethan has personal accounts of this. It would be good for people to hear it."

"That's not a bad idea," Aurelia mused before she flickered her green eyes to me while I brewed inwardly. "Ethan?"

"I would rather you pour silver down my throat."

"Ethan!" Aurelia waved me off with a laugh. I was completely serious though; Jaxon bit back a laugh before he joined her. "Such a sense of humor."

Levi chuckled from next to me. "Yes, he does."

"Come on Ethan, consider it please?" she asked sweetly.

"How about this, we can talk about next meeting? Give Ethan some time to think it over?" Victor, one of the alphas that flipped last minute, offered. He was always going back and forth, acting like our ally when he truly would bare his neck and hand her a plate with his testicles on it if she asked him to. Disgusting.

"That's a great idea Victor, thank you," Aurelia said with a nod. "I think that's good for today gentleman. My father will be here next week, until then..."

I quickly stood up as Levi eyed me. "Son you need to watch your tongue."

"Easy for you to say," I grumbled.

"It's not," Levi bit out as he stepped closer to me. "She was my daughter Ethan. You're not the only one hurting."

I let out along breath, guilt swimming in me before I nodded to him. I knew it killed him. I knew from the look in his eyes that it ripped him apart. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, I understand. I say it for your own safety son," Levi told me.

"Ethan!" Aurelia called out, causing me to bite back a groan. "Hang back please?"

Jaxon looked at her then at me. "I'll wait for you outside."

"Alright," I said as the room emptied while I stood next to my chair.

The room cleared and the door closed, leaving me alone with her. I wondered if I tried to kill her, if I could actually do it without those snakes showing up again? I had heard slithering earlier and knew that those damn demons were around somewhere.

"Ethan, I didn't mean to upset you, you don't have to speak about it if you truly don't want to. I know it still pains you," she said as she walked closer to me.

My skin crawled as she closed in on me; it was everything I had not to cringe away from her. I turned and she tilted her head, eying me like candy before she sighed. "Really, it's up to you."

"So considerate," I replied dully as she leaned up, her lips in a pout as she tried to close the distance between us. I snarled before my hand wrapped around her neck, the sound of violent hissing behind me but I could care less at this point.

Her eyes were wide and her skin shivering as I leaned closer to her. "Try that again, and I will rip your lips off myself," I growled out before I shoved her back, gathered my things on the table then walked away.

She chuckled while her snakes slithered to her. "God you're sexy, I can see what she wanted you to herself."

I paused as my beast snapped out in the air then kept walking. If I stayed I would probably get myself killed. Her power had grown over the year and sixty-five days. She wore bloodstones around her neck, and sometimes I saw her grinding them into a powder–the same powder that she poured into a tumbler she constantly drank out of.

"What was it this time?" Jaxon asked while we hauled ass out of her pack house; decorated with marble floors, gold ornaments, and portraits of her 'family' in the main hall that led to the meeting room. Portraits of her father, brother, others in the King line minus Hadrian and Willa. Hadrian's name was like a curse word around here. However, one portrait in particular always made me feel like I was going to break all over again–the portrait of her. Of Charlotte.

I averted my eyes as Jaxon and I passed it before we trotted down the stairs. "Tried to kiss me."

Jaxon snarled. "That bitch," he hissed under his breath.

I didn't say anything. I shoved my binder in a saddlebag I left at the front door then shifted, letting them slide onto my back before I tore off to my pack with Jaxon on my tail. He or Levi were more or less always keeping an eye on me these days, probably a good thing. I would be lying if I said that I didn't have very weak moments.

I went straight to Evan's house when I got home. Lyanna smiled at me while Jane tossed me some pants as Lucas and Evan looked at a map in the kitchen. I took the pants then trotted up the stairs, back to my old room that I stayed in more than I stayed in my own home. My room that even had scents of her.

I think everything in some way smelled like her. It was like she was constantly haunting me. The bond constantly haunting me. It was broken, but still there. I could feel the pain every day that reminded me it was still there.

We had tried with what little bloodstones we had left to call her, but we couldn't get her. We tried to call her, my father, Eli, even Lydia, but we didn't get them. Dagny said they had the same trouble, she said that it felt like the moon had shut her eye to us. Like she was angry and was preventing us from getting closer to her.

I trotted downstairs, pulling on a sweatshirt over my pants. It was fall and the weather was getting colder. It was fall and I couldn't help but think that she would have loved the fall here. It was fall and I realized how little time I actually had with her before she was taken from me; before I felt like that kid watching her being ripped away from me again.

"Ethan, are you hungry?" Lyanna asked as I turned the landing to jog down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Don't make anything special."

"I already have some things made," she said to me. "Macaroni? Homemade?"

"Alright." I gave her a tired smile then looked over at where Jane was scrolling around in front of a laptop. They both had worked so hard to help keep us together–Lyanna checked on my almost every day to make sure I would actually eat three square meals. "Anything today Jane?"

She shook her head. "Nothing new. I'm sorry Ethan."

"Well, we really have only found what we already knew," Lyanna said as she started to pull some macaroni out of the refrigerator.

"That's right," Lucas breathed out as he scratched at his neck with her mark was. His mark that was alive; it made my fingers twitch to reach up to mine, mine that felt like a zombie. "The only portal apparently left is the one the moon goddess may have used to cross over originally, and she closed it herself from the inside. It's more or less a shaky theory though. Everything we've found it referenced in is more parallel to bedtime stories–fairy tales. Even if it was real, well, like I said–she closed it from the inside. Like a door only with a handle on the inside from what Bernard told me."

"Meaning we cannot open it," Jane sighed out.

I bit back a frustrated growl. At this point, I cared more about killing Aurelia than I did the portal. The quicker I killed her the quicker I could walk to the moon myself.

"We need to take her out," I said.

"How?" Evan asked. "She always has guards and snakes with her, and she has grown much stronger brother."

I nodded as Jaxon knocked on the door. "Sorry, had to swing by and say hello to Jake. Is that mac and cheese?"

Jane rolled her eyes while Lyanna laughed. "Yes, are you hungry?"

"Andrea will kill me, but yes," Jaxon said with a mischievous smile.

Jane rolled her eyes. "She will, idiot."

Jaxon shrugged. "It's a daily threat. I'm used to it. What did I miss?"

"Planning Aurelia's death," Evan said. "Again."

We had multiple failed assassination attempts. The one good thing about her having a crush on me was that she forgave the attempts so quickly. If she didn't she usually tortured us for a day or so then sent us home. She wouldn't dare kill us. She enjoyed watching us watch her in her new position of power too much for that.

"So what's the plan this time?" Jaxon asked.

"What about the national council meeting?" Lucas breathed out. "My dad was thinking about it. She has all those alphas coming in. She won't suspect. We don't mess around this time. We take her ass out."

"Yes, but how?" Evan asked. "She will have every secure measure ready to have our asses and I really don't want to be tortured again."

Lyanna cringed as she brought me a steamy bowl of macaroni with a dishrag under it. "It's hot."

"Thank you," I replied while I carefully balanced the bowl on the rag in my hands.

"Ok, true," Lucas said before he looked to Jane who nodded at him. "But, Jane and I were thinking, and well we need to get close to her right?"

"Right," the room replied back to him.

"Ok, like close where she doesn't have her guard up, right?"

I nodded to Lucas. "Right."

"Ethan, bro, she wants in your pants so damn bad, you could–"

"No!" I snarled out. "Not happening."

"Listen, Ethan," Jane said as she walked quickly to the kitchen, her hair that was a pixie cut a little longer and wispier. "We're not saying bone her. We're just saying let her take you to her rooms. Let her let her guard down. Then rip her heart out."

"She wouldn't expect it," Evan mused.

"No," I growled out as my beast snapped in the air. "She won't expect me to have a sudden change of heart either!"

"She will if you lead her along?" Lucas asked carefully.

"Fuck no," I replied, my beast and I furious as we set the bowl of food down on the counter. I had no appetite anymore; just the thought of it made me sick.

I shifted off the porch and tore off to my own home. My home that was both a sanctuary and place or torture for me. My home that reminded me all of her.

The lawn where we first made love; I laughed to myself at the thought that we literally did it on our front lawn without a care in the world. The living room where she would pass out on my chest after a long day, the kitchen where I would make her blobs, our bedroom where we hid away in each other's embrace, our bathroom where we would picnic and watch movies, and our balcony where we could look over our pack and daydream of the future.

The balcony.

I almost threw myself off of it one night after I down a bottle of bourbon by myself. Luckily, Jake and Aaron came by to check on me and stopped me.

Sitting out there again with a bottle of whiskey, I toyed with the idea again but I was so driven to kill her. I had to kill her. I had to for Charlotte. Yet the thought of even behaving in such a way around Aurelia–leading her on, felt more vile than anything I could have ever imagined.

"Ethan?"

I sighed and leaned my head back against the wall as I slid down onto the ground. "Uncle?"

"Well, I heard you talked to Lucas."

"Please tell me that wasn't your idea."

"Somewhat," he told me honestly. I growled over the link before Levi sighed. "Listen Ethan, the sooner that you kill her, the sooner you can walk."

"And what about you?"

"I have my son to look after. Lucas isn't ready and if I can help it I won't leave him."

I blinked hard because I knew that Evan wasn't ready either. He did well holding the fort up while I was more or less losing my mind, but the toll it took on him was evident. He wasn't just not ready, he didn't want it. I knew neither he or Lyanna really wanted it.

"Ethan, I know what you're feeling. Believe me when I saw I know how hard it is. It's your choice. If you choose to go, I will help Evan. Jaxon and I will help him."

"Do you not want to walk to uncle?" I asked, my mind still boggled at understanding why the hell Levi hadn't walked yet.

"It's not about what I want anymore Ethan. I have a son and pack that needs me."

"Dammit Levi," I growled out before my voice cracked as the decision weighed on me.

"Ethan don't think that way," Levi replied gently. "Choosing to leave does not make you a bad alpha or person. They are half of our souls, getting your soul ripped in half, well it's not just a walk in the park."

"Shit," I breathed out. "Don't I know it."

"You know we need to end her."

I sighed and beat my head against the wall a few times. "I know."

"Ethan, I wouldn't have even suggested it if I didn't think it could work. I wouldn't put you though that for nothing."

"I know uncle," I replied. It was true. I knew Levi wouldn't dare impose such a thing on me that he wouldn't do himself; I knew if he was in my shoes, he would hate it just as much but probably do it.

"Right now you look like our closest shot."

"Ok," I replied. "I'll do it."

"I'm sorry Ethan," he said to me. "I don't enjoy this."

"I know uncle."

Levi left me to myself after that. I needed to be by myself. I needed to mentally prepare myself for what I was going to have to do.

God just the thought of her touching me made me want to vomit.

I prayed that if Charlotte was watching, that she would understand. That she would understand why I had to do this. I had to do this so I could be with her. I had to be with her. I had no idea how Levi went so long without Eve; maybe because his beast was always waiting for Charlotte? And now that Lucas is here he has his pup to hold him to this earth.

Pups.

I blinked hard at the thought of a future that we would never have in this life. I had no idea what was on the other side of the damn moon. If that was even a thing.

I loved this pack. Dammit, I loved this pack and they were the only reason besides my family that I hadn't lost it. I hated the thought of leaving them with Evan when he wasn't ready. I needed him to be ready. He needed to be ready.

I couldn't do this without her. I knew that I could dream about staying after I killed Aurelia to see the pack into Evan's hands, but that was a daydream. The minute I killed her I was going to the one I loved. There was no doubt in my mind–at least I was honest with myself.

The next day Aurelia called me to the new packhouse, the monstrosity that reminded me of a mix between the Taj Mahal and a castle. An odd tacky mix that I knew Charlotte would die of laughter making fun of.

"Ah! Ethan there you are," she said as she jogged out to me.

"What is it Aurelia?" I asked.

"Walk with me, yes?" she asked. But none of her questions were really questions, the woman never was told no. The ones that spoke the word to her died.

"Alright," I replied.

We walked around the house where omegas, tired and worn–treated much worse than they should be, were working on a garden around the house as three snakes, cobras, slithered behind us. My beast was pacing; he so badly wanted to rip at all of them, but we could smell the poison on their fangs. We wouldn't come back from that bite.

"I just wanted to apologize again. I shouldn't have let Cole push you so much yesterday."

"I can handle myself, Aurelia," I replied. "Planting a garden?" I asked in hopes to change the conversation to one that I could easily find an exit to.

"I thought it would be nice," she breathed out. "New life, a new start. I think we all need a new start."

I turned to look at her, forcing my lips out of a thin-lined scowl. "We do," I replied quietly as I held her gaze, the bond crying out in pain while she blushed. "Did you need anything else?"

"No, no," she said as she waved me off, her cheeks still red as she flickered her eyes away to the wolves planting tulips. "I just thought I should personally apologize."

She should personally kneel down so I could snap her head off.

"Thank you," I replied before I faked looking at the ground, while I was linking someone incredibly important. "I have to go. We have a female in heat."

"Oh my, better get to it then," she rushed out. "See you next week?"

I nodded before I jogged off. "See you then," I replied while I ran, shifting and breaking through the clothes that her omega's had given me.

My heart was breaking as I ran home. It was breaking over and over and over again. I felt dirty. I felt so dirty and unworthy of her. Of her love.

I knew I was doing it for the good of killing that witch. I knew logically that I was doing what I had to. I knew that.

But I certainly didn't feel like it.

I felt like I was breaking again.

I ran home, not stopping to see anyone when I ran into my house, stumbling on my way into the door as the bond screamed out in agony and my wolf howled. Sucking in a sharp breath, I somehow drug myself upstairs. I had no idea where I was really going, somehow my feet carried me to my closet where I collapsed in font of her clothes.

I pulled them down. I yanked them towards me desperately; clutching them and holding them to my nose so I could smell her. So her scent could calm me down. I hoped it would calm me down.

It just broke me more.

It broke me more and I found myself sobbing hysterically on the floor. My beast was howling, he had no idea what to do or how to feel. He had no idea how to help us. He wasn't a fan of dying but he wasn't a fan of being away from her either.

I sucked in a breath eventually and wiped my eyes while I looked at one of my shirts that she had claimed for herself at one point in time. "I am so sorry sunshine."