I wasn't sure why I called him at 2 in the morning. It wasn't like I really expected an answer, or to hear his groggy voice repeating my name as I zoned out for a moment, lost in my thoughts.

"I know this is stupid, and it's literally two in the morning-"

"Two fifty three, so it's actually closer to three am."

I let out a breath, leaning back against the headboard of my bed. The shadows lodged in every corner made me uneasy, like the demons in my head were slowly taking physical form, preparing to devour my soul. A car passed by, and it shifted the light in my room ever so slightly through the open window. "This is stupid. I'm sorry. I-"

"No, just talk."

I suck in a breath, trying to focus on the sound of his voice. He would understand, right? He'd understand the thoughts swirling in your head at random hours of the night, provoking your anxiety, making you unable to sleep. He had to understand the panic that you couldn't control as your thoughts spiraled out of your control, as you screamed at the nagging voices in your head to leave you alone.

"I just thought you would understand." My voice broke. My eyes teared up, but I blinked away the moisture.

"I'm sure I will," he relies softly, more alertness in his voice. "Just tell me."

"I have to talk to Janessa and her teacher tomorrow," I began. It was true; I had texted her after I talked to my dad that night, remembering the threat that Stacie has made. Dean changed her grade, just that once, because he wanted us to figure out what we could use against her. I wasn't sure if he or Janessa really cared about my secret being revealed. It wasn't like they knew what it was. It wasn't like they knew what I'd done.

"That teacher is a creep."

"Yeah, but he's helping me."

"Kiley-"

"Look, Stacie wanted me to blackmail him, okay? I need allies in this. I can't have her telling the whole school what I-" my voice cracked as a tear rolled down my cheek. "What I did."

The line stayed silent for a moment. I pushed the sheets off my legs and walked over to the window. A few street lights bathed the night in an orange glow, only disturbed by a single car driving down the road, high beams on. The silence of the night simultaneously unnerved and calmed me. Maybe I just wanted silence, not loneliness.

"Whatever you did, is it really worth giving away your soul?"

"Yes," I snapped without meaning to. "It's- what if people found out?"

"I understand."

"How can you?" My breathing started coming out heavier as more panic settled in. "You never- you never could've done what I did." The last part came out softer.

"Probably not, but you're not the only one with experiences. But that doesn't matter. Are you okay right now?"

I shook my head knowing he couldn't see, more tears slipping out. "I was having an anxiety attack." I hated admitting that weakness out loud. To me, it was a weakness, and I hated it. I hated it so much. I hated overthinking, and panicking, and I hated being a fucking coward.

A pregnant pause, and then I heard the sound of a blinker.

"Are you driving right now? At three A.M? You know there's a legal curfew for us minors, right?"

A laugh. "Want to send me your address?"

I froze. "What?"

"So I'm not wasting gas."

I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. 3:07 AM. "Are you nuts?"

"No, I wasn't sleeping. I was battling my own anxiety, actually."

He let the words hang in the air, and the sound of a car horn startled me back to life.

"Man, the drunk drivers are out tonight."

I laughed softly. "Be careful."

"Address?"

"Fine, but please pull over while you put the directions into Google. Death by texting isn't cool."

"I know."

I stood there, fingers trembling as I typed in my address. After I hit send, I could feel a sort of excitement bubble up inside me. In the past year, I hadn't really had someone I could call in the middle of the night to calm me down. I hadn't had a friend who understood. I couldn't even open up to another human being. I wanted to believe that all of that could change if I just let go of the restraints around my heart, around my soul, and around my secret. The last one seemed nearly impossible, but I knew that I was allowing myself to drown in my own misery.

"Alright, the address is all set. I'll be there in ten minutes, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered.

"Bye, see you soon!"

"Wait!" I exclaimed, cringing at how loud my voice sounded in the quiet house. "Can you not hang up?" I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts until he arrived.

"Okay," came his soft response.

There wasn't much conversation as I crept down the stairs, phone pressed firmly to my ear. We exchanged a few idle words as I stood in front of the door, praying my father didn't wake up and come downstairs. I pressed my face against the window part of the wooden door, the darkness outside shifting in and out of focus.

A soft "I'm here," jolted me out of my own head, and I raced out of my house after shoving some old sandals on my feet. I ended the call and climbed into the passenger seat, a goofy smile on my face. It felt different to sneak out of the house with someone who didn't want to extort you. It felt different to have a friend that actually cared.

He drove off without a word, and we sat in comfortable silence. With Stacie, it was always scheming conversation, even before the incident. With Nina, it was talk about boys and how her mom always brought home a new guy, so she did the same. I hated the details of her experiences. I hated Stacie always talking about how the world screwed her over.

A sudden thought occurred to me. I really just hated them.

I looked out the window as a colors of darkness passed by, most of them blurring together. Thick clouds covered the sky, and with a crack, the sky lit up. I forgot the weather called for thunderstorms tonight. Oh well, I liked them. I liked the cleansing rain and the scream of the angry sky, letting its agony out of the world. I always wished I could do that; that I could rain down and drown all of my problems, to strike my enemies down like a lightning bolt.

"Nina annoys me."

I finally took a glance at August. His brown hair was disheveled, one hand relaxed on the steering wheel as he drove. I noticed a scar running from his knuckle to his wrist. I wondered where he had gotten it, but it was really done of my business.

"She's annoyed me for years now," I said. "But I think everyone annoys me now."

"Do I?"

"No, of course-"

He laughed. "It was a joke."

My face burned slightly.

"If I were you, I would just tell her like it is. And Stacie too. But you have a lot more patience than I do."

"Maybe," I sighed," Or maybe I'm just a huge pushover. Who really knows."

The car came to a halt at a red light. He turned to look at me, his usually dark eyes reflecting the light coming from the car radio. "You're just broken, like me."

I was stunned into silence. What did he know about being broken? But then I remembered that not everything was about me.

The car lurched forward as he hit the gas. "I'm helping you because you're the first person besides my cousin and her parents to be nice to me. Granted, she made me be nice to you first, but that's how she's always been. Selfless, but no one else seems to care."

I thought back to Kalila, the girl who wanted to give me friendship instead of turning me in for the revenge I was doing for Nina. She deserved the world, not someone like me who couldn't even say she was my friend. August was kind of rude at first, but he grew on me. We could understand each other in a way.

"Well, you and Kalila are the first people to really be nice to me. I thought Stacie and Nina were my friends, but I was wrong. I was so wrong."

The car came to a halt, and I finally realized where we were; the field where we could watch the airplanes.

"I know we can't see planes flying at this hour, but it's a nice, relaxing spot," he said, turning rolling down the windows before turning off the engine.

I looked around and realized he was right. No one else was there. It was just us and the swaying grass.

"Whatever you did, it's not worth letting them control you life."

"I know." I said it a bit harshly, but I didn't care. He didn't know what I had done. I didn't want to talk about that. I wanted to forget my troubles, not relive them.

"I'm not trying to upset you," he quickly amended. "I just wanted you to know that when I see you, I see so much more than the girl who's know as Stacie's lackey. I see someone so much better than that."

I glanced down at my hands, which I fiddled with on my lap. "Well, everyone else just sees the girl Stacie created. I hate them, but I hate what I've become." The words hung in the air. They were all true. My eyes burned and it wasn't from the lack of sleep.

"Hey," he said gently. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't like who I've become, either."

I look at him. I really look at him. His lips are turned down into a sort of frown, and he's looking at anything but me; the steering wheel, the seats behind us, the field and runways ahead. What has he been through? Why does he have anxiety? What troubles him? Maybe kindred souls attract. Maybe we've met for a reason.

I used to go to church with Dad. After the incident, I kind of got angry at God, cursing him for allowing me to go through this. I wondered where he was when I cried myself to sleep. Now, I remembered what Dad would always say; God has a plan, and sometimes you have to go through hardships in order to see what good He has planned for you. Maybe that was true. He also said he meet everyone for a reason. Maybe I met Stacie and Nina for reason. Maybe I met Kalila and August for a reason.

"You know, you remind me of my sister. Always lost in your own head."

"You have a sister? Is she younger or older?" I asked. It always seemed to be about me, but I wanted to learn more about him.

"Had," he said, his voice breaking. He cleared his throat and opened his door, slamming it shut behind him.

I stayed still for a moment, feeling stupid for prying, thinking it better to leave him alone. I ended up going out after him as rain drops began to fall from the sky, one hitting me on the bridge of my nose. He sat in the middle of the road, cross legged, and stared up at the dark clouds blocking the sky. Little illumination was provided by some lights still on at the airport, but they seemed to dim as more rain fell to the ground.

Sitting down next to August, I stayed silent, unsure about what to say.

"It's my fault for mentioning her. Of course you'd be curious," he spoke, his words almost swallowed by the howl of the wind.

"If I lost my brother, I'd be upset, too."

He clenched his fists. "What if you could've helped him? What if you were the only one that looked after him, and then you let him down?"

I didn't know what to say.

"She died on this day last year, and I didn't stop it."

"You can't blame yourself," I whispered, knowing full well I blamed myself for something he would say I shouldn't.

"Yeah, I can. I-" he seemed to choke on the words that wanted to come out. "Only Kalila and her parents know."

"Your parents?"

"Fuck them."

I couldn't imagine losing Nel, but also losing a relationship with Dad. Here I was, hating myself and thinking my problems should take the lead when August was suffering too.

"I'm sorry for making everything about me."

He waved a hand. "I'm helped you because you remind me of myself. Because you can still be helped. Because abusers should be put in their place."

The rain came down a lot harder, and I subconsciously shifted closer to August as the water soaked through my cotton pajamas. Neither of us moved.

He had opened up to me, so I felt like he should know something about why I was in the situation that I was in. But just a taste, because I knew I couldn't force out all the bitter words. Not yet. "I feel responsible for the death of someone, too. I mean, I am responsible. I mean-" A sob tore through me. I wouldn't cry. I couldn't cry. Only, as I looked at August, it looked like he had been crying, too. Or maybe it was just the rain.

"Who?" I heard him ask, and then a curse. "Wow, that was very insensitive of me. I'm sorry."

"His name was Damien," I whispered, speaking his name out loud after so long. It felt wrong, but it also felt liberating.

He didn't press me further, and we sat in the rain until morning dawned on us.

———
Yayyy I finally updated! I hope a longer chapter makes up for the wait!
Thoughts??? Who do you think Damien is?
School and finals are currently killing me, but I really hope to start updating my books more frequently. No promises though.

-Sarah