post-canon, robin is dead

finney didn't hesitate to get back into the bustling hallways of his school. just a day after he had escaped, he returned to the classrooms. he knew how people would look at him, considering that he had murdered a murderer. he knew that no one would see him as the same timid kid from before. the only problem was that, despite having killed someone, he was nowhere near confident enough to defend himself against his aggressors at school. he had only felt fired up at the time because of robin being with him. sure, he wasn't there in person, but he sure did exist. finney felt robin's presence beside him through the entire fight with the grabber. after their call, he knew he could get through it. now it felt different when someone threatened him. he wasn't as fearless as he was in the basement where he had rotted. he felt helpless, powerless. he knew exactly why but didn't want to accept it; he didn't have robin anymore. finney looked up to his best friend so much, he felt safe whenever he was near. he was always impressed by robin's intimidation factor, and how he could switch from terrifying to caring within a second.

robin felt similarly about finney, only opposite. he had admired finney's sensitivity, finney didn't have to punch his way through life's twists and turns. he always wanted to protect finney from the bastards that threatened him. robin was very protective when it came to finney.

finney sat in his usual seat, a bit shaky as he descended. he had become slightly malnourished in the time he was gone. he cast a glance at donna, who stared at him with a smile across her lips. he offered a friendly smile in return, to which she decided to speak up.

"hey finney, how are you feeling?" she asked. finney paused a moment, surprised that she was even talking to him.

"oh, well, better, i guess." he replied plainly, looking back to his desk. he was surprised by his own reply too. he thought he would've been ecstatic about this moment, seeing as he had a crush on her before the incident. something about being alone with his own thoughts for a week must have shuffled his mind around.

"that's nice. if you're not busy after school, do you want to come over to my house to study? i can help you with the stuff you missed and—" donna began, but was interrupted by finney.

"no thanks. sorry, i'm just really..." he paused, trying to think of an excuse. he didn't understand why he didn't want to hang out with her. they would be alone, able to be close, so many romantic scenarios could play out here, and yet his chest felt compressed at the thoughts of being with her. "i'm exhausted after, well, you know..." he trailed off. he noticed a slight frown on her face when he tried to sneak a look. his chest tightened at her tone when she spoke.

"oh...right, i mean, i understand." she sounded disappointed, and yet finney wasn't disappointed at all about the outcome of her question. he definitely felt bad for making her sad, but he had too much on his mind to worry about going on a date with her. meanwhile, his thoughts always spiraled to one thing, one person, robin. he couldn't go five minutes without thinking about him and being brought to tears. it was just starting to set in that his best friend was truly gone. he would never see robin again, never hear his voice or see his eyes stare deeply into his own as if he were trying to read every bit of his soul. he would never again feel that same comfort that he had always felt around robin.

by the time the bell rang, finney had calmed his thoughts for the meantime. he knew it wouldn't last forever this way, so he rushed off to his next class to avoid confrontation from anyone. normally, he enjoys the company of donna being in almost all his classes, but something felt wrong about it. he didn't like how she kept asking him questions.

"do you want to talk about it?"

"is it about last week?"

"are you sure you don't want to hang out?"

it was agitating to say the least. he did appreciate her concern, of course, but he had already said he was busy. by class four with her sitting beside him, he decided enough was enough.

"is there something i can do?" she hummed, to which finney tried to be as polite as possible in his response.

"seriously, i'll be alright. thank you..." he trailed off, propping his head on his hand with his elbow pressing into the wooden desktop. he tried to not look at her this way, where she couldn't see the growing annoyance on his face either. after class, finney fled to the nearest bathroom. he desperately needed a break from everything, from donna. he hid in the furthest stall from the door, holding his knees to his chest. he sighed into his arms, closing his eyes for a moment. that was when it hit him, maybe he didn't have a crush on donna like he thought he did. he pondered on the thought for a moment, surprised that his mind would conjure an idea like that. the more he thought about it, however, the more likely it started to feel like. he liked her, but not in the way people like their crushes. he didn't like her nearly the same way that he liked robin. he tried to picture the two side by side, and despite having seen her all day, he couldn't imagine how she looked nearly as well at robin. he saw every detail of robin, the green bandana with its specific design on it, his complete outfit, his dark, slicked back, shoulder-length hair, even a scar on his knee that he had gotten from scraping it on a wired fence he was hopping. the fact that he knew all those details about robin was embarrassing to say the least, but at the same time it helped answer a question finney asked himself all day.

"do i really like donna?" he wondered. at this point he realized that he definitely didn't, at least not in a romantic way. he looked around the stall he was hiding in, the tiles on the floor and shitty ceiling. this was the bathroom that him and robin usually met up at. the meetups were never planned, finney just hid here regularly from bullies, and robin picked up on it. again, finney felt tears prickle at his eyes, knowing now that robin would never come to his rescue from the bullies ever again.