"Get naked.”

“No, Ma. I’m on my period.”

“GET NAKED!”

I felt helpless and worthless. The way she talked to me reminded one of a homeless dog.

“Mama! No! I don’t want you touching me anymore. I can’t stand it. It grosses me out. I want a normal life. Can’t you understand that? Is that too much to ask? There’s a bulletin in school that says if anyone is touching me inappropriately to call the police. Maybe I should.”

“Don’t test me, bitch!”

“My teacher said I am a Queen. I’m not a bitch!”

“You’re the Queen’s feces. You know what they do with feces? They flush it, whore.”

Mama, don’t you love me? “Why do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you. No. I hate myself.”

I believe you do.  “Mama, why? I’m your daughter…”

“I should have had an abortion.”

Hearing those words hurt me beyond reason. “Why do you hurt me?”

Tears fell down my eyes. I really wanted an understanding. Why a grown woman would molest her own child. There has to be a sick bitch living in her pussy somewhere, controlling her needs through what she thought she wanted and desired.

Mama tilted her head.

“Your tears don’t move me, Chile. Do you think the white man care about a black bitch’s tears?They used to rape our women back in the slave days. Hell your great grandfather is a white man who used to own a plantation.”

“Who cares, Mama? Don’t tell me now!”

Her eyes were glowing coals. “LISTEN!”

“No. For years I wanted to know my grandparents and you made up stories about them. Now you want to tell me?”

“Shut up, bitch! My Mama bared nine of the white man’s babies. She was raped every time. She didn’t have a chance. Mama sold me to the white man, but after a few weeks they gave me back to her. She didn’t wanna loose her six penance or her efficiency on the white man’s property. My aunt, my Mom’s sister, was forced to eat my Mama’s pussy in front of white plantation owners for entertainment.”

I had to lean on the counter. The room was spinning at the revelation.

“…She then had to suck them all off and swallow their seeds. ‘Die in the belly of the whore!’ they said together, playing their music and drinking their wine. When my aunt became pregnant, the white man cut her baby from her womb and hung her from a fucking tree. Where were your tears then, bitch? How do you think I feel knowing my father used to whip slaves, sell them as property and rape my mother for his own sick
pleasures?”

Oh, God! This is the first she’s spoken of this. It helps me understand her and what she is doing to me a little better.

Mama went on, wiping water from her eyes. She refused to cry. She had up reinforced steel walls.

“I pay bills. Your job is to cook my food. Clean my house. Go to school and make good grades. Eat my pussy and make me come. And give me your
body when I see fit. God put you here to be my sex slave, bitch!”

I decided to stand up to her. Enough was enough. She can’t make me suffer for another man’s
mistakes!

“Show me in the Bible where it says it’s all right for a mother to abuse her child.”

“Sure!” She hopped up to her feet, opened the kitchen drawer and pulled out a huge Bible. Taking a black Sharpie, she opened the good book and wrote FATE IS MY WHORE! SHE WAS PUT HERE AS MY SLAVE!