Mrs. Martinez asked one thing that baffled me. Even Red had to hold her breath.

"When are you going to realize that the abuse you suffered wasn't your fault?"

I had looked at her. I released Red's hand.

"Mama said it was my fault." I felt like a little girl
trapped in a cage.

"Fate. The day your mother abused you was the
day you mentally stopped maturing. You are now an adult woman, yet you have the mind of a child."

"Bullshit, Mrs. Martinez! I'm grown!" I snapped,
flipping a small table over. I sulked.

Mrs. Martinez challenged me. "You're seven years old. You are the little girl who had a mother who let men come into the room and deflower you over and over and over while compensating your mother. Your mother allowed these men to do the same things to her. Your father secretly authorized it. He was a pimp. You thought he was at work earning honest money yet he was accepting cash and favors in exchange for your security being broken in two and handed to you
through sex, lies and orgasms too powerful for your body to handle at the time. Your mother was a part of a vicious cycle. Your great grandmother abused your mother!"

"SHUT UP!" I was starting to crack open. I stood
up and rubbed my arms. Mrs. Martinez was on a roll. "Your mother had to pay the price for those white slave owners using her for entertainment. You told me your mother once told you white men watched your grandma and other women eat each other.

They suffered psychologically because of it. They never recovered."

Shut up, bitch! What do you know! Red reached up and squeezed my leg. Mrs. Martinez flipped her glasses into her reddish hair.

"...Perpetrators always say it's the victim's fault. They shouldn't have looked at me. They shouldn't have worn those get up shorts. They shouldn't have kissed my cheek. They asked for it! I'm sorry! An eight year old girl asking an adult to have sex is absurd."

Red nodded in agreement. She remained quiet and didn't say anything. Making silent assumptions, Mrs. Martinez sipped her Evian water.

"Even if the child does ask for sex the adult has to be an adult and say 'No' and seek help for the child. Therapy, in some cases. Because the child is reenacting what they saw their parents or other adults doing and they become curious. They were probably exposed to adults having sex in porn movies and they want to know. Kids are very impressionable.

"ou were a child. Your mother's flesh and blood daughter. She wanted control. She thought she could get away with it. You were a lab rat. Her abuse was a needle. Stick you and see what you do. Poke you and see what you say! She had distorted thinking. When are you going to forgive yourself for what happened?"