Running.

I was finally running again.

This morning Levi burst into my room and told me that we were going for a run. What I didn't know was if I was going to be running from him, or his giant ass wolf.

I couldn't help but love it. I hadn't felt this exhilarated in ages and the adrenaline that coursed through me, feeding the beast that licked its lips in anticipation of the feast, was so addictive.

My arms were pumping and my legs were carrying me a world away from here, through the trees. This morning when I woke up I still had a few scratches, but my leg felt more than fine. It felt great, as right as rain; only a fading pink scar was left as a reminder of that night.

The trees were almost alive today with electricity; wind with hints of winter blowing swiftly through them, rustling the branches that were starting to sprout new buds. They were tall, standing proudly amongst the forest floor that was still covered with their leaves; new grass was starting to grow in, peaking through the floor a sign of new life.

I kept going. Letting my instincts drive my direction. Levi said before that I wouldn't be able to make it off his land in one day, so I wasn't worried about getting too lost.

I slowed down a bit and let my body have a bit of a break. My breath was labored, but it was a labor that was welcome. It was a burn that something inside me was relishing; a feeling I had been denied for so long.

The forest was quiet this morning. I hadn't been really given time before, to explore. To admire the beauty around me. My lungs took a deep breath of the fresh crisp air, the air that was free of him; my husband, Marcus.

I was free of him and so many other chains that the potential of dying because of some awful bite seemed minimal in comparison.

I heard a crunch. It was far away yet my ears still picked it up.

How?

Didn't matter. My break was over and it was time to run again.

I chuckled to myself. This game of cat and mouse was one that I would happily play all day. Whatever this thing was, this beast, inside of me, well it liked this game. It urged me to continue on. To zig-zag through the trees and leave false trails as I went. I was almost giddy when I thought of Levi's confusion, and so was this beast.

I slowed down to a jog. I didn't hear anything that seemed threatening and there didn't seem to be any reason for me to be worried, so I started walking.

I picked up a leaf and toyed with the ends, letting the brown flakes crumble in my fingers.

Another crunch.

He was onto me. Teasing me. Whatever this thing was, this thing in my head, it wanted me to tease him as well.

I picked up a steady pace, weaving through trees and making my way around in a big circle a few times before heading back towards the house. My body surprised me. After all these years of abuse, of dwindling down to a shell of the person I used to be, my body seemed to bounce back quicker than I could have ever imagined. Maybe it was the beast. Maybe it was my resolve. Either way, it was fantastic to feel so strong again.

Crunching started to sound behind me, but I did not relent. I ran and ran with burning lungs until I made it to a clearing; small with a  creek running through it.

I stopped and scooped up some water to drink. It probably wasn't safe, I had read that online somewhere, probably Wikipedia; but Derek said my immune system would be getting stronger, more resistant to diseases that plagued humans, so I took my chances.

I wiped my mouth and stood back up quickly, surveying the area for Levi. I couldn't see him, but I knew he would be close or watching me. Stalking me like the predator his wolf was.

It hit me like a freight train. The weight of him. I was thrown into the grass, skidding until my body collided with a tree. I groaned and pulled myself upright amongst the sound of low growling.

Levi.

He was stalking towards me on his four paws, fangs bared, and wild hungry eyes.

"Levi?" I asked cautiously.

He licked his lips then snapped at me warningly. His eyes were wild. Predatorial. More wolf than human.

"Levi?" I asked again only to be greeted with a louder growl.

My heart was beating frantically. Was this his plan the whole time? To toy me along so then he could just eat me?

He took another step, another step towards his shaking meal. I started to scoot backward and look around for an exit. I had to run. I had to go.

Levi snapped again and that was all the incentive that I needed to scramble to my feet and make a mad dash away. It was in my frantic running that I realized it. What he was doing.

I never had lost him. He always knew where I was, he just allowed me to think I had an inkling of freedom; enough so I would eventually let down my guard and make myself vulnerable to him.

Anger started to bubble in me and something else wanted me to turn around and face that creature. But I knew better. I was a fool to think I could overcome a wolf the size of Levi.

Another growl tore through the forest. I tried to not be afraid, but I couldn't help but to let fear start to course through my veins.

Fear.

It powered my steps, my strides, and my frantic breath that burned in back of my throat with each breath I took. The leaves were crunching under my feet, but not as loud as they were crunching under his paws.

Something told me to hang a sharp right, so I did. Lucky for me that instinct was right and Levi missed me by a few feet. I kept going. Running through trees and tearing through bushes; desperately trying to evade the sense of dread that was eating away at me.

Another growl vibrated through the forest. I pushed harder and tried to not let a whimper escape my lips.

He was toying with me, teasing me, wearing me out.

I couldn't die.

Not now, not after everything.

Falling.

I was falling down a small hill after Levi crashed into me. Tumbling hard and fast down the stiff ground; leaves caught in my pony tail as limbs and rocks scratched my skin while I continued to tumble down.

I finally stop and winced a bit. My bad leg ached and reminded me that it still isn't fully healed. I slowly pushed myself up and looked around.

Silence.

He's here, though. I know he's here.

I feel like I used to feel whenever I would hide from Marcus. One night he came home drunk in the fall from eating wings with his friends and watching the Seahawks game. He always came home drunk. At first, when we were first married, it was only occasional. He would apologize and I would believe him. Then it would become more frequent, more often, and soon there were no apologies to be heard.

I heard him come into the house, loud footsteps stumbling through the darkness. He called to me but I was already running quietly up the stairs. I hid in the bathroom this time, locking the door and climbing into the tub, hoping to God that he would just pass out before he could find me.

But he did.

He tore open the bathroom door, mad as hell, and drug me out of there like I was a rag doll. I still have a scar on my ribcage from where he used a broken beer bottle to 'punish' me.

I let out a labored breath. Afraid to step because I knew that he would be waiting for me, licking his lips and anticipating my next move.

"Scared yet girly?"

His voice sent a cold chill down my spine. I tried to suppress a shudder. I couldn't show fear. Animals fed off that right? Isn't that what the Discovery Channel is always going on about?

"You're quite the runner Charlie girl, bet you've been running away from all your pretty little problems your whole life."

That struck a chord. I wasn't a runner, or was I?

I ran so much in my life that I almost forgot what it was like to sit still.

I ran when my parents died to a college and a group of friends that did more harm than good. I ran into the arms of a man who beat me until I didn't know my own name. I even ran from him. I ran from him before he killed me and part of me hates myself for that. Part of me hates the cowardice that's laced in that notion. Running.

"Can't handle your own shit, so you run from it," Levi's voice was cold as it sliced through the morning air.

I low rumbled formed in my chest. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about!"

"Don't I? What the hell were you doing in your truck, alone, that night?"

I stiffened as my fist clenched so hard that I thought I was going to crush my own fingers. "That's none of your business."

"I pulled three rogue wolves off your tiny ass, I think I am pretty entitled to an answer," he barked back.

"Rogues?"

"They would have tore you to shreds in seconds if it weren't for Derek and I."

I let out a labored breath and walked towards a clearing only to be met by a warning growl. Something scratched at me, at the back of my mind, begging to be let loose from its prison.

"So, what were you running from girl?" His cool and calculating voice came from my far right. I snapped my head in that direction, eyes wild and on alert for him, but there was no trace of him.

I swallowed down my fear and took another step, meeting another warning growl. "Was it whoever did a number to your face? Haven't seen a woman beat up that much in a while."

I felt another rumble vibrate in my chest as little tears pooled in my eyes. Tears from reality starting to slowly crash into me like a slow moving hurricane. My life was really a pile of shit. A pile of shit that amounted pretty much nothing. I dug that hole. I made that bed. Now, I was probably going to die because of it.

"Must have been easy with you. Not like you put up much of a fight anyways."

A growl tore through my lips that surprised even me. The thing in the back of my brain did not like us spoken to that way. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

I walked forward, another growl came from my left, but I knew that he wouldn't be there when I looked. I tried to rely on this 'instincts' that apparently I was supposed to have, but they were not quick enough to spot Levi yet again.

Dogs are good at tracking things right?

"Don't I? Practically let a pile of wood beat ya to tears yesterday."

I turned to my right only to see leaves settle from where movement had been. He had been there, I was sure of it. "No you don't, you don't know a damn thing about me."

"Oh, I think I have a good handle on you girl. I know your type. Raised in a pretty home with pretty parents who don't pay enough 'attention' to you. So you find yourself a man that will. He probably made a lot of money, didn't he? Spoiled you rotten. Probably wasn't until he laid a hand on you that you realized how utterly stupid your tiny ass was."

I kept walking. Fingers of anger pushing me gently in the direction of him. I was shaking. Fear turning to anger, anger that begged to be let out. "And what about you? What's your story? Living with a vampire in the middle of nowhere, aren't you guys supposed to hate each other?"

Another growl, angry, loud, blood curdling seemed to slice through my core and awaken something in me. The thing in the back of my mind that scratched harder, and harder, and harder to be let free. I had to squeeze my eyes and push it back, push the power back that was intoxicatingly overwhelming.

"You're not a rogue, per your own definition, so what is a cranky old man like you doing out here?"

Wrong move. I was on my ass before I could take another step.

Levi had tackled me down, but something in me told me to fight while something else told me to run. A war. A war of instincts that left me temporarily frozen for a second too long.

He moved to pin me down but I kicked him hard in the gut, surprising him, so I could worm my way out of his grasp. He rolled over quickly while I scrambled to my feet then he looked over at me with blazing golden eyes and fangs dripping with the need for blood.

"So that's how you want to play Charlie girl?" His voice was a challenge, bait, that I easily bit into.

I didn't even know what compelled me to do it. I lunged. I lunged at him and barely knocked him backward. He easily caught my form and pinned me back down to the ground.

"Girl I could beat your tiny ass anyway all day. Know better than to pick a fight me with, you won't win," Levi's said with a wicked grin. "You better start running girl, your pretty good at that."

I lunged again, this time, I felt something within me power the jump. I crashed into him like a linebacker, knocking both of us to the ground. He looked up at me in shock and before he could respond the back of my hand had slapped him hard across the face and left an expression of shock and lividity behind it.

I immediately knew I had made a mistake.

Standing he grabbed me throwing me into the nearest tree. I groaned as I hit the ground; the wind was knocked out of me and my mouth tasted of blood from where I bit my lip upon my fall.

I pushed myself up again. Groaning as my body ached from the collision. I couldn't stop. I couldn't give up. I had to prove that I wouldn't run, not only to Levi but to myself.

I stalked towards him again, letting the monster in my head lick its lips in anticipation. Levi snarled at me. Baring his fangs, showing me that this was not a cute game. His eyes were wild. Like a white fire burning with the fury of a summer storm.

"Do you see me running now old man?" I bit out.

This time, he lunged at me. He lunged and I felt my feet carry me towards the fight, towards the thing that could maul me to shreds. I didn't have time to allow shock from my own actions overcome me, I had to focus on ensuring that Levi didn't eat me as a snack.

He knocked me down, but my body was ready for the collision. I knee'd him in the gut while my face met the back of his elbow.

I yelped as blood trickled out of my mouth, but I did not stop.

I felt like a demon unleashed.

Clawing, and kicking, and hitting. It was animalistic. Purely animalistic.

But Levi didn't falter. No. If anything he made it seem like I was but a little kitten fighting him, which only fueled my rage more.

I rolled off of him and scrambled back to my feet before marching back towards him. I swung and missed. I swung again and he easily leaned out of the way from my fist.

I growled and lunged again but was only thrown back to the ground by his large hands. "Christ girl, it's no wonder that man of yours had the upper hand."

It felt like a stab to my core. I hated that. I hated knowing that Marcus was stronger than me, that he was always stronger than me.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about. You have no right!"

He chuckled lowly and shook his head at me. "Whatever you say little runner girl."

I blinked back a tear. I couldn't show him my tears. I couldn't let him know how much I was breaking inside. How I hated myself. Hated myself for being a pathetic excuse of a woman these last years. For being practically as good as a doormat while I took his beatings then let him use my body as he pleased.

I don't know what came over me, but suddenly I found myself pulling my gray tank top, dripping in sweat, over my head. The scars were evident. Even with all this new healing power crap, you could still see them.

"You see this?" I pointed to a long scar that ran along the lower left end of my belly. "The one I ran from did that. He came home one night, pissed about nothing, he was always pissed about nothing. He pushed me into our glass coffee table then became furious that 'I broke it.' He used to glass to punish me. Remind me forever about how 'pathetically clumsy' I am."

I took another step towards Levi. He was still brewing, but this time, curiosity was mixed in with his anger. "You see this?" I pointed to the space under my armpit, soft flesh with nasty circles, burns. "He pinned me down in our bathroom and put his cigarette out on me."

I took another step. This time, I slipped off the yoga pants I'd been wearing, leaving me in my plain black bikini panties. I didn't care that I was half naked. My anger provided a safe blanket for my embarrassment.

"You see this?" I turned and showed him little lines on the back of my legs. The were thin, only around an inch long if that. They ran from the crease between my buttocks and leg and down a few inches in perfect symmetrical rows. "This was his tally. His gave me a line each time I 'disobeyed.' His own way of keeping track of my 'insolence.'"

I sucked back more tears and stalked towards Levi who clenched his jaw and let out a long breath. "If you want me to feel sorry for ya girl, then believe me, I won't."

"I don't want your sympathy," I hissed out. "But next time you want to call me weak, remember that I too have had my fair share of beatings. I may run from them, but at least I don't deny them."

I turned on my heel, snatched my clothes, and stormed off. Levi was calling my name, but I ignored him. I needed to get away from that piece of shit for a while.

I don't know if he was really trying to help me, or if he was just trying to chase me away. Maybe it was the latter of those two. Maybe it was both.

Derek didn't say anything to me when I walked back in the house, and I was grateful. I didn't even go to my room, just straight to the bathroom.

I turned on the faucet, letting the bath fill with hot water. The sounds of the falling water echoing around the room, drowning out my tears as I slid down the wall and buried my face in my hands.

What the hell have I gotten myself into?!

I felt myself breaking from the inside out. Whatever this thing was that was inside my brain, this beast, it had decided to be quiet. Retreat back and let me have my own space.

I needed my space.

I stripped my dirty clothing off and tried not to look into the mirror. I hated looking at myself; looking at what he had done to me. What I had let him do to me for so many years. The bruises may be gone, but I would wear these scars probably forever as a painful reminder, never being able to rid myself of him.

The water was warm and stung a bit when it met the cuts along my body. I hissed in a sharp breath then tried to settle. I thought that I could soak it away. Forget. But it seemed like the tears only came with each moment that passed.

I hated the tears. I was so tired of them. So tired of letting these feelings, of him, still having the power to do this to me.

There was a soft knock on the door but I ignored it. Another soft knock came but I ignore that too. Then the door handle twisted a bit, jiggled and turned.

I stood quickly and pulled the curtain back, I wasn't ready to leave the tub, but I wasn't ready to talk about what happened either.

Voices were arguing outside the door. I could make out Derek. He was scolding Levi for being 'an utter asshole.' Levi just growled and bit back, but soon his words softened as their conversation turned into bare whispers.

The door opened and footsteps slowly made their way to the tub. I heard someone settle next to the tub; not trying to pull back the curtain, but not trying to leave either.

I scooted back into the corner and sunk into myself as silence overcame the moment. Silence that made it impossible to hide the tears that still wanted to fall.

"Derek says I push too hard. I guess he's right. Sometimes I do." He sighed again from behind the curtain. "I know it hurts girl. I know. But it's good for you. You did good back there. I didn't expect you to put up as much of a fight as you did."

"Thank you," I whispered out through the tears. I didn't know if this was his form of an apology or not, but it was probably as close as I would get, at least for now.

"You felt that didn't you. Those instincts being fed by your emotions? It's almost like a drug. You gotta learn to control them, to control it, or it will eat you alive. There are plenty of wolves who will get under your skin the first chance they get, and you can't let them."

I let out another shaky breath and nodded my head. I hated that he was right but knew that I couldn't deny it. "How do I do that?"

"We keep working on it. Being stronger, getting stronger girl, it's not just physically. You gotta strengthen your mind too."

I shook my head. I had been manipulated and used so many times over the years that I wasn't sure if my mind was even capable of that.

"I'm sorry about your husband. What he did to you is shameful, more than that. You're a lot stronger than you look girl."

"Thank you," I whispered out again amongst tiny tears.

"There's no shame in what you did, running from him."

"Doesn't feel that way," I mumbled out.

He sighed again and shifted on the floor. "Don't. There are plenty of people in this world who will pick a fight that's not worth it, that they can't win, that will cost them their lives. There's no shame in doing the smart thing."

"So is that what you did too?" my small voice asked over trapped silence.

"How about this," Levi started while popping open a can, "I ask you a question and you have to answer honestly and you get to do the same."

"Fine."

He took a sip then set the can down on the tile floor with a clink. "To answer your question, it's yes and no. There were some things I needed to be on my own to figure out and others that I needed to be away from for a while."

Vague. I shook my head and wiped away the last bits of tears. I didn't know if I was ever going to get a real answer out of him, but I knew I wasn't going to get any more. The vagueness had to be enough for now.

"How long were you married?"

"Almost three years. We got married our senior year of college." The answer was simple yet the answer in itself tugged at the pain in my heart.

"Why does Derek live with you?"

He chuckled then took another sip from his can. "Because according to him, I can't take care of my own sorry ass. That and he owes me a debt and feels like this is a way to start paying it back."

"Parents?"

"Dead." I bit my lip and tried not to let more tears fall. "My mother died of Leukemia and my father drove his truck into an icy lake in the middle of winter."

"I'm sorry," he answered softly.

"So what did you do for Derek then?"

I heard him lean against the wall and roll the ends of his can in a circle on the floor. "I saved his ass. Well, saved his and his mate's ass."

"Mates?"

He chuckled and stopped the can, "Not your turn to ask a question Charlie girl."

I huffed and sunk deeper into the water. I had almost forgotten that I was completely naked, but the exhaust in my body overcame that. I was too tired to really care.

"Why did you decide to leave?"

I felt a small smile of pride start to tug at my lips. It was one of the few things that I had done right in my life. "I had enough. I realized that I was so far from the person I used to be or wanted to be. I had enough and I hated him. I knew if I stayed any longer that I would never live to see twenty-five. Each time it was worse with him."

"Should have killed that bastard on your way out," Levi added.

"If I could, I would," I agreed.

"That water's probably getting cold. Better get on out so Derek can fix you some dinner."

Levi stood and started to slowly walk out of the room. I let out a breath and stood quickly as well, peeking my head around the curtain. "Levi?"

He turned back, hand catching on the door as he hovered the doorway and looked at me curiously.

"Thank you," I said gently with a tiny smile. He nodded to me then closed the door so I could dress and dry off my tired limbs.

Derek fed us leftover spaghetti, which I was more than happy to gobble up. I was convinced that it was one hundred times better the second day, to which Derek and Levi both agreed. It had to be a rule of food. Most things were better on the second day.

The conversation at dinner was kept to a minimal, it was like both of them knew that I wanted to be left to my thoughts. My thoughts swam around in tortuous circles, mixed with new thoughts coming from the thing that was scratching at the back of my brain.

The rage and icy fury was warring with the sadness and anger that I had towards myself. I was so mad, so mad at myself for being so weak, so pathetic for so long; and for letting Levi get under my skin so easily, using the wounds I already had against me.

Yet I also felt a deep sadness within me. A sadness for the life I never had, for the loss of my parents, and for the pain that had been inflicted on me. I hadn't really ever mourned. Not really.

I suppose that there was never a bad time to start. I suppose you had to start.

So I laid my head down on my pillow in the serene darkness and let myself cry. Cry without repercussion or shame.

Tomorrow would be a new day. But first, I had to cry.