🍀🍀🍀

Norman

Binilisan ko ang trabaho sa Isla dahil gusto kong makasama si Stella nang maaga. I have been holding the engagement ring today in my pocket. Naghahanap ako ng tamang tyempo para maibigay sa kanya ito.

Nang makauwi ako ay wala na siya sa mansyon. Inihatid niya si Rigo kay Mama. 

I called the driver, and they were in the Mall nearby. So, instead of waiting for Stella, I decided to go where she was.

I was holding a bouquet of flowers and I am so excited. Halos lahat ng mga mata ng mga babae ay nakatingin sa akin ngayon at hindi ko maalis ang ngiti ko sa labi. I am so confident now and I wanted to propose to her right here in very this moment.

 When I saw the driver, I know that Stella is just somewhere here closer. Sinabi ko kasi sa kanila na bantayan siya nang maigi talaga. But my smile faded when I saw Stella talking to Timothy.

She has the most beautiful smile, and my heart ripped inside me when Timothy hugged her. My ego hit me fucking hard.

Dammit. I felt like I wanted to punch the bastard. How dare he hug my Stella, and what the hell she let him hug her like that? 

My heart beats erratically, and my blood is boiling. I feel like, at any moment, I will lose my temper and probably punch Timothy's face. My hand fisted and I was about to step, to confront them, but I paused myself. 

I don't want to cause a scene here. For fuck sake, I am no longer a teenager, but I acted like one. I wanted to go to her, but I couldn't move my feet. I want to clear my mind, but my anger covers everything, and my mind is clouded with nothing. 

 So, instead of throwing my temper out, I choose to walk away again.

I waited, but then again, I was the first to hop on board. I shut my eyes the moment I sat down. I'm trying to control my emotions, but the image of Stella and Timothy never left my mind. 

I admit it I am so damn nasty when I get jealous that I want to kill the other person. I should have known better, but my stupidness made me weak, and I ended up hating myself. I shut my eyes, trying to ease the tension in my system. 

Then after an hour Conrad and Candy arrived. Nakikita ko lang sila sa gilid ng mga mata ko. Conrad patted my shoulder and I nod a bit. Wala ako sa mood at baliw na ang isip ko.

After ten minutes, one of the Japanese stock holder contacted me. Hindi raw nila natangap ang signatory fax ko. I just took a deep breath. Ang alam ko kasi natapos na ito ni Stella noong nakaraang linggo pa.

Napasandal ulit ako at pinikit na ang mga mata ko. I heaved countless sighs while thinking of her. The image of Stella and Timothy hugging each other keeps bogging me.

Dammit! I swore silently until I smelled her scent when she entered the plane. I open my eyes, and there she is, right here in front of me. I am staring at her back quietly. Then I remember the fax signatory.

Tinawag ko siya at pilit na tinatago ang selos at inis ko. Pero hindi ako magaling dito. Kaya nahalata niya agad ang pagbabago ng ugali ko. 

When she stepped down outside, I followed her. Pakiramdam ko mas lalong lala ito kung hindi ko itatama ang mali ko. I know it's my fault again.

"I'm sorry. My jealousy hits me, and I. . ."

"Ano?" galit na titig niya.

She cuts me off, and my heart sinks deeper inside me. I felt the heavens were punishing me now. 

Dammit.  I messed everything up! 

I bit my lower lip. I'm fucking scared, and I'm losing my mind. I'll punish myself if she will never forgive me for this.

"Nagseselos ka? Kanino? Ang baliw mo Norman! Nakakainis ka!"

She pushed me and strode away from me. I swore a few times in my mind and face down. I stood and watched her walk away from me. I can't even move my feet forward. My body shifted, and I lifted my head, retooking a deep breath.

Yeah, effing idiot, Norman. Now my angels are punishing me because I was so stupid.

.

Sa buong biyahe ay panay ang titig ko sa kanya. Pero hindi niya nakuhang tumitig man lang sa akin hanggang sa nakarating na kami ng Maynila. 

Nang makababa sa eroplano ay hinawakan ko agad ang kamay niya, at napako ang tingin niya dito.

"Let go, Norman," banta ng boses niya.

But I did not listen to her and just held her hand tightly. I stared at her, asking if we could talk briefly, but she looked away and didn't want to make eye contact with me.

Matigas si Stella at ito ang kinatatakutan ko. Alam kong kaya niya na hindi kausapin ako. Pero hindi ko kaya, dahil nababaliw na ang puso't damdamin ko ngayon.

"Let go, Norman!" Sabay bawi nang kamay niya at nauna na siyang naglakad at iniwan na ako.

Patakbo kong kinuha nang mabilis ang sasakyan ko. I know she's still around the area and I was right. She's waiting at the corner for a taxi. Inihinto ko ang sasakyan sa harap niya at bumaba agad ako.

"Stella, please..." Bukas ko ng pinto. Pero hindi siya nakinig at galit na tinitigan ako. 

God, I'm gonna lose my mind soon!

We stare for a moment, and she's furious with me again. 

Galit siya. Galit ang mga mata niya. My jaw tightened, and I could not control my heartbeat. She slammed the car door shut and turned around.

"Umalis na ka na, Norman." 

Namaywang na ako at bumuntong-hininga na. Makailang ulit na ba sa araw na 'to ang pag-ayaw niya? Hindi ko na 'ata mabilang, hanggang sa hinayan ko na muna siya at tinitigan lang ito.

**** 

(a little throwback)

"He never left Rigo, Norman! Hindi niya kailanman inabandona si Rigo. He was born premature, idiot!" Sapak ni Valerie sa ulo.

Nanigas ang katawan ko nang marinig ito mula sa kanya. S

Valerie is stubborn, spoiled brat and unstoppable. Lahat nang katapangan at kabaliwan sa isang babae ay nasa kanya na. Lahat na 'ata nakay Valerie na, pero kahit papaano ay may ginintuang puso naman ang babaeng ito. 

Like Mama, she's got a heart of gold, too. Malapit sa mga bata at madaling maluko ng mga lalaki. She seemed bitchy and snob, but the heck, she's a crazy duckling.

I nearly chocked myself while drinking my beer. Pagkatapos kasi ng pagtatalo namin ni Stella ay umalis ako at dalawang araw nang hindi bumalik sa Isla.

"Rigo was in ICU for nearly two months." Umupo si Valerie at tumabi na sa akin.

"Nahirapan siya. Wala siyang pera at hindi pa alam ng Mama niya na buntis siya. Kasi binuntis mo! Gago!" Pinandilatan niya agad ako at hindi na ako makapagsalita. Kinuha na niya ang beer sa kamay ko at ininom ito.

"Lahat na 'ata ng trabaho pinasok niya. Maliban nga lang sa pagiging GRO. She needs to pay for everything, at sa pagkaalaman ko ay may utang pa siya sa hospital noon. Mabuti na lang at si Sister Anna ang nagsilbing guarantor niya kaya nakalabas sila sa hospital ni Rigo. She worked part time in Tilda's sister bar as a waitress. Kaya noong gabing nangyari ang sunog ay wala si Stella, at nawala si Rigo sa kanya."

I swallowed hard when I heard it. My heart was pounding so hard, and it deafened me. Guilt is running all over my body, and it slowly eats me inside. 

Damn it! Pakiramdam ko ang sakit sa loob nito.

"Think before you speak, Norman. Hindi lahat ng naririnig mo ay tama. Ano pa bang silbe ng mga kaibigan mong agent? Hindi mo man lang nakuhang ipasuri ang pinagdaanan ni Stella."

My heart dropped rapidly under me, and I felt so guilty and ashamed for what I had done to her. It was all my fault from the very start, and I regret it. Nagsisi ako. Nagsisi ako sa lahat ng mga sinabi ko kay Stella.

*****

Inihinto ko lang ang kotse sa gilid at pinagmasdan siya mula sa right-view-mirror ng sasakyan ko. Lumapit si Candy sa kanya at nahinto ang sasakyan ni Conrad sa harap nila.

My heart is bleeding for my Stella. I admit it, I easily get jealous. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang ganito sa kanya. Iba sa lahat ng mga babaeng dumaan sa buhay ko. I cannot let her go. Not now, not tomorrow. Never. 

--❤️❤️❤️--

Always vote for support;)