I'm back!!

Lol

So...this morning I was driving to school and I started to think about all the fears and insecurities that I have.

I'm scared of:

Failing...

Falling..

Dying....

Being unsuccessful...

Not being good enough to those that matter the most to me....

But in life all of these happen at some point, but it won't be the end.

So Hello Fear!! And goodbye fear!

I will not let fear stop me from living!

Right before I die, I gotta live!

YOLO!

Bahhahahah

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?????

OK back to the story. This chapter will be about fears.

(not edited. gotta go home now, can't sit at school any longer. I'm hungry!)

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Bryce's P.O.V

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"How could you? How could you do this? To Raelynn? To Tomar? To the triplets? Your family? How could you Bryce? I thought I raised you better. So you were just going to start an Amish family somewhere with 50 wives and a village filled with children? This is what you meant when you said you were going to have tons of children?" She waved her arms frantically as she paced back and forth berating me.

All of a sudden she froze, gasped and then turned around.

"Are you a secret polygamist? Oh god! I raised a polygamist, how could I have not seen it! I demand to know where you are keeping your village of wives and children this minute Bryce Lucas Radley! All these business trips? Oh god please don't tell me they were all lies to go to your polygamy village? I need to sit!" She sat down and just stared at me in disbelief.

This whole thing is ridiculous.

I have just been here letting my mother throw accusations at me for the past four days.

Yup its been four days since I've woken up from that horrid darkness. Never before had I been so scared of the dark, until that moment when I thought I would never see my family again.

My biggest fear is losing my family and right about now, it seems my fear is going to leave me heart broken.

I try so hard to protect them, but I always just end up hurting them.

Maybe I'm really just no good for them or maybe I should just put all the truth on the table and see if the four legs are enough to keep it standing.

I doubt it.

The truth can set you free.

I know it will set me free.

I need it to set me free, this truth has been hurting my soul for too long. It's easy for everyone to judge me when no one understands what I go through.

No one understands the dark sleepless nights, cold sweat, or screams when I do sleep.

No one.

Yet, I keep it all in so they can sleep at night, so I can hurt for them, so they can be free.

It doesn't seem to be working anymore though.

It seems that I can no longer hold the hurt as its slipping through my pores, through my fingers, through my mouth, and through my eyes.

The lies.

They were all to protect everyone, including myself.

But how am I protecting myself when I'm lying here broken, not just physically but mentally and emotional.

I broke the love of my life's heart. The hurt in her eyes told me there is no hope for us. But how can that be when she won't even let me explain. She just accepted what she assumed.

But I won't accept that.

I broke Shantel physically. I swore to protect her.

I'm such a failure.

I was already scared of failing and I did. Let me just say, it's the worst possible feeling ever.

I want life to be over because of how it feels, but I know better, God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers, life will go on. I just have to pick up the pieces and make this all better.

"So you are still not going to respond to me? Huh? This is outrageous you know! I know the bible says to be fruitful and multiply but Bryce I don't think it meant like this. You and your wife are to become one! How can you become one with 50 women? Please don't tell me I'm going to see on the news another case where busses are pulling up to a ranch and loading on multiple women and children and then your name and face pops up as the father and husband of them all? I think I am going to have a heart attac-" she was breathing hard and holding her chest.

"Mother enough! Please calm down and have a seat! All your pacing is giving me a headache." I told her.

She stopped and put her hands on her hips like a mother hen.

"Oh! So now you know how to speak. If you're not locked away in that whore's hospital room, or on the phone talking to the kids you remain silent! When the hell are you going to tell us what's going on. All you said was " mom she's not my wife". She whined mimicking me.

"Another lie! But you claimed its the truth, how is it the truth when you can't tell us anything else. Your mouth has been sealed since then. I know you claim only to explain when Raelynn comes around again, but its been four days Bryce! Four! What if she decides never to see your stupid lying polygamy face again? Huh? What then? The rest of us just never learn the truth? You know what. I'm about sick of this foolishness." She had sat down but now she got back up and started to head to the door.

"You know what? I'm going to go and choke the truth out of that whore next door since you won't talk and you're my son, so I think I would get more time in prison for killing my own son, that would look too cruel, so I'll just go back to her. Too bad I failed the first time."

What???

I was up on my feet and heading to the door in a flash. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back into the room.

"Mother please behave. You have already attempted to try to kill her once and break into her room twice, I don't even want to know what you were planning to do then. But don't even try it, I have assigned security to her door. No one goes in but the doctor, nurses and I, not even Evan and his twisted mind." I told her seriously.

"Fine. Well I'll just go and dress like a nurse or a doctor. Had I known that, I wouldn't even had to try so hard last time hiding under a cart to sneak in. Brilliant idea son." She smirked.

"Mother I am warning you. This is bigger than you think and it's very serious. Shantel is very important to Tomar and I. Would you like to Explain to Tomar when shes older that you killed Shantel?" Her face fell.

I didn't want to make her feel bad, but she needed to understand the severity of her actions and this situation. I know she loves Raelynn but she doesn't know Shantel, nor does she know her story, she needs to stop being so judgmental and jumping to conclusions.

I know I haven't given her much to go off and all these assumptions and speculations are all because I haven't really told them the truth.

Truth be, I still don't know how to come out with it.

This truth has the ability to change so many lives. Not just ours, but thousands. But in the end, the one most impacted will be Shantel and my family.

"Mom you've been here all day. I am fine and I'm being discharge tomorrow if all goes well after they run these test on my head later today to make sure everything is ok before they dischargwreck Go shower and rest and relax. I promise tomorrow I will tell you everything, just give me today to get myself together."

"OK!" She nods, hugs me, takes up her purse from the chair and leaves.

I took a deep breath.

Well that was exhausting.

I was walking to the bed when the door opened again.

I turn around.

"Hey man! Mom said she's ready. You ok?" Ethan asked coming to stand in front of me.

"Yeah I'm good. Just got a lot to think about. Can you make sure I get to talk to the kids when you get back before they go off to bed and let me know how Raelynn is doing?" I asked him.

"Ok. But to be honest I don't think you deserve her but you guys are meant to be. I hope you can fix this and you two really need to talk, there are two many secrets between you two." I nod. "Your kids really miss you man, and Ryder is out of control. Even worst now that you're not around, Rae is an emotional wreck and he's hanging with Evan. Little dude peed in the flowerpot in the lobby yesterday. Mom almost had a conniption when he dropped his underwear fully and started running through the lobby waving his penis around and screaming " free willy".

We both feel out laughing.

I plan to punish him for that but first I have to admit it's funny.

Sounds like Ryder. He has no care in the world sometime. I wish I could be like him.

"That's funny! I'm surprise mom wasn't going on about that today. She was so busy trying to figure out how to kill Shantel, she must have forgot." I told him

"So when do you plan to tell us what's going on with that Shantel girl? I know you claimed she's not your wife. But you never denied her being your ex-wife or anything."

"Like I just told mom, I'll explain it all tomorrow, but for right now I just want to rest before they change this cast on my arm to put on a sturdier one and poke and probe my body."

"Alright fine. I'll call you when I get back to the hotel so you can talk to the menaces you created."

"Thanks bro!" We embrace each other in a hug, well him more so that me, since my cast was kind of in the way. As soon as he left I went to Shantel's room which was next to mine.

I sat in the chair I normally occupy since I would sit here every time I was alone.

To say I was relieved yesterday when she started to breath on her own is an understatement. I really thought I would find myself in the situation of pulling the plug.

But that wasn't the case and I'm grateful. She started to breath on her own yesterday and today it seems she was much better as they decided to remove the oxygen mask from her face.

The scratches we both received were now healing. Some still black, blue and red, while others return to normal and are starting to fade.

I took her hand in my left hand and just sat there watching her breath.

It's such a complex thing that we take lightly each day of our lives. But it's so essential to living.

I sat there for almost and hour drifting in and out of thoughts until my phone rang.

It was Evan. I groaned before answering wondering if he was just going to remind me again how much of a screw up I am.

"Hello" I answered.

"Dada!" My body relaxed and I smiled. I put the phone on speaker phone so Shantel could hear her also.

"Hey baby girl! What's daddy baby doing?" I asked.

"Dada Ry bad. Mama said bad Ry and Rush go time out. Ray play princess Dada, I eat Lolly. Unc Evvy gimme Lolly."  I laughed at her, she always telling me what everyone is doing. Such a snitch. Lol.

"Uncle Evan gave you a lollipop? Well that nice. Don't swallow it, remember?" I asked.

"Uh huh"

"OK good girl! Where's your mama?" I get the most info about Rae from my call with the kids. I'm always worried about them.

"Mama Sick. Mama go yucckkyyy in potty! I tell mama I miss her boo boo so mama no cry no more. Tomar make mama happy Dada!" I could hear how proud of herself she is right now.

"Daddy's proud of you. Kiss mama for daddy OK baby girl! Tell mama daddy loves her." I told her.

"Yay Dada love mama! Dada love Tomar?"

"Of course daddy loves you. Give daddy kiss!"

"Muahhhhh" I heard her giggle after kissing me through the phone.

"Your such a silly billy babygirl. Daddy loves you. Go give your sister the phone.

" OK Dada! Sissy! Sisssy!" She yells as I hear her running in the background.

"Daddyyyyy!!" Rayin squeals.

"Hey daddy's princess! Why are your brother's in time out." I asked her curious what those two did this time.

"Ryder ate all his chicken strips and he wanted rush and mommy said no. Ry didn't listen and he took Rush chicken and Rush kicked him in the stomach. They both have to stay in time out and I get ice cream!" She gloated in a sing song telling voice.

I smirked. Rush is such a warrior when provoked. I wonder when Ryder is going to stop underestimating his brother.

"Ok. You tell your brother's that if they don't behave daddy is going to punish them when he gets home ok!"

"Rush and Ryder daddy is going to punish you. Your getting boo boos on your bam bam. Your getting boo boos on your bam bam." She started yelling to her brother's I would assume.

I could only laugh. My kids are something else. I can't wait to have more. A village of kids did sound good when my mother mentioned it.

"Princess! Princess!" I try to say over her singing about her brothers getting their behind spanked.

"Rayin!"

"Yes daddy!" She's all of a sudden quiet and sweet. I swear she is no better than her brothers, all she has to do is give you that sweet voice and those eyes and your wrapped around her finger like a band aid.

"Is your mommy ok?" I asked.

"Ohhhh daddy. Mommy was puking in the toilet. Ti Ti Cara and Uncle Ethan put her to bed. They told us not to bother her. We have to stay with grandma. But Tomar was crying so uncle Evan gave her a lollipop and then she stopped."

Is Raelynn sick? Why didn't anyone feel it was important to tell me? And why didn't anyone take her to the doctor.

Now I'm angry.

"OK princess, daddy loves you. Be sure to behave for grandma and take care of your sister, OK? Daddy will be home soon."

"OK daddy! Love you too." Then there was the dial tone before I could even tell her to put Evan on the phone so I could ask him why Raelynn is sick and no one told me.

I guess I need to calm down before I can him back.

I wish I could see Raelynn.

Wow.

It must sound so messed up for me to be sitting here holding one woman's hand while I think about the other.

I look down at the ring as I told it between my index finger and my thumb spinning it in circle of my right hand. Thankfully I'm still able to use my fingers even though the cast makes my movements stiff.

The 11 carat natural pink pear cut diamond ring Trillian stones on the side sparkled as it reflected on the light.

I did not spend 2.5 million on a ring just to stare at it. It needs to be on her finger. She needs to be my wife.

My one and only wife.

She is my one true love.

This ring is my promise of ever.

There was a knock at the door and I look up to see the guard I hired standing there.

"Yes?" I asked.

"The doctors are ready for you!" He told me on German.

"Danke!" I thanked him back in german and nod dismissing him.

I look at Shantel.

"Please get better soon. I'm not going home without, I'll wait here as long as it takes for you to get better." I kissed her on the head and exited the room.

Time to get pricked and probed.

Hopefully I'll be a seeing Raelynn tomorrow.

I can't wait.

~~~Authors Note~~~

Why IS GRANDMA TRYING TO GET ARRESTED LOL

BRYCE SITS BY SHANTELS BED EVERYDAY??

BRYCE IS GOING TO FINALLY TELL THE TRUTH? WILL WE BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT???????????

RYDER IS ACTING OUT????NOTHING NEW LOL

RUSH IS FIGHTING BACK?? SOMETHING NEW !!!!! LOL

TOMAR IS SO ADORABLE!!!

SHANTEL IS GETTING BETTER??? WHA????????? AUTHOR YOU ARE DEAD!!!!

LOL

HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT! :)