Chapter Eight

Red Flag

My connection with Imara didn't stop. Walang araw na hindi kami magkausap. We hang out a whole straight week after our trip to El Nido. Talagang ang progress ng relasyon namin ay tuloy-tuloy. I sometimes force myself to stop and not be excited about it because I was afraid I'm being too fast and could get hurt, but I couldn't help it.

"Tell me na kasi kuya. What's the real score? What happened after the date?"

Pinigilan kong mapangisi sa nangungulit na tanong ni Somerset. If only she knew what happened after that baka sumabog na rin ang utak niya sa mga nagawa namin ni Imara. Though I was still slow when it comes to physical touch, this time I knew it would be best. I don't want to spoil anything yet.

"Just go, Soms. I'm kind of busy right now."

"No, you're not! You're just being madamot! Since when did you become like that? You remember? I am someone you can trust with your love life."

"The only thing you need to know is that I'm happy."

"With Imara?"

Nagkibit ako ng balikat. Mas lalo siyang na-frustate. Hindi ko na napigilan ang pagtayo upang pantayan siya.

"Come on. I just want to keep this one private first until we're both sure of each other. Baka ma-jinx, eh."

She heave a sigh. "Fine. Kung sabagay mahirap ngang mausog. Anyway, kapag super happy ka na at need mong mag-vent, just know that I'm here alright? ako ang una mong sabihan."

"Got it."

"Imara is really pretty isn't she?"

Lutang akong nangiti. "Beautiful."

"Gotcha! Oh God my brother is finally in love again!"

Agad nag-init ang mukha ko nang madulas sa mga salita. I shove her out of my room. Tatawa-tawa lang ito at buong araw na naman akong tinukso. Hinayaan ko na lang at naghanda na lang ako para sa dinner namin ni Imara.

Gaya noong pangalawa naming pagkikita, todo pa rin ang pag-aayos ko. Good thing my parents didn't suspect a thing. Tikom din ang bibig ni Vlasta at ngingisi-ngisi lang sa akin.

"What do you think about her?"

"For starter, she's really beautiful and you look perfect together." he answered, lumawak ang ngisi ko.

Vlasta has been with me since I was a teenager. I remember may ibang mga nagbantay sa akin noon iba rin sa mga bantay ng kapatid ko pero si Vlasta lang talaga ang pinakanakasundo ko sa lahat. Bukod kasi sa ilang taon lang ang agwat namin, he really became my wingman and buddy. Siguro kung parehas kami ng estado sa buhay ay baka maging best friend ko siya. It was weird to have that kind of relationship to your employee so when I began working, I appointed him as my right hand.
Gaya ko, he struggle with having relationships, too. Ang unang rule kasi ni dad sa trabaho ay mag-focus lang at wala dapat makaka-relasyon habang binabantayan ako pero sa aming dalawa ni Vlasta ay malaya siyang gawin ang lahat ng gusto niya. Iyon nga lang, maalat din.

"And?"

"And I don't see you this happy again. Parang dekada na ang nakalipas simula nakita kitang ganito ka-excited na parang first time magka-girlfriend."

"Sad I wasn't her boyfriend yet."

"Papunta na rin naman 'yon doon. Look at you now. You've been on a date for how many times? I already lost count boss."

"I told you to drop that."

"Sorry. Technically you're still my boss so."

"It's weird especially when we're talking about my personal life. I need a buddy when it comes to it."

"Fine. Anyway, I'm happy for you. I like Imara and I know you like her, too."

"Do you think it's too early to ask her to be my girlfriend?"

"Why don't you ask her tonight? Siya lang ang makakasagot n'yan."

Wala sa sariling napabuntong-hininga ako. It has only been three weeks since we met yet my mind could already access our future and build an amazing life with her.

I loosened my tie. Habang palapit sa venue ng dinner namin ay para akong sinasakal. My suit were as usual expensive, I smell success, the flowers I have in my hand were special, and the diamond bracelet I had in my pocket was worth millions. Kung singsing lang ang dala ko ay baka aakalaing mag-po-propose na ako ng kasal. Kung sabagay, we can already skip all that and our families won't mind. Baka magdiwang pa ang mga iyon kapag bigla kaming ikasal.

"Thank you. Nag-abala ka pa." masayang bati ni Imara matapos akong salubungin at kunin ang aking hawak na bulaklak.

"Of course. You're too precious to not be spoiled with gifts even though I know you're already used to this."

Naging hilaw ang mga ngiti niya. Hahalikan ko na sana siya sa pisngi pero agad siyang umiwas.

"Shall we? I'm sorry medyo gutom na ako. I've been working the whole day." Agad niyang sabi matapos umatras palayo sa akin.

I wasn't expecting that since we couldn't stop kissing each other the last time we were together, but I just shrugged it off.

Siguro nga ay pagod lang siya sa trabaho dahil buong durasyon ng pagkain ay tahimik ito. The vibe was so off, I was afraid to give her my gift but then it was the only thing that I think could lighten up the mood so I finally took it out of my pocket.

"What's that?"

"I swear this is not an engagement ring so you can relax." I joked.

Pilit siyang nangiti at kinuha na ang kahon. I was expecting her to at least be giddy and excited, but it really seems like she was really used to it. Nawala ang ngiti ko gayunpaman ay nagawa ko pa ring maging gentleman at itago ang lahat ng pagiging awkward sa gabi naming dalawa.

"Do you like it? I can have it altered and customized—"

"No it's okay."

"Can I put it on you?"

"No, I'm fine. I don't fancy wearing any bracelet tonight, but thank you for this Soronious. I appreciate it."

I pursed my lips and nodded at her. "You're welcome."

I thought I could still save the conversation. I talked about our last trip and the dates we've been on, but it bores her. Tila ba pagod na pagod itong makinig kaya hindi na ako nagpumilit pa.

"Do you want to go somewhere after this? the night is still young..." I trailed off still hoping to save the night, but my lips immediately closed when I saw her dry reaction. She then shook her head and forced herself to yawn.

Ibang-iba siya ngayon. Inintindi ko na lang. Being a woman is already a struggle. She maybe on her period or something so I didn't try to be more annoying. Sabi nga ni Soms, kapag bad trip ang babae at saktong may dalaw ay ikaw na lang ang lumayo kung ayaw mong makain ng buo. I did that. She maybe on her period.

"I'm sorry to end our dinner this early, but I'm really tired. Gusto na nga sana kitang tawagan kanina na i-cancel na lang pero pumunta pa rin ako. I appreciate your gifts, but you don't have to, really."

"It's okay. I had to do it. It was you who I remember when I saw that bracelet so I bought it."

"Thank you. I'm sorry, but I have to go home now. Parang babagsak ang katawan ko."

"Are you alright?"

Muntik na siyang matumba nang akmang ilalapat ko ang kamay sa kanyang noo pero mabilis siyang umiwas na parang ako ang may sakit.

"I'm fine! Sige na. Thanks again!" she said and then walked away from me as fast as she could.

Naiwan akong tulala, gulat sa lahat ng nangyari, at nag-iisip kung bakit naging ganito?

Did I do something wrong? May nalaman ba siya sa akin sa mga maling nagawa ko sa nakaraan? But I am behaved all these years. My past was outstanding. Kahit ang mga ex-girlfriend or naging fling ko noon ay maayos ang mga relasyon namin. There was no bad blood. I know she wouldn't find something off because I am not that kind of man.

What if 'yon ang ayaw niya? What if she realize she likes men who loves trouble? Who has many red flags?

I know it was weird and wrong for anyone to aim for that, but I knew I lot of women who loves chasing men with red flags. Iyong mga babaeng gusto ng lalaking babaguhin kahit na ang totoo, walang lalaking magbabago kahit gaano pa kahaba at ka-dakila ang pagmamahal mo.

Men change when they want to and not just because of someone. Parte iyon ng pagbabago pero hindi iyon ang kabuuan. You can never force someone to change his ways just because of the love you are willing to give.

Most men were broken, but their ego was too big to tell the world about it. And most of us, marami akong kilala ay hindi kailangan ng babae para gumaling sila. They need to accept, love, and forgive themselves first before they can extend that love to others.

It was risky to love a broken and toxic man. It was as if literally, you're playing with fire. Kapag hindi mo naapula ng maaga, pati ikaw madadamay. And two broken people in a relationship will never work.

Buong gabi akong hindi pinatulog ng pag-iisip. Nagsimulang mag-rewind ang utak ko para lang isipin ang maling nagawa pero wala naman akong maalala.

I was about to close my eyes when my phone beeped for a text. Parang may naghabulang daga sa puso ko nang makita ang pangalan ng babaeng buong gabing laman ng aking utak.

Imara:

I'm so sorry I went home early. Masama lang talaga ang pakiramdam ko.

I replied right away.

Ako:

It's okay. I understand. Are you okay now?

Imara:

Yes. Nakaidlip na ako. How are you?

Ako:

I'm good. I'm thinking about you.

Imara:

What about me? I'm sorry talaga kung may nagawa man ako ngayon.

Ako:

No, please. I get it pagod ka lang. Naiintindihan ko. Sana hindi ka na lang talaga tumuloy kung masama pala ang pakiramdam mo. Next time tell me, alright? Mas importante 'yon kaysa sa akin.

Imara:

Sorry ulit. Babawi na lang ako sa 'yo next time.

That finally put a smile on my face.

Ako:

Are you sure you still want a next time?

Imara:

Are you kidding me?! Of course!

Ako:

I was worried I did something wrong that turned you off tonight. I'm sorry kung meron man.

Imara:

No please. You didn't do anything wrong. It's me. Don't blame yourself.

Ako:

Are you sure?

Imara:

Positive.

Nakahinga na akong ng maluwag. Tuluyan nang napawi ang mga negatibong nararamdaman ko nang sa wakas ay marinig ko na ang kanyang boses. It was lively now. Ibang-iba na sa tono kanina. Halatang nakapagpahinga na at maayos na ang pakiramdam.

"Did you like my gift?"

"What gift?"

"The bracelet? Kasya ba? Tell me honestly, nagustohan mo ba?"

"Oh shoot! yeah, of course! It's beautiful! It's perfect."

"Well that's a relief. I'm glad you liked it."

"Thank you so much, Eux. Sa lahat-lahat. I really appreciate you putting efforts in everything."

"You're welcome, Imara. But please don't scare me again like that. Kapag masama ang pakiramdam mo o wala ka sa mood sabihin mo lang. I hate overthinking. Akala ko may nagawa akong mali kaya wala kang gana."

She apologized again. Nabawi ng usapan namin ang mga nangyari sa aming pagkikita. I was glad we had a talk and cleared everything out.

"You say you have three sisters, right?"

"Yeah."

"Uhm, alam na ba nila ang tungkol sa atin? How about your parents? Did you tell them?""

"No. As much as I want the whole world to know about us and how you make me happy, I won't until you're comfortable with it."

Natawa ako nang mapabuntong-hininga siya.

"Are you really worried about that?"

"No naman. Ikaw ba? Aren't you worried someone might caught us?"

"And spread what? That we're perfect for each other?"

She giggled. "Hindi nga? Hindi mo ba naiisip 'yon?"

"You want me to be honest?"

"Uh-hmm."

"I almost asked you to be my girlfriend tonight. This past few week feels like the longest time I've been alive. The thought of you keeps me excited. Your voice always makes me weak, and your smile? damn, I missed that today, but that's honestly the only sight that comforts me... Gustong-gusto kita and I always look forward meeting you. Seeing and enjoying your presence. Sabihin na nating baliw na ako sa 'yo so there's that."

"Whew! That's a load of honestly, Eux."

"You're about to have an honest man so be used to it."

She paused. Matagal siyang hindi kumibo kaya ako ulit ang nagsalita.

"Hey... you don't have to force yourself if you're not ready yet. Gusto ko lang maging honest sa 'yo para malinaw at malaman mo kung anong gusto ko para sa atin. I really want you to be my girlfriend, Imara... I am mesmerized by you and I don't think I want to look in other places for love because with you... I feel like I already found it. I really want this to work, us. Maghihintay ako kung kailan ka handa. Hindi kita mamadaliin—"

"What if I say yes now? Paano kung ngayon pa lang pumayag na akong maging girlfriend mo?"

Dama ko ang pag-ha-hang ng utak ko sa narinig. Parang nag-lock din ang panga ko sa kanyang sinabi.

"W-what?"

"I think all I want right now is an honest man so... can I be your girlfriend now, Euxerre?"

"D-damn, y-yes... oh fuck! Yes!"

~~~~~~~~~~~

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