Chapter Two

Universe

I didn't like her.

Iyon kaagad ang naramdaman ko matapos pa lang akong ipakilala ng mga magulang ko sa babaeng nagngangalang Imara. Not because we were just both set up but because I just don't. Hindi naman ako mapiling tao pero madalas na-ra-radar na kaagad ng pagkatao ko kung gusto o ayaw ko ang isang tao. In her case, unfortunately it was the latter. Her vibe was just off for me.

"So why are you single? You're what? Thirties?"

"Late twenties."

"I see. So bakit nga? I mean, you are literally the most sough bachelor in this country. Just being a Rozovksy is way too much of a great deal and I bet women are piling up just to have a taste, so why? Are you gay?"

The side of my lips rose at her last question. Pinigilan kong matawa sa walang amor niyang mga tanong. Mabuti at ipinanganak akong mahaba ang pasensiya kaya hindi ko siya nasagot ng pabalang.

"I'm not. I only enjoy a woman's company and not because someone is single means they're gay whatsoever."

"So why are you still single nga? In your case, it's not that hard to settle. Maraming babaeng nagkakandarapa sa mga gaya mo. Don't tell me you're a hopeless romantic who believes in fairytale and shit?"

"Why do you say it like it was the worst characteristic to have?"

"Because it literally is. Sa panahon ngayon and in our world, it's either you marry for convenience or not. Hindi uso ang pag-aasawa dahil sa pagmamahal. It's a bs thing of the oldies," naiiling niyang nilingon ang mga magulang naming saktong nakatitig sa aming dalawa.

She smiled and waved back at them while she continued with her speech, "They act like cupids when it's all bullshit. Fuck it."

"How about you?"

Napabalik ang mga mata niya sa akin. She raised one of her eyebrow, "What about me?"

"Why are you single? Bakit ibinubugaw ka ng mga magulang mo sa 'kin? Are they tired of you?"

Nawala ang angas niya dahil sa aking diretsahang tanong. She paused for a bit and then laugh sarcastically.

"Look. I don't like you, alright? And I will never like someone like you. Kahit ikaw na lang ang natitirang lalaki sa mundo, hinding-hindi kita papatulan. I don't like soft-romantic guys so please tell your parents to stop hoping for the both of us because it will never happen."

"Glad to hear that we're on the same side, but if you hate me like that then you're the one who should tell your parents about it. I wouldn't waste my time telling mine about what you said. It's bs."

Tumalim ang titig niya sa akin at walang sabing natungga ang nasa harapang champagne.

"I hate men like you. Akala n'yo dahil sa estado n'yo ay kaya n'yo nang kontrolin ang mga tao. News flash, I wouldn't be controlled by you and this conversation is over."

"Thank God. It's nice to meet you, too, Imara." I answered sarcastically.

Inirapan niya ako't inis na umalis sa kanyang kinauupuan. Saka lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. The side of my lips rose when she finally was off of my radar. Finally. Someone who hates being told what to do and someone who actually hates me.

This was actually the first time it happened. Madalas kasi ang lahat ng mga babaeng inirereto sa akin ng mga magulang ko kahit ng mga kaibigan ay parang gusto na kaagad akong pakasalan sa unang pagkikita pa lang.

Imara was a different girl... but it was not in a good way and yes, I will never like her, too. I'm sure of it.

Buong gabi na niya akong iniwasan. Kahit nang kasama namin ang aming mga magulang ay hindi niya man lang ako tinapunan ng atensiyon kahit man lang bilang respeto sa mga magulang namin. I could feel her parents disappointment. Nahihiya rin para sa akin. Sa pag-alis nga nito ay agad nagpaumanhin ang dalawa. Glad my mother saved the conversation. Nakaalis din ako sa kanila.

I never thought I could feel more disappointed with the woman I met, but that feeling intensified when I saw her pulled a waiter to a dark hallway and before the curtains fall back, I saw her kiss him hungrily. And that type of kiss only lead to something I would never want to imagine.

I ripped my gaze off of their direction and tried concentrating to the party.

Perfect for me my ass. My mind spits bitterly. Yet again disappointed and kind of irritated at my parents for not knowing that word.

I don't think I can ever be in a relationship with a girl who talks like that and give herself to literally anyone available. I need a wife and not a whore. Kahit ano pang ganda ng pamilyang pinanggalingan niya at kahit gaano ako kadesperado na bigyan ng panibagong henerasyon ang pamilya ko ay may karapatan pa rin naman akong mamili. At ngayon pa lang alam ko nang hindi iyon si Imara.

"What happened?" Bungad ni Somerset sa akin kinabukasan nang maabutan na naman ako sa aking opisina. "Bukod sa nalasing ka raw, anong nangyari at bakit parang hindi maganda ang feedback ni mommy sa inyong dalawa ni Imara?"

Great.

Ngayon na lang ako hindi nakadalo sa breakfast kaya alam kong ako ang naging topic nila buong durasyon no'n. I know that was the only reason why my sister was here.

"The rents were right. Imara is lovely kuya so where did it go wrong?" untag niya nang hindi ako nakasagot.

"Everything is just a mistake, Somerset. I don't feel anything but dislike for that woman."

"So it was hate at first sight?"

"Definitely."

"Hate is a strong word. Hmm, you think it's not because you actually like her and you're just being hard because she said something that you find off?"

"I don't like her at all," I let out a sigh. Nalasing ako ng gabing 'yon dahil sa sobrang inis sa babae.

Yes people might say you hate someone you love, but that was not the case. I really don't like her and I don't wish for our path to meet again. Hindi ko alam kung saang parte ang sinasabi ng mga magulang kong perpekto ang babaeng 'yon para sa akin. We were clearly the opposite and this time, it will never work.

"Bakit ka nga pala nandito? What do you want?"

"Nothing."

"Okay, then can you please leave me so I can finish all my work?"

"You really hate her ba talaga kuya o you're just in denial? I mean, matagal na panahon na since you last had a girlfriend. You barely leave this place and even your office. Hindi kaya nawawala ka lang sa game kaya inaayawan mo kaagad si Imara? Mommy said she's nice. Balita ko rin ay nasa construction company ang linya ng business ng kanilang pamilya. She'd be a good wife and I think the rents were right."

"Since when did you like any woman our parents liked for me?"

Nakangisi siyang nangalumbaba sa aking harapan, muntik ko nang masungitan dahil nakakairita ang ngiti sa mga labi niya.

"You're getting old. Daddy married mom during their early twenties and everyone expects you to do the same. I know you want them be proud of what you're doing right now, but marrying someone should still be your priority. Aanhin mo ang successful na career kung wala ka namang asawang magiging kasangga mo sa lahat? You need to marry and you should start searching for the perfect girl because if not, I know you'll be left with no choice but marry anyone our parents decided for you."

Ayaw ko sanang magpadala sa mga salita ni Somerset, but she actually made sense. These past few years ay wala akong inatupag kung hindi ang kaliwa't kanang trabaho. I may have bedded some women this year, but the amount was nothing compared to what I used to have years ago.

Hindi ko napigilang masahiin ang aking batok dahil sa pagbigat nito. Siguro nga kailangan ko nang unahin ulit ang sarili. I need to step back from working and just enjoy my youth a bit more. I wasn't worried not marrying someone right now but since my love life became part of my family's vocabulary, I'm honestly a bit pressured.

I called my friends that night to chill. They were surprised to hear me invite them to Black Rock, but I was the one who got more surprised when instead of only them, they bought their girlfriends along—making me think about how serious my case was.

I only have few friends right now. Five to be exact. Sov, Dex, Carter, Devon and the best player of the team Jacuun who bedded more girls when we were in college. Sa aming lahat ay siya ang tingin kong unang mag-si-settle because his fiancée was now pregnant with his first child.

I watched my friends and their partners mingled. Nakikisali ako sa usapan pero ang utak ko ay kusang lumilipad sa kung saan. Seeing them found the love they were not looking for made me a bit jealous especially because I was the most behave in the group. Ako iyong akala nila mag-aasawa at agad na susunod sa yapak ng ama ko tungkol sa pagpapamilya pero ngayon ay huling-huli na ako.

My father, Thelonious Auxerre Rozovsky made rounds of headline whether it be good or bad. He was a legend. Kilalang-kilala ito sa university at kahit sa business world. Maugong rin lalo na ang nangyaring pagtakas nito kay mommy sa gabi ng engagement party nito sa matandang politiko at ilang linggo lang ay nabalitang ikinasal na silang dalawa. It was one of the most iconic news about my parents. Everyone envy and love their love story. Hindi nila alam na marami ring napagdaanan ang mga magulang ko bago muling sumaya at umayon sa kanila ang tadhana ngayon.

Kahit na hindi ako komportableng pag-usapan ang love life ko ay wala na akong nagawa nang mapunta doon ang usapan. And as expected, their partners suggested their single friends to me. Um-oo na lang ako at buong gabi nang nilunod na lang ang sarili sa alak hanggang sa ako na lang at matira at ang kanang kamay kong si Vlasta. I asked him to join me, but he refused after drinking two bottles of beer. Understandable naman dahil trabaho niyang bantayan ako pero mas lalo lang umingay ang mga alalahanin sa utak ko nang wala na akong kainuman.

I felt like even though I was successful with the field I chosen and everyone applaud me for running my father's multi-billion company, I am still left behind. All of my friends were now building their own family and I am here, still stuck being single and have no plans on settling down any time soon. Kahit ang paghahanap ng babaeng may potential na maging asawa ko ay wala akong amor.

I heave a sigh.

Sometimes, life really has its own way to make us feel like we lack everything the society requires. Minsan hindi nawawala ang pakiramdam na nahuhuli ka na sa lahat ng mga kakilala mo't mga kaibigan. Sometimes you would feel sorry for yourself for taking a different path and for having a different goal than others because people tend to tell you it was not what you supposed to do.

Ito ang kailangan mong gawin, ganito ang kailangan mong tapusin, you should marry while you were young so you can still play with your kids while you're still strong and other bullshit like that. But in reality, life was never a race and we are not in a competition. We have our own different and unique path to take. Hindi porket iyon ang nangyayari sa lahat ay iyon na rin ang dapat mangyari sa buhay mo.

I strongly believe that you don't always have to blend in and do what everybody was doing because sometimes the universe only wants you to be you. To be contented and happy with the life you create for yourself. Walang pressure, walang restrictions, and always have an endless possibilities. I think life was meant to explore, to have fun, to learn, and to never compete with anyone but your old self.

I stopped feeling bad after I had that realization again. I affirmed myself that I was doing okay. I am on my own lane. I am moving forward. I maybe slow, but I'm getting there. And whatever the universe will take me, I'll make sure I am ready.

~~~~~~~~~~~

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