Chapter Sixteen

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"You're back together?! How the hell did that happened kuya?!" Somerset blasted one day while storming inside my office.

Isang malalim na buntong-hininga kaagad ang kumawala sa aking mga labi pagkatapos ay nagmamadaling itinigil ang lahat ng ginagawa sapat bago siya makaupo sa aking harapan.

Alam ko namang hindi ko maitatago sa kanila ng matagal ang katotohanang maayos na kami ulit ni Imara at tuloy na ulit ang kasal pero hindi ko inasahang ngayon na ako magpapaliwanag kung bakit ako bumaliktad sa mga desisyon ko.

"Hello there, Somerset."

"What happened kuya? Anong ginawa niya sa 'yo at bakit mukhang tuloy na ulit ang kasal? What lies did she told you para mabilog ang ulo mo?!"

"Enough, Soms. It's my relationship and I get to decide what I want for it."

"So that's it? Gano'n na lang 'yon? Paano ang ginawa niya sa 'yo? Kakalimutan mo na lang bang nakipaghalikan siya sa ibang lalaki?!"

"I said stop! I don't want to hear anything from it. Nag-usap at nagkaayos na kami ni Imara at tuloy na ulit ang kasal. Again, this is my relationship and I get to decide with it. Kung ano ang desisyon ko ay iyon ang masusunod." mariin at tuloy-tuloy kong salita.

Ikinagulat niya ang pagtaas ng boses ko't pagiging matigas sa desisyon pero imbes na makipagtalo pa at igiit na mali ako ay pinili na lang na umalis.

I feel bad for almost shouting at my sister, but I need them to see that I was firm with my decision.

I was worried about Somerset being mad at me but I really couldn't do something about it. Wala na akong magawa kung hindi ang magalit na lang sa paningin niya para matapos na ang usapan.

"I'm sorry. Kasalanan ko kung bakit kayo magkaaway ngayon." Imara said while we were at the elevator to her condo unit.

Apparently, she has been staying here since the day she got fed up with her parents setting her up with different men. It was a decent one bedroom condo unit with an amazing view of the city. She said she always love to live in a small space. Iyong tama lang sa kanya at madaling linisin dahil ayaw na ayaw niyang kumuha ng tao para doon. She likes to do things her way and by inspecting the place, she was really good at it. Malinis ang bawat sulok ng kanyang bahay. It was a spotless nordic style unit with a lot of really healthy and expensive plants to give the whole place more angst. Simple pero sobrang komportable. It made me like the idea of living small and simple.

I sat on her white couch while she go directly to her room to change. Sinabi kong o-order na lang ako ng pagkain para hindi na siya magluto. She agreed. Marami kasi kaming pag-uusapan ngayon tungkol sa aming kasal kaya para hindi na kami mag-abala pa ay o-order na lang ng pagkain.

I waited for her for five minutes. Sa kanyang paglabas ay nakasuot na siya ng puting silk dress na hapit sa kanyang katawan. It shows her curves and the immediate turn on I had from seeing her was too much. Agad akong umayos ng upo dahil pakiramdam ko ay makikita niya kaagad ang reaksiyon ng aking katawan partikular sa gitna ng aking mga hita.

We began talking about our wedding. We decided to get the best wedding planner in town as per my request but I valued what she said about the guest. Aniya ay kahit gagawin naming bongga ang kasal ay gusto niyang mga malalapit lang talaga ang iimbitahin namin. The wedding was still eight months away from now but it was just right to start planning it ahead of time.

We had loads of conversation while eating Chinese food. I told her it would be best to choose her gown now and all that. Agad ko namang pinatawagan ang wedding planner sa aking sekretarya at kahit gabi na ay malugod naman nitong tinanggap ang appointment na gusto ko.

"Tuloy na tuloy na talaga?" she asked smiling, but there was something in her question that made me uneasy.

I pulled her towards my body so I could hug her tighter.

"You still have eight months to back out future Mrs. Rozovsky." I joked, natawa siya.

"No, baka ikaw."

"Why would I do that?"

She looked at me. Her eyes were about to tell tales but she just shook her head to stop the words from coming out of her mouth.

"Just promise me that you'll marry me no matter what happen, Eux..."

"Imara—"

"Please? I want to hear it."

"I promise, baby."

She forced a smile and nodded at me. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa kanyang kamay.

"Why do you need to tell me that when you know that I am already and looking forward to marrying you? Do you still have doubts about us?"

"No. Not that... I don't know. It's too early to tell. I mean, ilang buwan pa lang tayong magkakilala. With that span of time marami na rin ang nangyari. We already had ups and downs and I'm afraid that one day you'll realize that I wasn't the one that you need. Na parehas lang tayong pressured—"

"Are you pressured?"

"No, I love you and—"

"That's enough for me," I cut her off again. Halos mangilid ang mga luha niya sa aking sinabi. "I don't think time really matters, Imara. I've been a long time relationship but she never made me feel this way. Walang oras o tagal ng panahon ang kayang magparamdam sa akin ng kung anong nararamdaman ko para sa 'yo ngayon kung hindi ikaw. And I don't think I need more time to be sure that I want you to be my wife. Ikaw na ang gusto kong makasama habang buhay."

I paused and wiped her tears. I also kissed her lips to stop her from overthinking. Ako rin naman ay may mga pag-aalala pero mas lamang ang excitement ko sa nalalapit naming kasal.

"I love you, Imara Loverly... and I can't wait to marry you."

"Promise me, Euxerre... I want you to promise me that you'll marry me no matter what."

"I'll marry you... And I promise it with all my heart."

Sa pagkakataong 'yon ay siya na ang humalik sa akin. I could feel her emotions everywhere so I responded to her kisses to make it stop.

We ended up making love again, but this time everything was different. Ramdam ko namang parehas kaming masaya at mahal namin ang isa't isa pero sa hindi ko malamang dahilan ay hindi ko maiwasang mangamba. There was something in our conversation that was making me uneasy and it sucks because I can't figure out what it is. Dama kong may iniisip siya pero pilit niyang ipinapakitang wala.

Sa mga sumunod naming pagkikita ay wala siyang ipinaramdam sa akin kung hindi saya. There were times that she was not in the mood, but I understood. Sanay na rin ako dahil minsan talaga ay sobra siya sa trabaho at laging pagod kaya iniintindi ko na lang palagi ang pag-iiba ng ugali niya.

"You didn't wear it again?" I asked one night when we met at the Fire Palace to celebrate our first month of being officially together.

May sama pa rin ng loob ang mga kapatid ko pero wala namang nagawa ang mga ito. My parents are very happy about the on going preparations of our wedding. Dahil wala silang alam sa pag-aaway namin ni Imara ay sobrang excited lang sila. They already booked the designer to get their measurements for the gowns and suit that they will wear. Talagang kaunti na lang ay magiging handa na ang lahat.

"I'm sorry. Naiwan ko kasi sa bathroom sa sobrang pagmamadali at takot na ma-late na naman ngayong gabi. I know how important this is for our relationship. I promise next time hindi ko na kakalimutan."

"Are you sure it fits perfectly? Gusto mo ba talaga ang design? We can buy other engagement ring that fits your taste if you want."

"I like it. Talagang nakalimutan ko lang ulit ngayon, sorry na."

Pinilit kong intindihin na lang. I prepared a very special night with her, but it seems like she was on the state where she was not in the mood so I had to adjust again to make her comfortable and happy.

"So, about the wedding. I already scheduled the fitting of my wedding dress. This week rin ang sa flower arrangements and all that."

"Do you need me there?"

"No, I'm fine. Isa pa, bawal mong makita ang wedding gown ko."

"Is that really true?"

She laughed and nodded. Natawa na lang din ako. We talked more about the preparations. She was more serious this time.

"Hmm, what's your plan after that? I mean, where do we live after the wedding?"

It was a surprise to hear her asking about that. Minsan kasi gusto niya lang na mag-enjoy kami. She even said that she didn't want to leave her condo unit and live big so I was a bit confused.

"You told me about the condo. You said you don't want to leave your place for another year?"

Bumagal ang kanyang pagnguya sa aking sinabi. Hindi ko mapigilang magsalubong ng bahagya ang aking mga kilay. The uneasy feeling was now being intense and I'm hating myself for it. Wala namang ginagawa si Imara ngayon pero hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong mag-isip. As an honest person, I really don't like it when she was being like this. It seems like she was a different person and it was impossible for us to connect. Naguguluhan ako.

"Oh, hindi naman 'yon pwede. I mean, I want that, but my parents would hate seeing me live in that small space without you. Alam kong hindi ka rin sanay at hindi pwedeng tumira doon so why don't we change our plans about us living together as a married couple?"

"Where do you want to live then? Do you want us to move to El Nido and live in the villa?"

"Why would you want us to live there?" She said, almost mocking my suggestion.

Doon na ako natigil sa pagnguya. Nang makita niyang naging seryoso ako ay kumawala ang tawa niya.

"I'm sorry! I mean I love the idea, but our job is here. Nandito ang buhay natin. I'm my father's successor and I don't think living away from here is a smart choice."

I was still confused about her attitude tonight. Hindi ko na sana gusto pang magsalita pero nang abutin niya ang kamay ko ay parang may kung ano pa ring lumambot sa aking puso. Naisip kong pagod lang ako buong araw kaya kung ano-ano ang naiisip ko.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to offend you but my parents... they are asking too many questions that I don't know how to answer. Ayaw ko namang magkamali sa isasagot at mas lalong ayaw kong pangunahan ka. We need to talk and plan about this so they would finally stop bugging us."

I held her hand properly as I nodded at her. I heave a sigh. Ipinilig ko ang ulo para matapos na ang mga naiisip kong hindi maganda sa gabing ito. I should just focus on what I was planned for us tonight. Iyon ang ginawa ko.

We talked about our set up after the marriage. I told her there was no problem with the house she wanted us to live in. Ang gusto niya ay manatili kami sa Manila at iyon ang gagawin ko. She was happy when I told her I will set up a meeting with the construction company that my family owned. Nakita kong napanatag siya sa aking mga sagot.

"How about the honeymoon? Where do you want to go?" I asked while now preparing for the massage.

"What do you have in mind?"

"How about Indonesia or Hawaii?"

"Hmm, nice, but how long do we need to be away?"

"Two weeks tops?"

"That's a bit long. Can we do three days? I mean for sure marami tayong trabahong kailangang tapusin pagkatapos ng wedding so..."

Hindi ako nakasagot. Inayos ko ang bathrobe na suot at saka lumabas sa banyo. She was on a high table sipping some champagne. Gaya ko ay nakasuot na rin ng robe.

"That's a little bit short don't you think?"

She dismissed my question by lighting up a cigarette. Tuluyan ko nang naitikom ang aking bibig.

"Oh sorry!" Nagmamadali niyang idiniin sa ashtray ang yosing hawak nang sa pagpihit paharap sa akin ay nakita akong nasa harapan na niya.

"Since when did you learn how to smoke?"

"Since college? It's not a regular thing I swear! I only smoke when I'm pressured and this week has been too much for me."

I remained standing, still looking at her confused. Pinilit niyang ngumiti at inayos ang sarili bago ako lapitan. She smiled and tried to charm me by holding my hand again, but there was this urge to pull away. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. Good thing the masseuse came in to start the massage. Hindi na kami nag-usap. I don't think I can talk more when this weird feeling was continuously eating me up.

We had champagne after the massage. May mga maliliit pa ring pag-uusap pero nang halikan na niya ako ay mas lalong sumidhi ang kakaibang nararamdaman ko. I still continued making out with her. She was a bit excited tonight. Siguro ay dahil sa champagne at wine na nainom kanina.

Sa paglakad ng aking mga labi sa kanyang katawan ay mas lalo siyang nag-iinit. I left kiss marks on her neck, she liked it. She wanted more. She was so hungry and horny for me, but there was still something inside me that was telling me to stop. Bilang lalaki ay sobrang nakadadala na ang init ng pinagsasaluhan naming mga halik pero nang tumunog ang telepono ko ay mabilis ko iyong nagawang putulin, walang pag-aalinlangan.

"Kuya please, I need you... please help me now." Saryna begged on the other line that made me stopped everything that Imara and I was doing. And some weird reason, I feel like I saved by her call.