Today is my very first day at Folger's Maximum Security Prison! I don't want to be late to start my sentence.

I can't believe my stupid mom is making me go to this stupid prison. It's so hard for me to make friends, and I'm so nervous. I've never been popular, you see. I'm a deeply sensitive old soul. I like to stare out the window, brooding while my servant does everything for me and those under my employ bravely exploit a dog-eat-dog capitalist system designed to benefit an individual like me yet leave a debt to society and the collective good largely unpaid.

I wash my sexy af body with a bar of soap and massage the remaining peasant shampoo out of my messy dark locks. I took a deep breath as I appraised my reflection in the steamed up mirror in the shower stall. After I got arrested I was stripped of all my possessions and also just plain stripped, period. Unfortunately I didn't have my usual skincare products with me nor did I have Chester to do my routine for me so I shaved my own face like a complete fucktard.

I ran a finger along my sharp cheekbones, thick brows and gave myself a sexy wink using my pretty brown orbs. Then I made out with my reflection. In passionate Tagalog. I put on my regulation issued prison jumpsuit, which was so simple yet flattering. The orange popped against my tanned skin, giving me an ethereal glow. I laced up my black high top converse to complete the look.

On my way out, I grab a single slice of toast from the table, which contained a single slice of toast.

My reverie was interrupted by a booming voice with a rich southern accent.

"Well fuck me sideways if it isn't our local pretty boy, Adam the billionaire CEO."

In front of me stood a large man with bushy red hair and a nose painted white with sunscreen.

"I'm Folger. Fol-ger. I own this cute little place. And also a nice building for imaginary friends but that's not important. My prison is nice, clean ,and rat free. Well mostly. You get a cozy double and shared bathroom, water and electric included of course. And such a beautiful location too, we're all on a little rock island in the middle of the sea."

"I'm sorry did you say a double?? As in I have to share a room? With a peasant?"

"This ain't the Girl Scouts!" Yelled the man. "Now, all the stupid hoes here have their own nicknames for each other, but I prefer to use the inmates' proper names, the ones their parents gave-"

"Mr. Folger, this is the wrong book."

"oh... right. Well on you go. I think you'll find you'll be very popular here in prison," he says with a wink. Then he lit a cigarette and strolled away, whistling as he dragged a shovel across the floor.

I can't wait to be popular!!