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The songs for this chapter are With Me by Sum 41, Too Much by All Time Low, and Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons (suggested by AriaRaines). Banner on the side by IamaRyHard.

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Chapter 53 *Losing Hope*

~ Drake

My stomach is twisting into knots, and my heart pounds on every step I take. Still, I continue to walk. I'm like a lost spirit— a lost ghost. My life is just a piece of crap now. I don't have a direction anymore.

It's my entire fault.

It's my entire fault.

Self pity— the worst enemy.

Everything I worked hard for came crashing down in just a single day.

My mind replays the scene from yesterday again and again. As if I still need a reminder of my worst day.

I hate you. I hate everything about you.

I'm not stupid! I know your bet with Andre!

I pretended that I was falling in love with you.

My head wants to explode! Someone is hammering it, and I can't think clearly!

I never want to see you again!

I want to bang my head on a wall to stop these thoughts from haunting me. I can't take it anymore! I'm going to be crazy!

I went home last night after I talked to Pie. I wanted to run after her but I knew she needed to be alone. She would just be angry at me if I followed her.

I didn't eat and sleep. I didn't even have a piece of mind. I haven't talked to a single person for the past few hours. As soon as the sun came up, I walked out of the house and got inside my car.

I drove to the places where I had a great time with Pie. Every little thing reminds me of her.

The Paint Shop. Coffee Academy. The Dark Alley. The Mall. The river where we watched the fireworks display. The Park.

One time, my tears blurred my vision I almost crashed on the streetlights. Fortunately, I spun the wheel at the last second.

So here I am, walking on a secluded place in town. My tears are too many to handle. I don't even recall the last time I cried. Well, exceptt for last night. I can't die without seeing Pie for one last time.

A bird perched on a tree snaps me out of my trance. It's chirping a simple sound.

Suddenly it makes me think of Pie.

I still remember the day when I heard her singing a song. It's one of those days when she was still living in Andre's house. I was about to knock and ask her about our homework in Literature but a muffled sound made me stop.

Inconspicuously, I open the door without knocking. What I see surprised me.

Her hair's up in a messy bun, but it looks good on her. Like, she styled it. Her eyes are closed and she's singing. She really feels the song. Her fingers are snapping to the tune of the music only she can hear. I think her headphones are blasting in their full volume.

A brush is on her hand, and she's using it like a microphone. Her voice is so sweet, like cotton candy that melts on your tongue. Her head is nodding, banging like a rockstar. She's carefree, like she owns the world.

A smile makes its way on my face as I stare at her. I wish I brought my cell phone with me so that I can take a picture of her.

She looks so young and happy. She reminds me of Taylor Swift's music video of You Belong With Me.

I'm glad her eyes are closed because for sure, she'll be mad if she finds me watching her little show.

To my astonishment, she whips around.

Before I know what I'm doing, I quickly shut the door and run to my room. I close it behind me and lean on it. I'm sure she saw me. I can't believe my heart can beat like this. Am I having a heart attack?

Suddenly there are footsteps on the hallway. And then Pie's voice as she says, "Is anyone out there?"

After a few seconds of silence, she decides that it's nothing and goes back to her room.

Phew! That was close.

A silly grin is still on my face as I recall her face as she's singing Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend. I'm sure I'll have this memory for a long time.

All those times we were together, they're just memories now. There's a huge possibility that they won't happen again. Even memories fade away. In the end, I'll be left with nothing.

After telling her that I love her, this is what I got. It's like a slap on the face, but a hundred times more painful than that. I don't know if I am being melodramatic but I think my heart is broken.

I used to laugh at my friends when they told me that their heart shattered because of an unrequited love.

Now I realize that it's not something to be laughed at.

It's my first time to fall in love and it feels like a joke, taunting me. It's never good to play with anyone's emotions. I should have known that. I should have listened to my father. But I did not.

I flinch as I remember what he told me.

I learned from my mistakes. I hope you won't repeat them.

I guess history is repeating itself.

Sophia, Sophia, Sophia

Why doesn't she believe that I love her? Is it impossible? Perhaps she thinks I'm incapable of loving. But I can't blame her for her accusations. After what she learned, how can she trust me again?

A sigh escapes from my lips as I ponder all my mistakes.

Mistakes after mistakes.

She thinks that after the horrible things that happened to her, I'd still hurt her. I'm not heartless. When I found out about her family, it hurt me too. I couldn't fathom she already experienced that kind of pain for such a young age.

I did not for a second think that she's shallow and stupid. I did not even think that she's weak. I was so careless; I did not know she heard us that night. That dream. That nightmare. It was a sign.

That's not the point. The point is I played her heart. Even though I cancelled the bet, what I did was a mistake. I shouldn't have done that in the first place.

She knew the bet a long time ago, so everything she did was to hurt me.

I thought she was falling in love with me too.

I'm wrong!

Karma is eating me now, swallowing me whole. I have a feeling I'm becoming nothing.

Pie, Pie, Pie

What do I have to do to make you believe that I really love you?

I can still reminisce the day when I realized that I love her. It's the day when I found out that she's sick and I skipped school just to see her and make sure that she's okay.

Wait. Who am I kidding?

I already love her even before then.

I wouldn't make an effort just to surprise her for her birthday if I don't love her. If it's just a game.

In my heart I know that what I feel for her is real, even though my stubborn head doesn't want to admit it.

The day when I called Andre to cancel the bet is still fresh from my mind, like it happened yesterday.

After taking care of Pie, I go directly to their house. He's waiting for me in his room.

"What do you want to say?" he says as soon as I come in.

How can I tell him that I want to cancel the bet without implying that I love Pie?

"Why do you look so nervous?" Andre says bemusedly.

"I'm not," I deny quickly.

He rolls his eyes and says, "Spill it already! Your nervousness is contagious; I can feel it crawling on my arms." He shudders and rubs his arms as if what he's saying is real.

"Listen," I start. "I think we should stop the bet."

"What?"

"I said we should—"

"I heard you," he says sarcastically, not bothering to roll his eyes this time.

"Then why did you say 'What?'?" I ask, annoyed.

He sits on the edge of his bed and says, "What I meant was why?"

"I don't know," I lie. "You know, our deal was never good in the first place. You're really stupid for thinking about it."

"Now it's my fault?" he says, throwing me one of his pillows.

I easily dodge it and throw it back at him. "So, what do you think?"

He shrugs. "That's fine. I already asked you a couple of times before if you wanted to forget it but you said you never back down."

I cringe.

"So what made you decide to cancel it?" he inquires, cocking his eyebrow.

"I just don't want to do it anymore," I say indifferently, acting like I don't care.

"Really?" he looks like he doesn't believe me.

"Yeah. We're okay now?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"Drake?"

"What?" I ask. There's something about his voice—

"Are you falling in love with Sophia?"

"WHAT?" I choke out. And then I cough because I have hard time breathing.

"Easy," he says, getting up and tapping me on the back.

I think my lungs are malfunctioning. Andre's question knocks the best out of me!

After a few seconds of utter embarrassment, I'm finally able to breathe normally.

Andre gives me a calculating look, like he's studying me. I hate it when he does that. It's as if he's trying to know what I'm thinking. It's the same with Driana— when she wants to know my secrets. Those two have creepy similarities.

"What happened?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What happened?" I ask wryly.

"Drake, I'm your best friend," he says matter-of-factly. "You can tell me if you love Sophia."

I don't know why I can't admit to him that I love Sophia.

"You love her, right?" he continues, as if he's stating a fact. "Is that why you want to stop our deal?"

"Of course not," I mutter. "I just don't want to see her get hurt." That's true though.

He narrows his eyes but doesn't budge in anymore.

"Why did you even choose that dare in the first place?" I ask curiously. "And why Sophia Taylor?"

He looks at me thoughtfully and says, "Perhaps I'll tell you someday."

"Someday?" I say incredulously. "Why not now?"

"Because I don't want to," he says, smirking. "Besides, you don't want to tell me what's really happening between Sophia and you."

"Andre!"

As if I can tell him that I've been in love with Pie for a couple of days now. He'll just annoy me. And he might spill it to Pie without a second thought.

"Drake!" he mimics the tone of my voice. He's back with his irritating self.

There are times when I really wonder why we're best friends.

Call me crazy or an idiot but I'm thankful for the bet. Without it, I wouldn't meet Pie. I wouldn't be friends with her. I wouldn't fall in love.

I had the right love at the wrong reason.

Maybe I deserve this. I don't deserve her. Maybe it's our destiny. We are not meant to be.

When did you become so pessimistic?

I'm startled to hear the voice in my head, I stop walking.

Instead of moping around, why don't you make a plan to win her back?

Win her back? I think ruefully. Win her back?

I never thought of that!

Maybe. Maybe I can. Maybe we can even be friends?

Friends? That's not even close to what I want, but it's better than nothing.

Stop thinking about Maybe's! Think positive! You still have a chance to be together!

Right!

I'd do anything to make it up to her. All I want is for us to be together again. Though literally we were never together.

I can't just let her go. After all we've been through; I can't turn my back on my feelings for her. I have to fight for her. I can't lose her.

She taught me a lot of things. I learned a lot because of her. Not just about school, but about life. The best part of my existence is when I was with her. Without her, I'm nothing. There's no doubt I change into a good person because of her. So how can I live without her?

I want to see her eyes that can brighten me even in my darkest day. I want to see her contagious smile that can lighten my mood. I want to see her soft lips. And yeah, I want to kiss her. I want to be on her side for the rest of my life.

I already found the right one for me, and I won't let anything, even fate, decide what's best for me.

Now, I'm going to make Sophia Taylor realize that I love her, and she loves me too.