-Nic-

I immediately regretted everything after I had dropped Jax off and headed to the tailor. It took me a moment to notice I was squeezing the steering wheel so hard my knuckles were white, and my jaw was so clenched it hurt my teeth. I took a few deep breaths as I sat in a red light, trying to relax my body, but the second I had to focus on driving, it started all over again.

And too soon, the shop came to my view. I parked the car close by, turned off the engine, and just sat there staring at a random car parked in front of me.

I didn't want to go.

To make things worse, I spotted my dad's car pulling up. I watched it, wondering if he'd notice me if I left. Even if he didn't, he'd soon realize I wasn't coming, and would flood my phone with calls... My stomach twisted at the thought of it.

I just had to get this over with. The sooner, the better.

With a deep breath, I got out of the car when Dad was getting out of his. He noticed me but didn't greet me or anything. He just walked to the shop like I was just a random guy. I fucking hated to admit it, but... it hurt.

I gritted my teeth together, took another deep breath, and followed him. By the time I reached the shop, Dad had already stepped in. I forced myself to open the door.

"Ah, Mr. Gabriel! How are you, sir?" the shop owner was greeting my father as I walked in.

"Been better," Dad said, giving me a glance like all his issues were my fault. "My son needs a suit."

"Well, you're in the right place!" The shop owner said with a grin, but my dad gave him an annoyed glance. The shop owner's smile vanished quickly. "U-uh – right this way, sir! My selection is the finest in the entire city!"

I fucking hated it there. Dad said barely two words to me as we went through the suits. He maintained a subtle, disdained expression on his face the entire time, and whatever suits the tailor brought to us, he gave them all a bored look. They were fucking suits. The only difference was the brand on the price tag.

"This is good," I finally said, grabbing a random black one from the pile just to get this over with. "I like this one."

"That piece of trash? Did you even look at the tag?" Dad asked.

"I can assure you, sir, all my suits are made of the world's finest–"

"He just hates the brand because of a stupid little thing," I said, staring at Dad. "A colleague got wasted and rolled down the stairs and the seam broke, is that it?"

"Oh, ah..." the tailor stepped back and fell silent.

"Mind your tongue," Dad only said, and took another suit from the rack. It looked exactly the same as mine. "Here. Try this."

"No. I like this one," I said, holding onto mine.

Oh, Dad was not happy, but he wasn't going to cause a scene. He wrinkled his nose and put his suit away.

"I can see your taste has not improved," he said.

I couldn't be sure, but I had the feeling he was referring to Jax. It angered me, but since I couldn't be sure if he actually was talking about Jax, I swallowed it. At least we'd found a suit.

"Well, put it on," he ordered.

I did as he asked after the tailor gave me the right size. I was quite happy with it, but Dad obviously found ten different flaws.

"Absolutely not," Dad concluded. "We're wasting our time on these cheap brands. You're getting a hand tailored suit."

"For fuck's sake..." I sighed. "This is fine."

"How long will it take to get it done?" Dad asked the shop owner, ignoring me.

"Currently it'll take about two weeks, sir," was the reply.

"I need it done by next Wednesday evening."

"Oh, uh... We have a couple of orders already, sir..."

"How much will it cost to get it done by Wednesday?"

"I, uh... I, well, I'm sure we can work things out so that you'll have your suit by Wednesday," the tailor said, saying goodbye to his goodnight's sleep.

"I'm telling you, this suit is just fine," I tried again, hating the thought of having to spend any longer with Dad.

"Nonsense," was his only reply, and turned his back on me.

I wanted to argue back, to tell him that if he wanted me to his stupid party, he had to accept the cheap suit. But when I opened my mouth, the words didn't come out. The thought of what would happen next gave me anxiety. It would be just a pointless shouting match. Which I'd probably lose... The nauseated feeling in my guts was already bad enough. I was already fighting myself to keep my breathing steady. It was clear nothing had changed. He'd just use all his tricks to put me back in my place.

I really shouldn't have come here...

and it was suddenly harder to breathe when I was led into another room and stopped in front of a couple of big mirrors.

"Could you be quick?" I asked the tailor quietly when Dad wasn't listening.

"Of course," he muttered back.

I had the feeling he felt the same as I. He didn't want to spend time with my father any more than I did. He worked fast as he did his job. I tried to be patient and ignore my father, who lurked in the corner, giving me annoyed glares. For a moment, I thought he also regretted coming here, but then why was he making such a big deal out of the suit? Why did he even care about it? Image was everything to him, sure, but I couldn't remember if he'd ever been this obsessed with clothes.

Then it hit me. It wasn't about the suit. This was about control. I'd ditched him for Jax the last time we were supposed to come buy the suit. Being still mad about it made more sense than him caring about hand-tailored suits.

I kept my mouth shut and my thoughts to myself. I only spoke to the tailor whenever he asked me something, but otherwise, the atmosphere stayed icy.

And I was so fucking glad when the shop owner had everything he needed, and I was ready to get the fuck out of there.

"Nicholas."

I groaned and stopped right after stepping out of the door, then turned around to face my father who was following me outside.

"Are you done trying to humiliate me?" he asked. "Because it's not working."

I stared at him for a brief moment. "What are you talking about?" I spat at him.

"That boy you are... seeing," he said slowly, his expression turning disgusted. "I know you're doing it to get back at me. But like I said, it's not working."

"Oh, my God..." I breathed out. "Or, you know, that has nothing to do with you, and I actually love him. Ever thought of that?"

He snorted in disbelief. "You should consider changing your attitude if you still want my help to get into Yale. And I can tell you, without me–"

"I'm not going to Yale!" I shouted at his face. "Thanks to you, I don't want to even hear about it! And I don't want your help!"

"You will," he said, sounding so goddamn certain I would've laughed at his face if I hadn't been so mad. "I gave you everything, and you will learn you are nothing without me."

And with that, he marched to his car while I just stood there, staring after him. Did he really think I'd ever ask anything from him again? Did he actually, honestly expect me to crawl back?

And my fucking God, he actually thought I was dating Jax just to piss him off.

"Wow..." was all I could articulate at that moment.

I'd promised to call Mom right after leaving the store, so I returned to my car and grabbed my phone. The first thing I did was to tell her everything Dad had just said to me. She was furious.

"The nerve he has!" Mom practically growled. "Don't worry, honey. I'll talk to him again. I mean if he listens to me... Things have not... I mean, I don't see how things could go back to normal between him and I, not when he still says things like that to you. I didn't want to say anything just yet, but... I don't think there's turning back anymore."

"Yeah, I kind of guessed that..." I muttered.

But the idea of them divorcing because of me gave me more anxiety than I could've even guessed.

"I feel like I should say sorry," I muttered. "For causing all this..."

"No. Absolutely not. This is not your fault. It's your father's own goddamn fault," Mom said sternly, almost angrily. "And trust me, I don't mind moving on. This has been an eye-opener for me. But I think we should talk about this another time. Over dinner, okay?"

"Okay," I said, but I was feeling really restless. "He really thought I'm dating Jax only to make him look bad..." I muttered.

"I have no idea how in the world he got so self-centered..." Mom muttered.

I nodded slowly, tracing around my steering wheel with my finger. "I told him I love Jax..."

"Oh, honey..." Mom breathed out, her tone now completely different. "I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks," I said and smiled. "I, uh... I've not used that word yet, so... But... It just came out. I think... I think I am in love with him."

"So...? Are you going to tell that to him, or...?"

"Uh... I don't know..." I muttered, the anxiety really kicking in all of a sudden. "Maybe... When the time is right."

"I get it, I get it," Mom said.

But I wasn't sure she did. How could I tell Jax I loved him, while still keeping a massive secret from him? A secret that would hurt him?

Fuck, I was getting restless...

"Hey, uh, Mom?"

"Yes, honey?" she said in a voice that told me she knew I was about to ask something.

I stared at the steering wheel, holding my breath. I knew somewhere deep down it was a stupid idea, but I didn't want to be rational. I wanted to be reckless. I wanted to do stupid shit but with hopefully a good outcome.

"I want to buy a house," I breathed out.

"A... house?" she repeated.

"Yeah. I want to buy a house," I said, feeling better for some reason.

"What house?" she asked, her tone now telling me she was not liking what she heard.

"It doesn't matter. But like... It's not like I can come back home anymore."

"What do you mean?" she asked quietly.

I paused when it sank in. "I... I can't come back home if Dad is there," I said quietly. "I'm sorry, I am, but... I just can't live with him anymore."

Mom stayed silent. I guess my words had made her sad. I hated making her sad, but... I couldn't. That was the truth.

"Can we, uh... Can we talk about this over dinner?" I asked quietly.

It took her a moment before she finally replied. "We can talk about it, yes, but I don't... You were not supposed to leave just yet," she said, her voice weak.

"I know, Mom," I muttered. "But I'm not leaving you, okay? I would just live at a different address, that's all. I'm not leaving you."

She laughed lightly at my words, then cleared her throat. "We can talk about it, yes. How's Monday, after school?"

"Yeah, sounds good," I said, feeling somehow... final. Like I was doing something life-changing, even though it really wasn't. "I should probably go find Jax now. He's shopping with Dan and Jess."

"Okay. And sweetheart?"

"Yeah?"

"...I promise I'll think about it. The house. I know you're right, and... And I need to think about what I'm going to do next, too. Maybe I need to buy a house as well..."

"I'm sorry, Mom," I muttered.

"Don't be. I think... It is time to move on," she said, letting out a deep breath. "But I'll see you on Monday."

"Okay. Love you, Mom."

"I love you, sweetheart."

I ended the call and lowered the phone and stopped to stare at it. I already felt less anxious. Not much, but I was managing. I just needed to keep my head empty and go back to Jax. I'd feel better with him next to me.

I called him, and the second I heard his voice, I could breathe again.

"Nic, hi, you good?" he asked hurriedly.

"Yeah, I'm good. Stupid fucking suit... Where are you guys now?"

"We are at, uh..."

I heard Jess' voice in the background.

"We're at her mom's shop," Jax told me.

"Okay, I'll be right there," I told him, and hung up.

It took me a minute to get there, and there were free parking spots right in front of it, so I left my car next to the curb and stepped into the store. I was surprised to spot Jess and Dan near the changing rooms but couldn't see Jax anywhere.

"Over here!" Jess waved at me with a grin and gestured to the only occupied changing room.

I got immediately excited. Was Jax trying something on? I had to see that! Jess wiggled her eyebrows at me when I stopped next to her by the curtain. I got even more excited.

"Babe? Can I come in?" I asked.

"Sure," Jax said, and I slowly pulled the curtain aside just enough that I could step in.

And fuck me...

"Oh..." I breathed out at the sexy sight that was my Jax in a red evening dress and fell to my knees right in front of him. "My fucking God... My boyfriend is so hot..."

He was so hot I had no words to speak. There were no good enough words to describe it. The red dress fit his figure perfectly! He looked like a supermodel wearing it.

"Just fuck me..." I muttered, unable to keep my hands off him. I absolutely loved the satin on his tight, firm body... It felt so... so... so hot.

"You like it?"

"I love it."

This definitely was the perfect reward after having to spend time with Dad. I got back up on my feet to take a good look at him, and I immediately knew there was no way I could continue with my life knowing I'd never see him in that dress ever again.

"You're so fucking hot... We're taking this dress," I told him.

"Nic, no, it's five–"

"We're taking it," I repeated and

rushed out of the room before he could stop me.

There was just no fucking way we'd leave this store without it.

"Nic, no!"

I ignored him. He couldn't run after me with the massive hem and all those frills. He couldn't stop me, no one could! But I heard Jax laughing, so at least he wasn't mad at me for buying something for him. I fucking needed that dress in my life.

"Hi! How can I help you?" the employee came to ask me when I reached the registers.

"The red dress my man is trying on right now? I'm paying for it," I told her, handing her my credit card.

"Oh, uh..." she said, looking a bit confused when she saw Jax. "Uh?"

"I'm not joking," I said, knocking on the desk with my card to get back her attention. "I'm buying it."

"Okay..." she spoke slowly, taking the card from me.

"Come on. What year are we living?" I muttered. "Guys can wear dresses too, you know. And my boyfriend is rocking it."

She quickly changed her attitude and conjured an apologetic smile on her face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," she said. "Let me just... I need to see the tag."

I was glad Jax didn't have to witness this interaction. The girl didn't question me again as she went to get another tag from another dress and came back to ring it in. I didn't pay attention to the price. Jax deserved it, no matter the money. But this girl seemed surprised when the payment went through.

"I really am sorry," she said again. "I thought I was being pranked. Guys your age usually don't have this kind of... But you're friends with Miss Moore, so I should've... I'll just shut up now..."

"No harm done," I said with a smile as I took my card back.

"If you or your boyfriend need anything else, just let me know," she said.

"We'll need a bag, but first I should go take it off him," I said with a wink. "Just kidding," I added when she turned pale.

"O-oh, okay," she said.

Poor girl looked like she was about to have a panic attack, so I left her alone and returned to the red dress. And my boyfriend in it.

"And it's yours my good sir," I told Jax, bowing and taking his hand so I could kiss the back of it.

"It's five fucking grand, Nic," he said, squinting his eyes, but he couldn't hide his good mood.

"Worth every penny," I whispered, and pecked his lips. "Now I really want to take you to my dad's party. He'd have a stroke."

Jax patted my arm. "How did it go? Was he being a jerk or a full-blown asshole?"

"Ugh," I gagged. "I don't want to talk about it. But let's just say he still wants to control me and still thinks I want to get into Yale and that I can't do it without his help."

"He's still on about that?" Dan asked, rolling his eyes. "Figures..."

I considered telling them about what Mom said, but I wasn't sure if Dan knew they were probably going to get a divorce now, so I decided to keep my mouth shut. Not only because I didn't want to ruin the mood, but because I had the feeling Mom wanted to be the one to tell him the news.

And I was not telling Jax about my intent to buy his house, even though he and his dads explicitly told me not to.

"Should we go grab something to eat?" I suggested. "I'm starving."

"Sure."

I turned back to Jax, wrapped my arm around his waist so I could pull him against my side. I smiled when our eyes met and kissed him.

"You're so hot," I muttered in his ear.

He smiled back and kissed me the same way I'd kissed him. "So are you. And I'm glad to see you're feeling all right. I feared I'd get you back as an anxious mess."

"It almost did happen..." I admitted, then gave him a reassuring smile. "But I'm fine now because I'm with you."

"Good," he murmured.

"And I got to see you in a very sexy dress..." I added with a mutter, my eyes traveling down on his body. "And now I get to see it again whenever I want..."

"Whenever you want?" Jax asked in amusement.

"No?" I said, giving him puppy eyes.

"Ugh... Fine... Whenever you want..." he said, acting annoyed, but he was still smiling.

Suddenly, I couldn't take my eyes off his face. He was sexy in the dress, of course he was, but that smile was breathtaking. It was true, then...

I was in love with him.