“Hurry up and close the windows or it might ruin her hair,” one of the girls who’d arrived to get me ready, said to the other. It was ten in the morning and for the past four hours these girls had crowded my room with the excuse of helping me to get ready and hadn't let me move an inch from my seat in front of the mirror.

I had two more hours till the engagement and each passing second felt like I was breathing on a ventilator. I was looking nowhere like a bride who was getting engaged in two hours. No enthusiasm, no emotions, no glow. I glanced in the mirror.

A dolled up corpse was a more suitable term to define my current appearance. In fact, I looked more colorless than a dead body. But I had to give this to the makeup girls, they tried hard to conceal everything under the makeup. But too bad, my pain still flashed in my eyes and was very much noticeable to everyone.

“You look beautiful. Let me just put this necklace on you, wait-” The girl said, who'd introduced herself when she first came in but I was too numb to pay attention to anyone. I just sat there and let them do anything they wanted. I didn't say anything about the outfit, makeup or hair, everything was pre-decided for me.

Indeed, I looked beautiful but less alive. Uneasiness spread through the entire room when I didn't react nor said anything. Mint lehenga with golden thread work and heavy gold and pearl jewelry adorned my face and neck. On any other day, this would've made me happy because I rarely look good in outfits but now looking at myself like this tightened my chest.

My earrings felt too heavy and the nose ring irked me but I had to wear them. That's what I was supposed to do. I looked too pretty for my life to be doomed, just like a sacrificial lamb.

There was a light knock on the already open door but I didn't bother checking who it was. No one's arrival could save me now. But all the girls in my room hurriedly left and I finally glanced to see who it was.

It was Maa, who was gesturing to them to leave me alone with her. After all the girls left, she sat on the chair beside me. I didn't look at her nor said anything. Maa was the only one whom I couldn't truly hate, no matter what. And she was the one, in front of whom I couldn't keep my composure. I was scared that if I looked at her, I might end up breaking down.

But she had no plans to show me mercy. She took my hand in hers and gently caressed it as always she did whenever I was upset and she consoled me. But too bad, consoling me wouldn't change anything.

I glanced at her from the mirror and a painful smile was plastered on her face. She was gazing at me with both loving and apologetic eyes. Maybe what I said yesterday must've made her realize everything. She opened her mouth, only to close it again.

She sighed. “You look so beautiful, my baby.” I turned towards her. She was still caressing my hand and the moment I turned to look at her, her gaze fell down.

“I'm sorry, honey. I couldn't be a better mother to you.” Her hands trembled and a tear fell on my hand. I bit my lips to contain my own tears. What use was the apology now?

Words didn't come out of my mouth. Once again, I felt like if I opened my mouth I might end up crying. She finally looked up at me and wiped her tears. A new look of determination flashed on her face, which made me confused. “There's not much time left till the ceremony. As much as I am happy to see you all dolled up, I hate to see you like this-” She cupped my face with her other hand.

“So, give your mother a chance to make things right-” My brows furrowed at her words, while she held my both hands tightly and whispered, “Run away.”

My eyes widened at her words. Hearing this from Maa was more surprising than the run away itself. I couldn't say anything as my mind went blank. “Run away. I'll handle the rest here, so please-” She got cut off when the girls from earlier barged in.

“It's time to leave, Kayra. C'mon get up and Aunty, you can talk to her once the ceremony is over. She's not going to leave today, So relax.” The girl chuckled. They hurried me out the door and the whole time I glanced back to see Maa. I couldn't understand what had just happened.

Did she just tell me to run away? Then what about the reputation of our family? If I run away, Baba's reputation will be damaged beyond restoration. And not to forget, people will question their parenting and how they raised their children. Did she not think this through? If she did, then why did she tell me to do that?

All sorts of thoughts ran through my mind and I couldn't even realize that we'd already reached the ceremony hall. I was in one of the rooms reserved for the bride, waiting until I had to go out on stage.

My heart was pounding so hard, I expected it to break through my ribs. I tried to take in deep breaths and forget what Maa said. I tried to pretend like I never saw Maa today. I shook my head in order to shake the weird feeling creeping inside me. “You have to enter now.” One of my distant cousins said. She was here to accompany me to the stage.

I took in one last deep breath and exhaled before getting up from my seat and walking towards the hall. As soon as I stepped a single foot inside the hall, everyone's eyes fell on me. The hall was completely full with the guests. And hundreds of those guests had their eyes on me, as if my one mistake will give them reason to ruin my life.

The aisle was long but to me it looked shorter than ever. Each step I took felt like I was coming closer to despair. I continuously chanted ‘I have to do this’ like a mantra in my head. When I was close enough to the stage, I looked up and many pairs of smiling eyes greeted me.

Ved stood in the middle, while radiating the man of the hour aura and looking absolutely handsome. He was the one, with whom I'll be spending my whole life. But it didn't make my stomach turn or heartbeat fast like when I see Nolan. Behind him were his parents and in front of them was my family.

Baba, Aahan and Maa, I met their eyes one by one. My family's faces didn't seem happy unlike Ved’s. Probably because Baba was tense, Aahan was worried and Maa…

Ved extended his hand for me to hold it and I did. I climbed on the stage and gulped a big lump of emotion. Ved gazed at me with a gentle smile and everyone in the hall clapped. My eyes averted towards Maa. She was gazing at me with teary eyes. She must've hoped that I wouldn't show up but I did. I shook my head lightly, my eyes still being locked with hers. My eyes yelled– I can't run away. It was too late, I was on stage now, everyone was watching me.

But she just nodded with a smile and I looked down. The weird feeling was getting more intense. I closed my eyes and tried to take deep breaths while continuing to chant the same mantra.

I have to do this. I have to do this. I have to do this. I have to-

My life flashed before my eyes. Vancouver. My freedom. My life without a cage and no chains to tie me down. My friends, and the time I spent with them. The silly chit chats, gossip, trust, and support between us. My dreams and the life I can live if I don't do this. If only I make a different choice, then I can…

My lips pressed together in a thin line. Memories of Nolan resurfaced in my mind. His smiles, his touch, his love and even his smooth lines, I couldn't live without them. I yearned for Nolan and the thing I realized was that he was the one for me and… I can't do this.

“I can't do this,” I whispered, looking in Ved's eyes. Confusion plastered all over his face and he looked speechless. No one had heard this beside him because they were busy preparing the rings.

“I'm sorry,” I said a little loudly this time and his eyes widened. I grabbed my lehenga and lifted it a bit and ran down the stage and then towards the exit before anyone could react. I ran as fast as I could and the gasps and screams from the hall faded when I finally got outside the hall.

My heart was beating frantically and I doubted it was from running. I glanced behind me to see if anyone was coming behind me and saw a few people running outside. So, I tried to run faster and quickly stopped a cab and sat inside. “Where to, miss?”

“Please drive for now. I'll tell you on the way.” I hurried the driver and he drove off from there. I huffed and tried to catch my breath, my heart was still beating wildly. A smile bloomed on my face and I really thought I was going mad because I did the craziest, life-ruining thing of my life and I was just laughing it off.

I ran away. I'm running away. I did it. Oh my god. I squealed. If my sixteen year old self would've seen this, she surely would've been disappointed, but I wasn't the same girl as I was anymore. I knew I did a terrible thing. But did I regret it? Definitely not.

Love is scary. It makes you do things you never knew you were capable of. I ran away in front of everyone for Nolan. Even though I had more reasons to do this, the final push was because of my love for him. I was wrong, he wasn't the worst mistake of my life. I loved this mistake. I loved him.

“Where do you want to go, miss? I'm asking you for the last time,” The driver asked and now that he did, the reality hit me like a truck. I had nowhere to go. I definitely can't go back home, nor to the house of any of my relatives. And moreover, I only had my phone with me.

Life always fucked me up. That's why I wondered how my runaway went so smoothly. My phone dinged for the hundredth time but this time I chose to check it.

Piles of texts, calls from almost everyone in my family and Ved popped up on the screen. But there was one sender who caught my eye. I quickly opened Ruby's email and my eyes moistened.

In case you change your mind
Attachment

She sent me a ticket from Delhi to Vancouver. My chest tightened, I really had amazing friends. I thought I'd lost but she saved me even from so far away. Even though I hurted her, she still helped me. But I was happy, I can return to Canada now.

“To the airport, sir. Please drive fast, I have to catch a flight,” I told the driver. I was already late and the flight was in an hour. I prayed to God, just as everything was coming together perfectly, please let me board the plane too. I have to go back. To my life, my dreams and my love.

It took a lot of time to reach the airport because of the traffic. My anxiety was through the roof and my leg wouldn't stop shaking until the cab stopped and I got off. After paying the driver, I ran inside. I ignored the strange stares and looks from people at the airport and made my way towards the counter. “Hello. May I ask if the flight to Vancouver at 2:15 is still available for boarding?”

I was late. It was already 2:13. But I hoped I could still catch the flight. I stared at the attendant in hopes, while she checked her computer. But my heart dropped when she looked at me apologetically.

“I'm sorry, ma'am. But the flight has already departed.”