The cafe still buzzed with crowd in the middle of the afternoon on a weekday. I sat there patiently in the corner, with my hands on the table. For once I wasn't late to meet Ethan. I couldn't because I had to talk to Ethan and be honest with him.

I kept fidgeting with my fingers, while looking out the window for any signs of him. Though I was fifteen minutes early to prepare myself. I'd never done confrontations and I wasn't really sure if I was any good at that.

I took a deep breath when I saw him entering the cafe. He scanned the cafe and walked towards me when I raised my hand for him to see. “You're early. That's not like you.” Ethan took off his coat and hung it on the chair and sat in front of me. “Were you busy?” I asked as he was wearing his scrub.

“Of course. We're in the middle of the day,” he said and ordered two coffees for us. It was past lunchtime so we figured that we'd already eaten. “So, are you in trouble?”

I choked on air when he just casually asked me that. “Why do you ask that?” I frowned, I took offense from his words. “Well, you asked to meet up when we just met two weeks ago. You surely didn't call me just because you missed me. So what did you do?” He clarified and I felt more offended by the way he was saying all this like it was nothing new to him. Even if I had called him a few times in the past when I was dragged in messes, he still can't just assume that I'll do the same every time.

“So you think I can only call you when I cause trouble? Seriously, what am I? A five year old?” I scoffed.

“Well, Theo causes significantly less trouble compared to you, a 23-year-old. So I don't think age has anything to do with causing trouble.” He shrugged. Even though he was right, it still pissed me. I mean, I've been in significantly big messes, a little too many times than I'd like to admit but it was too much. He compared me to Theo.

I can't do this. This upright jerk doesn't deserve my time. I'd forgotten how much he annoys me and got emotional. I'm leaving. No, I can't. I shook my head in an attempt to lighten my irritation.

“I didn't cause any trouble, okay? I'm just here to talk to you,” I said defeated. I had to talk to him, that's why I was here. I looked at Ethan as he sipped his coffee. I will have to make this quick, I can't keep him here during his work hours.

“I'm sorry.” My head dropped. My voice became heavy. I couldn't look him in the eye but my head jerked up at his words. “That's how it goes when you cause trouble.” He is so very unserious.

“I told you I didn't cause any trouble. I'm just apologizing because I'm late… I never asked about you before.” My voice trailed off in the end. “So let me ask you now?” I met his eyes. I wiped my sweaty palms on my thighs. He looked confused but it looked like he realized I wasn't joking.

“Ethan, do you hate me?” I finally asked. It took me a lot more courage to say this. But now that I said it, I felt like it was easier than it seemed. “Why do you ask?” Ethan said with the same look as me in his eyes.

“Because…I took your things from you. I took the love and care from Mom and Dad and the company that should've all been yours and I never even apologized to you.” The rest flowed out once I began. Really, the first step is the hardest. My eyes moistened when I poured everything out one by one.

“You didn't take anything from me. I got everything I've ever wanted. Mom and Dad love me enough and I don't need the company. I am happy Nolan…” My vision blurred with tears and I couldn't see his expressions very well. A tear slipped from my eyes and I saw everything clearly.

Ethan never cried, let alone showed any emotions. But when I saw his face, there were many emotions reflecting on his face. Seeing his glossy eyes, raised eyebrows and honest feelings, tears slipped from my eyes one after another. “And I don't hate you. Even though you are a brat, a troublemaking fool and a careless ugling but most importantly you are my brother. I can't hate you, though I don't like it when you call me out to clean up your messes.”

“You really insulted me a lot. I love you too, Ethan.” He managed to make me laugh in this situation. I wiped my tears, looking the other way. Why did I cry? This was embarrassing and I knew he was going to use this to tease me for at least the next three years. I guess we really are siblings. I won't lie, my chest swelled when he called me his brother.

“See, you really are a ugling. Look at your crying face. I need to take a picture.” And this was what I was saying. He already began teasing me. He even pulled out his phone while laughing.

“Stop! Don't.” A grin broke out on my face and the tension from our conversation dispersed. The emotional weight was getting lighter as he joked and made fun of me. We were back to being siblings.

“Don't think about such useless thoughts anymore or else I'll have to teach you. And if you want to apologize then apologize for lying. You lied to me that you didn't have a girlfriend but then you brought Kayra to my house. I need an explanation, Nolan Graham Gray.” Ethan was back to his stern self. He looked scary that way, like he would rip my tongue out if I lied.

“I didn't lie, we really weren't dating back then. You know, I can't hide anything from you. And besides go easy on me, you just said you love me.” I winked at him. I was glad I gathered the courage to do this. Knowing that I am loved and it doesn't hurt anyone, is really what I needed. And after this, I feel closer to Ethan. I'm happy he doesn't hate or resent me.

“I didn't say I love you. I said I don't hate you.” Ethan sipped on his coffee in a rush.

“But isn't that the same thing?” I teased him. Ethan was the type to wear a stern facade on the outside but inside, he was as soft as a marshmallow.

“No. Drink your coffee and go straight home. Don't wander here and there.” Ethan got up and took his jacket. He was getting late because we lost track of time. “I'm not a kid,” I raised my voice for him to reach. He had already gone to the counter to pay. I thought he'd ignore me when he walked towards the exit without looking at me.

“For me, you are and always will be,” he said, turning to me before stepping out of the cafe. I glanced out the window to see him. The little upward curve of his lips didn't go unnoticed by me. Maybe I'm really a kid to him, that's why he's so strict with me.

But what I said about him was true. He was a fucking softie.

A notification sound of my phone diverted my attention and I pulled it out from my pocket. There was a text from Kayra, ‘Let's go on a date this Sunday.’

I texted her a thumbs up and a weird feeling crept up within me. I was happy and excited about the date but something didn't sit right with me. I brushed off the feeling and got up to leave. I had classes to attend today and a succession meeting with the directors tomorrow. Maybe I will be too busy, that's why I felt weird when I saw her text.

The Gray Corporations was built in Scotland but later it was moved to Canada by my father. So, now the HQ is here in Canada and the other branch is in Scotland. Dad decided for me to take over the HQ and he will look after the branch in Scotland for a few more years.

We were originally from Scotland but the business broke my parents away from their homeland. So, now they wish to return to our real home and retire. And Ethan and I both agreed on their wishes.

•°•°•°•°•

The meetings were truly draining. The Board of Directors are always ready to claw you down at every chance they get. They wouldn't stop judging me and finding fault at everything I said.

“But you made every one of them silent?” Asher asked. We were talking about what happened at the meeting earlier. Asher was mostly free these days, as the spring break approached closer.

Despite my usual disinterest in gossip, Asher always brought out the gossip girl from within me. He was fun to talk trash about with. “Yes, I was right and they were wrong, so they had to shut up. But I don't want to make enemies with the people I'll work with.” They don't hate me, it's just that they love the company too much. They are worried about a young person taking over the leadership role. And it's my job to prove my worth to them and show them I deserve this.

“I'm sure you'll sort it out.” Asher patted my back and leaned on the couch like a hog. He really had nothing to worry about. “Don't look at me like that. I finished my work already. I even stayed up all night to develop an app,” he spoke as if he'd read my mind.

“Your face gives it all away," he said. Maybe I was really showing the disgust on my face. I shrugged my shoulders and got up to get changed. I was on the couch ever since I came back without even getting fresh.

“By the way, is Jake coming?” I asked. It was completely irrelevant but it was the weekend and Jake visited on weekends. “Nah. He said he has plans, that punk!”

I nodded at Asher, though I doubt he even looked at me. We hung out together if we didn't have any plans so Jake had plans that's why he didn't come.

I went to the bathroom to take a shower. It was still early evening, I had a lot of time. But going to see Kayra right now wouldn't be good, since the date was tomorrow. That reminds me, what should I wear tomorrow. No, where should we go for the date? Should I call her? Maybe I should. These thoughts played in my mind and the thought of hearing her voice made me excited.

I finished showering as fast as I could. And applied my toner, serum, eye cream and moisturizer. All done. I patted my cheeks a little to lock in all the moisture at last.

I took up my phone but it rang as soon as I held it. It was Kayra. Speak of the devil. “Hey!” I chirped and waited for her to speak.

“Hello Nolan…. What are you doing?”...

“Me? I just took a shower and was about to call you. But you called instead.” I laughed.

“Really? I wanted to remind you about our date tomorrow. You remember, right?”...

“Of course, I do. I can't forget something so important.” I chose to ignore the tone of her voice. She sounded weirdly down, like she was forcing herself to talk.

“Yeah, tomorrow’s important… I want you to wear something. I will send the clothes to you.”...

The pauses between her sentences were new too. She didn't speak like that. “Clothes? Okay. But what are we doing tomorrow?” I knew nothing about our date tomorrow. And she didn't tell me either.

“I want to have a special date and we'll also go somewhere great.”...

Her voice cracked up a bit. Was she okay? I wanted to run to her right now and ask her. But I held myself back because she didn't tell me anything herself. “I miss you, Kayra. I can't wait to see you tomorrow.”

“... Me too. I'll see you tomorrow then.”...

There was an unusual pause before she spoke and her breathing was deeper than normal. She was holding back her tears, I could feel, “Umm Kayra, is everything alright?”

“.... Yes. Absolutely.”...

Again a pause, accompanied with a flustered chuckle. It wasn't her usual sulky and grim voice, which she faked because I annoyed her but this time it sounded like she was really sad and in pain. So hurt that her emotions could be felt from so far away with nothing but the mere tone of her voice.

“Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.” I didn't pressure her. Even if I did, she wouldn't tell me anything and I didn't want her to break down when I was away. Kayra always had reasons behind her emotions, at least for the sad ones. She never gets upset over trivial matters.

She shows her emotions and expresses her feelings and it is obvious with the way she presents herself. She was an obvious person, anyone could tell how she was feeling right now. But the problem was, that everyone knows she is sad but no one knows why. Unless she opens up herself.

“...”

I didn't hang up. I waited for her to say anything. Countless thoughts crossed my mind and possibilities as to why she was sad. She wasn't even on her periods.

She didn't utter a word. All I heard was breathing, a gulping sound and she hung up. I stared at the phone in my hand as minutes passed by, making sense of everything she said and I observed.

Kayra was definitely upset, but I didn't do anything to make her upset. She said tomorrow is a special date and she planned it. She was even sending me clothes for tomorrow. Was she doing this without any reason? Of course not. Kayra Mehta's aim in life was finding meaning in everything and giving meaning to things that didn't already have one.

So I refused to believe this was just a random date without any deeper meaning. What she said and her voice bothered me. The ting sound of my cell caught my attention. I walked towards the bed, where my phone was and checked it to see a reminder.

A reminder about my graduation. It was 30 days till my graduation. “Huh?” My legs gave up and I couldn't stand any longer. I felt my chest pressing so hard, as if someone threw a huge rock on it. I clutched my head as the unbearable, mind splitting pain hit my head.

The cause behind my distress wasn't the reminder of graduation but the date that flashed above it. Two March.

March. Spring break. I have to go back home in March. Kayra's voice echoed in my mind as the realization was sinking in. And I am not coming back. Ever. I couldn't breathe. Her voice, her face, her words and countless unknown emotions of my own swirled inside me. It clouded my mind so much it ached but everything just played one after another without stopping.

Our relationship ends when I go back.

My chest felt too tight, I felt a warm stream of water running down my cheeks. Tears. I was crying. I was pathetic. I couldn't do anything. And now that she's going away from me to never come back, I felt a dagger piercing my heart agonizingly. I realized, the thought of her leaving me forever was more frightening than losing my life. I loved her. I loved her to every breath I drew and to the lengths one could only imagine but not reach. I love Kayra Mehta.

Kayra Mehta didn't belong to me. But I, Nolan Gray was Kayra's. And for the first time in my entire existence of twenty three years, I felt the fear of abandonment. She was definitely going to end it. She said that tomorrow's special, she must want our last time together to be memorable. This was like Kayra Mehta.

So, does that mean I couldn't change her mind? I couldn't sway her even a little bit for her to choose me. I couldn't make her fall for me. I couldn't make her choose herself, her happiness. She didn't choose me. She chose to return. I am nothing…but a loser.

I scoffed at myself and the state I was in. I'd become utterly pathetic and miserable. Who'd want to stay with such a loser? Everything started to make sense. Kayra's call. Her voice and her words.

I got up from the bed, wiped the dried tears from my cheeks. My fists clenched and my heart ached with rage and misery. I was helpless but I still had a chance. If Kayra wants a perfect last date, then she'll get it. I'll make sure she does. I'll make it so memorable that she never forgets it.

I read somewhere before, ‘If you love someone enough, then you have to let them go.’ It was such bullshit that I never believed in it. But now that I was standing there, on that same cliff as countless other lovesick fools, I realized, if Kayra wants to leave then she'll leave.

I can't hold her back. What Kayra wants, she gets. What makes her happy, will always be hers. And what she wishes for will always be granted. I will do it all for her, even if it means I'll have to lose myself in the depths of darkness.

But a selfish part of me hoped that, at least tomorrow, the last time I get with her, I could convince her. Convince her to stay. Convince her to choose me and her freedom, her happiness. Choose herself. And not her obligations.

I'm going to try my best, because I love her. But the choice will be hers, I will never make her choose between two confinements. I'll never put a leash on her. Kayra is meant to fly freely, far from the world's reach and dirty eyes. And I want nothing but for her to have everything she wants.

With my selfish desire to be by her side for the rest of our lives.