Well, I now have a room to sleep in. It appears that this place has bedrooms for all the members, along with connecting ensuite bathrooms (thank God, I don't want to shower with a bunch of people in the same room)(you must be fucking kidding me). Unfortunately, my bedroom is right next to Lukas Bondevik's, which has increased the rate at which we see one another. Every time I try to greet him politely and with a small smile, and every time he gives me nothing more than a death glare. Which may not sound like much but trust me, the dude has perfected this death glare to immediately terrify whoever is on the receiving end of it. Oh well, that guy can rot in hell for all I care. Why is it that a lot of attractive people are given crappy personalities? I get that it has to even out but is it so much to ask for an attractive person with a great personality? Not that I would be able to date him anyway (on account of he's a criminal) but can he at least be pleasant to work with? My God.

Enough with complaining about Lukas Bondevik. Let me tell you about my room. On the whole, it's sort of medium sized and L-shaped (you come in the door and then go round a corner, boom you're in the bigger section of your room). I have full sized bed (larger than a twin, smaller than a queen) which could fit two people if you wanted to. The bed has plain white sheets and I've been told I can decorate my room over my time here, other than that, the room itself is pretty plain. There's not much else to it. It even has plain white walls. Boring in my opinion. Yeah, I'm going to decorate the hell out of this. I do fancy myself to be quite the decorator. It's a shame I don't have anything from home. I mean, I have one thing, but you can't decorate your room with it.

Speaking of the thing, I dig it out from under my shirt. It's one of those necklaces you put a picture in. The picture itself is of myself, Berwald (my brother) and his husband Tino who are my family and best friends. I haven't really had much connection with my parents after Ber and I came out. I guess that's just how it goes. So, you could say Tino and Berwald are my only family. My only family. It might be years until I can see them again. That is, if I make it out of this case alive. I may even come out as a different man. Nothing may ever be the same... Ok, Mathias, don't psych yourself out. You can do this. You can do such a good job that you'll be able to see your family quicker than you thought. By the end of this year! I can do this. Glancing back at the photo, I remember when it was taken. Tino's first day at our precinct.

"Um, hi there," a short blond-haired man that I've never seen before greets me. "Hi... Can I help you?" I question, perhaps he has a query. The man himself has sort of a dorky appearance, not saying that to be rude, wearing a white shirt with a grey waistcoat over the top. He's slightly chubby and round faced but overall quite cute. Not my type though. I guess you could say that my type of guy is those who constantly wear a leather jacket, you know, punk guys. Don't know why but they're hella attractive. "I'm Tino Väinämöinen. I just transferred from the 35th precinct?" Oh crap. He's a cop not a civilian. Whoops, I definitely misjudged why he was here. I really should stop judging people based on their appearances. He sticks his hand out and I shake it, "Mathias Køhler, pleasure to meet my new co-worker!" He grins at me, "It's a pleasure to meet you too."

I show him around the precinct in all its wonders. "Where are you from, Tino? Your surname is certainly unusual, although I'm one to talk." I present the break room to him, my brother currently sitting down on the sofa, drinking a cup of coffee. "I'm Finnish so hence the weird name. I'm guessing you're Scandinavian. Sorry if I'm wrong." My brother glances up from what he's doing, I wave at him, but he immediately gets preoccupied with something else. That something being our new co-worker. His mouth has fallen open and his eyes are wide. I've only seen this look a couple of times before and it means one thing. Berwald Oxenstierna is in love. "Ja. Half Danish, half Swedish. And this is my brother, Berwald. He also works here," I gesture to the now human statue. "Hi! I'm Tino, it's lovely to meet you!" He holds out his hand again. Berwald stares at it like it's a foreign object but finally shakes it, the expression of love still plastered all over his face. He doesn't say anything, appearing to have lost all of his braincells. Ber, your gay is showing and it's showing bad. I glance over to Tino and his expression is pure confusion, a fake smile now decorating his features. Dammit Ber! You're blowing this first impression! I need to turn this around, fast. "Let's take a picture to commemorate your first day here, Tino." I dig out my phone and drag my brother into the shot. Whispering at him to look normal for once, I hold it out. Tino smiles, a real smile this time. I grin and my brother puts on what might be mistaken for a straight face but even he is smiling. "Oh, look at that! It's a beauty!"

A sad smile stretches across my cheeks. I miss them so much. I must say that it is a miracle the two ended up married after that disastrous first interaction. They are an adorable couple though. I'm starting to swallow a lot. Oh God, please don't start crying. They'll eat you alive if they see you cry. However, the tears still start to blur my vision, an aching feeling in my chest. I miss them. I miss them so much. "Hi, are you ok?" I hear someone speaking to me, a new voice. They'll eat you alive. "I mean, that was a stupid question to ask as you're crying." I can't see clearly but they appear at my side. From the sound of the voice I'd have to guess male, but people can be any gender they feel most comfortable in nowadays so my guess might not be correct. Bringing a hand up to my face, I rub the tears away and try get a good look at the other person in my room. Oh, I've seen them before. It's the white-haired kid from yesterday. "Oh, I'm fine. Really, I'm ok." They'll eat you alive in this place. "You are anything but fine. What's wrong?" He furrows his eyebrows slightly. Many things are wrong. I miss my family, there's the overwhelming fear that I'll be found out, the fear that I'm going to blow this case, regardless of whether my cover gets blown.

"I just miss my family. I guess you could say I'm homesick," I sigh. I feel like I can tell him. I mean, he's a kid, surely he wouldn't judge. "Ah, I guess they wouldn't approve of your lifestyle now. I'm sorry about that. I wouldn't know what I'd do without my brother, don't tell him I said that though," he places his hand on my shoulder. "Thanks, that means a lot. I'm Mathias, not sure if you'd already heard," I hold my hand out and he returns the gesture, shaking my hand. "I knew, mainly because you're new and new people often stick out like sore thumbs. I'm Emil, Emil Bondevik." Wait, this is Lukas' brother? But he seems so... not asshole-ish. "So... that locket's picture... is that your family?" Are you sure you're a Bondevik, dude? You're nothing like your brother. "Yeah. Me, my brother Berwald and his now-husband Tino." I glance at Emil; his eyebrows are raised slightly. Surely he's not judging Ber? I mean, his brother's gay. No, Mathias come on, not everyone is homophobic.

"That's cool. They must be nice people." Ah, so that's the response. Ok, see? You just jumped to conclusions as normal. You need to stop doing that. You always end up judging someone mentally before you know the full story. "They are. I'm surprise you're cool talking to me. Most people are judging me on the fact that I used to be a cop," I make direct eye contact with him. I know it's a criminal organisation and all, but I want to make a friend. It will be easier if I make a friend. Everyone seems to be treating me like human garbage so far. Except for Emil. "That's because I'm not a member of the organisation. It doesn't concern me." Seeing him up close, his eyes really are a shade of violet. It's so weird yet such a nice look as well. "You're a Bondevik though. Shouldn't you be a member?" I look down at my hands and start twiddling my thumbs (something I tend to do when talking to people). "I'm too young. You start training at the age of eighteen. Then, you become a full-fledged member at twenty-one and you get tattooed to commemorate it. The tattoo is the organisation's symbol and then a tally of all the years you've been a member, you'll receive one at the end of every year. You're currently in probation which will last for two months. This is because you are over the age of twenty-one and haven't received any training, though many others have a lot of experience in the field." He crosses his arms, satisfied with the amount of information he's just dropped on me. I'll need to jot that down later.

We continue talking for a while longer. Emil told me that he's very asocial and the only reason he started talking to me was because he can't stand it when someone is crying. He added afterwards that this conversation is nice and he's quite relaxed now. Everything seems to be going fine until he brings up his brother, I immediately groan out of reflex. He raises his eyebrows, "I take it you don't get on well with him?" Well, yeah, he's a dick. I like to get on well with everyone but when it comes to Lukas Bondevik, that rule goes out the window. "He's such a dick, Em. How are you related to him?" I retort back. Ugh, that hot blond man with a crap personality. How, Emil, how? "Lukas and I are actually very similar and I'm not talking about resemblance. He's not that bad, he's really nice around me. Maybe it's just you?" How could he say that? The two are nothing alike. "You are nothing like him. And besides, I'm pretty sure you're just the exception given that you are related. He's much different with everyone else," I huff, crossing my arms. "That's probably appearances to be fair. In his position, you can't afford to make friends and someone like you he has to be naturally suspicious of. It's one of the negatives in being the bosses' son. Probably how I'll have to be in the future." He replies and, to be honest, that makes a lot of sense. Maybe it is just his job. Maybe he just needs to be intimidating and threatening. I still will think he's a dick until he proves me otherwise. "I see," is all I say in response and add a nod.

All this talk of intimidation is making me think of my brother. Berwald is a sweet guy but he is completely unaware of how terrifying he looks sometimes. It took Tino a while to get used to him. I know I've seen practically all the different sides of him, even when he's been scared.

"Mads, can I talk to you for a second?" Berwald sits down next to me. He looks nervous, something another person wouldn't be able to tell, but I can. There are tiny beads of sweat on his forehead, he's biting his lip slightly but, other than that, he looks like he normally does. To me though, he's nervous. Something's wrong. "Did another girl ask you to break up with me for her? You're looking like you did back then, dude." Honestly though, once a girl did ask Berwald to tell me that she was dumping me. Didn't even have the guts to do it herself. I really liked her too. "No. Nothing like that." He's glancing at his lap. Who did this to my brother? What the hell happened? "I, um, wanted to tell you something. Not sure how you'll take it though." Another thing is that Berwald doesn't talk a lot to other people, but he knows I won't judge him no matter what he says. He's more likely to judge me than I am to judge him. "Hey, bro, you know I love you no matter what. What's bothering you? Is it that I was planning on pranking you soon? Did ya find out?" We have to stick together, me and him. I've always been more sociable, but I hang out with him because, well, he sucks at socialising. School's a nightmare to him when he's not in lessons. "You were going to prank me?" He frowns. Clearly not that then. "No, it's, um, it's the fact that, um, I'm gay." He finally looks me in the eyes, slight tears forming. This is what's wrong? Oh God, how long has he spent worrying about telling me this? "It's ok, Ber. I told you, I love you no matter what," I pull him into a hug and his arms wrap around me. "Thank you for understanding, Mads. For the record, I love you no matter what too."

"Hey, Mathias, you ok?" Emil's waving his hand in front of my eyes, an expression of concern spread over his face. "Ja, sorry. Just zoned out for a bit," I laugh, as if my zoning out were nothing. In reality though, I'm now depressed again, back to square one. Back to missing my family more than anything. It's a horrible feeling. I would discuss it with Emil, but I don't know him well enough for that. Plus, I wouldn't be able to tell him everything anyway. We say goodbye when he says he needs to do his homework due tomorrow. It was a nice distraction but now I'm back to the way I was before. I feel comfort in the fact that I now have a friend. Of course though, what are friends when you're undercover in a criminal organisation? Just distractions from the crushing fear inside. 

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I was so excited about this fic that I decided to start writing chapter 2 right away! For once in my life I was motivated to write. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, especially the flashbacks as I feel they would reveal some more aspects about our protagonist, Denmark. 

Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter in the comments! I love reading and replying to them!
Bye!
~Peanutsfan1