Many thoughts race through my mind, the majority being expletives. Shit. I was doing so well! Of course, one mistake and it's all over. I didn't lock the door. I should have locked the door. Why didn't I lock the fucking door? It's all over. Just one mistake destroyed everything. Typical. Hearing my heartbeat echoing in my ears, I flashback to what Lukas told me earlier. The last undercover cop was brutally murdered. Great. So great. This is the end. I thought I'd be able to make it through at least a little while longer. Just a little longer. I thought I'd be able to say goodbye to Berwald and Tino, tell them how much I love them, perhaps get closure with my parents. Now I'll never get to. I thought I'd be able to ace this case. It was my big moment. That doesn't matter now. All I can do is pray for the next person to take this job. Please, do a better job than I did. Be careful at every turn. Don't get caught. Please, be safe. This is the end for me, but they still have a long life left. Someone out there will take this place down. Someone. There has to be. Someone has to take them down. Do what I couldn't.

"Hey Captain, what are you calling me in for? And who is this?" I close the door to Kirkland's office, an unknown person sitting right next to my captain. "Køhler, this is Eduard von Bock, from the FBI. He has a case for one of the squad," Kirkland is as blank faced as usual, his thick black eyebrows raised. Eduard smiles slightly at me, his hand adjusting the black glasses perched on his face. Blond hair frames his face, bangs sweeping across the top of his eyebrows, a blue waistcoat decorating his torso. "What kind of case?" I ask, removing my hands from my trouser pockets. Formal setting, Mathias. Don't blow this. Eduard glances down at the file open in front of him, "An undercover position, involving the Bondevik family." Holy shit, is he serious? The Bondeviks? No way. And they want one of us? "You're kidding," I scoff, Kirkland sighing after hearing my response. "I assure you, I'm serious. Captain Kirkland said you should pick out who you think should take this case." You what now? Me? Now I really think this is a prank. "You want my opinion?" They nod and I glance back out to where all my co-workers are.

This case could take forever, that means people would be away from their loved ones for years. Yikes. Berwald, my brother, I couldn't suggest him. He's a great detective, yes, but he has a husband. Tino and Berwald couldn't be apart for that long. They'd go insane. Guess that rules out Tino then. Berwald would have been so good at intimidation too. Ugh. Counting down all the people in the squad, I realise everyone is in a serious, committed relationship. I couldn't do that to anyone. That does leave one, though. Me. I have no one important in my life, besides Tino and Berwald. I can't split people up. Guess it's left to me. "I know who should do this. Me. Let me go undercover." I turn back around to the two. Their eyes have widened considerably, "You want to take the case?" Kirkland questions, his mouth slightly open. "Ja. Please let me do it. I won't let you down." The two men exchange looks, my captain sighing. Eduard looks down at the file once more and then back at me, "Ok, welcome to the case, Mathias. Good luck."

'I won't let you down'... It seems I did anyway. Typical. Just two months and I've already blown it. "Answer me, Køhler," Lukas taps the knife against my neck, as if reminding me that I'm about to die. "Fine," I groan, "You got me. I'm an undercover cop." No point denying it. He caught me red-handed. "How did you know, apart from the obvious phone call?" I can feel his breath down my neck, his hands having a steady grip to restrict my movements. "You obviously didn't belong here. Just earlier you had a breakdown because someone was in pain, any normal criminal wouldn't have batted an eyelid. You are far too cheery for this position, though it was a nice surprise when you snapped at me earlier. You almost had me fooled. Almost." Yep, my personality let me down. I knew my brother would've been better for this. Lukas and I were just starting to understand each other too. "Are you going to kill me? If so, please do it quickly," I mutter, just loud enough so he can hear me. "I'm not going to kill you. I'm not a murderer," He whispers, loosening his grip slightly. "I'm not turning you in to my parents either." At this, he drops his arm, the knife coming away from my throat. You what?

"And why aren't you doing that?" I wriggle out of his loose grip and turn to face him. "I don't want it to end like last time. I'm fed up of them killing people I care about." My eyes widen at the last part, a slight blush working its way onto my cheeks. "You care about me?" He freezes, realising what he said. "I don't know. Possibly. Don't push it, Køhler," Lukas folds his arms, his blond eyebrows furrowed slightly. It's a cute look but now's not the time. I have no clue what's happening. Am I dying or not? Can someone please tell me. He grabs me by the arm and yanks my into his bedroom. So I am dying? Help me, I'm so lost. While I stand there, trying to figure out what the hell is happening, he locks his door, something I clearly forgot to do. "Ok. This room is soundproof so no one can hear us." Great. I'm dying. Of course, he lolled me into a sense of false security. Typical. Abso-fucking-lutely typical. Our eyes meet, and his become wide, a hand flying up to his mouth. "You look like I'm about to slit your throat. I'm not going to kill you, Mathias. I just want to talk in private." He called me Mathias. He's never done that before. Lukas Bondevik walks closer, his lips pursed, a slightly nervous look decorating his beautiful features. What he said next took be completely by surprise.

"I want to help you. I want, no, I need to take down this organisation. Please let me help you. I can teach you how to not get caught. Please, Mathias. Please." My mouth is hanging open. He wants to help me. He wants to take down his own family. What. The. Hell. Is. Happening. "How do I know you won't double-cross me, Lukas?" I will gladly accept help over death, but I need to be sure this won't end in death for me. Otherwise, I'd prefer dying right now to be honest. "Here's what you need to know, if I rat you out after helping you, they wouldn't care if I was on their side. They would kill me along with you. My parents wouldn't even spare their own son. I'm serious, Mathias, I want to help." Guess he's legit. He wouldn't risk his own life. "Why are you doing this? Is it to do with what you confessed earlier?" He's inches away from me, a look of determination in his eyes. "My parents are horrible people, I'm only here because I had no other option. And ja, I can't let another undercover cop be murdered. Not again," Lukas places a hand on my right arm, "So, please. Can I help you?" All I do is nod and just like that, I now have a team member. Thing's just got interesting.

Two months later,

"Ok, what do we do if someone says they now that a person has betrayed the organisation?" Lukas writes the question on the white board he managed to steal from one of the rooms. "Any thoughts, Køhler?" Ok, so basically Lukas is giving me lessons on how to remain uncaught and how to act like I'm an actual member. And, he's transitioned back into referring to me by my last name. Calling me Mathias was a one-time thing. Shame. I scribble down an answer in my notebook which I keep underneath my mattress. "I keep calm, breathe normally, show no emotions, especially not panic. Also, I stare straight ahead and hope they don't mean me." We lock eyes, his purple ones unwavering. He nods. I got it right. It's good having someone on my side who's been a member for fourteen years. He knows all the ins and outs, what to do, what not to do. It's great. "That concludes today's lesson. You're doing good, Køhler." I grin at him, his mouth staying a straight line.

"Why don't you smile, Lukas?" I close the notebook while he erases what's on the board. He glances back at me, "I don't see why I have to be happy when my life sucks." Wow. Emo, much? I let out a small laugh, causing him to glare at me. "Seriously, though. I think you'd look nice if you smiled," I spread my hands out, in a surrender stance. He sits cross-legged on the bed, directly opposite from me. "I don't really know how to smile, Køhler. I'm not an expert like you," He sighs, not making eye contact. "Hey, look. How about I teach you? You can teach me how to not get caught and, in return, I'll show you what it's like to have fun." He'd look so cute smiling. I mean, I don't have a crush on Lukas, but he is certainly hot. Like, he's attractive in an objectively attractive way. You know what I mean? Um, yeah. I do not have a crush on him.

Lukas

"So, what do I do? How do I smile?" He seems to do it so effortlessly. Even now, a smile is spread across his cheeks, touching many of his freckles. His blond mess of a hairstyle is resting against a black cushion, not making it appear any more normal. "It's simple. You've just got to picture something you love and focus on that." Something I love? What do I love exactly? And will it be enough to make me smile? Something I love. Something I love. Hmmm. What do I love? Looking around my bedroom, I try find something that I love. Sure, there's things I like, but none really cause me to smile. Nothing. I come back to being face to face with Mathias Køhler. Him with his stupid grin, making it look so easy. He doesn't know how good he has it. I mean, has he experienced loads of trauma in his life that makes him incapable of getting close to anyone? No. Can he smile freely without anything holding him back? Yes. I wish I had his life. It seems he's realising I'm frowning so he places his hand on my shoulder, looking concerned. Why are certain emotions so easy for other people? Why can't I think of one thing I love?

I stare into Mathias' eyes, not knowing what else to do. His eyes are so blue, they're like cornflowers and his eyes are beautiful, so beautiful. His freckles are littered all over his face, kind of like sprinkles. They're cute. So cute. I feel calmer now, for some reason. He grins at me, another adorable smile. And then, I feel something I've never felt before. The corners of my mouth are spreading upwards and I'm smiling. I'm actually smiling! What does this mean, though? Am I- Am I actually in love with Mathias Køhler? "Wow, Lukas. You did it! I was right, you do look really nice when you smile!" He exclaims, full of happiness. I guess I have a lot to figure out. I may be in love with Mathias. Huh. Perhaps I am. I don't know. It's complicated. Isn't it always?

**************

Wow, the next chapter already? I've had so much motivation for this fic recently!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the interactions between our two queer messes! Please let me know your thoughts in the comments :)

Bye!

~Peanutsfan1