Lukas

"Am I finally doing this right?" Mathias Køhler whines, a knife about to leave his hand, aimed at a mannequin in the middle of the room. "No, again you need to put more wrist into it," I sigh as it drops to the ground, inches away from its target. God this man is like a child. He groans and retrieves the knife from below the mannequin muttering, "I don't get why this is necessary." Looking down at the ground and pinching the bridge of my nose, I spit, "This is necessary because if you get found out they will kill you. You won't always have access to a gun, you know. You've got to extend your arsenal and that includes throwing knives." He's picked it up by this point, an exasperated expression spread all over his face, his nose scrunched up in annoyance, sweat glistening on his forehead. It's a weird look to find endearingly cute but I do. Silently, I've accepted my possible crush on Mathias. Well, I guess not possible, it's very obvious to me, not that I like to admit that. I, begrudgingly, have a crush on Mathias Køhler. Goddammit. At least, this time I'm certain that I do have a crush. Last time ended disastrously. I don't want a repeat. I guess not wanting a repeat is also why I'm helping Mathias achieve the impossible. That, and my parents are monsters that need to be stopped. Both are priorities.

By this point, he's sat himself firmly on the floor, with a clear intention of staying there for a while. Moving forwards, I join him, watching as he heavily breathes in and out. "You alright?" I ask, trying not to show my concern. As Mathias and I have gotten closer, my emotional barrier seems to be collapsing, something I really hate. I've also practically cried in front of him, another thing I hate. If you've grown up in my shoes, you grow to loathe any sort of vulnerability within yourself. In this life, it's the strong and confident who will constantly come on top. Not the weak and vulnerable. There's no place for any kind of emotions, especially ones that highlight you as defenceless in others' eyes. I guess I feel extra pressure to hide away my feelings because I'm male, it's the societal norm. Guys don't cry, that's a sign of weakness. All these things we're led to believe that simply aren't true and have a lasting impact on others. I wish I could speak to Natalya right now; she would always understand what I meant. It's the same for her really, she's always been taught to lock away her feelings. She'd understand. However, talking to Natalya about my problems isn't possible anymore. Not after what I did.

"Ja, I'm fine," Mathias huffs, still catching his breath (we have been training for a while now), "You don't seem to be though. You can try deny, Lukas, but I know you. You're not ok." And there it is. An actual observation from Mathias. He always seems to be oblivious, kind of stuck in his own world. He has a lot going on in his life, so I don't blame him. He is interesting though, he's managed to maintain the happy go-lucky attitude all through the past few months, no matter what's thrown at him. And life has thrown a lot. "You got me," I spread my hands in a surrender pose, one thing he's used to, "I have a lot going through my mind and no one to talk to about it." He brings a hand up, my brain automatically freezing thinking he's going to kiss me. Instead, he wipes the sweat from his forehead, and I curse at myself inwardly. This is why I hate emotions. "What are you on about? You have me to talk to about it, go right ahead," He grins, that adorable crooked smile lighting up his face. I can't believe I have a crush on him. "Fine. I hate emotions. They are a sign of weakness, at least, they are how I was taught," I press my lips firmly together, "And I wish I could talk to Natalya about this. But I can't." His cornflower eyes widen, lips slightly parted, "I guess I don't know how to reply to that because I don't know much about your relationship other than the fact that you two dated." He scoots closer, a hand place on my right arm, underneath my purple heather tattoo. I guess I should open up to him. Enough of my barriers have already collapsed around him, so what's one more? Oh, Mathias Køhler, you are so blissfully unaware of the impact you have on me. "A couple of years ago, I was still working things out in terms of my sexuality. Natalya and I have been best friends since we were children, both being children of high up members in this organisation. Well, basically I made the mistake of confusing platonic for romantic in sort of attempt to convince myself that I was het." And man, was it a big mistake.

"Oh, yeah, that's rough," He sighs, "I'm pan so I understand how you feel slightly, trying to convince yourself that you're straight." He's pan? Oh my God, he likes guys. It's a miracle! Now I only have two more issues with my crush on him. One being that he's an undercover cop and I'm the son of criminals, it's kind of taboo. Two being that he may not like me back. The good thing is that he likes guys. That's the worst problem if you're gay and the person you like is straight. The absolute worst. "I guess it was easier for me to acknowledge my own sexuality because my twin brother came out to me when we were teens," A sad smile crosses his face, the mention of his brother inducing a feeling of melancholy. I didn't realise he had a brother, much less a twin. I have no idea what I'd do without Emil. "Twin? Do you, you know..." "Are we identical? No, we aren't in the slightest. Anyway you're not telling me the full story. Stop trying to distract me, Lukas." Mathias pokes my arm, teasing. "Fine. So, I asked Natalya out. She said yes, I had no idea that she even had a crush on me. We dated for a while, but it soon became clear to me that I was gay and had no feelings for her. I broke up with her and we haven't spoken much since. She didn't take the breakup well. Not because she was homophobic, it was just hard for her to be around me. She stopped calling me Lukas and started calling me sir." It pains me to remember that our friendship is seemingly over. She was the only person who really understood me. The only one who knew everything about me, my deepest secrets, and feelings. And I ruined it. I destroyed our friendship by being so stupid. I hate myself for it.

"I'm so sorry about what happened. The change between the two of you must really hurt," He pulls me into a hug, his embrace warm and loving. I can't replace the gap that was left after my friendship with Natalya was over, but Mathias can at least be the person I confide in from now on. It's quite refreshing to talk to someone who is different from me. It was nice for someone to understand, but Mathias can do that whilst being different. I think I need his happy go-lucky attitude. It feels refreshing. Perhaps his happiness would rub off on me. "The worst part is I used her. I was unaware of it, but I was using her to try prove something to myself. She was my best friend and I used her, Mathias," I bury my head into his chest, feeling like absolute shit. I'm constantly reminded of what I did, every time she calls me 'sir' instead of Lukas it feels like I'm being stabbed, a knife buried deep into my body. And I can make that comparison, I know the feeling. The two are one and the same. And it hurts. It hurts so much. "I know things aren't amazing right now, but time heals all wounds, and that includes emotional. The both of you will be friends again, you've just got to be patient." He really thinks so? I don't know if I can believe that. We're still hugging, his arms encasing me with love and support that I don't deserve. One of his hands brushes my hair, a small whisper of "Holy shit, that's soft" escaping his lips. I don't think he realises I can hear him, but it makes me smile anyway.

"Anyway," I pull away, so that I don't get too flustered, "Enough of that. I was wondering if you'd like to come to an event tonight," I say matter-of-factly, hoping it doesn't sound like I'm asking him out. Because I'm not. I'm really not. His blond eyebrows project upwards slightly, a small blush making its way across his cheeks, "What kind of event?" Not like that, Mathias. I'm not asking you out. You're misreading this situation. "Every month, all the high ups in this organisation meet up and get hammered. I could bring you along, you know, as a way to find out more info." Yeah, see? Not a date. Purely business. Strictly business. "Ah," he glances away, a look of embarrassment causing his cheeks to redden further, "That would be great. Thanks, Lukas. I should let you know that I am not a secret-dropping drunk, if you know what I mean. I won't give myself away." And just like that, I'm trying to get Mathias more involved with the people in this organisation. And bonus, we get to drink whilst doing so.

Mathias

After training, I shower, not wanting to show up to this gathering smelling like sweat. Could you imagine? Gross. Whilst showering, I think back over Lukas and I's conversation. It seems every day I learn more about him and the amount of layers he has. There are so many different sides to him, all locked away under an emotional barrier. I don't hate him anymore, in fact, I'm pretty sure I have a crush on him. I know I was physically attracted to him from the beginning but now I have an actual crush on him. Ugh, of course I do. Not that liking Lukas is a bad thing, it's just in terms of this mission, it's not ideal. Leave it to me to fall in love whilst trying to take down a fucking huge criminal organisation. Just my luck. It's typical Mathias Køhler. I am excited for tonight though; it will be my first sight of Lukas Bondevik drunk. I wonder what kind of drunk he is? Just another side of Lukas I'll find out.

Remembering what Lukas told me after inviting me, I pull on some smart-casual clothes, wanting to look the part. I walk out of my room and come face to face with my crush, his black leather jacket resting on his shoulders. Man, do I have a type. Throughout my life I have constantly thought the punk look is super fucking hot. Lukas Bondevik is just further evidence of that. His black cross earring shines in the light, his lips pursed, fluffy curly hair cascading across the left side of his face. He greets me by the slight twitch of his lips, a ghost of a smile. Adorable. Lukas then takes me by the arm, and we enter the lounge, where a lot of the higher ups are getting drunk out of their minds. "Mathias Køhler, our favourite new recruit! Welcome! I was really happy when my eldest told me he was bringing you along," Kjetil Bondevik greets me from the other side of the room, his wife grinning and waving at me. The people already drunk in the room cheer, along with some who are still sober. I'm no longer fooled by the couple's niceness towards me, I now know it's a front. They torture and kill others. These are not pleasant people. I smile in return and then turn back to Lukas, the only genuine person here so far. He hands me a drink and whispers, "They only serve strong alcohol here so you're just going to have to cope." He clearly underestimates me in terms of drinking. Oh sweetie, I can handle strong. Proving this point, I put it to my lips and chug everything in one go. Take that, Lukas.

He raises an eyebrow and proceeds to follow suit. "Not a lightweight, huh. Good, you can handle tonight," Lukas shouts over the blaring music, something that was put on a couple of seconds afterwards. Man, is it loud. "I was born for tonight! You bet your ass I can handle it!" I grab another drink, letting the strong liquid pour down my throat. This continues for a while and I feel myself getting drunker with every cup, Lukas getting hammered right beside me. We start dancing to the music together, him collapsing into a mess of giggles and smiles. "God you're adorable, Lukas," I mutter in his ear, holding him in a slow dance embrace. His beautiful purple eyes meet mine, glittering, his cute cheeks all red. His hand cups my cheek, an expression of longing written all over his face. "You're so hot, Køhler," He whispers, moving closer, sending shivers down my spine. Lukas Bondevik then brings our lips together, the taste of the booze exploding against me, his lips soft. And his lips are on mine. Lukas fucking Bondevik is kissing me and it's good. It's so good and hot and passionate. When he pulls away I long for more, so I bring our lips together again, him letting me do so. The objective of tonight seems to have changed, but I can't even remember why I was supposed to be here in the first place. All I want now is Lukas. And he wants me.

The next morning,

Head pounding as if someone was banging cymbals right next to it, I open my eyes. Ugh, I hate hangovers. From the look of the posters on the walls, I'm in Lukas' room. Oh shit. Why am I in Lukas' bed? I glance around and notice Lukas cuddled up to me, my arms around him. I take in all his tattoos, the organisation's symbol and the fourteen lines signifying fourteen years of being part of the organisation (yikes), some patterns, the other arm containing tattoos of a mermaid tail and purple heather (which I think is the Norwegian national flower). He's also half naked, the only thing stopping us from being completely nude is our boxers. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. What the hell happened? Shit. Oh shit. Did we really? Shit. His eyes flutter open, meeting mine. Lukas Bondevik then frowns in confusion, looking around, taking in our state. His mouth opens and all that he says is, "Fuck." Yeah, that seems an appropriate response.

***************

 It appears I now have a regular-ish update schedule for this fanfic. Expect updates roughly every week (that is, if I have enough time). So, yeah, the next chapter of our favourite queer messes is here!

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and the interactions between our two main characters. Btw, it's been roughly six months since Mathias has gone undercover. So, yeah, hope you liked it! Please let me know your thoughts, I love reading any comments I get!

Bye!

~Peanutsfan1