I'm on the front patio rereading Fourth Wing for the fifth time now when Teddy's Jaguar enters the driveway. I texted him asking him if he would come over, and to say that I'm feeling all kinds of nervous right now is an understatement.

He parks the car and steps outside, and now my heart is really beating fast. I have so much respect for Teddy and from the first day that I met him, he's given me no reason not to love him. He's the kind of guy that you bring home to your parents. The kind of guy that you show off. But for some reason, my heart isn't connecting the way that I want it to; the way that he deserves it to.

"Hey," he smiles as he makes his way towards me. When he gets to me, he pecks me on the cheek and when he pulls away, I lend him a soft smile. I feel wrong even accepting that from him. He rakes his fingers through his wavy blonde hair, and all I can think about is how I'm about to let him down.

"Hey. How was work?"

"Rough," he sighs, taking the chair next to me. "They have me working under a new guy now because my former manager quit unexpectedly. And he's kind of an asshole. But I'm trying the best I can to just stay focused and do my job." He reaches for my hand and laces our fingers together, then brings our interlocked hands to his lips, placing a kiss on my palm. "How was yours?"

I don't know why, but I freeze. I want to tell Teddy about my dad's engagement, but the words won't come out of my mouth. "Good," I lie. "Ragean says hi. She's dragging me to this party on Saturday night."

"Preston's?" Teddy asks.

"You know him?"

"Eh, kinda. His dad and mine are golf buddies, so we've hung out before."

"Is he a good guy? Raegan's crushing on him pretty hard."

"I don't know too much about him, other than the fact that he just got out of a serious relationship a few weeks ago."

"Hm, I wonder if Raegan knows. She's on a mission to get him to ask her out."

"Why does the sound of that frighten me?" Teddy jokes.

"It frightens me, too," I chuckle. I elongate the laugh for as long as possible because I'm trying so hard to avoid what the conversation is about to turn into. "By the way, thanks for stopping by. There's actually something that I wanted to talk to you about."

"What's going on?" he asks, and I chew on my lower lip. I think Teddy catches onto the fact that something isn't right when he dips his face down to look at me better. "Everything alright?"

"Um," I exhale; my heartrate picking up again. "Not everything."

"What's wrong?" he asks, concerningly.

I shift my body so that it's completely turned to Teddy and then try my hardest to make eye contact with him. "Before I say anything, I want you to know how amazing I think you are," I begin but he backs his body away from me and looks on nervously.

"Why does this sound like a break up?" he asks, and I falter.

"Teddy, I..."

"Lily, what's going on?"

I close my eyes shut, hoping that not looking at him will make this easier, but I don't think anything will, so I open them back up. "I've been thinking a lot over the past couple days, trying to figure out my feelings, and I just...," this isn't easy, "...I just think that we may be better off as friends."

"Friends?" he repeats, and I hate the sudden hurt that I find in his expression.

"Yeah," I whisper as he pulls away. I watch him create this distance between us that I know I now deserve. "I'm so sorry, Teddy. I hope you know that I have nothing but respect and love for you, and I feel so grateful to know you."

"I don't understand. Did I do something to make your feelings change?"

"No," I shake my head abruptly. "Not at all. My heart just...it isn't cooperating the way that you deserve it to. I'm...I'm so sorry."

"Look, Lily. I like you. In fact, I really like you. And I'm not going to lie, this hurts. Bad. But if breaking up is what you want, then I've got to respect your wishes."

I look down, feeling like absolute shit, feeling like I'm making the biggest mistake. "I hope you don't hate me."

"Hey," he whispers, and I slowly pick my head up. "I could never hate you."