𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃
if my strength intimidates you, i hope you realize that's a weakness of yours

"MAGGIE, you have to understand that when you love someone and you go into battle, you're always going to think about that specific person. You could be getting shot at and you pause, thinking; what if I get shot? They would live without me. That thought- that single thought of that person you love being alone is something that makes you freeze in battle. And when you freeze in battle, you're bound to die."

Clarke locked eyes with Maggie's shiny green ones as she set her hand on her shoulder. "Glenn thought of you and because of that, he thinks that he let us - Rick, Hershel, and I - down. With a group, it's very dangerous to freeze in battle because not only are you in danger, everyone else is too. You have to see it from his perspective."

"Thank you, Clarke." Maggie gave her a light smile. "Why do you speak as if you have been through wars?"

"My dad was in the military. He taught my brothers and I things that could help us defend ourselves," Clarke half lied. Her father might have been in the military, but it was before her brothers and her were even born.

"You have brothers?" Lori questioned, her eyes set on Clarke, but her long fingers reached for pieces of thin bacon that laid on a plate. They had made breakfast for Beth who had passed out in shock.

"Yeah - had," Clarke corrected her. "I mean, I think they're dead." She sighed as they became confused, but intrigued. "We got separated. Technically, we were hijacked by a herd of walkers. We were standing by Baby, trying to fill the tank when growls filled our ears. It went down hill from there. They were being cornered by at least two dozen walkers while I was chased by the rest. I fought the walkers off the best I could and then I fell off a short cliff. Two weeks later, I saved Sophia and here I am. They could have survived and could be looking for me right now, but- but I have this sinking feeling in my gut that they didn't survive."

"I'm sure they're out there right now, searching all over the place for you," Lori told Clarke, sending her a sympathetic look.

"Don't sympathise with me," Clarke demanded, a growl forming in her throat. "Anyways, it's not like it's the first time I've lost them." She shrugged, snatching up a piece of bacon and slipping it into her mouth. She focused on the juicy flavour instead of the dreaded topic. Sam, Dean, and Cas.

"HOW are you guys doing?" Clarke asked, gently plopping down beside Carl and Sophia as they played with blocks. She was bored and decided to hang out with the kids seeing as they were the least complicated beings on the farm.

"We're making rock towers. Do you want to help us?" Sophia looked, innocence shining in her bright green eyes. The sunlight casted down on her face, making her freckles more prominent.

"Yeah!" Carl exclaimed, standing up with eyes full of excitement. "Please, please."

"What do I get in return?" Clarke questioned playfully, giving them a sly smirk as they exchanged looks.

"You can..." Sophia trailed off, tilting her head. "You can have have all the ice cream you want in the world!"

"All the ice cream I want?" Clarke asked with a fake gasp, eyes wide. "In the world!?" She then giggled, showing the side of her that she usually hides because of the way she was raised to be tough.

Across the yard, she noticed slight movement. When she looked over, Clarke found Daryl hanging up some squirrels. Her thoughts strayed as she was reminded of her ex-boyfriend, Finn. He always used to hunt and bring back food for the two of them. She didn't have to worry about Sam or Dean back then because it was the first and last time she had ever ran away.

She was fifteen at the time, Finn being eighteen. She loved him and he loved her back. That was before he went crazy and started killing innocent people. They only way to stop him was to kill him. So, she stabbed him in the heart with the blade he made for her on her birthday.

"Clarke, are you okay?"

She shook her head, clearing her throat as she looked down at the children. Their eyes were full of worry as they gazed back at her, and she forced a smile, and bent down to their level, making eye contact.

"Yeah." Clarke nodded, gently running a hand through her hair. She then sighed loudly as they continued to stare at her in worry. "I'm okay," she repeated the same words that she always says when people ask her if she's okay.

"We know you're not okay, you're sad, "Carl pointed out, his eyes searching her's. "You know, it's okay to not be okay all the time."

"I—" Clarke stumbled over her words in shock. After forcing herself out of the stupor he put her in, she questioned him, "When did you get so wise?"

"When I met you," Carl flirted, making her let out a loud and unladylike snort, gaining the attention of the group. She smiled slightly at Carl, giving him a single pat on the head before standing up straight, wincing as she did so. Her wound was healing faster than it was before, but it still hurts like a son-of-a-bitch.

"Smooth," Clarke commented with a grin. "But not smooth enough. I think I'm a little bit too old for you, buddy."

"I'll be eighteen in six years," he informed her with excited eyes.

"Well, in that case—" She leaned down and placed a kiss on his cheek, instantly gaining a reaction. His cheek heated under her lips. "Hit me up then."

Sophia gave her a thumbs up as Clarke turned to smile at her. "You guys are too cute," Clarke muttered before ruffling their hair as she walked past them, and towards Dale who sat in a chair by the RV.

"How are you doing, old man?"

"I would be better if we didn't have to send that boy out there all alone, no weapons and no water or food," he told her with a look filled with depression that soon turned into a thoughtful one. "But I guess you can make it up to me by telling me about yourself." His eyes displayed mystery and intrigue.

"There's nothing about me to tell," Clarke told Dale, furrowing her eyebrows. No one except for the kids and Glenn have taken an interest in her, so that leads her to ask herself a question; where was Dale going with this?

"Hmm," he hummed, swiping his hat off and running a hand over his head. "Favourite food? Favourite colour? Are you a dog or cat person?"

Clarke laughed loudly at his cliche questions. She then froze as he continued in a serious tone, "Parents? Siblings?" She narrowed her eyes at Dale.

"Well, my favourite food is pizza, favourite colour is blue, and I guess I'm more of a dog person." She blatantly ignored his other two questions.

"No parents or anything?" She turned her head away from him, gazing around as she avoided the judge filled look she knew he was giving her. "Did it happen before or—"

"Why do you want to know about me all of a sudden?" She questioned harshly, giving him a heated glare. "Why do you care? And why would you ask personal questions when you know that if my family was alive, I'd be with them and not here?"

"Could've gotten separated," Dale responded with a shrug.

"What about you, huh?" He looked over at her in confusion as she began to question him, "What about your family? Sisters? Brothers?" She paused. "Children?"

When she knew she hit a nerve, she leaned towards him and continued, "Yeah, you didn't like that, did you? Now you know how I feel."

She rose from her seat and before she could stalk off, Dale spoke up, "I know who you are."

Clarke raised an eyebrow in question, her body went stiff as he spoke again, "Bobby spoke fondly of you. He told me about the three children he took into his care and about how good they turned out to be." Intrigued, she sat back down in the chair. "He specifically told me about a young girl named Clarke. He said she was a wonderful and bright young woman, and an overall great student. He told me about how even when you are hurting and you want to give up, you don't. You keep fighting because that's all you know how to do. He loved you, Clarke. You were like a daughter to him. And your brothers? Dean and Sam, they were like his sons. He loved the three of you." Tears clouded her vision as he finished, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I loved him too," she choked out, chewing on her lip, staring at the ground.

"BETH?" Clarke called out hesitantly as she stepped into the young girls bedroom. "I know we don't know each other and I definitely wasn't a nice person to you, but you have to know that we all don't want you to harm yourself."

The young blonde sat on the edge of the bed, staring out the window with unshed tears in her eyes. Clarke continued, "You have people to care for and to love. You still have a long and happy-ish life to live. Even if it's the apocolypse, there's still people outside this door, scattered around on this farm, who love you deeply. Do you really want to take away another person from them?"

"You don't understand, I don't want to be here anymore. I can't. I just can't." Her hands covered her face as she sobbed. Clarke shuffled towards her and awkwardly embraced her. She tensed as Beth's small and pale arms wrapped around her waist.

"I was like you once," Clarke spoke after a moment of silence. "I was in love and then he was taken away from me; I thought I had lost everything. And even though I had my brothers and my father, it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to keep me wanting to live. So, I tried to kill myself."

Clarke pulled back and slightly lifted up her shirt, allowing Beth to see the small scar that sat on her stomach before dropping it and continuing, "I stabbed myself. I was actually satisfied for a bit until I realized something; I would be leaving behind my brothers and my father. They had already lost so much, who was I to take away someone else from them? So, I dialed 911 and I was rushed to the hospital. I survived. And if I can survive, so can you." She laid a hand on Beth's shoulder as she finished.

"I ca — I can't. I can't, Clarke. I'm just so sad," Beth hiccuped, her eyes welling up with tears again. She placed a hand over her heart as she continued, "It hurts. There's so much pain."

"That's the thing about pain; it demands to be felt."

"I'm so sorry," the young blonde sobbed, falling into Clarke's lap who breathed out slowly as her left arm wrapped around Beth's waist and her right hand found it'a way into her hair. "I'm just so... so scared."

Clarke swallowed thickly, looking down at the blonde, realizing that this could be her right now if she had a kid. Tears pooled in her eyes at the thought of the life she can never have.

"Fear is a part of being human, Beth. It's the precursor to bravery. We need it, it wakes us up to what needs to be done. So feel it, own it, let it ignite your thoughts." Clarke bit the inside of her cheek as she ran her long fingers through Beth's beautiful blonde locks. "No one is afraid of heights, they are afraid of the fall. No one is afraid of the dark, they are afraid of what's in it. You shouldn't let fear control you. You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. Remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in your head." She gave her a small smile. "You just have to find something worth fighting for, and live."

"I will fight for the group," Beth stated in determination, quickly wiping away her tears.

Clarke smiles at that. "There you go. Always find something worth fighting for, and you'll be okay."