There was a silence as he waited for an answer.

I pulled at the collar of my hoodie, a nervous chuckle escaped my lips as I combed my hair back. Lee's not the type of person to notice things, April and I had to kiss in front of him before he realized she liked me.

"I don't know what you're trying to—''

Lee shrugged, pointing at the mattress and said, "Are you–like...hooking up with him?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

Lee shut the door behind him and shrugged, spreading his arms out into the air. "I don't know maybe because it's so fucking obvious!" Lee did this thing when he was angry, he liked to curl his hands into fists and slowly relax them repeatedly.

I just wanted to know why he was angry.

"Lee, don't assume things just because you think you know what's going on," I said.

He scoffed. "Okay, so you want me to believe he's your new best friend?" He shook his head and continued, "No offensive Apollo, but you're not really the type of guy to make new friends. Especially not with someone like Amory."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You hate people like him! You hate going to parties!" He shouted. "But I get it now. The soccer game, homecoming, the Halloween party, the Christmas party—all that stuff was because you liked him."

I laughed and shook my head. "You're literally connecting imaginary dots and making no—''

"Apollo, would you stop lying to me!" He pleaded. "I know! I'm not an idiot."

I bit my lip, trying to think of a way to explain myself. If I told him the truth I'd be outing Amory.

I can't do that.

"Lee, we're just friends."

Just a month ago I couldn't stand the thought of being just friends, but as weird and painful as it was, it was something I had to do.

Lee shook his head and muttered, "No. We're supposed to be friends. We're supposed to tell each other everything! Remember, no more secrets."

No more secrets was something we had promised each other after Jackson died. I think it was the only moment we ever really acknowledged that Jackson was gone. Most of the time we don't talk about him.

But I also never knew when or how I'd tell Lee about how I felt for Amory. It's true, we told each other almost everything. But I didn't know how to tell him this, or even if I wanted to. April just found out because she knows me so well, and Mei...Mei doesn't know either.

I don't know when I'm supposed to do all this. This part—the coming out.

"Do you even realize what you're asking me to say?"

"Apollo, I'm your best friend." He stared down at the ground. "You can't even trust me?"

Silence seemed like the only thing I was good at.

Lee suddenly glared at me, ripping off his beaded necklaces, throwing them on the ground. "Are you mad at me or something?"

"Why would I be mad?" I asked.

"Is it because of Jackson's memorial?" He asked. "Are you mad at me for that?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, my tone becoming more irritated.

"You didn't even want to go to his memorial, and you barely even wanted us at the Christmas party!"

"I invited you to the party, and I went to the memorial! Our friends needed us," I said.

"No, no, no," Lee gasped. "You don't get to be pissed at me! You avoid him too!"

"I wasn't mad at you!" I shouted.

"Aren't you?" He asked. "You don't text me anymore–you don't even hang out with me anymore!" There was something in his eyes that was different than all the times we had mentioned Jackson, and that day. "You weren't there, Apollo." He turned away from me. "It was just me. I saw him," he cried.

"Lee," I murmured.

He shoved my arm away and snapped, "So, sorry I didn't come to the memorial, but when I think of him I don't remember my friend. I see what I saw that day, and that day keeps me up at night."

"Lee—''

"I'm going home," he said. "Have fun with—'' he paused for a moment, with his hand on the doorknob. "Whatever he is or isn't."

I watched him disappear down the hall.

I made my way through the crowd of dazed teenagers, holding red solo cups, and dancing to the music playing over the speakers in the living room. There was a kid with a bright orange beanie by the coolers handing out beers, while some of the older kids were in the kitchen mixing drinks.

I walked up to the kid in the orange beanie and pointed to the blue cooler. He smirked and quickly opened it, handing me two beers.

Two beers wasn't enough to get me drunk, but I'd do my best. I needed to after what just happened with Lee. I couldn't believe what an asshole he was.

Why did I have to tell him anything? Why was he so offended by having this one...secret? It's a big one—so why was he so upset I decided to keep it to myself?

I quickly chugged the can in my hand, crushing it once I had finished. There was a sudden clapping coming from behind me and I turned around to see my old teammate, Nick.

He had a smirk plastered on his face as he handed me a red cup. I nodded, acknowledging his gesture.

"AP," he said, sticking out his hand. I held the beer and new drink in one hand, as the other collided with his hand, clasping it tightly. Nick was the type of guy who liked those types of handshakes.

It was his way of letting you know he thought you were cool.

Why did he think I was cool?

I'll never know.

"I saw you down that beer just now. Impressive," he said, crossing his arms.

"I guess," I shrugged, taking a swing at the drink he handed me. It left a burning sensation down my throat, and it tasted terrible, but I didn't care.

"Slow down," he said, pointing at the drink. "It's kinda strong."

I shrugged, taking another round. His smile slowly faded, and turned into concern as he tilted his head to the side. "You okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine," I said.

He slowly nodded. "It looks like you're trying to have a good time."

I nodded, tossing the empty cup into the black trash bag by the kitchen counter.

"That's the idea," I said.

"Well, Michael's mixing drinks over there. They're complete shit, but just ask him for something strong and he'll make it—actually, I'll make one for you!"

He walked me towards the mixing station they had set up on the kitchen island, and began making my drink. Nick was a nice guy, but I wouldn't call him a friend. He's just some guy I swam with for the school.

So I wonder why he was being so nice to me.

"So, how have you been?" He asked.

"Fine."

He glanced at me and chuckled. "This is usually when you ask me how I've been," he said.

"I'm not really trying to know. I don't actually care," I said, bluntly. This is when I can feel the alcohol setting into my bloodstream. I don't care enough to entertain people.

Even less than I usually do.

"You're a mean drunk," he joked.

"I'm always like this."

Nick shrugged and smirked. "Well, I guess I also have an ulterior motive." He glanced down at the drink he was mixing up. "I've been wondering when you'll come back and join the team."

I shrugged, opening the second can of beer.

"I'm not."

"Why?"

"I'm bored," I said.

He nodded and said, "Yeah, that makes sense. When you're the best swimmer in the state, of course you'd get bored of your competition."

"I was never the best," I said. "I didn't even win the title."

"You're pretty damn close." He glanced at me and added, "You were the only one to make it to state."

"If you're trying to recruit me for next season, I'm going to pass."

He placed the drink in front of me. "Apollo, we like you. As much as you like to think people don't—and maybe some don't—your teammates actually give a damn. We're here for you. You can come back anytime," he said.

I nodded, picking up the cup. "See you around," I said.

Why did everyone need me all of the sudden? No one ever acted like this before, and now that I'm sick of everything, they want me back?

I blinked a few times, each time my eyelids were getting heavier. My fingers and hands felt numb, and my body felt heavy. I made my way through the living room and out towards the front yard. Amory was outside with April, waving around their sparklers in the driveway.

It seemed like they were in a deep conversation from the way April held her head down. Amory's eyes met mine, whispering something to April before he quickly waved at me. I nodded, making my way towards them. April rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands before turning towards me.

"Hey," she said, smiling. I could tell by the way her eyelashes clumped together that she cried. "Amory's been waiting for you."

I nodded, pointing to the drink in my hand. "Want some?" I asked.

She shook her head and chuckled. "No, I drove myself."

I shrugged, glancing at Amory. He was staring intently at the burning sparkler, watching it extinguish.

"I can tell you've had a lot," she said, shaking her head. "You've got that far away look in your eyes."

"Shut up," I said.

April glanced at Amory before standing up, and patting my back. "I'm gonna find Lee," she said. April left us alone in the driveway, humming a song as she left. Amory set the sparkler down as he stood up, his hands fumbling with the zipper of his green coat.

"Cold?" I asked, stepping closer to him.

"I've been out here for awhile," he said. "Where have you been?"

I sighed, throwing my head back in frustration. "I was talking to some people."

Amory chuckled and asked, "Annoying people?"

"How did you know?"

"You look pissed," he said.

I chuckled, hanging my head. I didn't know I was that easy to read. I expected to have some level of mystery to myself, but I guess he just knows me well. It didn't take him that long.

"I'm not that angry."

"Must have been something," he added. "You smell like you drank a case of beer."

I shook my head, staring up at the night sky. The stars were always shining brightly in the middle of winter. Staring up at the blurry white dots in the sky made me realize I was a little on the drunk side. I stumbled back, feeling dizzy.

"Apollo," Amory said, grabbing my arm.

"Sorry," I mumbled, holding onto his sleeve.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded, closing my eyes. I don't know what closing my eyes was going to do to help with my lightheadedness but it just made me sleepy. Amory chuckled, pulling me into his arms. "Apollo, you can't fall asleep."

I nuzzled my head into his neck and whined, "Sleep is good."

"Just stay up for two more hours," Amory whispered. I groaned, stomping my foot into the ground.

He laughed again. "I can call an Uber to drive us to your house," he suggested. I straightened my back and shook my head, looking right into his eyes.

"Not. My. House."

Amory furrowed his eyebrows and nodded. I'm glad he didn't ask any questions, I didn't want to get into it all.

He smirked as a thought popped into his head, "I have an idea." He pulled away from me and rummaged through his pockets, pulling out a clear bag full of bang snappers.

He filled his hands with snappers and glanced at me, a smile crept onto his face. I shook my head in disapproval. He grinned and raised his hands, clasping the snappers and tossing them all onto the ground by my feet. The snappers all popped and lit up the ground at my feet like small fireflies turning on and off.

Jackson used to do the same thing with the bang snappers. He loved to toss them at people's feet, even his own. He liked throwing them up in the air too, and covering his head as they fell back down.

"Don't," I said, preparing for the second wave. Amory shook his head and tossed them into the air.

I laughed and kicked my feet trying to avoid the small snaps, and lights.

"Jackson, quit it."

I froze.

The moment it left my lips I felt a cold wave wash over my entire body, bringing the hairs on my arms up.

Amory set his hand down, staring at me with his head tilted to the side.

"Uhm—Amory." I reluctantly corrected myself. "Sorry."

Amory shook his head. "It's okay," he said.

I grabbed a handful of snappers from the bag he held in his hand, and tossed them on the sidewalk.

I pressed my back against the garage door, and slowly slid down. Amory cautiously walked towards me, handing me the rest of the snappers. I stared down at the ground, silently. Amory sat next to me, waiting for me to say something.

"It really is okay," Amory murmured.

I nodded, throwing a single snapper on the pavement. "Yeah."

Amory turned his head to look at me and said, "You can tell me about him."

I glanced at him, furrowing my eyebrows.

"I know he was your friend, and—and you've never told me about him—''

"So?" I said.

Amory pressed his lips together, nodding. "I just want to know him. You can tell me—I'll listen."

I turned away from him and chuckled. "You don't have to know anything about him," I muttered, slowly standing up. Amory stared up at me and shrugged.

"There's no point," I added.

Amory stood up, grabbing my shoulder. "I want to know!"

I pushed his hand away. "Amory, stop."

"Apollo, you just called me Jackson!" He exclaimed. "You walked all the way here, and you're drunk! Something's up!"

"I'm gonna go," I said. "I'll see you." I pushed past him, making my way towards the house to find April.

Amory shook his head. "Seriously?" He asked in disbelief. "Apollo, please."

"I'm gonna ask April for a ride," I said. "Go have fun with your friends."

Amory didn't say anything else, and I walked away.