"Today we remember Jackson Asher and the joy he..." I drowned out Principal Winchester and stared at Jackson's photo that was projected on the screen behind him. There was sweat dripping down his forehead, all the way down to his neck. He wore a smile that reminded me of how happy he was that day. April grabbed my hand and I looked down at her face. She had tears welling up in her eyes, and a small smile. The kind of smile that comes right before the wave of sadness. A wave that knocks you to your knees and submerges you until you're swept away, kicking and thrashing to reach the surface. I knew that feeling all too well.

I squeezed her hand and turned my attention back to the photo. Jackson had just won our school the state championship, something he had dreamed of. So, how could this photo have been taken two months before he died? I remember this day. I remember this exact moment, I remember hearing him laugh. He was just here.

I turned to face Mei, who was sitting in the row behind us. She kept her head down and avoided looking at the image on the screen. Her short black hair draped her face, and her hands were clutching a purple wristband. It was the same purple wristband that Jackson wore in the photo. It was on his wrist while he held the trophy up to his face. Mei rarely talked about Jackson, but that didn't mean she wasn't sad. April told me she still cried a lot, and that her parent's had been waiting months to find her a therapist. Mei had every reason to be upset; she was close to Jackson in a way that was different from her closeness to Lee.

Mei and Lee were close, but Jackson and Mei were like brother and sister. And Jackson did not take his responsibilities lightly. "No one is good enough for our Mei-Mei," Jackson would say.

Having female friends was much different than having male friends, in my opinion. Girls were wonderful in their own right, but they were much kinder than guys, and that felt nice. It was a wonder why men were allowed to be anywhere near them. We had agreed that when it came to Mei and April, we would go to any lengths for them.

But I feel like we've betrayed them, and now that the time has actually come, I'm frozen. Instead, anything I do only makes matters worse. I feel like we're holding on by a thread.

I watched as one of the school councilors approached her and escorted her out of the assembly. It was probably best if she got away from it all. That photo most likely reminds us all of that night. That night, when everything was perfect, we were happy.

I wish I could go back and tell them they were idiots and I envied them.

The assembly had been short but was mainly to remind the students and staff of the resources available to us. You know, if we had trouble adjusting, grieving, or dealing with any issues of our own. "Did your parents sign you up for the wellness sessions?" April asked, walking beside me to our history class.

"We talked about it for a second, but they said I didn't have to," I said.

"How about grief counseling?" She asked.

"They said I should, but I said no. I think they're trying their best to make all of this normal."

"Mei's parents might have talked to all our parents. They said that all of Jackson's friends should consider it. Not just the counseling, but therapy too. I think Mei really scared them since her parents were never really... about this kind of stuff," she said.

At first, Mei's parents had a hard time trying to understand what their daughter was going through. They had an even harder time understanding what Jackson had done. It was something my parents also struggled with.

My mom didn't understand why Jackson would do something like that, and my dad used to believe mental illness wasn't a big deal; it was just a weakness. I think the reason why he had changed his mind was because he had known Jackson. In his eyes, Jackson wasn't weak; instead, he learned that Jackson was actually sick.

But his illness was something he suffered in silence.

I think my dad realized this the day he saw Mr. Asher crying at his son's funeral.

That was also the day I saw my own father cry.

"It's not so bad. Mei says it's been helping a lot with her anxiety," April said.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"This morning must have been hard. I don't think she's seen him since the wake. I wish she would talk to me about it; I hate seeing her pretend." I held the door open as she entered the classroom. Her eyes uncomfortably shifted towards me, and I looked up to see most of our classmates staring at us.

This is how the day went. Glances here and then, and whispers all around.

Walking through the halls felt weird. Usually, Jackson would be waiting outside my classroom after last period to drive him home, but it was just me. It had been just me for months. Most of the time, I ditched last period so I didn't have to remember Jackson's face peeping through the window outside the classroom door. I missed a lot of classes, but it was better than thinking I had seen a ghost.

......

"Mr. Rogers is getting a suspension?" April said putting down her orange. Mei nodded, holding up her phone to show us the email sent to her parents.

"All the parents found out about what happened at the environmental trip," Mei explained. "And apparently, one of the students' parents wanted him to be suspended. I think they were threatening to sue the school."

"It wasn't your parents, right?" April asked me. While sipping my milk, I raised an eyebrow and shook my head.

"I told them what Mr. Rogers had planned. Also, the police told us what happened to him. It was just a mistake; besides, my parents like Mr. Rogers," I said.

"So what did happen, Apollo?" April asked. I shrugged and continued eating my turkey sandwich. I hadn't told anyone about Amory yet. I just didn't think it was the right time to introduce someone. Besides, our friendship was only temporary. It was convenient at the time, and that was alright with me.

"Nothing," I said. "If anything happened, would I be here?"

"I guess you're right," April said.

"So how did they find him?" Lee asked suddenly.

"He said he was looking for better service and wandered off too far. He got lost trying to get back to us. He said he was walking around for hours trying to find us," I said.

"What about his cell phone? I'm sure he would have found service at some point," April said.

"He did; that's how he called the camp to come look for us, but you know, Mr. Rogers still carries around his old ass phone," I said.

"Poor man. Someone buy him a new one," Mei said, shaking her head.

"Dude, that sounds scary. You were left in the middle of nowhere in the dark with a complete stranger. You could have died," Lee said.

"I'm sure someone would have found us," I said.

"Dead or alive?" Lee teased.

"Fuck off!" I chuckled.

April laughed and began talking about her trip to Europe. I listened intently as she excitedly recounted her adventures abroad. April was a priceless treasure to me. I didn't understand how something so amazing and bright lived inside of such a tiny person. I admired her for that, but I wondered if she ever grew tired of upholding that image.

I wanted to spend the entirety of my life with her. It was the same way I wanted to spend my entire life with Mei and Lee, growing older with them. That was a nice thought, however it was distorted after Jackson. Everything seemed to become a blur after Jackson. Everything I thought I knew and desired was put into question.

I didn't like to think about it much.

"Apollo..." April said, nudging me.

"I was listening," I lied. She rolled her eyes and smiled at someone behind me. I turned around and my stomach dropped.

"Hey," Amory said, awkwardly standing with his hands in his pockets.

"H-hey," I said. I could feel my friends' stares as Amory and I continued.

"Are you busy right now?" He asked.

"Um, no, I'm done eating. Do you need to—"

"Yeah, I was hoping to talk to you. If you want me to wait, I can—"

"No! We can go," I interrupted him, quickly cleaning up my trash. Amory nodded and bit his lip as he waited. Lee looked at him oddly before turning to April, who was just as confused.

"I'll see you guys after school," I promised. They nodded and waved slowly as Amory and I walked away together, heading towards the gym.

"Sorry if I interrupted anything," He said.

"No, it's okay. My friends like to talk a lot about nothing," I said.

"I just wanted to say thank you. You know... for saving me. I'm not the best swimmer, but I think I got lucky when I was pushed towards those rocks. But if you hadn't come, I think I would've died, " Amory explained.

"Yeah, it's no problem. I'm just glad you didn't get seriously hurt," I said, glancing at his leg. He was walking normally, so it was safe to assume his injury had healed. Amory smiled at me and nodded.

"Oh, and I also wanted to say sorry. My dad was kind of a douche towards your mom and you. He's not very friendly when it comes to people in general," He said.

"Oh yeah, my mom was a little upset; she thought it was because we're Hispanic," I said.

"My dad still has his own prejudices, but that's not why he was acting like that," he said.

"Oh..." I said. This was now uncomfortably awkward. I'd never actually had any friends who were racist. Mei was Chinese and Lee was Korean and Filipino, but their parents never cared about my race, and mine didn't care about theirs. April always forgot we were minorities. "I'm the minority in this group," she would say.

"My dad doesn't hate Hispanics; he just lets out a microaggression or two," he explained. He scrunched his face up as he realized what he had said didn't exactly paint the best picture of his family.

"Yeah...I don't think that's any better," I said, smiling at him.

"I know. I'm sorry, that's just how he was raised," he said. "But I-I don't care that you're Mexican! I actually like you a lot."

"Thanks. Uhm, I don't mind that you're white..." I teased. He smiled and grabbed my hand as he started leading me towards the back doors.

"Where are we going? I have algebra next, we're learning about another thing I'll never understand," I said.

"So why go?" Amory asked walking us towards the football field.

"Points are being made," I said. Amory let go of my hand as he directed me under the bleachers.

"What are we doing?" I asked looking out towards the field.

"We're watching the soccer team. Watch how pissed James gets when he realizes I'm not there for my free period," he said.

"James? Is he the new captain?" I asked.

"Yeah, he sucks. He tries so hard, but always falls short. The team thinks he overcompensates since the last captain was a legend," Amory said, peering through the bleachers. My chest tightened. "Apparently, he won this school the first state title in over fifteen years."

Was Amory unaware of the previous captain? Was he aware of Jackson's identity, or was he making fun of me? Had he gotten to know who I was over the summer? I looked over at Blake, who was sitting alone on the grass, stretching. Jackson was Blake's closest friend and one of the team's most capable players, so why did James receive the title of captain and not Blake? It always seemed to me that Blake was second in command when Jackson was absent.

"Hey," Amory said, shaking me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I replied, turning my attention towards him.

"Why do you do that?" He asked.

"Do what?"

He looked back towards the field and shrugged.

"Zone out. You do it a lot. I can't ever tell if you're just thinking or if you...go away for a bit," he said. "I've seen you do it before. I just wondered if I should be worried," he said.

There it is.

I sighed deeply and shook my head, adjusting my backpack as I began walking back towards school. The tightness in my chest remained, but I wasn't going to let it consume me this time. As Amory called my name from behind, I placed my hand over my chest and continued walking.

Just when I thought I'd found someone who didn't bother me. Someone who didn't interfere with my life, but everyone is the same. It was naive of me to think this was different. "You don't have to be worried about me. You don't even know who I am." I raised my hand and waved him away. I wished I could be angry at Amory, but all I felt was sadness.

"Apollo!" I heard my name be called by a new voice approaching. I glanced back and Blake was waving me down. I hadn't talked to Blake since the funeral.

Blake smiled as he reached out to hug me, but I took a step back, hoping he got the message. He quickly drew back, as if I hadn't just rejected him, and smiled again.

"How are you?" He asked.

"I'm fine," I stated flatly. He nodded and placed his hands on his hips.

"I saw you and wanted to catch up," he explained.

"Not much has happened since."

"That's all right..."

"I noticed you hanging out with Hartmann. I was wondering if you guys get along well?" He asked.

"We're not really friends, no. I only met him a few weeks ago," I said.

"Oh, you two seem so close... I saw you with him under the bleachers...so I guess I just thought-"

"Don't mix that with anything," I warned.

"Sorry about that, he's just a problem child. He doesn't really respond well to authority. He doesn't seem like the type of guy you'd want to hang out with. I should have known better, " He clarified.

"You're not the captain," I pointed out. He nodded and lowered his gaze to his sneakers. I'd never seen him act so...ashamed.

"Yeah, I rejected the vote. I didn't want to be captain. I doubt I would have done a decent job. I didn't want to ruin everything Jackson had built, " He explained.

"You don't think you could have done better?"

"No," he replied.

"And you don't think you rejecting captain is messing up what Jackson built?" I asked. Blake looked back up and furrowed his brows.

Apollo, just shut up. Why are you mad? Blake hasn't done anything, I thought.

"It's bullshit. The thing about legends is that they do die, eventually. I think you're an idiot for passing it up. You could've done better. You should never try to be the person you admire; instead, work to surpass them. Wouldn't Jackson say something like that?" I said as I returned to the entrance.