Song: 'It Ends Tonight' - The All-American Rejects

-*-

Despite the fact that Harry's house has just be professionally cleaned because of his impending arrival, I have spent the entire morning pottering and titivating around every room.  The swirl of excitement over his return is bursting inside of me and about to spill over at any moment.

Before the handle on the French Doors is even fully depressed, I sprint into the hallway.  He has literally just stepped in through the door when I throw myself at him.  His flight bag falls off his shoulder and onto to the floor as both his arms gather me to him and he swings me around.  My overzealous pecks over his face have him playfully grimacing with laughter.

"I peck missed peck you peck so peck much peck."

"I missed you too.  This has to be the best welcome home I've ever had."  He settles my feet onto the floor but does not let me go. 

His lips find mine and he kisses me, slowly at first but the intensity of those kisses dramatically increases as his hand slides up my back and into my hair.  We begin to move and he steers me backwards towards the stairs then guides me up a step at a time. His eager lips barely leave mine.  At the top of the first flight, I turn and grasp his hand then run up the second flight, dragging a laughing him behind me.  When we reach the bedroom door, we stumble through it and he reconnects his lips to mine, all whilst pawing at each other's clothes. Our sexual appetite for each other is rampant. 

He is wildly emotionally charged and I feel it but most importantly I feel safe with it.  In desperation to be reunited, we are quickly skin against skin, with roaming hands and exploring mouths gasping for breaths.  But, in a split second the atmosphere changes because he stops.  He studies me for a second, his eyes sparklingly tired after his flight from LA.  In his pause, I sense his trepidation and we are in that place of his unknown again. 

In desperation to reignite the intensity and reassure him it is okay, I wrap my arms around his neck and pull at his curls.  I deepen our kiss forcing my tongue into his mouth trying to relight the flame. Our breathing is still rapid and his hardness rests against me as I pull him with me back onto the bed.  

With his full weight on me, he eases into me and my hands reach behind his back to enjoy the feeling of his pulsating muscles.  My legs wrap around his torso as he fills me, deeper.  He growls out a moan and rests his forehead on mine.  "Fuck, you feel so fucking unbelievably good. I've missed you so much."

Our connection is slow and sensual as we move together, relishing being back together again. We both fly high, me falling first followed by him, then he immediately rolls onto his back and pulls me into his chest. He holds me in his arms tightly, safe to him and loved as always.

The tenderness continues in our shower together afterwards.  We cuddle under the jet stream until the temperature cools; standing silently breathing each other in, the occasional kiss against wet skin. 

We sit over lunch to catch up because despite talking every day and just before he boarded his flight, life seems to be moving at such a fast pace at the moment with not a few hours passing by when something new comes along. 

"Recovered after the video shoot and end of tour party?" I ask as I chop raw vegetables.

"The party is a lovely way to say thank you to everyone.  Meeting and working with DeVito on the video was amazing too. It is like a Coachella festival of colour with acrobats, performers, a chimp and marching band.  I cannot wait for you to see it.  I was the expression of 'love'."

I smile at him.  "Of course you are, I wouldn't have expected anything else.  Exciting times.  We have so much coming up, not sure I can keep up."

"So, anything new here?"  He asks crunching his way through carrots, celery and pitta breads dipped in houmous. 

"Do you want the good news or the bad news?"

"Oh no, let's hear the bad news first, always best to get that out the way."

"My move into the room in the house is delayed.  The guy moving out had issues with his Visa application for Australia so isn't actually leaving until next week."  I roll my eyes skywards in annoyance.

Harry on the other hands looks pleased.  "That's great news, well for me anyway.  Means I get to have you here for a little longer."

"Not sure you'll be smiling when you see your study room.  It's full of my boxes of stuff.  I'm sorry."

"You worry about the silliest things. It's no problem.  And the good news?"

"I."  I stand tall looking suitably pleased with myself and beaming at Harry.  "Got the job."

He is off his stool and hugging me immediately.  "That's is amazing.  I am so proud of you, well done.  When do you start?"

"All your help with my interview planning paid off so thank you. And, I forgot to tell you, I even asked Jackson if he'd mind driving me to the interview which he kindly agreed. I am so excited about the opportunity. I start next Monday."

"The job is a cause of celebration.  I'll book us dinner somewhere for tomorrow night."

"I hope you don't mind but I already planned us something this coming weekend.  I booked a hotel on the coast.  It's a place I used to go when I was young.  I've been meaning to share it with you for a while and thought this weekend was the perfect time.  Bit of us time before things go mad again."

He holds my face in his hands.  "Sounds absolutely perfect, I am looking forward to it already, thank you.  But we'll go to dinner as well. Now I must unpack and catch up with Alyson and Jackson."  He heads out towards the hallway but stops and turns. "Happy you asked Jackson to drive you to your interview when I was away. That is music to my ears." I smile at him and sense his relief before he exits the kitchen and I hear him climbing the stairs. 

The stress surrounding my fall and the subsequent tension between us both in the States seems to be behind us.  Our relationship was on better terms when I left anyway and after being home for a few days I felt right again.  I have stopped scratching and have felt more balanced inside.  

However, judging by earlier, things are clearly not completely relaxed.  I worry inside that having things hanging over us could jeopardise our relationship.  We are now in a lull period for a short time before his schedule revs up again. After the promise I made myself when I left the States, I fully intend for us to enjoy this short window of us and to end it with no secrets between us.  

-*-

Harry and I have just enjoyed a delicious celebratory dinner at Namaaste Kitchen in Camden Town.  The Indian cuisine is incredible and I seriously cannot fit another morsel of food in.  We are seated at the bar and enjoying the remnants of our bottle of red, when a long time friend of Harry's, who unbeknown to us has also been dining at the restaurant, walks passed us on his way back from the gents.  He spots Harry and comes straight over.    

"Haz! Great to see you, when did you get back?"  The guy hugs himself around Harry before releasing him. 

"Grimmy, hello mate!  I got back early this week after the tour finished.  How are you?" 

"Enough about me.  Aren't you going to introduce me, you know I've been dying to meet your significant other half."

"Apologies. Natasha meet Nick, Nick this is Tasha." Harry beams between the two of us.

Nick takes my hand in his soft one and places his other one over the top, making a sandwich of my hand.  He stares at me with his mouth slightly open. 

"God, when he said you were beautiful I didn't realise he meant this beautiful!"  His eyes are wide.  "I think I'm in love; no I am in love!" Then he hugs me and kisses both my cheeks, continental style.

I put my hand over my mouth to stifle my giggle.  His dulcet tones are unmistakable. That gravely Lancashire accent from Radio 1 that greets people as they wake up every morning all over the UK.  It seems strange hearing that familiar accent flowing out of a physical person and not a speaker on the radio.

"It's lovely to finally meet you Nick. Harry talks very fondly about you." 

"So he bloody should, I've been a good friend to this boy I have!"  He laughs and shrugs his shoulders in jest.

He turns to Harry.  "You two look so amazingly gorgeous together. Harry, my friend," he places his hand on Harry's shoulder,  "you are a lucky penny."

Harry nods in agreement. "I am Grimmy, I definitely am."

I am not really a person who has expectations about people as I do not class myself as a very good judge of character.  After all, I initially thought Harry would be an over-confident show off.  However, I was expecting Nick to be an immature joker but he is far from that.  There is something charismatically charming and quite bohemian about him.

Nick dramatically points his finger back and forth between the two of us.  "Now, let me get this straight.  You two met in Anne's kitchen?"

"Yep."  Harry nods in confirmation.   

"Well, let me tell you, I've been in there a few times and my Prince Charming has never appeared!"  He unleases a white, wide-teethed grin that spreads right across his entire face causing the lines on his forehead to deepen.  As he laughs at his own joke, he throws his head back and his dark brown quiff flops backwards.  His actions are not self-centered, he just appears fun loving.  I can see why he presents a radio show because he has verbal diarrhoea.

"How did you two meet?" I ask out of curiosity.

"The band did an interview on Grimmy's breakfast show." Harry replies.

"And the rest as they say is history.  Let me tell you, I've been in love with this boy from the first moment I met him," Nick looks longingly at Harry.

"Oh stop it!" Harry retorts laughing.

"You wound me, you really do, you know how I feel about you." Nick is suppressing his laugh whilst holding his hand to his heart".

"Grimmy please!" Harry is shaking his head and smirking.

Nick turns to me.  "He kissed me once you know, in my kitchen."  Then quickly turns towards Harry.  "What is it about you and kitchens eh, Haz?" Nick looks intense and I just look on amused at the two of them.

"Oh God, here we go." Harry gives him his serious eye.

"The 17 September 2013, I'll never forget it.  'Twas the best day of my life."

"Oh please.  If I remember rightly, that was after the London Fashion Week Burberry show.  I was very drunk at the time and so were you plus it was hardly a tongues affair, more a peck."

"It was definitely more than a peck, full lip action was involved!"  Nick looks wounded again. 

"It was definitely no more than a peck!"  Harry retorts unable to control his wide grin.

"Yes ok spoilsport don't ruin my memories."  Nick exaggerates with an eye roll.  "Don't worry Tasha he most definitely prefers vaginas!  Don't understand it myself but a little part of me still holds out hope that one day......"

"Behave!" Harry pushes his friend away in jest. 

Harry's hand finds mine and he squeezes it gently.  "Don't worry, he's always like this.  Once you get to know him you'll get used to it!"

"How could you!" Nick replies still joking. "So would you, the beautifuliest couple ever, like to join me and my companions for a drink?" Nick asks.

Harry glances at me.  "Naw, think we are gonna have a quiet one, thanks anyway mate."

"Oh come on, we're just settling our bill and then off to my gaff for more drink.  Good friends, friendly chatter, me for entertainment, how can you possibly resist?"

It is now me squeezing Harry's hand.  He glances at me.  I am not going to deny him a night out with his friends.  He has not caught up with Nick for ages.

"Is that a yes then?" Nick asks looking between us. 

"Yes, it's a yes."  Harry replies grinning.

"Oh you two are just too gorgeous for words."  Nick says placing his hand over our entwined ones. 

I expected a late night clubbing sort of guy but he is so far removed from that.  Probably due to his early morning radio show.

Harry turns to me "Thank you."

"No thanks necessary, I want to get to know your friends plus we haven't been out for a while.  Let's just have some fun tonight."

"Ok, I just worry it's all too much, you know too full on."

"I don't want you worry or to change for me."

"It's about meeting in the middle Natasha, our lives are so different."

"I know but you mustn't be different, I would hate that. I love you just the way you are. You bring out the best in me."

He doesn't reply, he just pulls me towards him and kisses me. 

-*-

Eight of us enter Nick's Primrose Hill basement flat, filing in one behind the other.  The evening is cool but the flat warm so Nick throws open his patio doors that lead out onto a small well kept garden.  He admits it would be a jungle if his parents never came to stay with him. 

He assembles bottles from all over the kitchen, mixers, glasses and ice and turns to the group who are milling around and making themselves at home and says "let the games begin" with a wicked look in his eye. 

I realise I am quiet but am taking it all in my stride.  After a couple of cocktails, I begin to relax and talk to Alexa.  I am immediately drawn to her classically modern style.  She is friendly and exudes an honest aura. 

Suddenly Nick shouts.  "Gather round, gather round, marshmellow game!"

We all sit around with the bowl of marshmellows on the table.  In turn, each person takes one and pops it into their mouth.  The game continues until it is just me left and a guy called Andy.  Andy pops one into his mouth and starts choking and spits them all out.

"I think we have our winner."  Nick declares.  "Just one more Tasha and you win."

I am trying not to laugh as everyone laughs along.  I pop one final one in and Nick screams loudly.  "Winner!  Fucking hell Tasha, you must have the most amazing gag reflex of anyone I know, lucky you Haz." 

The innocent and playful comment has everyone rolling about laughing but I suddenly feel nauseas.  I get up out of my seat to indicate I need to get rid of my mouthful. 

Once in the kitchen, I heave the marshmallows onto some paper towel, retching from the back of my throat.  My face is red and I am shaking a little.  My fingertips resting on my lips as I think I am going to be sick.   

"You ok?"  Harry appears and puts his hand on my shoulder.  "Natasha? What's up?"

"It's nothing, too many sweets I guess."

"Come on, I know you better than that."

"Everything is fine.  We'd better get back before they wonder where we are." I turn to leave but he grabs my arm twisting me towards him. 

"Natasha, they weren't laughing at you, they were laughing with you."

I continue to stand awkwardly in front of him, wringing my fingers together.  "Yes I know."  I nod.  "As I said, too many mallows."  Harry places his fingers under my chin and pulls it up to meet his gaze.

"It was the gag reflex comment wasn't it?"  He frowns right into my eyes as though trying to read my thoughts.  "My God, he forced you didn't he?"

Despite my best efforts to hide my emotions, my whole body pulls in on itself.  "Yes." Is all I can manage as I tear my stare away from him, looking down at the ground.  In my head, my reasoning for my connection to my memory and that comment seems ridiculous but I cannot cease what hurts inside.

Nick appears at the doorway and breaks the silence.  "I wondered where you two lovebirds had got to.  Sauce Roulette is up next, coming to join us?"

"Yes! Sounds fun."  I reply, instantly walking towards Nick who disappears back to his guests.

"Natasha."  There is concern and a warning echo in Harry's tone.

I turn to look back at him. "I'm going to join the others, you coming?"

He sighs in frustration but follows me out the kitchen.  His hand finds mine and although we settle side by side, the gap between us feels huge.

"So Sauce Roulette sounds interesting what's that about?"  I speak up smiling.

"Oh darling, have you never played?  You are in for a treat but we have to do it outside as it can get very messy."

We play the game but Harry is detached and as soon as it finishes, he rises and announces he has an early meeting the next morning and we have to go.  The group of friends accept the explanation for our sudden departure with hearty "goodbyes" and "see you soons."  The trouble is, I know he does not have an early start tomorrow, far from it.