Harry's strong arms are still around me, carrying me when we reach his bedroom. He kicks the door closed with his foot and slides me down his lean body. I am standing on the floor, back against the door and pinned down by his body weight against me. I move my hands out of his hair and cup his face searching his eyes that are shining in the darkness. As I lunge in for another kiss he stops me.

"I want to take it slowly Natasha, make love to you and feel all of you."

"Ok," is all I can manage because his eyes are wide looking at me. I am taken aback by his words. His lips are hovering over mine and my heart is beating out of my chest. I have been anticipating this moment but now it is here I can hardly breath.

Still looking at me, he reaches down and gently tugs at the hem of my jumper. I raise my arms and as he pulls it up and over my head his fingers skim my skin sending tingles right through me. With his forehead pressed to mine, he throws the garment onto the floor and runs his hands down my raised arms, skimming his fingertips over my breasts and stomach to the top of my jeans.

His soft lips find my neck and as I tilt my head to one side he sucks on the skin gently making my eyes close in pleasure. The pads of his fingers circle around my body, up my back and down again, around my sides finally resting on the button on my jeans. His thumb brushes against my stomach as his fingers undo the button. His touch leaves me for a split second as he falls to his knees in front of me. Lite kisses spray across my tummy as he undoes the zipper and slowly my jeans and his fingers are cascading down my legs.

As I step out of the denim I am already breathing hard. On the way back up my body his nose brushes up between my thighs leaving a trail of soft kisses in its wake. His palms skim up the back of my thighs, across my behind and come to rest on my hips. He kneels up resting his forehead on my stomach, his nose now hovering over my pubic line. I feel as though I am going to explode such is the feeling of his mouth open against me fanning his warm breaths over my skin. I find his curls and I tug on them gently to indicate the pleasure flowing over me.

As he stands up, his hands trace up my back and he steps back to drink me in. The loss of his touch pulls me out of my dream state back to reality. I suddenly feel exposed standing in front of him in nothing but my underwear whilst he is still fully clothed. I fight the panic beginning to bubble up inside.

He steps towards me again his face reaches mine and he searches my eyes.

"Natasha you are shaking." He has concern etched on his face and takes my hands in his.

"It's, it's ok," I whisper closing my eyes and looking down. I'm trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.

Harry tilts my chin up and rests his forehead on mine. "We don't have to do this, if you're not ready, we can wait, I can wait."

I open my eyes straight into his and "Yes I want to, let's just do it, get it over with" falls out my mouth along with one tear that I can simply not hold back from falling.

His face drops and a look of sheer horror spreads across his features. He steps back and away from me taking his touch with him. "What do you mean get it over with?"

I'm screaming inside at what I've said, he looks crushed. Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut. That familiar feeling of vulnerability that I keep suppressed is creeping to the fore with a smirk. I lift my arms over my chest to cover myself.

Harry pulls his shirt over his head and it is immediately placed over mine and pulled down to cover my shaking body. I look anywhere but at him, I can't look him in the eye. My hands are shaking as I reach my fingers to wipe away my tears. He steps forward, closer to me. His voice is so calm, the expression in his eyes so concerned. "Natasha look at me, talk to me."

But I can't, I turn my whole body away from him and my hands cover my face.  "I'm so sorry" escapes my quivering lips. I slide down the wall and bring my knees to my chest and sob.

He kneels in front of me. "You've got nothing to be sorry for, please don't be upset, I don't want to see you cry." The lump in his throat tells me he's so confused right now. My gorgeous Harry, what have I done?

"I've let you down, I've let myself down, I should have never let it get so far."

He is determined but gentle with his response. "You haven't let me down, never say that. You're not ready. I understand, it's all ok, please know that." His hand reaches out and touches my arm gently.

"You don't understand, I'll never be ready because I'm useless on the outside and damaged on the inside." The words spill out of my mouth.

Shock flows through Harry's response. "Natasha you are none of those things. Why do you think that about yourself?"

My vulnerability is now smiling wildy at me and she knows she has beaten me. Won. "Because I'm worthless and I'll end up hurting you just like I hurt everyone else."

"No, you're not, please don't say those things. You are intelligent and beautiful and you make my heart skip beats every time I think about you."

My tear filled eyes look up at him. "Why do you say those things to me, no one thinks of me that way."

"Because I love you Natasha, that's why." His arms find their way around me and he hugs me tightly. "Come on you're cold, let's get up."

My cold shaking legs somehow manage to stand but I continue to look down at the floor. My arms are hugging around my chest and I reach down to pull at the hem of his shirt trying to cover as much as myself as possible. Before I know it I am wrapped in a full-length soft fluffy dressing gown that swamps my small and fragile body. Harry's strong arms envelope me into the warmth of his chest, his lips kiss the top of my head.

"I don't know what has caused you to feel this way about yourself but you are none of those things."

I can't answer him. His actions and words are just too much for me, I don't understand why he is being so caring and comforting. I simply stand against him clinging onto his warmth and love. We stand for a long time, him holding me in his arms. His voice breaks me out of my thoughts.

"I think you need to sleep. Do you want to sleep on your own tonight, I'll take the spare room?"

I don't want to be alone but I'm too exhausted to respond with words so just shake my head and push myself further into Harry's chest. He lifts me and carries me toward to the bed sitting me on the side of the mattress. He kneels on the floor in front of me. His thumb guides my chin up to his gaze. His eyes look the colour of seaweed buried deep on the ocean floor that has never seen the light of day, dark and glazed across the surface with sadness.

"Harry please tell me everything is ok."  I ask almost pleading for reassurance.   

He takes both of my hands in his and rests them on my lap. "Baby, everything is fine, I promise you. He lays me down and pulls the covers over me. Then he's beside me on the other side of the bed, wrapping his arms around me, pulling into the safety of him, "sleep now.

I am so tired but I am too scared to go to sleep. My thoughts are dark and I dread the possibility of what sleep will bring during the night but eventually I drift off to sleep.

"You are a whore, a worthless whore, do you hear me."

"No, no, no I'm not please don't say those things, I'm not."

"Yes you are you cheap slut, nobody loves you, even your parents left you."

"No, my mum loved me, please don't say that, please don't, please don't hurt me..."

My limbs are thrashing around in the bed shouting out "no no no" and then I'm falling. My sleep is broken as I hit the bedroom floor with a loud bang but I am disorientated, I don't know where I am and it's dark and I feel scared. I am shaking from head to toe and wrestle with myself to try to get my legs to move. Eventually I'm up on all fours and crawling quickly towards the corner of the room. Then my knees are up to my chest and I cry, shaking violently and sweat pouring from me. My eyes are closed tightly but I can see his angry face in front me smirking at me.

A hand brushes on my arm and I flinch, shooting my head up and opening my eyes wide. It's so dark I can't see but someone is kneeling in front of me. Am I asleep or am I awake, am I dreaming or is this real? Is it him, has he to come to get me?

A soft raspy tone filters through the air towards me and I am awake and in reality. "Natasha, it's Harry, wake up, wake up."

I flicker my eyes half open to see Harry's emerald green ones looking at me, his brow furrowed in despair.

"Baby it's ok, you are safe, I'm here."

I fling myself into him as he strong arms circle around me pulling me tighter to him. He lifts me up and sits on the edge of the bed with me in his lap as I gasp for breaths.

"Your ok, breathe?" His arm is circling my waist holding me tightly, his other hand has mine in his held against his chest.

Gradually I get my breathing under control and back to normal rhythm. I stutter over my words. "It's it's been a lo long time since I had a nigh nightmare, I thought they'd gone for good."

"I've got you, nothing can hurt you." He pushes up the bed to rest his back against the wall, taking me with him. My head rests on his shoulder and I feel his nose press into my hair as he takes a deep breath in.

There is silence between us. I know I have to say something by way of explanation for my actions. I can sense my beautiful man is so worried and confused. He's walking on eggshells not knowing what to do or what to say. I owe him that much at the very least.

"I was in a relationship that was difficult." My nails of my right hand find my left wrist and I dig them in and start to scratch.

His arm pulls tighter around me. "Difficult?"

"He hurt me." I can feel the pain from the scratching shoot up my arm.

Harry runs a hand through his hair and he must notice the scratching as he places his hand around my wrist.

"Natasha, why didn't you tell me before?" He's not angry just concerned.

"Because I thought I was over it, had moved on but obviously not." I try and pull my wrist away from him wanting to scratch that same spot. I remember that familiar feeing of drawing blood that allows the pain to flow away as it trickles down my wrist and into the palm of my hand. He let's go of my wrist and entwines his fingers with mine.

"Natasha, surely you don't just move on from something like that though?" His hold around me tightens, protectively.

"It was three years ago and I thought I had but clearly the demons are still there. You are the first person I have let get close to me since then." My voice is weak, almost pathetic.

"I hate that someone has done this to you but I am glad you told me as we will get through it, together."

"What?" I push away from him shooting him a stare, his words stick in my throat.

"I said we can get through it together." He seems taken aback and frowns.

"You still want to be with me?" comes out high pitched in my surprise.

He almost laughs in shock, "Yes of course I do, why wouldn't I?"

My answer is delivered with no emotion. "I'm damaged Harry that's why. He damaged me. He stripped me of my confidence and made me hate myself."

Harry looks at me with sad eyes and I can't bear it. I'm hurting him and I hate myself for it so I look away.

"Not in my eyes, you're not. You're perfect to me." His words are there again, trying to caress my soul better but I have no emotions left, they are scattered all over the floor in turmoil.

"What's done is done and my past has come back to haunt me again. I thought I was ready to move on but obviously not. I don't want or expect you to have to deal with it. I will leave first thing tomorrow to go back to Manchester. I'm sorry Harry but I just can't do this." I slide off his lap and out of his touch and walk away from him before he has a chance to stop me.

As I reach the door he raises his voice but I don't turn. I stop in my tracks and rest my head on the doorframe looking out towards the landing.

"Stop! No! No you're not, this is not what I want and I know it's not what you want either. I am not going to let you run away from me." He approaches me at the door and spins me around to face him.

Very softly he speaks, "listen to me Natasha." My eyes are downcast unable to look at him. "Look at me, are you listening?" He lifts my chin so my eyes are forced to look into his. My eyes are pooling with tears and he catches them with his thumbs as they trickle down my cheeks.

"Firstly, I don't see you any differently now to how I have before, my feelings for you haven't changed. Understand?" I nod again, unable to speak. He is standing so close to me, holding me, I feel so consumed by the love radiating from him.

"Secondly, you are going to face this but with me at your side and you will get through it and come out the other side. Why, because I want to be with you and I know you want me too. We are not going to throw away our chance of something special. Please Natasha, let me in, let me love you, let me help you heal."

More tears just keep coming out of me a mix of upset and hurt over the past but happiness and love at his words, circling around me making me feel so wanted, so loved.

"Thirdly you must promise me that you will never ever do anything that you don't want to do, in the bedroom or otherwise. Do you understand? I need to hear you say you understand. I'm not going to hurt you Natasha, never, ever, I promise."

His words are enough to send me over the edge because he has used the forbidden word but I know he means his promises. As I collapse onto him and his arms wrap around me, sobs emit from my exhausted and broken body and he pulls me to the floor and into his lap where I just let go, release all the anxiety and tension and hurt. I'm clinging onto him for dear life like a lifeboat, he's the only thing that can save me and guide me back to the safety of the shore.

Perhaps that's what I needed. He could easily have just let me go but he didn't. He wants this, he wants me and he's prepared to do whatever it takes to allow us to be together. Is this the sign of true love? Putting me before him. I wanted him so badly last night. When he touched me electricity ran through my entire body but when it became too intimate I could only see him, his hands all over me as he thrust in and out of me as I lied there motionless looking up at the ceiling.

"Together baby, we'll do this together."

His hand finds mine and we get back into bed.

"I don't deserve you Harry Styles."

"It is me who doesn't deserve you beautiful Natasha. It hurts me to see you so broken but we are still here together and that is how I very much want it to be."

Wrapping his arms around me, he holds me close. He pulls the blanket over us and nuzzles into my hair. As I stroke his forearm with my fingers the last words to leave his lips before we drift off to sleep are "I love you more than everything I am, everything I have and everything I own."

And this is the moment I realise that this is how love should be, not how I thought I had experienced it previously. Harry has so much love inside him that for now it's enough love for both of us.