The following morning we are lying side by side, my head is resting on Harry's chest. I can hear his heart beating strong and steady. He is tracing patterns up and down my arm with his soft fingertips.

Suddenly I feel him tense a little. I peer up at him through my tangled morning hair that he pushes back off my face and tucks behind my ear. His wears a weary expression and dark patches sit puffy beneath his eyes that are not sparkling. Their usual emerald green is grey this morning.

"How are you feeling this morning?" His entire face looks strained.

"Ok but I'm so sorr-." He cuts me off putting his finger to my lips and shaking his head.

"No, don't say it, you having nothing to be sorry for, I'm the one who is sorry."

I look at him perplexed resting my hand over his, "you did nothing wrong."

"I shouldn't have pushed you so fast." He gaze leaves mine and he closes his eyes.

"Harry you didn't, I wanted you so much but when it came to it I just-."

I can't finish the sentence. I take a deep breath in and close my eyes. I feel his hand cup my cheek and I open them again and he's staring right at me.

"It's ok, but remember I meant everything I said last night."

I hug into him tightly in response and he kisses my forehead whilst wrapping both of his arms around me. We hold each other for a few moments before Harry breaks the silence.

"Natasha I want to tell you all about me, tell you everything, it's important you know the real me."

"I know all I need to know, your past doesn't matter, only the here and now. Last night was about me and not because I have doubts about you or us." I answer firmly.

"Please Natasha, I want to." Harry's voice is strained as though he is carrying thoughts he needs to get off his chest.

I think to myself that perhaps after my revelations about my past last night he feels he needs to share more of himself with me. I rest my palm on his chest and my chin on top and look at him and smile. He talks and I let him.

"The first year of being in the band I was a naive 16 year-old kid in a sweet shop of girls. I'd dated girls at school but this was on another level all together. They were everywhere the band went, swarming around us. Initially it was like a dream to have all that attention.

I'm not going to lie to you, in those early days I had lots of experiences with many different girls and in some very strange places. But drunk in the toilets of a dingy nightclub with a girl's hand down my jeans, well it was what it was. I was a teenager, it was there for the taking and I did.

At first it was a laugh, a game between the band, who could have the most but as time went on it began to feel wrong. We didn't want to be known like that, having a disrespect for the opposite sex. It was certainly not the way I was brought up. Also, we had to be so careful because girls look much older than they are and we didn't want to get caught doing anything inappropriate with anyone underage so always aired on the side of caution.

However, each time I became sexually frustrated I found myself back there again and with so many willing to throw themselves at me I had a few one night stands which management ended up 'sorting out' to keep them from running to the press. Again, I hated it and myself because really it wasn't me.

However, I was still a virgin and it began to weigh heavily around my neck. So after an Awards ceremony one night I gave it away to a women, just to get rid of it. The media found out I spent the night with her and I began to get a reputation of having a penchant for the more mature lady. My parents massively disapproved whilst the media made a joke out of it.

I always took the music and work seriously though and year one of getting established was the toughest and the biggest learning curve. The benefit was that the band had each other and went through it together, the others felt protective of me being the youngest. By the end of that first year, we were exhausted and some welcome time off took me home to Cheshire.

I broke down in mum's arms telling her how I felt I was becoming someone I didn't like, the typical boy band 'put it about'. She straight talking told me that only I could influence the way I behaved and it was in my hands to sort it out. In no uncertain terms she told me it was time to 'grow a pair and sort out my shit'. I was shocked at her tough love but realised that she only ever has my best interests at heart and I decided to do just that.

I threw all my passion and frustration into work, song writing, becoming a better artist and ceased the fooling around.

I wanted to treat fans with respect and I love talking to them wherever and whenever I come into contact with them. It's important to thank them which is why I always try and give back by stopping for a photo, hug or 'hi'. The media continue to portray me as some sort of womaniser but they couldn't be further from the truth.

Now, there are rarely headlines and pictures of me falling out of nightclubs drunk because they do not exist. Yes a little damage was done in the first year, but I cleaned up my act and feel so much more of a stronger and confident person because of it. It has also helped me to get a handle on the life I lead and keep everything in perspective. My philosophy is 'be nice to nice', something that I quoted in an interview once and our fans seem to like and have adopted as their outlook on life.

I had to grow up and grow up quick. I accept I screwed up a few times and I didn't like the way it made me feel. I know I display my love of life and being happy on the outside but inside I'm always guarded and try to avoid jumping into things without thinking them through.

My life is organised, hectic and fun and I am so lucky. I have my career in the band and the commitments that go with it. That in itself is all I could ever have dreamed of. What makes it amazing though is that there is so much more to achieve and it thrills me every day doing what I do. I have my family who love and support me and are such an important part of my life. I'm surrounded with a great set of loyal friends. People who love me for me, not band me.

But the one thing that has always eluded me is love. For someone who supposedly has everything I was desperately lonely. Yes, I've had a few girlfriends but the relationships didn't last because they never felt complete. There was always something missing. Plus it's so hard to have a relationship in the spotlight. I can't even hug a girl without a headline of 'Harry's new love'.

The more I wanted someone special to share my life with the lonelier I became. So I stopped looking. I decided to be alone and not crave it hoping it would find me. And there you were. And everything is different. And I so desperately don't want to screw it up not with you."

He falls silent. I have been looking at him the whole time and I know he's spoken the truth from his heart. I am speechless at his honesty. I crash my lips to his and kiss him before pulling away.

"Thank you for sharing with me. You haven't screwed anything up, we're all ok, aren't we?"

He kisses the end of my nose and hugs me. He probably feels better but I still feel a heavy burden lying on my heart after the events of the previous evening. Everything is moving so fast, almost too fast. I feel hemmed in probably because we've been hauled up in his London home for three days now, not venturing out. Social media is awash with "Harry is MIA, where is he?"

I just need some time to breath and although I will miss Harry I need to get home to sort out my head and my feelings. I need some time alone and flying back to Manchester tomorrow will give me that. Also I really need to get my head in my study books again for upcoming exams and besides, Harry has business in London to attend to before the European leg of the tour starts again.

We spend the rest of that day relaxing and happy in each other's company. Harry is so demonstrative towards me, not afraid to show me how he feels. He cuddles and kisses me often through the entire day and doesn't stop talking. However, despite his revelations I don't open up about my past. He doesn't mention it and neither do I. I feel it hanging between us, unsaid and I know I am quieter than usual because I'm worrying about it.

I ask Harry if he has told anyone about us yet. He says he's still not ready and shrugs it off by saying it's because he wants to keep me for himself a little longer and is not ready to share me, especially as we are about to be parted again. Part of me brushes it aside, he has to be careful and is only protecting me from the onslaught it will cause by going public. Part of me worries again because my insecurities that are tapping away in my brain.

The next morning arrives too quickly and I know saying goodbye is going to be so hard. I cannot believe it has only been three days since he surprised me at home having changed his flight to Manchester. Harry makes a delicious breakfast and just like three days ago, his touch doesn't leave mine all morning. When it's time to leave Harry opens the French doors but shuts them quickly again.

"Natasha, don't leave, stay here with me for a few more days." His eyes are pleading as he looks into mine, just like they were when I initially turned him down for our first date. He's tugging at my heartstrings and I so want to stay here with him.

"Harry I want to stay I really do but I can't I have to go."

He pulls me into an embrace, "I am going to miss you so much."

"And me too" is all I can manage as his strong arms wrap around, pulling me into the place I feel so safe.

He insists on driving me to London Heathrow Terminal 5 to catch my flight. His hand never leaves mine for the whole journey and I am convinced he takes the longer route just so we can be together that little bit more!

When we arrive at the drop-off zone we agree he will stay in the car and I'll grab my bag out the back. He leans over and kisses me, lingering on my lips and I have to pull myself away from him to get out the car because I don't want him to see me upset. I grab my bag and blow kisses at him through the open window.

I turn and walk away from him towards the terminal building, occasionally looking back. He shouts through the window, "I love you", but I can only manage a smile because I am fighting my tears. When I finally walk into the airport and out of his sight line tears burst down my face because it feels as though that is the last time I will ever see Harry Styles.