What is even happening? XD

This book is practically only crack, although like I said, there IS a plot. But the boys' personalities are exaggerated, Bruce absolutely hates the Super Pirates, (who are obviously the Superman family) while Clark is confused at why cannons are being fired at his ship, someone like Mr. Turner-Dinkleberg... and I swear I didn't know pirate Bruce was canon until just now, but this will still be completely different.

There will be so many references in here, it won't even be funny (actually I'm hoping it will be a little funny)

--
In the beginning... there was Bruce.

He was a rich boy of a noble family, until he witnessed his parents getting shot, feelings their brains splatter on to his shoes.

Because of some stupid Pirate.

Alfred was there, consoling the boy, however Bruce had changed.

He wanted revenge.

And so he became a Pirate.

A low level one at first, going out in a sailboat and taking some jewels from canoes. Eventually, after two years of long and tireless work, Bruce had built his own pirate ship.

She was a beauty, painted completely pitch black. Everything, the floors, the hull, the sails; they were all black.

"Well, Alfred," Bruce grinned. "It's time to g- what are you doing?"

Alfred had put his hand on Bruce's face, stopping him.

"Master Bruce, you do realize you need a Crew..."

"Oh... right..."

And so came Dick.

He was with the Fair, doing flips and tricks on the trapeze with his parents. It always looked like they were going to fall, but that never happened. It couldn't happen.

Until it did.

He watched, his face filled with horror as his mother and father screamed as their hands grasped for the bar, until they realized it was no use. Dick watched as his two most treasured people in the world landed on the cold, hard ground with a sickening crunch.

As the Sheriff and his men investigated, Bruce took the boy, telling him it was going to be alright as he started to scream.

And then Dick became a Pirate.

The three of them, Bruce, Dick, and Alfred traveled for five years, taking gold and jewels and stopping to spend them on grog (whiskey) and food.

On one of their stops, Dick and Alfred went to the grog store, with Bruce watching the ship.

That was when he met Jason.

The idiot was stupidly trying to steal one of the Sails off of the ship.

Most would expect Bruce to be furious as some bratty kid tried to mess with his most prized possession.

But Bruce wasn't your average captain.

"Avast," His voice had a gruff tone. "What do you think you're doing, messing with her sails?"

Jason froze up. "Uh..."

Before he could stutter an explanation, Bruce continued, walking up to where Jason was as he examined the sails.

"It takes some skill to sneak past me." He commented. "I'm kind of impressed... annoyed, but impressed."

Jason stayed silent, his face drained of color.

"I could use you on me ship." Bruce said the last thing Jason expected him to. "What'd you say?"

Obviously, Jason said yes.

Jason never felt quite equal with Dick, always feeling like he had to show him up, but never feeling like he did.

One day, in a fight with the Jokers, Jason was nabbed.

He wasn't seen again for five years.

In that time, Bruce met Tim.

Tim also tried to rob Bruce... this time, though, by picking his pockets.

Right as Tim's fingers brushed a gold coin, Bruce grabbed his wrist. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

Tim gulped. "Er, well, you see sir, I was just-"

"Stealing me gold." Bruce interrupted. "I can see that."

"N-no! I mean, yes, but, I'm not exactly rich!"

And Bruce took him in.

It was at that time Bruce realized that he might have an unhealthy obsession with adopting children.

Meanwhile, Jason was alive.

And he was pissed.

He'd been taken by the Jokers, true, but he'd escaped with only a missing eye to show for it.

But had Bruce avenged him?

No. He hadn't.

It was then that Jason got a rifle off of a soldier, and stole a boat. He took off to sea, determined to find Bruce and get his own revenge.

"You... you let me die!!" Jason yelled, struggling to remain in control of his emotions. "And before you say it Dick, I know I didn't actually die!!"

Dick closed his mouth and lowered his hand.

"But you thought I was dead!!" Jason continued, pointing the rifle at Tim's chest. "And then you got another kid!!"

"Well, technically, we were going to get another one to join us anyway..." Dick muttered.

Jason's eye twitched, but he ignored Dick. "And that... that scumbag Joker captain... he's still breathing!!"

"Jason..." Bruce whispered. "I didn't-"

"You didn't what!? You didn't want to go there!? You didn't want to cross that line!?"

"Jas-"

"You already have!! Like a lot!! We try to kill the Supers like all the time!!"

"Jas-"

"What do you have to say for yourself!?"

Bruce cleared his throat. "I wanted to trust me. But... I couldn't find him."

Jason blinked. "Oh."

And Jason rejoined the Bat Pirates.

And then Bruce met Damian.

Damian was Bruce's blood son.

In a drunken one night stand with the Ghul Pirate's second in command, Talia, it seemed she had conceived Bruce's child.

And trained him to be a merciless killer with no respect for authority.

The first time he met Tim, he tried to kill him.

This happened multiple times.

Damian apparently loves animals, because in the first six months on board, he adopted a dog, a cat, and a cow.

And now they sail...