"What are your plans for keeping me alive, dear Kyle?"I ask while a sarcastic smile crawls upon my face.
"Tell me what happened to you. I heard you scream and that's quite unusual at a party."he says and I can see that he's still horrified a bit.
"Not when you catch your girlfriend while she's cheating on you."
"Well that explains everything..."
I have to look down at my feet to keep myself from crying again. I hate to cry before people. It shows how weak I am inside.
"You'll find another one. Who deserves you. You seem to be a nice guy, I don't know how she could do such an ugly thing."Kyle continues.
I really want to punch him in the face for that 'you'll find another one'. Do people really think that this sentence helps in such a situation? Because if yes they are terribly wrong. I wouldn't know what to do either but I'm sure this is not the proper thing to say if you want to calm a person down. A person who is betrayed by his love.
But at the same time I am confused. I am confused about the other half of his monologue. He said that I seem to be a nice guy. I can't decide whether he really meant it or again he just wanted to make me calm.
Raising an eyebrow, I look at Kyle, right into his eyes. But I don't say anything.
"What now?"he drums his fingers on the side of the bathtub.
"You are not correct. I'm not a nice guy. I mean just look at me. I cried my eyes out, my face is still burning from my tears, I'm so weak that I can't even explain. I want the ground to swallow me whole because I feel so ashamed in front of you. The fact that you heard me scream and cry embarrasses me a lot. And did you even realise that we are sitting in a bathtub? Could it be more embarrassing?"
My cheeks go red as I articulate my feelings out loud.
"And I don't know why. I really don't know why I even care about that because I don't even know you, I only know your name. This really shouldn't bother me."
There he sits in complete silence, breathing heavily.
He doesn't say anything for a while, just stares at me.
"What the flying fuck are you talking about, Daniel...?"
That's what he says after fixing his moustache. There are so many feelings showing on his face it is very hard to tell which one is the strongest. I guess it's anger.
The atmosphere is getting more and more uncomfortable.
"I...I don't know. I'm sorry."
"You better sorry because I can't stand it when people don't respect themselves. The truth is that we really don't know each other for a very long time, I don't have an idea what your real personality is like. But there's one thing I'm pretty sure about. I'm sure that you are not weak. Every single person would behave like that, Dan, if their girlfriend cheated on them."
Kyle is very upset, he is just like a mother who is angry with her kid.
"And...additionally...your eyes are beautiful and I really like your hair. You shouldn't worry about your appearance either."he says after calming down a bit and my cheeks start to burn. I've never received compliments like these before. I shake my head to get myself back from my wild thoughts.
"But Kyle. She was my first true love. I've never expected that it would end up like this. Not even in my worst nightmares. She was the one who kept me happy. I could forget about my problems with Ellie around. She was always there when I needed her, she was my reality. I could trust her. I mean I thought I could. At least now I wish I could."
I start to cry again. Kyle moves closer. I don't have an idea how he manages to do that but he hugs me. What a surprise.
"Now I don't have a reality..."I sob.
"How about your friends?"
"Ralph is my best friend. But I'm pretty sure you know that it's different."
"Of course I do."he sighs.
He is still holding me in his arms and it somehow comforts me. I don't usually feel like this when random people hug me so it's kinda weird. But I can't help myself...his warm arms are enclosing me like a soft shelter. When he lets me go, he looks down. We are so close to each other that I can feel the warmth of his breath on my face.
"I could be your new reality."Kyle offers.
I'm so impressed with this guy. I don't know why but his words mean a lot to me. Other people are not able to change my mind normally. If I get sad - that is quite an everyday thing in my life - it's pretty hard to make me feel better. I don't listen to anyone, I just want to be alone all day. But as I'm listening to his words, everything makes sense. And the scariest thing about it is that I don't have a fucking idea why. So I reply without thinking any longer.
"That'd make me happy."I smile but it's a bit fake because I really don't know what will happen to me after this night. I won't have anyone by my side except Ralph. And that's definitely not enough for such a depressed person like me. So yeah...Kyle could be my new reality.
He smiles back. We are still very close but I don't mind. I want this moment to last forever.
But what the hell is wrong with me? I'm here in my best friend's house, sitting in his bathtub, almost kissing with an unknown guy and I've just found out that my girlfriend is cheating on me. This night is so fucked up. Literally anything could happen, I wouldn't be shocked at all.
Oh my God I am pretty sure that he'll kiss me. So I just wait, I don't want to be the one to start. It would be dumb not to take a chance like this. We only live once. And I am right. He is leaning closer and closer. I'm so excited I even forget to breathe. But before his lips could reach mine, somebody rushes in and slams the door behind himself.
As fast as we can we get away from each other. I can see that Kyle's cheeks are red but as I feel so are mine.
"Helloooo there boyyyys!"the newcomer greets us.
"Uhm...hi..."I answer.
Kyle just waves at him.
"My name iiiiis...ooh God what the fuck is my name...Will. Yep. I'm Will."
"Hello Will. You are drunk as fuck, aren't you?"I chuckle and get out of the bathtub. I look at Kyle in confusion.
"What should we do now?"I whisper to him.
He gets out of the bath too and crosses his arms.
"I don't have an idea...maybe we should just chat a little with this poor Will."he whispers back.
I nod and turn to Will.
"So dear Will...what are your plans here in the bathroom?"
"I just needed...needed some rest. The music is too loud down there...have I told you that I love music...?"
"No, you haven't. Can you sing?"
I hope to sing with these guys just out of curiosity. And singing is quite a good way to get rid of awkward situations. Drunk people are more likely to sing anyways.
"Of course I can sing!!!"he yells.
And he really starts singing. I look at Kyle who's laughing his ass off. I'm sure that Will has a great voice normally but now alcohol has taken control over him so yeah...he sounds a bit like a whale.
I feel like I have to sing along with him because I know the song.
As I begin, Kyle stops laughing and looks at me with amazement on his face. I try not to care about him until he starts singing too. All I can say is just...wow. Really. He hits every note perfectly.
Our song is getting to its end and as we finish the bathroom goes silent again. Suddenly someone starts clapping.
"You should start a band, guys."I hear Ralph's voice from behind me. We didn't even realise he came inside.
"But why here?"he chuckles.
"Long story, dude."
I think it would be quite complicated to explain it whole so I just let it remain like this.
"I've got time for that, Danny boy. I'm bored at my own party."
"Well okay..."I begin. "You know Ralph, you were right the whole time. Remember I couldn't find Ellie and you told me that she's probably making out with someone? Actually that was true. I saw her with someone."
At this sentence I start to cry again. Fuck. I was so happy a minute ago and now all my nice thoughts are gone. Like it wasn't worth talking to Kyle, it wasn't worth singing with these guys, the weight of the world falls upon me again. The pain I feel every single day is here to eat me alive.
"My soul wants to escape from my body and run away as fast as possible. This feeling is so terrible that I want to kill myself right now like...I want to smash your mirror and cut my veins up with a broken piece. I am miserable, Ralph."
I start sobbing so hard that I can't even breathe. Everyone looks at me in horror. Except Kyle. He already knows how I feel.
Ralph comes next to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.
"I'm so sorry Dan... I think you should go home and have a rest. I'll phone you tomorrow and we can discuss everything."
"I don't need to go home. I just need a minute to calm down. And of course some alcohol."
Ralph rolls his eyes and looks at Kyle.
"Please take him home and take care of him, otherwise he'll commit suicide."he whispers.
"No, I won't, I'm okay!"I shout. "While we were singing I felt so much better man, I swear to you. We just have to sing something together. I'm going to be alright here..."
I don't want to go home because I'm afraid. I'm afraid of myself and the things I would do to myself alone.
"No Dan, go home. You can't spend the night in my bathroom."he smiles at me.
"Okay, please take me home then."
"You know I can't leave this huge crowd of people alone. Kyle will take you."
Kyle nods and reaches out to grab my arm. We get out of the comfortable and silent bathroom right into the terrible reality. Drunk people everywhere. They are dancing and kissing and that makes me feel awful. And if it wasn't enough... I see Ellie. She recognises my face and makes her way to me through the people.
"Hey baby!"she screams and tries to hug me but I just push her away.
Her eyes go wide open and her face is so full of confusion I have to laugh. Because I'm not the only one who's miserable here. She's way more miserable than me.
"I'm sorry Ellie but I don't feel like I'm in the mood."
That's all I say, I turn around and walk out of the house.
When I step out into the night and the cold wind blows through my hair I feel calm again. I look up to the stars and let out a deep sigh. The night sky is so relaxing. I stand still until Kyle escapes from the building too.
"Can we go?"I ask as he walks next to me.
"Sure. But we have to walk... I can't drive."he says awkwardly.
"How come?"
"I don't know... I just didn't have time for getting a driving license yet."
"Okay I'm not judging but my home is pretty far from here."
It's dark but I'm still able to see that he smiles at me. To be honest I don't know why. Walking for about half an hour at night when you are slightly drunk definitely doesn't sound nice.
"Actually we can continue our...khm...conversation on the way."Kyle offers.