I was dumping my stuff out of my locker when Valentino walked into the classroom. I couldn't pretend I hadn't seen him, so I greeted him with a small, uncomfortable smile.

"Hey, Valentino!" I said. "Congrats on winning against Morrison!"

Now that he was standing beside me, I inhaled sharply to see his hair was still a mess and there were slight dark circles around his eyes. I hadn't imagined them when he was playing yesterday's game.

"Is everything okay?" I added, feeling my heart sink at the sight of him like this.

"Oh, hey, Inaya. Thanks! And yeah, I'm fine. Why? Do I look that horrible?"

"Just a little." I let out a small laugh, but inside, I was anything but cheery. "Something the matter? You can trust me." I held back a sudden need to choke from saying those words.

"I'm good. Just didn't have enough sleep, I guess." He flashed a wide grin, trying to pull himself together. But he settled onto the locker between mine and his. I waited as he stayed quiet for a few moments before speaking up again. "Do you think I'm a good friend, Inaya?"

"Of course!" I replied, raising my eyebrows as I leaned forward a bit. "Why wouldn't you think so?"

"Well...someone doesn't think I am."

"Yeah?" I invited him to continue, gripping the metal edge of my locker door. I could see confusion and hurt in Valentino's eyes.

He turned away to open his locker and said, "Maybe some friendships aren't meant to last."

"You're a really, really good friend," I found myself saying. It was all I could say when I knew I was the cause.

Valentino glanced at me with lips slightly curled up. "You are, too."

My hands went cold, and I swallowed hard. From the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Mrs. Asaka standing from her desk to make her way to the front of the classroom and begin attendance.

"We should sit."

Valentino pulled a notebook out and shut his locker door. "Yeah."

* * *

It was a long day at school, and I couldn't stop thinking about my conversation with Valentino. I was torn. On one side, I wanted to stop playing so I wouldn't give him hope that we'd be more than just online friends. But on the other side, I wanted to keep playing because of how badly not playing was affecting him.

"Inaya," Mrs. Asaka called my name at homeroom at the end of the day. "Can I see you for a moment?"

"Yes?" I was suddenly plagued with worry. I waved my goodbyes to Salah and Ameena and approached Mrs. Asaka's desk.

She used a stylus to trail down the screen of the school tablet in her hands before looking up at me.

"Inaya, the final grades are being tallied up. We can confidently say that you will be our salutatorian this year."

"What?" My back snapped up straight.

Mrs. Asaka let out a chuckle. "Are you shocked? You've done an amazing job this year. You've earned it. You should know that as a salutatorian, you'll give a speech at graduation after the valedictorian gives hers. You should start preparing it now."

"Oh." I swallowed hard, suddenly feeling choked up.

I was salutatorian. Not valedictorian.

My teacher nodded in farewell, but I barely saw it, rushing out of the classroom. The halls were dotted with students leaving for home and others staying after school as I barreled my way to the nearest girl's bathroom. Nearly slamming the door open, I felt a crushing weight over my shoulders and emotion got the best of me for once.

I barely reached a closed stall when an unearthly sob came out of my throat. For the past four years, I had spent hours sitting at my desk, choosing books over texting, school over everything, just to not get valedictorian.

I grabbed the edges of my hijab and let out another cry. Was it because of that one precalculus quiz? Did that one mistake cost me the title of valedictorian? Was Allah punishing me for lying to Valentino and being overly friendly with him? I didn't need my Polaroid to have this moment etched in my life.

What was everyone going to think? My parents. Valentino. My friends. They all expected me to be valedictorian, too.

Why was everything in my life going wrong?

Spitting out the saliva in my mouth into the toilet, I clawed my knees. "Get it together, Inaya. Get it together," I scolded myself, leaning back into the maroon stall door. My eyes were closed and my brain was running harder than my heart. "Be grateful. It's still an award. Everyone will be happy to hear about it."

It took another minute for me to open my eyes and slide open the lock. I walked to and bent over the sink to splash some water over my face. I grabbed the rough, brown paper towels and wiped myself before exiting the bathroom. If any other girl was there, witnessing my breakdown, I didn't notice.

Out of the building, I stopped to text my group chat about the news and ignored the summer sun's heat that was quickly pooling into sweat beneath my hijab and armpits. I hoped my friends would be okay with me taking second place. Putting my phone away, I headed for the spot Baba parked nowadays to pick me up.

"Inaya!"

I stopped my brisk walk. I turned around to see Clara rush over. She was in a pastel blue sheer blouse and white shorts, and the sunlight hit her hair in just the right way. Clara was so pretty, and she'd look even prettier in a prom dress with the backdrop of a dance floor behind her, leaning against Valentino with his arm around her waist—my hand curled into a fist at my side. The thought made me sad and angry all at the same time.

"I know this is a little awkward," she said, smiling, "but prom is in a few days—and I saw you with Valentino this morning." There was a hint of bitterness in Clara's voice, although the smile hadn't left her face. "The two of you were talking about something."

"Okay?" I forgot there was no privacy to our conversations at school.

Her tanned cheeks were rosy with blush, and her voice was slightly shaky, but her eyes sparkled with curiosity. I already knew this conversation wasn't going to end well.

"So," Clara hesitated. "Did Valentino ask you to be his prom date?"

I stared, speechless. Even after my flakiness, he still didn't ask Clara to prom. Or Elsa or Jamie.

"He hangs around you a lot," Clara ventured.

"Even if Valentino asked me, I still wouldn't go," I said, trying to maintain a casual expression although a storm was brewing in my chest. Salah had made it clear he wanted to ask me out at first. And later, he asked Tireya to spend prom night with him.

"Oh, really?" Clara's eyes widened, but she recovered with a blink. "You don't like him?"

"It's not that simple for me. I don't think you'd understand." I turned away, hoping to escape before the crowd of exiting students included Elsa or Jamie.

I remembered Annok's words. You're full of secrets, Inaya. And they were eating me alive.

"Well, I might if you explained."

At that, I stopped. "Well, it's sorta against my religion if I go. If I did, it wouldn't be with a boy. It's none of your business anyway," I blurted out before I could think any better. A car drove past us, scattering a dried-up leaf between us. "Well, I've got to go. Bye."

"Wait, Inaya! Did Valentino say anything about who he'll be asking for prom?" Clara asked in a rush.

Me! I wanted to say. Both times, he wanted me!

But instead, I nearly yelled, "I don't know, okay!?" I surprised myself at how mad I was. "Now, can you just drop it?" My face was burning with anger as I turned my back to Clara, and this time, I didn't bother to hear her reply.

In the car, I busied myself with replies from my group chat about my honors so I wouldn't have to talk to my dad and have him hear the quivering heartbeat in my voice. But even with this distraction, I kept replaying my interaction with Clara. Would she ask Valentino to prom now that she knew I'd given him up?

I stepped out of the car and frowned, taking out my keys to open the front door while Baba went to the garage. Maybe I was biased against Clara because of her association with Elsa and Jamie, knowing how hard those two were trying to keep me away from Valentino. Plus, it was normal if Clara was just anxious around Valentino and went to ask me instead.

Grumbling at my insensitivity, I walked inside to see Mama in the kitchen with her head buried in her arms. She was in one of her low moods.

I swallowed down my emotions to put Mama first. Out loud, I said, "We're home," and then went into my room promptly without disturbing my mom.

I washed up in the bathroom and, realizing I didn't need to pray because I was on my period, I threw myself onto my bed. I rubbed my temples and stared up at the ceiling. I didn't deserve Valentino's attention. Not when I was such a terrible person. Elsa and Jamie were right. I was being selfish this whole time.

I got up from bed and wiped my tears away to go find my dad. From the living room window, I saw him working on his knees on the front lawn. I jumped onto the couch and raised my brows.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked.

He wiped his forehead with the back of his gloved hands and looked up. "Planting these flowers. Clean soil plus compost should do the trick."

"Um, about Mama..." I shifted my feet. "You know she's sad again?"

"Yeah," Baba sighed.

"Is it because you told her about—?" I left the question hanging. My dad stared at me, blinking a few times, and I knew his answer before he spoke it.

"Not yet, but I'm working on it."

"Baba!" But I regretted the harshness of my tone as soon as I said it. I could see that he was trying to assure me, with his eyes wide and gaze unwavering, pleading for me to understand him.

"Don't tell your mama. Please."

"I won't," I promised, but it hurt to say. I didn't want my baba to think I was condoning his behavior. And I was tired of holding secrets. I looked away, stepping off the sofa and trudging back to my room.

As much as I hated it, how could I judge my baba for hiding a part of himself from Mama when I was no better? I hid my true identity in-game from Valentino. The realization made my chest tighten.

I sat at my computer desk. I knew Mama didn't like me talking to Valentino online, and maybe CrusadEon was the reason I wasn't valedictorian, but it wouldn't be fair if I just disappeared into thin air. Gently letting Valentino know that I would stop playing would be easier on both of us. Besides, it would be nice to be able to talk to him again in-game, knowing that my closeness with him online was something that Clara, Elsa, or Jamie couldn't ruin.

Hey

Sorry for disappearing yesterday during our chat

My mom called me and I didn't wanna make her mad

Ah I see

There was a stretch of uncomfortable silence, and I worriedly bit my lip.

I'm sorry

What for?

I bailed on you, im sorry

Its ok, I don't want you upset over it

All right but tell me

R u ok?

Ya

You'll tell me tho

If you're not?

Yeah :)

Okay :)!

Tell me about your day?

Oh man, im gonna sound so mean

But I yelled at this girl

I was so angry

I feel bad the more I think about it

Whyd you yell?

She said something to you?

Yeah...I think I mistook her intentions

If she's worth you thinking twice, maybe she'll think twice about you back

What do you mean?

I mean it like

If you think she's nice enough that her actions can be excused

Then maybe she's the type of person who's nice enough to make an excuse for you

Because she's as nice as you think she is

You get me?

Ohh that makes sense

I hope so!

Thnxxx

Hey

Yeah I'm right here

:)

Lol

Um so you remember I told you about my mom?

I was so immersed in what Valentino was about to say that I didn't hear my mom walk into my room.