See, Newton's laws can be applied to anything you can think of. For example, as the first law states, objects at rest remain at rest, and objects in motion tend to remain in motion, with the same speed and direction, until an unbalanced force acts upon it. 

In this scenario, Hayden is the object at rest, doing jack shit. Leighlay is the object in motion, being all busybody. I thought I could be the unbalanced force to make them act, as Newton intended. There is only one problem with that: Newton, having died a virgin, never encountered such a huge b. A straight-up c. A potentially deadly z. God, Newton was such a Chad. Never stooped so low as to meddle in earthly affairs. An absolute unit. 

Still, he did leave us another law I can easily apply to defeat self-centered H's like Leighlay, who lives of fame and popularity: Newton's second law. 

In it, the force acting on an object is equal to the mass of said object times their acceleration. Meaning, the more force you apply to an object, and the bigger the mass is, the most inertia it will have. And there is no bigger object around than a queen b's ego.

You see, humans are dumb. Real idiots. Their potential for stupidity is infinite. Since most humans are not famous, they don't have a platform to show their idiocy, besides Facebook, and Twitter, and Instagram, and Snapchat, and oh my god, that's why social media is so popular! Anyhow, the bigger the person's ego is, the bigger they fall. The most famous someone is, the more eyes are on them when they inevitably do something stupid. 

To finish up Queen B, who always chases fame, popularity, and her dreams of becoming a Real Housewife of Hill Valley Mountain Woods Highschool, as most teenage movies in the last 30 years have shown, all I have to do is apply enough force for her to roll around in her own mass. 

"So whatcha talkin' about, babe?" says the cheerleader. "How you gonna have some pretty babies? An Asian baby? Those are cute."

"Super cute," says one of her followers. 

"The cutest, like, omygosh, so adorable!" says the other. 

"Shut the fuck up, Stacey!" says Leighlay. "Baby, I'm so happy you came as bi! Makes me look so progressive. Definitely adding that to my Twitter bio."

This is gonna be easier than I thought. The girl is mental. 

"We are actually talking about how Hayden here likes penis better," I say. "My penis. Right, Hayden?"

I've never seen someone go from brown to red so fast that it blended with their varsity jacket, but I guess there is a first time for anything. His response, as it goes, is to stuff his mouth with a sloppy joe. Smart man. 

"That's, like, super cool and all," she says, squeezing Hayden's arm to the point of turning purple, "but baby loves my vajayjay. You should see him go down on it. Wetter than that sloppy joe."

"Super moist," says her second in command.

"Omg, like, a total WAP," says Stacy. 

"Too much information, Stacey, you idiot!" 

"Yeah, you dillhole!"

Hayden looks at his sandwich, then back at her, then back at the sandwich, dropping it to the tray while covering his ever-red face. "I'm trying to eat. You don't talk WAPs while eating. And now I realize that everything I picked up is a sloppy mess."

This is just working too well. "Here," I say, putting my banana in front of him, "you can eat that. It's long, hard, and peeled. Like you like it."

"Not you too!" says Hayden.

I'm sorry, buddy. It's for your own good. You will thank me later. 

"That's funny," I say, trying to channel my best reality TV heel, "he told me he has never gone down on you, or even like you, while we at it."

As Hayden spits his Diet Physician Spice – which, now that I look at it, it actually says Dait — I can see Leighlay's face turn red, but from anger. Tasty, tasty anger. 

I need more force. 

"Are you on crack?" asks Leighlay. "Is it crack you smoke? Of course he likes me. We are Hill Valley Mountain Woods Highschool's best couple!"

"They are practically royalty," says the unnamed follower. 

"She is the fierce queen, and he is the noble king," says Stacey, who braces herself for her usual yelling, which never comes. I'm sure this will be the highlight of her life, and will tell it to her grandchildren as the fondest memory of her youth. 

"Were," I say. I grab Hayden's hand, the one free from her python grab, and tenderly rub it with my thumb. I hope this doesn't start something in me I can't stop. "Call me the bourgeoisie, cuz I just dethroned you. So make like a forest and leave. Am I right, babe?"

Now, it is all on Hayden's court. All he has to do is just nod, or blink once, or even think positive thoughts, and the plan will work. I use all of my chakra to send my wishes to the universe that whatever fluorescent lightbulb above Hayden's brain lights up to catch up to my plan. 

Thankfully, the universe answers, for he wipes the grease out of his mouth and whispers, almost as a prayer, "yes."

And just to push her over the edge, I use my biggest weapon: my signature smirk. Kind of an overkill, but one that is needed to make this work. 

And boy, does it work. 

You see, if enough pressure is exerted on a big enough body, the momentum will be so great that it will become an unstoppable force. And Leighlay just passed the point of no return. She is now rolling, and no amount of external force is capable of stopping her.

While this is Newton's second law of motion, I propose a different name: the Karen principle. When a white, entitled woman(the mass) is recorded, her entitlement energy(force) will build up to a point of self-destruction(momentum). And who is more entitled than a straight, caucasian cheerleader captain?

I just hope I'm right. And right I am. 

She stands up with the anger and entitlement of a thousand soccer moms, beet red and with a slur at the tip of her mouth. I immediately grab the phone on the table and point the camera at her. Showtime.

"You listen to me good, you overplayed twink!" she yells. "My daddy has two car dealerships, so I have more money in my pinkie than you in your whole body. I was fine in letting Hayden be all exotic and stuff, but if you are gonna try to take him away from me and my dream, I'm gonna make your life a living hell, okay? This dick is mine!" 

And to illustrate her point, like a man who realized that he is going to die, so might as well do it in style, she grabs — or perhaps squeeze would be a better description — Hayden's genitals. 

That, my friends, is how you ruin your future in a second. 

The room goes silent. Then, a murmur, followed by the sound of hundreds of camera apps opening at the same time to watch in real-time how a future is torn to pieces. 

Don't feel bad for her. She is rotten inside. All I did was put enough force on her for her to roll down the hill. 

And now, to play my part.

"You touched my boyfriend's no-no square without his consent!" I yell. "You're all seeing this, right?"

Leighlay snaps out of her trance long enough to see the hundreds of cameras pointed her way, fast enough to take her hand out of Hayden's genitals. He, in turn, slumps forward while making soft, high-pitched noises.

"And she called me a twink!" I say. "You all heard it. She objectified me, called me a slur, and inferred I'm a bottom, which is also surely a derogatory of my height. She's a height-ist!"

I can't exactly hear what the populace is saying, but I hear the word "Karen" several times. Not many words starting with K, you know. Except know. 

What I can hear is the intense booing that follows, almost universal, piling against her. 

Her mouth flops like a fish out of water, her brain finally catching up to what's up. Whatever she says next will make it worse. This is how you win against a queen b — use her against herself. 

"Also," I say, because, honestly, how can I not mention this, "it's the second day of school and she's wearing her uniform when there is no game. That's weird as hell."

Checkmate. 

As Leighlay trembles, no doubt waiting for a moment alone to maybe shank me with a pair of pompoms, I fail to listen to the crowd go completely quiet. Which I am acknowledging now. Kind of redundant to say it, really. 

I turn around, only to see, you guessed it – or not, I don't know your life — Lee Vazquez, standing there with a food tray, looking like an Amazon goddess. God, I want her to choke me. Why is she looking at me like that?

Wait, did I say that out loud?

"Hey," I say to Hayden, "did I say something out loud?"

"Something about wanting to be choked," he says. 

Fun.

"I have seen enough," she says, walking towards our table. She places her tray on the table, showing a bowl of gruel and a mineral water, surprisingly plain for her. "Ms. McKenzie, you of all people should know that we have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to sexual harassment. You can't just go around touching other people's no-no square." 

"But it is my no-no square! It belongs to me!" she says. "Tell em, girls!" 

But her girls remain quiet, for they don't want to be canceled. 

Lee adjusts her glasses, taking a deep breath. "If you could follow me to the principal's office, Ms. McKenzie..."

"No," she says. "No, no, no! My dad owns two car dealerships! You can't do this to me!" 

"You either come with me," she says, taking a step towards her, menacingly, "or the Principal comes to you. Your choice."

What else can she do but follow? The caravan of two walks away from the cafeteria, leaving us both alone to continue eating.

Hayden picks up his sloppy joe, but drops it quickly again. "I think I'm going vegetarian from now on," he says. "And also...thank you, Ayden."