"is this a library? deadass? you caping, right? this shit empty, fr fr. i ain't vibin' with it, no cap. unlike wattpad, that has millions of stories ready to be- ouchie!"

"You don't get paid to evangelize an app people are already in!" I tell Brayden, the little fool, the stupid little man boy, as I twist a lock of his hair from the back of his neck. "Now, tell me, what the hell happened here?"

"harder," is all he whispers. I know we don't kinkshame around here, but, damn.

Hayden pulls us apart in a second, but not before I take out a chunk of Brayden's hair. I don't know why, but it's causing me allergies. Kid has more chemicals in his hair than an oil refinery.

"Don't get horny with my man," says Hayden in a strong, deep voice. Is he... is he jealous? Cutie. I'll make a mental note of pulling his hair later. If he has enough hair to pull. He's pretty clean-shaven. Maybe if I use a plunger...

"relax, baby. daddy ain't a home-wrecker," says Brayden. "you fill-up your twinky, you eat it."

"Can we not talk about me getting filled?" I interject before Hayden's head explodes from embarrassment. He's beet red already and ready to blow. But it might be first-degree burns. Either/or.

"Right, right," says Hayden, taking a new shade of red from before. "Just for the record, I haven't filled any twinky. Not yet, at least. Maybe later after a nice dinner and an amuse bouche and-"

"Babe, stop."

"I'll shut up now," says Hayden.

I would normally say something about pregnant silences and some witty banter, that would be ignoring the elephant in the room. Or rather, the lack of a room for said elephant. It's like staring at the phone of somebody who only uses light-mode: headache-inducing, and mostly psychotic. Possibly runs a Gravity Falls Tumblr.

Brayden takes a new pog out of his pocket—A holographic Pikachu, series one, back when it was fat and loved it—and throws it at the empty whitee void. The pog immediately fizzes out like an alkaseltzer on a divorced dad's morning whiskey, until there is nothing left.

"whoa, poggers," says Brayden in awe. "wonder what happens when i put something else in there."

"Don't try to put your dick in it," I say. "As a general rule, don't try to put your dick into anything you don't understand."

"i'm not gonna put my dick in the white void... anymore," whispers Brayden. "but, a white void that can swallow everything and leave nothing behind is promising. think all the things i could do with it!"

"Buying a bunch of common Funko Pops, then destroying all of them but a handful and artificially inflating their price?" I ask.

"Erasing evidence of heinous crimes?" asks Hayden.

"Reverse-engineering the void as a means of creating clean energy, and thus phasing out the dependency of fossil fuels that is slowly poisoning the Earth?" ask Harry.

Brayden snaps two fingers, followed by very awkward finger-guns. "wrong. how about waste-disposal?"

"That's... surprisingly normal for you," I say. "What's the catch?"

"no catch," says Brayden, scratching his chin, as if a single hair could ever grow on that smooth, baby-ass-like skin. "just a simple, normal waste disposal service. seems like a normal, easy way to have a legit business and branch away from daddy's shadow. you know, become independent."

"Well, that sounds like a good, clean, if weird business to run, brother."

"thank you, just thought of it in the last few paragraphs or so. just think how many turtles we are gonna save by destroying plastics in this bad boy."

This has been a very useless and non-interesting sidebar to this whole story. Besides, it has nothing to do with Okayden. There's not even a funny homoerotic joke here.

"i'm gonna call it 'brayden's white hole dump'."

There it is.

"Brother..."

"no, no, think about it. it's simple, and to the point. i can already see the advertising. 'dump your load in brayden's white hole!'."

No, I'm not gonna tell him. I have better things to do. Everyone can use their own hole as they see fit. Still, that doesn't answer where this particular hole came from. If only there was some sort of surveillance system that could've caught the creation of—or lack thereof—the space in front of us.

"Brayden, I suppose you have a camera somewhere in this hallway, right?" I ask.

"i better not," says Brayden, now tossing random cards from his wallet into the void for shits and giggles. "how operation get-your-ass-into-the-fucking-park going?"

"Still pulling down cameras!" yells Jungkook as he tries to pull down an iPhone that has a direct vantage point to where the door was supposed to be.

Nice. We can see what the shit happened here. "Can you show us what that camera captures?"

"nah, don't feel like it," says Brayden who, not having anything else to toss into the void, has begun to fling boogers from his nose. "the less i know about to void, the better. it will do so many good things. i don't wanna find out if it's been sliding into the dm's of barely legal hollywood actresses or some weird shit like that."

Sometimes I forget that I'm dealing with a nimrod. I have to convince him that it is in his best interest to check the footage. Basically, play into his ego. And I know just how to do it. "You know, this void might be connected to that Locker Lich fella you've been looking for."

In lieu of boogers, Brayden is now spitting loogies into the void. "yeah, i don't care about that anymore. this is gonna make me way more than a misely 50$."

"But, brother, you said you weren't after that bounty," says Hayden.

"i was still gonna cash it. fiddy bucks is fiddy bucks."

Okay, appealing to his ego was a bust. Let's try appealing to his wallet. I take out my money clip and wave it in front of him. "I'll give you 51$ the footage."

Brayden snatches it from my hand and tosses the whole thing into the void, where it turns into dust.

"Hey! That was my grandfather's money clip!" I yell.

"jungkook, give him what he wants," says Brayden. "hey, got anything else i can cram into my white hole?"

I'm soon handed an iPhone with over three days of footage, of which 99% is just a static image of a door. Seriously, where do kids go to do the forbidden hanky-panky these days if not the library? Where do shy TAB/Gs go to hide and pine for that one cocky bad boy who has all the good grades and never seems to study? Anyways, the other 1% of the footage is Okayden getting inside the library. As soon as the door closes there is a blinding flash of light, followed by our good old buddy the void appearing where the room was. Ah, the void. Such an integral character to the story. I wonder if there is gonna be a slash fic about the void. After all, the void is eager to swallow anything in its path.

"Well, Okayden is fucked," I say. "Whatever this thing is, it swallowed him."

"that's kinda hot," comments Brayden. "i hope void-sempai notices me as well."

"Nothing we can do about it, then," I say. "I can't cancel the void on Twitter, and the most magic I can do is make a french fry disappear down my throat."

"Babe!" yells Hayden. "We can't let Okayden get swallowed by the hole!"

"i wanna get swallowed by the hole," whispers Brayden, thinking nobody can listen to him. But I can. Oh, I can, alright.

"Okayden is a big magical boy. He can find himself out of a hole."

"i wanna find myself inside the hole."

Hayden cups my cheeks with both hands. I hope I don't fart right now. "I don't think you're understanding, my love. Without Okayden, we will be disqualified. Kaput, finito, doneso. We need to help him."

I open my mouth to ask how in the everlasting fuck he pretends we bend the laws of reality to save a blipped vampire/werewolf, but I'm stopped by sausage-like finger—or a finger-like sausage—over my mouth.

"Babe, you promised. You promised you would help me achieve my dream and win this thing. And we can't do it without Okayden."

Damn his puppy eyes and luscious lips! I take a deep breath and unclench my buttcheeks. "Okay, okay. I did promise. Now, who do we know that can help us breach a dimensional void of unknown origin?"

It is then that I hear a sound. A sound I would normally ignore, but it might prove useful now, and it's coming from the vent above us.

"Babe," I tell Hayden, "you have ball on you?"

"feed balls to void-kun," whispers Brayden.

"Balls? Like, testicles?"

"No, like, footballs, baseballs, the like."

"My love, I know I'm a jock, and I find it very offensive that you asume-"

"Do you have one or not?" I interrupt him.

Hayden blushes another shade of red, a nice pantone carmelian, before taking a baseball from his back pocket. "I never said I didn't have one, but I just find it offensive that you assume I have one."

To compensate, I kiss him on the cheek while pushing myself up from the tip of my toes. Bitch loves to feel big. "Babe, can you throw that ball to the vent above us?"

I can hear the sound yet again. He doesn't know what's coming to him.

"Sure?" says Hayden. He spins the ball in his hand a few times, taking extra steps back to windup the shot. "Right on the vent?"

"Right on the vent," I say.

Hayden looks around as if to check the non-existent bases, throws his arm back and whips it forwards. The ball spins in the air as it flies directly to the vent on top of us. There is a fraction of a second when I can hear the sound again, followed by the sweet sound of violence. It goes something like this:

"Fufufu! Ow, my gulliver!"

The vent breaks down from the stress of the impact and the weight of the interloper in it. The man inside the vent falls down unceremoniously with a dry thud.

"You bratchny, how did you manage to find me?" says the figure writing in pain on the floor, a lanky man with rainbows in his eyes. "I was hidden like a koshka in the nochy, I was!"

"Babe, who is this?" asks Hayden.

The lanky bitch tries to stand up, but I block his movement by pinning him with my foot against a vent. "Nazz, I am the death of logic. The scourge of the earth. I am nochy and shadow and fear. Tremble, mortal, for I am-"

"Remember who Farfallah was looking for?" I say. "Well, it's this dickcheese."

"Dope," says Hayden.

"I'm not a cheese of Richards! I am-"

"Also, the locker lich," I say.

The lanky bastard goes beet red, and his eyes shimmer with magic. "I'm no lich! I'm-"

"A loser," I interrupt. "If I don't bad recall, we had a bet, and by finding you, I have won said bet."

The shimmering in his eyes diminishes, alongside the fight in his body, deflating like a Macy's Thanksgiving balloon after hitting an electric tower. "You are right, son of Adam. I have lost, fair and square. By the power of our sacred oath, I will forfeit what I crast Farfallah. I bestow to you-"

"Yeah, no," I say, interrupting him. "I don't want whatever you snatched from that Pasta bitch."

"You... don't?" says the man.

"You don't?" also says the other man that happens to be my boyfriend.

"No, instead, I want your help. You can jump dimensions, right?"

"this is the weirdest roleplay i've ever seen."

"I can!" says the lanky bitch.

"Then, help us figure out whatever the hell this, and we will call it even," I say, pointing at the void. "Hell, do it, and I'll give you another chance at winning my eyes. How about a best out of three?"

The man went from pondering to smirking. I will try to avoid both the figurative and literal boner he's pooping. "You know how to give a chap some radosty. I accept your conditions!"

"I have no idea what is happening," says Hayden.

The lanky bastard, or LB as he shall be known henceforth, stands up and approaches the void. His eyes begin to shimmer wildly as he raises one finger, which begins to pulsate crimson red. He swiftly draws a magic circle in the air, which also pulsates. Is is all a big joke for magic cocks? Why is everything pulsating?

"Ha! this is but a cheap parlor trick!" says LB.

"Explain yourself, Pepe le Dick," I say.

"This is not dimensional magic. It is simply spatial magic. You know how there is an infinite amount of numbers between odin and dva? 1.0, 1.01, 1.001, and so on. This spell stretches that space like plasticine. Nothing more, nothing else."

"So, in other words, it's just stretched space?" I ask.

"Yes. There is a room on the other side," says LB. "The connection is merely stretched out, like your mother's vag-"

"I've heard enough," says Hayden. "We are going though, get Okayden back, and get to the tournament in time."

"does that mean we can get into the void?" asks Brayden, stars in his eyes like a child in a candy store.

"Yes," says Hayden. And as soon as the word leaves his mouth, Brayden jumps head-first into the void.

"i feel like an oreo on a milk glass!" yells Brayden, dissipating into nothingness. Weird last words, but okay.

Hayden stands in front of the void, and turns around to me, raising his hand in my direction. "You coming, my love?"

I take his hand and walk towards him, feeling the hum of the void behind Hayden. "You know that I'm only doing this because I love you, right?"

He places a quick peck on my lips, almost as if giving me courage. "I know. And I love you for it."

We take a deep breath, tighten our grips, and jump together into the abyss.

It does kinda feels like being an Oreo in a glass of milk, to be honest.