What color do pink goddesses go when their blood is drained from their faces? Do goddesses even have blood in the first place? Let's find out!

"What you got there, brah?" asks Aiden, much to Fortuna's chagrin. Her face looks immutable, but there is a slight pink-gold tint in her cheeks. Not where I thought it would go, but okay.

The bigger question is, do they not know about the Isekai Interdimensional Shifter Service? It would've been brought on back in the maze when... huh. Wait a second.

The only reason I participated in the maze--other than to help Hayden help Okayden--was to strong-arm Jayden out of his essence. Come to think of it, if it weren't for Jayden finagling with Brayden's tight white hole, we wouldn't have reached the forest in the first place. I wonder if the Aidens before me ever went that particular route.

No, I'm sure this was a blind spot for them. I didn't see any bad boys in the forest, and surely no Aidens. And none of them had to deal with Jayden, since he didn't exist until right before me.

Why didn't any of the other Aidens deal with Jayden, anyhow? Fortuna has like... a buncha bad boys at her disposal that she could've used to deal with Jayden. But no, she went out of her way to contact me, and Hayden, to retrieve the bottle in the first place.

I'll tell you why: it wasn't that she didn't, it's because she couldn't. Jayden had upgraded to magical girl Stabby McStabbyface, and she couldn't afford to send another Aiden at him, lest he runs away. But me? A nobody outside the council? I was the perfect bait, with my beautiful purple eyes and supple Hayden. But to summon me without giving away her Lee disguise, she had to summon me to her pocket dimension.

And the only way to do it is with this ticket. And that magic bus. If she used it in front of Aidens, especially Aiden Prime, she would've given up her ruse of being a defenseless goddess in search of champions.

Because he would've realized that the source of all his pain came from a single spell cast by Fortuna. A single summoned bus that spiraled out of control and destroyed his life.

I'm not one hundo percent sure this is the case, but my bad boy senses are tingling, telling me this is the case. I'm sure you all realized where I'm going with this.

"Oh, this old thing?" I say, inspecting the ticket nonchalantly. "This is just an old bus ticket Fortuna lent me. It lets you ride a very old bus. Older than time, I would say."

I raise the ticket in front of me, rubbing it slightly. "In fact, this bus is so old, only has one stop. But it's a magical place full of wonders and magic."

"Hey, magic is my schtick!" yells Magic-Aiden. "Find yourself a new personality, you dick!

"Don't worry, Abraca-douchebag", I tell my other me, "this is no mere prestidigitation. This is an old magic bus. So old, in fact, that I think even Aiden Prime has seen it at least one in his life. I can guarantee it."

Aiden scrunches his brow while smiling coyly, like a macho guy at a gender reveal party when the burning forest starts to spew pink flames. "What do you mean? I've never ridden a bus in my--"

Suddenly, the goddess appears between us, hands outstretched to nab the ticket out of my hand.

Hook, line, and sinker.

I activate the ticket at the last possible second, for added suspense, of course. A portal opens right next to the goddess and a bus comes flying out of it like a bat out of hell, slamming against her left side. Both the bus and the body tumble into the water in a heap of silver-glittery liquid, which I think is her blood, before coming to a stop a few meters away.

Fortuna skips over the water like a rock before another portal opens, swallowing her.

The bus slowly slips out of reality in a puff of smoke, which mirrors Aiden's smile, also vanishing before me, only to be replaced by a pensive scowl. The scowl of a bad boy monologing about what just happened.

A scowl of bitter realization.

A new portal opens in the sky, and the body of Fortuna, now without scratches and disoriented like a domesticated bird being released into the wild, only to be nabbed by a hawk or something, falls ungracefully to the pool bellow.

It takes Fortuna a few seconds to stand up from the shallow pool of bad boy essence, drenched and beet pink gold. "You... mortal piece of--"

Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of another bus running over you. She doesn't even function as a speed bump for this bus as a new gushing of glitter and expletives leave her body. The bus disappears once again in a puff of smoke.

Aiden, however, is still thinking. That's okay, I can do this all day.

Next time the portal opens in the sky, she doesn't even have time to make it down. I hit her ragdoll body mid-air with a well-placed bus throw. Man, I should apply to Dude Perfect. That was a bullseye if I've ever seen one.

I turn to Aiden Prime, whose eyes are stuck on the flying bus, gracefully flipping mid-air, before landing on Fortuna's glitterbombed body, and disappearing into nothingness. "Want me to keep going?"

Every pair of eye--which definitely amount to an average of less than two thanks to Jayden's surprise enucleations--rest on Aiden Prime, who has a thousand-yard stare.

"Can I see that bus ticket?" he says, in a slow, monotone voice.

You sure as hell can. I'm not too keen on giving up my trump card, but I feel this is a good thing. I hand him the bus ticket. He takes it gently, inspecting it, turning it over, really taking every nook and cranny.

I can only imagine what is going on in his head. By now, he must've realized the truth of it all. That it was Fortuna who sent the bus that killed his Hayden. That she manipulated him and every other Aiden after him with a single stroke of a brush. That all the bad things he has done, the countiles timeless he has consumed, all in search of a universe where Hayden could be happy, were built on a lie.

The question becomes very simple: Why? Why did she do it? Why did she go out of her way to build an elaborate lie and systematically destroy and sacrifice so much to keep him there? A question I cannot answer, and neither can he.

Which is why I'm thoroughly unsurprised about what he did next.

As soon as Fortuna falls from the sky again, Aiden summons a new bus, hitting her head on. However, he doesn't stop there. He summons a new bus that smashes right on top of the other. The sound of twisted metal on metal grinding against each other sparks a flame in whatever magic fuel these things use, exploding in a tower of flame and shrapnel. It doesn't help that a third bus falls from the sky, smashing a falling Fortuna and slamming her down into the wreckage.

Two more buses come from the sides to make a metal sandwich with goddess meat, which is the third less desirable sandwich, right behind a peanut butter and mayo sandwich, and a Subway's Tuna melt sandwich. At some point, you have to ask if it's overkill.

"Thank you," says Aiden, returning the ticket. "It felt good."

The goddess falls from the sky yet again, waiting for a new bus to hit her, but nothing comes. She goes on all fours, takes a deep breath, and vomits an entire liquid rainbow into the bad boy lake. It would be cute if it weren't deeply disturbing. Very #aesthetic.

"You... ungrateful... nincompoop!" yells Fortuna between harks. A dribble of magenta rolls down her cheek as she sways back and forth. "After all I've done for you, this is how you repay me?!"

"The jig is up, buttercup," I say, raising the ticket like the king of games about to summon the most bullshit card in existence. "He knows the truth now. It was you who killed his Hayden by summoning a bus!"

Every other Aiden around us gasps in horror as the realization hits them. Man, am I dumb in every way possible, even across universes.

"Is that true, lassie?" says scottish-Aiden, kilt blowing in the wind.

"You saw that bus," chimes Asian-American-Aiden, "it's the same kind of bus from Aiden Prime's memories!"

"As you can see, she can very much affect the human world. What other lies has she told you?!" I say, since it seems I have to spell it out to me. "Did you Haydens really die? Was the future she showed you inevitable? Is her hair naturally pink?"

The crowd of Aidens murmur amongst each other, as Aiden Prime steps closer to her. "Why? Why did you do this, brah? Why torture us like this?!"

As the Aidens convene on her in a circle, there's no way for her to run. Time to face the music, you magic bitch!

And yet, she laughs. Laughs! Slowly at first, then full blow, her face contorting into a grin. Her pupils dilate into pure madness as she claws her face, leaving streaks of glitter that close almost immediately. Her pure derangement makes me take a step back. Whatever veneer of goodness and purity she was trying to present went down the drain faster than my sht through my body after Taco Tuesday. And that's the last shit joke of the book, folks!

"Isn't it obvious?!" yells the mad god, "I wanna be smoshed by your rock hard abs!"

Eh... excuse me? What?

"I wanna use your man-tittes as a pillow!" she exclaims, running towards Martial Arts-Aiden and grabs his pecs. "I wanna use your washboard abs to eat a plate of sushi," exclaims the goddess, rubbing her face on Midriff-Aiden, an Aiden whose only characteristic is that they only use crop-tops. "I want to use your back as a floatation device!" she says, clawing the back of Olympic Medalist In 200 m Free Relay Swimming-Aiden.

"Lady, what the hell are you talking ab--"

In a flash, she grabs my face, getting closer and closer to me. Her own face is practically steaming in a cloud of pheromones, glittering saliva, and sexual tension as her face turns into an aheago. If you don't know what that is, don't google it. "Don't you get it?! I love bad boys! I love bad boy bodies! I love bad boys rubbing against me, smelling them, having them, feeling them. I love them so fucking much! "

I slap her hands away, but that only seems to rile her up more. Ew.

"But I don't love any bad boy, oh no," she says, putting both hands over her chest like a deranged Disney princess. "I love bad boys who are tall, but not too tall. Tan, but not too tan. Rock hard, but only the right amount of softness. I love a bad boy that is intelligent, yet cold. I like a bad boy who can ride me like riding a motorcycle."

"I get it," I tell the goddess. "But that's too much info."

"I want a bad boy that gives me the cold shoulder, but the hot dick!"

"I said that's too much information!"

Dammit, I think we lost her. There's actual snot and dribble falling down her mouth.

"But that's so hard to find!" she says. "All other bad boys are way too big, or too small, or have gigantic dicks, or are CEO's, or are Werewolves, or are way too into sports."

Thanks for calling me small-dicked. Bitch. My dick is perfectly average.

"But then, you!" she says, cupping Aiden Prime's face. "You came along! You, with your creamy hamstrings and slick hair, and those eyes that turn my pantaloons into lagoons! You were the perfect bad boy for me! You felt it, right?! That first time you met me. The atraction, the love, the passion! I'm your PCL! I'm all of your PCL!"

Her face goes from extasis to existential crisis in a second, as her nails dig into Aiden's face. "But your bisexual ass had to fall in love with that dammed man, Hayden! He called dibs on you fine ass, leaving me in the dark."

Oh, dip, is she saying what I think she's saying?

"So I took him out of the picture," she says, returning to a placid expression. "And I dangled him in front of you so you could stay with me, here, for all eternity. Of course, one perfect man wasn't enough, so I had to have more. And more. And more, and more and more and more! I got Pokemon fever, because I had to catch them all! And look, a perfect harem of perfect bad boys. My coochie meow meow can't stop going into swamp land with all these hunks around!"

"Okay, that's enough!" I say. I try to pry her hands out of Aiden Prime's face, but she doesn't let up. This horrible goddess is a fucking fujoshi fangirl!

Her grip seems to tighten up, as blood pus from Aiden's face where her nails dig. "But he never loves me. None love me. All they want is Hayden this and Hayden that."

She actually raises Aiden in the air by his face and throws him against me like a wrecking ball, sending us flying to the crowd. I can hear something crack inside me. Hopefully, it's only one of the bones I don't need, like a phalange.

"Then, you come here and shit all over my harem! One I've worked hard to maintain!" yells the goddess. She reaches down into the water, looking at us deviously. "Look what you make me do, son of Adam! Now I have to start all over again!"

I'm sorry. You're gonna what now?

She yanks something from under the water. A string of sorts, connected to a cork?

Upon closer inspection, it looks like a bath plug.

A swirl of water starts to form beneath her feet as the shallow pond starts to slowly drain out. And with it, the Aidens around me.

Aidens yell by the dozen as they start to turn into essence feet first, joining their other selves into the pool from whence they came. She's trying to flush down the bad boys!

"Shame," she whispers between lamentations and moans of disappearing Aidens. "But, oh well. I can always try again, can't I? There are an infinite number of Aidens, and an infinite number of abs I can rub myself against!"

Shit, this is bad. I have to do something! I rub the ticket once again, summoning a bus to hit her. But this time, she catches it mid-air with one hand while holding eye contact with me. Weird flex, but okay. Also, holy shit!

The bus disappears as soon as she catches it, giving her a maniac grin. "That won't work against me anymore, lover boy. Say goodbye to your other selves!"

Aiden looks at me, pleading, as he turns into shimmering liquid against his will. I can see him mouth something off as his feet are swallowed by the drain. A last plea to me. To all of us.

"I'm sorry."

And with that, all there's left is solid ground beneath me. No more water, no more Aidens. Only me and the goddess now.

Speaking of the devil, she slowly walks towards me, still on the ground and groaning in pain, with a sadistic look on her face. I try to move, but my right arm won't budge. I think I broke my collarbone. Definitely need that bone.

The goddess snaps her finger, summoning the shimmering book of fate into her hand. "I didn't want to say this in front of everyone, but I think that, of all the Aidens, you're definitely the hotter one."

With that, she steps on my collarbone, sending a new jolt of pain down my spine. "Inhale my cock and balls, you vapid bitch!"

That only works to make her laugh. "I'm gonna miss you too, boo. But It's time for you and your entire timeline to go."

The ground beneath me shakes violently and suddenly, shaking me to my very core. The book in her hand burns with a bright blue flame, consuming slowly and painfully.

Reality is breaking down. My reality. My Hayden. My Friends. Everything I hold dear is being annihilated in front of me.

"Don't worry, I'm not that cruel," says the goddess. "You can perish next to your beloved Hayden and your entire cursed timeline."

A portal opens up beneath me, with wind gushing upwards.

This is it, huh? This is how it all ends. With a final goodbye, and a broken collarbone. Shit ending for a shit story.

Well, I might lose, but one thing that bad boys can do better than anything is take everyone down with us. Bad boys can fight against fate. And you, bitch, messed with the wrong bad boy.

With the last ounce of my strength, I grab the goddess' ankle, just in time for me to fall through the portal.

"What the--" she says, before being yanked down through the portal as well.

"If I'm going to disappear," I tell her with my most sincere shit-eating grin, "then you're going to disappear down with me!"