The empty halls of Fortuna ring hollow without their master present. Just a lonely throne standing watch over a sea of nothing. And who's sitting on that throne?

"yo, check it out, i'm the king of england!" yells Brayden, giving us the two finger salute while kicking his little feet. "my first decree is that y'all have to kiss my royal butt! my second decree is that beans on toast is banned!"

"There is no England anymore, Brayden," says Hayden, sitting on the steps with a hand on his chin. He looks dry, and pale, with chapped lips and red eyes. His five o'clock shadow is slowly turning into a van Dyke. "You're the king of dicks."

"hey, no beans on toast either way," says Brayden with a childish smirk. "seems like a win-win to me."

I stare at the last remaining page of the Book of Life in my hand. When the bus dropped us here, it was still smoldering, but curiously, part of the cover was still intact. That, and a page about how a guy in Florida called "Big Pete" accidentally invented a source of perpetual energy by connecting a generator to a spinning alligator trying to cut off his arm back in 1998.

"I still can't believe everything was a ploy to keep me and Ayden away," says Hayden. "I mean, even my mother's death?"

"Especially your mother's death," I say. "Everything has been a conspiracy to make you happy."

"Well, I'm all sunshines and rainbows now. So, thanks for killing mom, I guess."

A large shadow suddenly looms above us, as the leathery wings of Okayden circle around us like a crow, ready to feast on our carcasses. It's been a few days since we arrived from the doomed world, with no food or water to speak of.

Okayden perches on the throne, looking edgy and badass as fuck. Trust me on that one.

"Nothing but empty,

In the four cardinal paths,

Just an endless void," says Okayden.

We tried to walk towards the horizon, only to get back here again. Whatever fuckery keeps this pocket dimension afloat also keeps it on a loop.

It's a prison. And our only way out is to starve.

That, and the drain. The same drain Fortuna used to flush the bad boys down. And that ain't even big enough to fit us.

It seems we only delayed the inevitable.

I plop myself next to Hayden, resting my head on his shoulder. I'm so tired. He rests his head on mine, leaning on each other for support.

"You know, this is a bit funny," I tell Hayden.

"Funny 'haha,' or funny 'weird'?" he asks. "Cuz' I'm not in a chuckling mood right now."

"Kinda funny, kinda sad," I say. "All my life I've wanted to keep my head down, avoid any bad boy trappings, and become a customer service rep. But ever since I've met you, all I wanted was to spend the rest of my life with you. And it seems I'm getting my wish. Only, said life is way shorter than I hoped it would."

To that, Hayden laughs. "Yeah, it's a bit funny, I guess." He takes my hand in his'. It feels dry and ashy. How long can humans live without water again? "Maybe, in another life, we could've grown old together."

I squeeze his hand, nuzzling his neck. Even after so long, I can still smell his perfume. He smells like home. "Actually, it seems like we were the Hayden and Aiden who stayed together the longest."

He gives me a quick peck on the forehead. "Is that so? We haven't even been together that long. Our love must've meant a lot in the grand scheme of things."

It's not fair, dear readers, if there are any left. It's not fair that I finally have love. A love I'm willing to die for, only to end like this. I refuse to accept it. Ney, I refuse to allow it. This is the universe's last laugh at my expense, to give me my love, uninterrupted, at the end of the world.

A lonely tear slips down my eye, all the way to the tip of my nose. For the love I have, and will lose. For the agony of either him watching me die of starvation, or him watching me die. Of the pain and suffering we've been through. A tear for what was, and what could've been.

I choke up a sob, hugging Hayden next to me. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."

He cups my face with both hands, reaching down for a kiss. His lips might be dry, but they are as soft as ever. "I love you, Ayden. My love, my prince, my one and only. If I'm to die here, I rather do it in our arms. Now, tell me again about the funny Florida man and his funny crocodile."

He always knows what to say. I know he only tells me to read him the story over and over to distract me, but I can see he's in pain, and doesn't want me to know it. I look down on the burnt book on my lap and... huh? There's a new page here! A page about Elliot Page of all things. How? Why? And it's also wet, for some reason.

Suddenly, the rotund figures of Jungkook and Harry waddle from over the horizon, stopping to catch their breath every few steps.

"my royal subjects!" cries Brayden. "have you found me my royal nourishment?"

The pair look at each other meekly before presenting Brayden a pebble. "Eh, not, eh, quite. We found you this rock, boss!" says Jungkook.

"The best rock!" adds Harry.

"The only rock!" interjects Jungkook.

"you fools! that's a rock, not food! what am i supposed to do with a rock?"

"Maybe you can suck the minerals out of it?" says Jungkook.

"are you callin' me a sucker?"

"No, no. We would never!" says Harry, bowing to the king of douchebags.

Harry takes the rock from Jungkook's hand and tosses it behind him.

The rocks bounces off the steps, barely missing Hayden's head, and tumbles before us, rolling and rolling away from us.

And into the drain.

"You know, I could have,

Sucked on it. Maybe it had,

Some moisture in it," laments Okayden, his wings quivering sadly.

"if you want to suck on something hard and moist, you can suck on my--"

Suddenly, a sound echoes through the empty void. An unmistakable sound.

The rock clanks down the drain, ricocheting from wall to wall, until there's an unmistakable liquid splash at the end. It's faint, but it's there.

"Was that--" Hayden begins to say, but I interrupt him.

"A sea of bad boy tears," I say. "Incredibly salty. Drinking them would kill us before--"

Wait, bad boy tears. That's it! Bad boy tears have the power to change fate! I grab the book, and sure enough, there's a moist spot on the cover. My errant tear earlier must've affected it, somehow. Maybe enough bad boy tears could remake the book, and thus, remake the universe!

I toss what remains of the book down the drain. I can hear it slide down, hitting whatever pipes there are under us.

"hell yeah, destroy knowledge, embrace monkey!" yells Brayden, going down on all fours and jumping around like a chimp. "let's eat okayden!"

"No, you doofus!" I yell at Brayden. "I just did it to--"

A tower of light burst out of the drain, fanning out to swallow everything in searing hot pain. I can feel the blood boiling under my skin, which is being peeled away from the sheer force. The ground itselfs seems to disintegrate as more and more light pours out. The throne and stairs get blown away.

Brayden, Jungkook and Harry get blown away and disintegrated into nothing.

Okayden tries to fly away, but he also gets disintegrated.

Hayden reaches out to me, our fingertips barely touching, but his body dissolves into nothingness.

I feel the last of my flesh being burnt away in a flash of hot white pain. But only for a moment, until there is nothing but darkness.

You know, darkness doesn't feel too bad. I can't feel pain anymore, or thirst, or hunger. Nothing. Being dead is a bummer, but at least I got to do it next to the man I love.

Odd, though. I can still think. I thought my mind would be blown away as well. But nope! Here I am, thinking my silly thoughts, monologuing.

Without any warning, an explosion shakes my very core. Wait, I have a core? Weird. But not as weird as what's going on around me.

Light, fire, plasma, rocks, all fly around me. Stars and suns rise and fall, imploding and creating, as if breathing. A universe full of planets, galaxies, nebulas, unfurl around me as if I'm a king, and all the treasures of the lands are being presented to be judged.

As soon as it starts, it ends, not with a bang, but with a fart. A stinky, wet fart.

"sorry, i got scared," I hear to my right.

"Brayden?" I call out. "Is that you?"

A very naked Brayden floats next to me, a twinkling star covering his privates. "yo, i thought i was tripping on ayahuasca again. the hell's going on?"

"We have seen the birth,

Of a new universe, and,

The wonders of life," says the voice of Okayden, who materializes next to Brayden. I can't tell if he's naked or not from all that fur.

"The big bang!" says the voice of Hayden, materializing naked in all his glory. God, even his schlong looks like a big piece of salami. "The birth of the universe."

"ah, yes, bazinga," says Brayden.

"That's the big bang theory," I say.

"Correct!" says a new voice, one which sounds like a choir of a hundred fuckbois calling their bae at 3 a.m.

A being of pure light, covered in robes with a thousand stars, materializes in front of us. The being's hair changes every few seconds, from short, to long, to a bob-cut, to red dye, to blue dye, and so on and so forth. But not his face. It looks punchable and unchanging. And one I've seen before.

My own face. Aiden.

"My friends, my lover, myself, how wonderful of you to be here," says the giant asswipe. "And thank you, for rescuing us."

I wanna ask a lot of stuff, like, what the fuck, bro? And, who the fuck? But the douchebag speaks before I can say anything.

"By throwing the book into the collective consciousness of the council of Dens, we have created a new universe, one without the bothersome influence of Fortuna."

The being cups his hands, and a new planet Earth materializes, moon and all. It stares at Hayden, with tender-loving eyes. "A world where you can pursue your dreams, free of the meddling of higher beings."

It looks at Okayden, smiling gently. "A world where you can say goodbye one more time."

It looks at Brayden, slightly annoyed. "A world where you can maybe not feed protein powder to a mythological creature."

Finally, it looks at me, and smiles wider than I've ever smiled, with multicolored eyes flickering like fireworks. "A world where we can be happy."

The big dick slaps his hands, making the world go away. "However, I cannot just pluck you right in and take the place of another you. It would mean killing another Aiden, Hayden, Brayden, and Okayden, and taking their place, which cannot happen. You will be reborn in this new world, starting from scratch, your souls tear asunder. But you will be free. Free to make your own mistakes, and make your own path. Free to be whatever you want to be. It's a second chance in life. It is either that, or oblivion. Your choice."

Somehow, I feel at peace. I feel that, whatever happens, I'm going to be okay. We are going to be okay.

I grab Hayden's hand, giving him a warm smile.

"Will you look for me again when we are older?" I ask.

"Always," he says, without hesitation. "You are my PCL. Our souls are intertwined."

"so, i can invest in bitcoin early?" asks Brayden, grabbing my hand. "sign me in!"

"I want to tell mom,

How much I love her, so much,

While I still have her," adds Okayden, grabbing Brayden's hand.

"It is settled," says the being. "You shall be reborn anew. May your life be long and fruitful!"

Oh, boy. I wonder how it will be to--