Finally, Tuesday. The Wednesday of days. It feels like I've been stuck on monday for months, to be honest. Shit just hit the fan at full speed yesterday. Thought I was gonna lose my relationship and all. And whatever that business with Farfallah was supposed to be.

I would say that I hope today is a better day than yesterday, but, let's be honest. It won't.

And it all starts with a message on my phone.

"Hello, Ayden. It's Hayden, your boyfriend. We need to talk. Please meet me at the cafeteria. With love: Hayden."

He's stiff even when messaging. But that's part of his charm, I guess. Still, that ominous "We need to talk" bit is getting me kinda worried. I suppose we never really resolved that whole "Who cares if you can't afford to go to school" snafu. Dunno how I'm gonna save face on that one.

Maybe I'll suck his dick. Can't say sorry with a mouth full of jock, can't I? This plan is perfect and will definitely not backfire at all. I really don't wanna talk about yesterday.

Also, if the talk is... well, the talk, it would be rude and improper to break up with someone sucking your dick. Everyone knows that. Unless they are very teeth-oriented.

I slither out of my vent, very susly if I might add. Lucky enough, it's still early, with only a few early birds and nerds milling around doing background character stuff, like sitting on the lawn and opening and closing their lockers over and over again. A few broopies huddle together to beat the morning air, but like piranhas, their strength comes with numbers, so I'm not afraid. It doesn't take long until I reach the cafeteria, locked. Great, I have to stand around and smell normie air for normies and shit. I knock gently, then harder, because I have to teach the door who's the boss around here.

The door, surely recognizing my bad boy superiority, opens for me to reveal the complete magnitude of Hayden, leaning against the doorframe with that jacket that hugs his body so tightly. Damn, he looking hot today. I can see his bulge throbbing in anticipation. Wait, no, that his phone is vibrating in his pants.

He takes it out, turns it off, and stares back at me. "Good morning, sunshine," he says in that grave, dulcet voice, like hot cocoa, but, like, cold. Like a cold, hot cocoa, pouring out of his mouth. Oh, no. He's gonna dump me, isn't he? People always look their hottest when they dump their significant other. He even smells great, like freshly-made sausages and bread. I wanna bite him.

Quick, Ayden, move fast. Suck his dick. Boy, he looks so big today. So wide. I can't see anything past him. He looks like a big sun, and I'm about to get a mouthful of sunshine.

I take a step forward, grabbing him by the waist and pushing him back. Surprisingly, for a man of his hugeness, he can be moved pretty easily.

"Um, I take it you slept well?" he asks as I push him towards what I assume is the nearest table. Dunno, can't actually see behind him. I'll keep pushing until I hit something hard. Harder than him, at least. God, give me strength to dislocate my jaw to fit that anaconda in.

I feel us hit something solid and flat, like the Earth. I grab him by the belt hoops and hoist him up a bit, pushing him back to make him sit on the table. I hear rattling of metal behind him, meaning, it was a table and not an unfortunately placed hunchback with metal braces.

"What are you doing, bro?" says Hayden, in his most cheap-porn voice ever as he scrambles to get me off him.

Remember, kids: It is wrong to touch another person's no-no square without their consent. Which is why you always have to ask first. "I'm gonna suck your dick, bro. I can suck your dick, right?"

Hayden continues to try and get me away, but not as much as before. "No! I mean, yes, you can, always. Please do. But, we really need to talk, and-"

I place a finger on his lips, all the while I wiggle it seductively against his lips. "Shh. No, we don't. I know I fucked up. I hurt you. I was a bad boyfriend. Let me make it up to you with my mouthssy."

"Your... what?" he ask. He seems to be shocked enough that I can unbuckle his belt without much of a fuzz. "Look, I'm not saying I won't like to, but-"

"Then let it happen," I say. I place my hands around his waist, getting up to meet his lips, like two soft, plump prunes. He tastes sweet, like orange juice. "I'm not good with words. But my mouth can do wonders. I think. Maybe. Just pull on my hair if I'm using too many teeth."

"Bro, really, we need to-"

I slap him, gently. Kinkyly-ish. I grab him by the cheeks and pull him closer for a kiss, grabbing his other hand and putting it over my hair. "Daddy, I've been a naughty boy. Please, give this boy some discipline with your big, meaty-"

Suddenly, a light. Not the light of a goddess, thank Jesus, but an artificial one. And a small one at that. One you might find as a cellphone flash. And it's coming right from my left.

I turn around, only to see Brayden squatting next to me, pointing his phone at me. "c'mon, don't mind me. finish the sentence. cock? big chungus? shmeat? uncle rodger's meaty surprise? take your pick."

What, the, fuck.

I immediately stand up, dusting my knees as Hayden tries to buckle up his pants. Okay, I think I didn't quite understand the mood, as with some distance, I can see what was obscured behind Hayden's massive body: A table full of food, and freshly made at that, with Okayden, Jungkook, and Harry sitting on it while having breakfast. The same table I pushed Hayden on. It's a beautiful spread with toast, bacon, eggs benedict, orange juice, cranberry juice, a cheese board, and other accouterments.

Whoops.

"Crap, I sat on the bran muffins," says Hayden, turning around to see a handful of squashed muffins up his already firm cake. Seems I fucked up once again. Thanks, tuesday.

I approach him, trying to put a reassuring hand around him, but his shoulder is too high so I just grab his arm. "Babe, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to squash your muffins. Is just that, when you said 'we need to talk,' I thought it was a 'just the two of us' kind of 'we.'"

"Nah, don't worry, hunny," he says as he picks pieces of bran muffins out of his butt, tossing them onto a plate. "Nobody ever eats the bran muffins. A waste either way."

"I like them!" yells Jungkook, reaching across the table to pick the tray of butt-muffins, dumping most of them on his already-full plate.

"Really?" asks Hayden.

"Oh, yeah. He munches muffins all day," says Harry. "The extra fiber makes him a shit-cannon. It takes him like five minutes from eating the damn thing to ruining a perfectly good toilet."

Oh, goodie. We went from blowjobs to shit.

"you should consider opening up a couple's onlyfans," says Brayden as he sits between Jungkook and Harry, munching on a piece of bacon. "that was super hot. gave me a quarter-chub."

And back to blowjobs.

"I wouldn't be so happy if I were you. You know that's bacon, right?" I say.

"yeah."

"I thought you were against all animal cruelty and stuff," I say.

"and?"

"Well, bacon is pig?"

"they have it coming," says Brayden, eating another piece of bacon. "they are made of food."

"So are bunnies," I say. "And turtles. And whales."

"silly ayden. you can't eat rabbit!" says Brayden. "they are friends, not food."

"Hayden is friend too,

And Ayden's gonna eat him,

It is a moot point," says Okayden while sipping on a virgin bloody mary. Or maybe just Clamato with a piece of celery in it.

"Not the time or place to say that!" I say. I can feel myself turning red with embarrassment. Hayden, on the other hand, seems to be taking it well, grabbing a plate and filling it with eggs, bacon, toast, as fresh coffee. I wonder how long it took him to cook all this. "Sit down, honey."

I take a seat next to Okayden. Hayden places the plate in front of me, sitting next to me, but not before leaning towards me and whispering, almost soundless.

"You can get daddy's salame later, you naughty boy," he whispers, followed by him squeezing my leg under the table.

I swear this man will be the end of me. I'm getting goosebumps all over.

"Come on, eat up, everybody!" he says, taking a plate for himself.

"You don't have to tell me twice," says Jungkook as he spoons eggs, bread and muffin alike in an affront to the culinary gods. And it seems they are displeased with such a blasphemy, as a rumbling sound of a thousand thunders begins to emanate from his body. "Uh, the muffins are a'coming!"

Why is this book so obsessed with shit? Well, at least it's not me. Jungkook stands up and waddles towards the door. Slowly as to not rock the shit-boat, of course.

Hayden leans in, with a piece of egg on a fork hovering just near his face. "Now, you might be wondering why I summoned you all this fine morning."

The sound of a rattling doorknob robs my focus for a second. There, on the entrance of the cafeteria, a very flustered Jungkook is trying to open the door to no avail. "Uh, Mr. Hayden boss? The door won't open."

"And it will not open," says Hayden, leaning forwards as he chomps on the egg. "Do you guys know what a conclave is?"

"Seriously, I need to go, now," says Jungkook.

I grab Hayden's arm once again, but it's too late. I lost him. His eyes are hollow and cold, just like when he's on the playfield. He is in full jock-mode. "Babe? Are you okay?"

"A conclave is a private meeting," he says, ignoring both me and Jungkook, "where a group is secluded to reach a decision on a matter. And we have a matter to decide, and none shall leave until we decide... the name of the new club!"

Fuck. I fucking hate Tuesdays.