Hiya babes, not sure if this is to well written. I have another approach I may use instead of this to capture Zanthus in his earlier years. Let me know what you think, honestly, want to do this bit well, it's important to me.

So incredibly sorry it took so long to get a chapter out, no excuses.

Zanthus POV

Year 7

"You know you're going to have to go in, Z." Xander rested his weight on the brick building behind him.

"N-No." I grumbled, arms crossed tight over my chest.

Xander rolled his eyes, "Absolute div. Do what you'd like, I'm heading in." He heaved his rucksack up onto his shoulder and spared me a final glance before turning towards the entrance gates.

I picked at my tweed jacket, cringing at the colour. Never the fan of uniforms but always a victim to them. I caught the time on the clock across from me, cemented into the wall. It read five until class began, so I decided it was due time I made my way in.

I kept my eyes trained on the dull pavement that turned to carpet as I made my way through the main doors. The commotion around me was just bearable, shouting and shoving between friends and stumbling students. I groaned as a body knocked into mine, the corner of a book digging into my ribs.

"Oh my days, I'm so sorry. I just, I wasn't looking ahead and got shoved and then I fell into you and-sorry. Are you alright?" The girl's voice was soft but stressed as she stumbled over her words.

I looked up and felt my eyes widen, but schooled myself soon enough. I could feel my cheeks start to heat under her attention. She must be the prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life. Her features were delicate but defined and her eyes could drown you. I couldn't say something if I wanted to, a knot forming in my throat.

"Er-are you hurt? Should I get someone?" She spoke carefully, a bit slowly even.

I could feel my blush deepening by the second, hands trembling in a way I hoped wasn't visible as I straightened my blazer. Her eyes drew heavier with concern and I forced myself to snap out of it, shaking my head with a bashful smile.

"Okay, well then..." Her eyebrows drew in as she held her book closer to her chest. "I'm going to head to class. Sorry again." She mumbled, head pointed down as she turned and scurried down the emptying corridor. She spared me one last glance, our eyes meeting over her shoulder for a spare second before she rounded the corner

I stood still for another minute, feet not willing to move. I groaned, slapping my hand over my face and shaking my head. I had just absolutely embarrassed myself in front of her. I ran a regretful hand through my hair, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths before gathering the courage to find my way to class where Xander would be waiting.

I made it to class just in time, finding a seat next to bored seeming Xander. "Polite of you to join me. An honour even." He started dryly with a wry smile. I elbowed him in the shoulder and he scoffed. "What'd you do that for."

I shook my head and propped my elbows on my desk, burying my head in my hands as I tried to shake the girls face from my mind. I could feel Xander staring at me and knew it was only a matter of time until he did something to compromise the little solace I was grasping onto.

He knocked my hands from my face soon enough and guffawed. "You're blushing!" He exclaimed, and I groaned as I tried to mask my face once again. "No way in bloody hell I'm letting you get out of this. Tell me what happened, I want to hear it all. Have you got a bird? Did you snog her in the halls?"

I let out an affronted huff, pulling my wrists from his grasp. I frowned at him, shaking my head. "I-I'm tw-twelve, Xander." He pulled an incredulous face at what I had whispered.

"And? I'm twelve as well and I've already snogged a few-" I shoved a hand over his mouth, feeling the heat creep up my cheeks at his words.

"S-Stop." I mumbled, casing my eyes down for a second.

He maneuvered his head away from my hand and let out a laugh. He shook his head a few times before giving a light slap to my shoulder. "I forgot you've never done anything like that. Sorry, Z." He paused, "So you didn't land a bird then?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. He raised his hands in defense, eyes wide.

"Oi! It would make sense. 'Specially when you come back with your face on fire and your hair a-right, right! Let up, I'll stop." He laughed as he leaned away from my slaps, hand holding his stomach as he laughed til tears came.

I curled in on myself, wrapping my arms around my stomach. It couldn't help but find the whole situation embarrassing. I had never had the confidence that he had, and god knows I had never gotten close to snogging anyone. Xander quieted and sighed, wiping his eye before reaching out to squeeze my arm.

"Hey, Zanthus, it's alright yeah? Was just a joke, you know I don't mean it like that." I nodded, chewing my bottom lip insistently with my teeth. " 'S the first day anyways, you've got plenty of time to catch all the girls you'd like." He teased, and I plastered on a tight smile.

I couldn't stay mad at Xander long, and I know he didn't mean to hurt my feelings. It looked like he was going to say something else before a bell rang from the front of the glass gathering our attention. The teacher began speaking but I couldn't hear much of what she was saying, my mind unwarrantedly drifting to the girl that'd run into me this morning. I gave up on trying to push her from my thoughts, and rather found myself daydreaming a bit.

"Welcome to secondary," The womens voice was louder this time, shaking me from my thoughts. "We have tons in store for you lot this year. Stay on your best behaviour and it'll be brilliant for both parties."

Xander's finger dug into my side, and I refrained from shouting as I turned to him. He pulled a face, eyes crossed and tongue out. I shot my hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing, and he snickered under his breath.

Welcome to secondary.

-

"So you did meet a girl!" Xander shouted, knocking his shoulder into mine harshly. "You tit, why didn't you tell me this morning!" He scolded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I-I didn't m-meet her, she b-bumped into me." I murmured, holding tight onto the strap of my bag to distract myself.

Xander scoffed. "Same thing, mate. Stop getting all techni on me."

"It's n-not like w-we talked, or a-anything." I added, feeling my spirits deflate a bit I remembered the disaster of this morning.

"Well that doesn't mean you can't talk to her in the future." Xander shot back, stopping to turn to me, leaning against the wall.

I glared at him, shoulders tense. "Y-You know I'm n-not going to t-talk to a-a-anyone." I mirrored his stance.

Xander sighed, bringing a hand up to run it through his hair. "Z, I know it's hard but..." He shook his head, seeming to gather his thoughts. "This year would be good for you to come out of your shell a bit, yeah? We're in secondary now, older and that. And this girl would be a per-"

"No." I bit harshly, gluing my eyes to the floor. Xander didn't say anything in return, and I started to feel the guilt settling in me. I could feel hot tears crawling up over the backs of my eyes, and I willed myself to do anything but cry.

"C'mere." He spoke, throwing an arm over my shoulder and pulling me into his side. My apologies were muffled by his jacket. "Stop with those, Z. Not upset, you know that." I shut my eyes, nodding. "I know it's hard, you don't have to talk to anyone if you don't want to, alright?" His voice was softer this time.

Suddenly I caught sight of the girl from the morning making her way down the hall. I shook Xander's arm from me, shaking myself out and hoping I was making myself at least presentable without being too obvious.

"You alright, Z?" He asked, but I waved him off as I tried to watch her as discreetly as I could. "What's up with..." He trailed off and when I looked over I saw him staring at the girl of the hour. "Shit, that's her isn't it?" He whispered.

Her eyes met mine, cautious at first before recognition flashed behind them and she sent me a small smile, waving gently as she walked past me. My eyes stayed stuck to her, memorizing the way her hair fell down her back until she was out of sight.

"Well she is quite fit." Xander sported a cheshire cat grin of which I responded to with a decent punch.

"S-Sod off." I shot back, distracting my fingers with the cuffs of my blazer.

"Come one then, Z. You've got to talk to her." He pushed, though I just shook my head firmly. "She smiled at you! That's a good sign, you know that yeah?"

I turned to Xander, and his face fell a bit as he took in my expression. "D-Drop it Xander, p-please." I whispered. He opened his mouth but snapped it shut again, and nodded solemnly, mumbling something about how we should head to our next lesson.

I groaned internally when her face drowned Xander's voice, running a hand down my face as we started walking. Her smile was absolutely stunning, there;s no two ways about it. I wanted to see it again, wanted to see her again.

I tried to ignore the nagging feeling in my stomach, knowing I'd never even come close to having a chance with someone like her. Even if I did take Xander's advice and talk to her, I still fall nowhere close to someone worth her time. I tried to remind myself that it would never happen, but I couldn't help but hold some hope that one day it might.

-

Year 8

" 'S that the girl you've been going on about?" I slapped a hand over Maxim's mouth, hastily moving us down the hall and hoping that Angel hadn't heard us.

I caught a glimpse of her still stationed by the tree, eyes not having left her book. I gave a quick thanks to the sky before jabbing Maxim sharply in the side. He groaned, batting my hands away and rolling his eyes.

"Did you have to go and do that?" He complained, shoving me enough to throw me off balance momentarily.

"D-Don't be s-s-so loud." I muttered, attempting to make myself as invisible as possible just in case Angel ended up looking our way.

"Why don't you just go say hi or summat?" He ripped a bag of crisps open, shoving a good portion of them into his mouth.

I pulled an incredulous face, refraining from my wishes to clobber him over the head. "H-How do y-you expect I-I do that?" I crossed my arms over my middle protectively.

Maxim sighed as he grabbed one of my hands to pull it free. He placed a crisp in it, shoving it back at me. He raised an expectant eyebrow at me when I didn't move to eat it. "I don't know, maybe like, walking up to her? Dumbwit,"

I popped the crisp in my mouth begrudgingly, eyes narrowed on Maxim as I swallowed. "I-I can't d-do that." I muttered as I cast a longing glance Angel's way, nervously biting my lower lip until I winced at the taste of blood.

"Yes you can, mate." Maxim flicked a crisp at me, laughing when it landed on my shoulder. I rolled my eyes and picked it up, tossing it back at him. "I'm not winding you up, you know. You should go say hi."

I huffed, kicking aimlessly at the cement. I deposited my hands into my pockets and tried to think of anything besides my rather depressing love life. I really doubted I could even call it that, considering Angel was barely aware of who I was in the first place.

"Would you look at that! Some tit's kicked the ball right into her things." Maxim jumped beside me, pushing my confused self closer to the tree I had been eyeing for the past ten minutes. "Go on, be a proper gentleman and that." I went to protest but found myself instead stumbling in front of Angel, only regaining my balance when it was near too late.

"Er-" I hastily dusted myself off, eyes wide as I hesitantly bent down besides Angel.

Her head clipped my direction, eyes mirroring mine as they fell on my form. I tried to staple on a smile, cringing a bit at how stilted I knew it must've looked to Angel. She furrowed her eyebrows, tucking the book she had just picked up under her arm.

"Would you like something?" Her tone wasn't biting but it certainly wasn't welcoming either.

"I-I, er-" I cut myself off, shaking my head hastily which caused a bit of hair to shade over my eyes. I ducked from her gaze and clumsily reached for the rest of the supplies that had gotten mucked up from the ball, piling them into my arms with no certain order.

"What're you doing?" She asked stiffly, cradling her book closer to her.

I felt the familiar burn behind my eyes, knuckles turning white around her things as I tried to compose myself. My throat was painfully dry, and I gulped audibly as I turned to face her.

"Are you trying to-" I shoved the books and other trinkets in front of her, efficiently cutting her off from whatever she was about to say. The crease between her eyebrows deepened, and she scanned my face once more before placing her book down and kneeing her way closer to me.

I dropped everything in her hands as carefully as I could, wincing when I bit down positively hard on my lip. "Erm..." She trailed off as she carefully set everything down, rustling things around until she smiled, clearly satisfied with all her things being organized again.

I felt my cheeks flush when her eyes came back to me. Her smile faltered a bit, but remained nonetheless. "Thank you, for like-" She waves a hand around in the air a bit, "Yeah. Thanks."

I nodded mutely, failing to grasp any sort of composure. I knew I had to look right thick the way that I was acting. I shuffled onto my feet, not paying a second glance at the slight stains from the grass bleeding into my pants.

"Is that what you came over here for?" If it had been anyone else the question would have sounded rude, but it was almost like she was incapable of housing ill intentions. The genuine curiosity on her face mirrored this idea. "Well, I think I'm alright now. Thanks again." She sent me one last smile before refocusing on her now open book in her lap.

I stood for another minute or so, deciding what to do next. I didn't dare to move a muscle in fear of making a noise that would draw her attention, only to make an idiot of myself once again. I dug my nails into my palms as deep as they would go, hopefully breaking skin.

I finally began to trudge away, eyes locked on the ground as I made my way back to where Maxim and I had once been standing. I didn't want to think about the now past encounter between Angel and I.

"Back already, mate?" Maxim seemed a bit confused when I stumbled back up to him and where the rest of the lads were sitting against the wall.

Xander threw an arm around my shoulder like always, and I greedily tucked my head into his shoulder. His arm grew tighter at this and I felt my resolve start to fade when he moved his head so he could speak privately to me. "You alright, Z?"

I curled further into his side and clamped my eyes shut painfully tight. "I-I just w-want to be n-normal." My words were muffled by his jacket collar.

"You know you haven't got anything wrong with you, bub." I shook my head, clutching at Xander's jacket for some sort of solace.

"Th-That's not true." Xander pulled me impossibly closer to him.

"Yes, it is true. Quite true, actually. Your opinion is shit." I huffed out a wet laugh in response, bringing my head far enough back to wipe my nose quickly before dropping it back to its original position.

"I-It's not just m-my opinion." Xander tensed a bit beneath me, but he and I both knew it was true. He was quiet for a while.

"Stop with that." His tone was eerily calm. "Just stop with that, alright? I don't want-you know-" I could feel him take a deep breath. "She's wrong, alright? You have to know that, Zanthus. You have to know that she's so fucking wrong." His voice got quieter as he spoke, and I could have sworn I heard his voice crack just a bit.

I kept my eyes closed, not willing to take in the scenery at the moment. Xanders arm molded me into his side, not letting up when everyone else seemed to be heading for the doors. It fell decently quiet around us, privacy of sorts blooming with the bell ringing.

"She's always been wrong." The air caught in my throat, and I shook my head without clear reason at Xander's words. "She's always going to be wrong, Zanthus." He didn't say anything when His collar started to grow damp, courtesy of me. "There's nothing wrong with you." His words were fimer this time, and he almost convinced me when he said it.

"She's always going to be wrong."

I'd wished those words were true.

Year 9

"Christ, Zanthus. You've got to get over her." Hades groaned from the seat beside mine, and I flipped him the bird in response.

Jax snorted. "That or fucking talk to the poor girl. 'S getting a bit sad at this point. I can't handle the pining."

I sighed, sinking further into my chair and doing my best to pay attention to the lecture rather than the girl-Angel, is what she's called-three rows in front of me. Her hair is pulled back today, cheekbones on display and eyes bright as ever. I divert my eyes away quickly as I notice her head start to turn, heart pounding at the thought of her catching me staring.

"Thy Angel, my Angel, thou must not leave me lonely." Jax clutched his heart theatrically, Hades putting a hand to his head and feigning distress.

"Shove off with that shit. 'S annoying." Xander muttered, and I shot him a tight smile in thanks.

Jax and Hades snickered but quieted regardless. "Are you alright mate?" Maxim asked from behind me, and I turned my head to him and nodded. "They're being pricks, ignore them." He rolls his eyes while nodding to Jax and Hades.

"Thanks." I mumbled, and Maxim shot me a bright smile before going back to scribbling down notes.

When I turned back around my eyes caught Angel again. She was chatting to a girl beside her, smiling wide as she laughed quietly at something. I felt my stomach flip, a fondness finding it's why to my chest despite my wishing for it to go away. My solidified infatuation from her wasn't a surprise anymore.

Though, the reminder that I'd never get any closer to her than glancing from afar was perpetually disheartening. I shook my head, not willing to get into this all over again this early in the morning. The emptiness settled a bit, enough for it to be bearable at least. I faced the front of the room, but it did little good to distract me as I sunk into oblivion.

If all I could think about was Angel sat next to me, laughing from something that I said, no one had to know.

-

"Would you like me to grab that for you?" The same voice that'd been present in a wide variety of my daydreams spoke from besides me.

I wasn't expecting to find anyone over behind the bushes, considering the only reason I'd found myself there in the first place was to fetch the football Maxim had over-shot. I reminded myself to keep cool, racking my brain for the best response in this situation.

"Er-" I trailed off, wincing internally when I already began to feel the heat burning it's way from my toes to my cheeks.

Her eyes were trained with intent to the hedges, where I assumed the ball had gotten stuck in. I tucked my hands into my pockets, sucking in a breath slowly. It was shaky when I let it out, but I pushed away any thoughts I had regarding the fact.

"I think that you've got it all the way back in the-" Her eyes widened, as did mine, as she turned around so her face came to be in front of mine. There was a bit of space between us, but we were close enough for me to feel like my oxygen was slowly slipping away.

I didn't move and neither did she. We both stood still as one could, eyes not wavering. I opened my mouth, furrowing my eyebrows as I tried to think about what I could do to salvage this situation in the least bit possible. I blanked, heart pounding against my chest as I snapped my mouth shut again.

Angel was breathtaking. Her hair fell just right over her shoulders, a brown mess of perfection as it seems.

"Well," Angel cleared her throat, shoulders tense as she eyed me wearily. "I, er-" Her eyes darted towards the clearing between the trees that led back to the field. She hurriedly gathered her things together, almost dropping her rucksack once she had gotten her supplies all tucked away safely.

I felt my spirits droop, knowing she was about to dismiss herself. It seemed to be her staple the past few times I've been given the pleasure of finding myself alone with her for whatever reason. I trained my eyes to the dirt below me, shuffling my feet a bit and doing everything to ignore the burning starting up behind my eyes.

"I've got to, er, go. Sorry," She mustered up a weak smile, barely meeting my eyes before she ran from the scene and disappeared through the trees.

I kicked at the ground, trying to muster up the courage to pick my head up and walk back out to where my mates were waiting. It was embarrassing, really, knowing that Angel didn't have the slightest interest in being in my company while I wanted nothing more than to be in hers. It wasn't an uncommon feeling, the pit in my stomach when I reminded myself of this.

It wasn't uncommon, but it felt different when I thought about how Angel felt about me, or more so lacked to feel about me. It made my cheeks burn and not because I was flustered. The fire stopped in my stomach, rather than my toes, and instead of making me want to squirm and my stomach flutter it made my throat grow tight and an unpleasant emptiness run through my blood.

The more I thought about the whole ordeal, the more it made sense in the worst way to me. There was surely something wrong with me, if my mere presence always seemed to send Angel running.

Maybe it's how I look, the way she saw me. I certainly wasn't the most attractive lad in our year, but I never thought much about it thus far. I cringed, thinking about the unruly mess of hair on my head and made a mental note to search for ways to groom the entirety of me when I arrived home later. The desire to march right up to the girl drawing up my insecurities passed through my mind, and my throat caught a bit as I realized I couldn't if I wanted to.

I swallowed thickly, trying to ignore the tightness that found its way to my chest as the awful flashes of memories from a time I tried to bury began to flow. I hated thinking about them, but even more I hated that she was right. I'd never be normal.

I hated the fact that I couldn't talk without sounding positively brainless. I hated that I could barely stand the sound of my own voice. I hated that I couldn't talk to Angel and even more that I couldn't bring myself to talk like everyone else around me. I hated that I could feel tears starting to gather at the corners of my eyes and that no matter how hard I tried to rub them away they wouldn't stop.

I shouldn't be crying over this. It was pathetic, that's what. I shouldn't be crying over something that's my fault. It's not like I should have or ever expect Angel to take a liking to me. I'm not the brightest, not the fittest either. I'm not even capable of forming a sentence without making a mess of it all. I had nothing to offer her, have nothing to offer her.

I have nothing to offer anyone when I think about it.